Fast forward to February 2011, during the Egyptian Revolution and the overthrow of Mubarak. Once again, an Islamic country became a big front page story, and it made me take a closer look at the religion itself. I wanted to know why Muslims believe what they believe, and why I believed what I believed. I thought I knew what Islam was, but I wanted to make sure. So I went to a local masjid and got a copy of the Qu’ran.
The more I read it, the more surprised I was that it makes sense. Being an intellectual, this was huge for me since I didn’t have to blindly follow something I didn’t really believe, and I really began to study Islam as much as I could. I started taking some Arabic classes and studying online, and the more I learned, the more I wanted to learn.
Of course, my friends and family could not understand this new fascination with Islam. “Why do you want to study that stuff for? That’s the Devil’s religion. Stick to the Bible.” I tried to tell them otherwise but they wouldn’t listen, so I quit trying to convince them and just kept on studying. Eventually the new fascination faded and I put the Qu’ran down and quit studying Islam and Arabic for a couple of months. I began making excuses not to do it. “I’m not going to Arabic class today. I’m too tired/hungover. I’ll never learn it anyway so why waste my time?”
Anyway, not long ago, there were some bad storms in the state I live in, and a lot of people were killed. A good friend of mine’s mother lost her house to one of the tornadoes from these storms and she was injured. She is OK now but she lost almost everything in that storm. That really made me sit up and realize that we don’t have all the time we think we do. Tomorrow is not guaranteed, and I realized then that I didn’t know where I was going. If that had been me that was killed in one of those storms, I would likely be in Hell right now.
So I went back to the Bible, and started going back to church. I read the Qu’ran here and there, but I never really paid it much attention at first. All I knew was that I was not happy with the man I had become, and I needed to make some big changes in my life. I didn’t know how I was going to do that, but I prayed that God would show me the way.
All the while I was going back to various churches, something in the back of my mind was telling me to take another look at Islam. I met some good people at church, but I wasn’t really feeling the message nor did I feel any closer to God. I remember something my mother told me when I told her I was going back to church. She had told me to keep my heart and mind open and let God lead me where He would. Now I’m pretty sure she didn’t mean Islam, but I remembered her advice and started reading the Qu’ran again.
Once again, the more I read, the more I wanted to learn about Islam. A few weeks went by where I was studying Islam and going to church, but even while I was at church, my mind kept coming back to Islam and the oneness of Allah. That one thing made more sense than anything else. The Trinity in Christianity has always bothered me. Even when I was a practicing Christian it never made any sense to me, but I accepted it because I didn’t know any better.
The divinity of Jesus always bothered me too. I believed that He was the Son of God but only because that’s what I was taught in school and church. “If Jesus (pbuh) is the Son of God, why is He praying to Himself? Can’t He just get off the cross and be done with it?”
Islam is a simple religion, and there is a beauty in that simplicity that I can’t really describe. The only thing I knew was that it felt like I was being led that way, and I felt at peace with that decision. In spite of everything I had ever known up to that point I still found myself drawn to Islam and felt closer to God (I wasn’t calling Him Allah just yet). That frightened me, so I prayed about it. “God, if this is the true path, show me. Let me be at peace with this if it really is the way.”
The more I prayed, the more I felt led to Islam, so I quit attending Christian churches. It didn’t feel right to me to be going to a place and pretending to believe something that I didn’t. I kept praying, kept studying, and kept reading the Qu’ran. Eventually I got the courage to visit the local masjid to have some lingering doubts addressed and some questions answered. That story you already know.
The biggest issue I have now that I have taken shahada is going to be my family. They will not understand why I have done this and why I feel it is right for me. I have decided not to tell them, but rather to show them that I am becoming a better person so that they may see what good Islam can do. I pray every prayer that Allah will guide my family, open their hearts and their eyes, and allow them to respect my decision if they won’t accept it. I also pray that He will allow me to become a good witness for Him and for Islam through my words and deeds.
I know it won’t be easy, but I finally feel more at peace now than I ever have in my life, mashallah.