Greetings and peace be with you Just a Guy;
sometimes when I get angry or depressed, my first reaction is to grab a bottle or can of something. I'm going through a lot of crap right now and some nights it's all I can do not to have a drink or two.
Drinking is not the real problem, the real problem is overcomming your anger, either with yourself or others.
A few years ago a woman was telling me about the severe headaches; she was suffering with most nights. I asked her if it was just pain she was suffering with, or did she have any troubling thoughts as well. She said she had troubling thoughts too, I asked if these were recent thoughts, or did they go back a long time.
It turned out they went back thirty years, when she was abused as a young girl, the man concerned was never brought to trial for the things he did to her, and she has not seen him since. This answered the ‘why’ she is depressed and angry.
I am not a physiatrist in any way, but I often met this woman over a period of a year or so, and she was still angry. I asked her what pictures did she see in her mind when she was angry at night time? She said it was the same most nights, the door bell rung, her abuser was standing at the door, she threw a knife at him and slammed the door. This might explain the ‘how’ she was feeling
The man who abused this girl still controls her even though she has not seen him since. The reason I say this is because every night she goes to bed her thoughts will turn to the abuser. She will feel anger at the injustice, and she is still an angry woman thirty years on, she takes her anger out frequently on other vulnerable people by throwing things, shouting and slamming doors.
Because she has such anger against the abuser, she thinks about him constantly; and plans what she would like to do to him. She is left frustrated because she knows justice will never happen, and he still control her mind. He was in control at the time of the abuse; but does she want this lowlife to continue to devastate her mind for the rest of her life.
If she can; the first step might be to use her anger in a positive way. She can learn to be angry with herself for being so weak; and allowing the abuser to control her mind after the event. She cannot change the past, but she can influence the present, she is the only one who should be in control of her own mind.
Because she has carried this anger for so long, she seems to be suffering depression, and possibly some kind of mental problems too. I have talked about forgiveness with her, for about a year now, but she cannot seem to let go, anger burns away inside, and the person who suffers the most, is the one who is angry.
The hardest person to forgive is yourself.
In the spirit of praying for an inner peace that surpasses all understanding.
Eric