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Ansariyah
06-17-2011, 08:45 AM
:sl: Li'staaan!

I want to know what you all think so please share your views with me.=)

What does obedience mean to you? Brothers is obedience important in marriage? Sisters would you obey your future husband?
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Salahudeen
06-18-2011, 01:27 PM
Obedience is very important, the prophet (saw) said, "If I were to order anyone to prostrate himself before another, I would have ordered a woman to prostrate herself before her husband". [At-Tirmidhi]


Umm Salamah (RA) reported: Messenger of Allah (SAW) said,

"Any woman dies while her husband is pleased with her, she will enter Jannah". [At-Tirmidhi].


She is suppossed to obey him with in her capability, this is his right, just like she has the right to be fed, clothed and have shelter provided for her, it is his right to be obeyed by his wife. I have heard stories of wifes who do not listen to their husbands and the husbands eventually divorce them and make their criteria "an obedient wife"
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Perseveranze
06-18-2011, 02:26 PM
Not really... I mean if she was completly disobediant (talked to other guys even when I said not to), I wouldn't like that. But at the same time if she one day says she's not going to Cook or something, I won't get into a hissy fit and say "looks like hell's got another one !!! ". Everyone's human at the end of the day, that's what you have to understand.

I'd imagine it would be like how the son respects, listens to his parents. And I don't mean this in a slave way, I mean this in a geniune loving way.
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Who Am I?
06-18-2011, 02:47 PM
I'm dealing with a family who is non-Muslim and does not know about my conversion yet. I still love and respect my parents even though they may not like me very much once they find out about my conversion. That still doesn't change the fact that I want to obey them whenever I have a chance to.
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ardianto
06-18-2011, 04:33 PM
Remind me to a memory in the school when learned Islamic lesson. Teacher said "Men are leaders for women. So, girls, after you married, you should obey your husbands". Suddenly all boys cheered "Huraaayy !!"
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Starrynight
06-18-2011, 04:39 PM
Marriage is about equality. I will respect my husband, as he will respect me. We will share ideas and find compromises when we can't work something out. Sometimes maybe I'll give, and sometimes maybe he will. I will never "obey" my husband. I will, however, abstain from things I know bother or hurt him because I will love him (and I'm sure he will do the same).
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YusufNoor
06-18-2011, 05:10 PM
Originally Posted by Yanoorah
:sl: Li'staaan!

I want to know what you all think so please share your views with me.=)

What does obedience mean to you? Brothers is obedience important in marriage? Sisters would you obey your future husband?
:sl:

i would put loyalty/trust above obedience [to moi]. we obey Allah, and in doing so THAT should take care of the issue.

love and trust will sort out any other issues IF you fear Allah. for if you fear Allah, what is it that your husband would have to disallow?

treasure each other and IF something goes amiss, overlook it for the sake of Allah.

my roommate will always remind me that you get more with honey than you do with vinegar! [if she could just get me to listen!;D]

just my 2 cents...

wa Salaam
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Just_A_Girl13
06-18-2011, 05:18 PM
Originally Posted by Starrynight
Marriage is about equality. I will respect my husband, as he will respect me. We will share ideas and find compromises when we can't work something out. Sometimes maybe I'll give, and sometimes maybe he will. I will never "obey" my husband. I will, however, abstain from things I know bother or hurt him because I will love him (and I'm sure he will do the same).
This. I will do him favors and the like in order to please him because I will love him, but I will not take commands from him. I will be independent but honor my husband at the same time.
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Who Am I?
06-18-2011, 06:17 PM
If I ever get married (and that is a big if), I want my wife to be able to express her opinions and think for herself. I want a woman with intelligence, not just a robot who follows orders blindly. Allah knows I have a hard time making decisions on my own, so I will need someone to help me.
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tigerkhan
06-19-2011, 04:11 AM
well there is a very big misconception and delima there... everyone expect others to deal him/her in perfect way as defined as his/her rights in islam...but never think whether he/she is dealing with other according to their rights or not ?
i personally blv if husband proceedes with intention that i will be BOSS of my wife bcz islam say if sujud is allowed to someone except allah swt, it will be women to her husband... and girl say that i am not islamically obliged to cook, clean, earn, (even to feed baby) bcz its duty of a husband....its 100% sure marraige will not work out.
actually islam cares us. so where we have very close interaction btw each other, like husband, wife or perent and child, islam put a lot of rights for both. so that each one care of other. and its only possible when we always have in mind that i have to fullfill his/her right just for sake of allah swt whether he/she fillfil mine or not ?
for me, i think prophet PBUH was a best model. personally i dont like to oder others, but i blv care and love for someone is thing, in which we need not to oder.
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ardianto
06-19-2011, 04:21 AM
Originally Posted by Just a Guy
If I ever get married (and that is a big if)
Oh, come on, bro. Don't lose your hope.

My sibling married when he was 39. His wife is more than 10 years younger,...... and beautiful.
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Who Am I?
06-19-2011, 05:29 AM
Originally Posted by ardianto
Oh, come on, bro. Don't lose your hope.

My sibling married when he was 39. His wife is more than 10 years younger,...... and beautiful.
It's not really a lack of hope. It's more like I need to become a better man, and I don't know how long that will take. Allah knows if I will marry, and it will be on His time, not mine.
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Ramadhan
06-19-2011, 08:04 AM
Originally Posted by Just a Guy
It's not really a lack of hope. It's more like I need to become a better man, and I don't know how long that will take. Allah knows if I will marry, and it will be on His time, not mine.
No one needs to be perfect to get married. Who knows, if you marry for the sake of Allah, you will become a better man in the process.
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Riana17
06-19-2011, 08:11 AM
Salam

At the beginning I was hard headed and i don't obey anyone, however my husband always advise me with right thing to do, he is not demanding, he is not dictator.
After converting to ISLAM, I realized the importance of pleasing the husband. I am very much contented with him so he must be the same.. it's all about give and take

So yah, it depends, since I am blessed with a Man like that, I dont see the point of disobeying him. I always make sure we both sleep in peace LOOOL
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Salahudeen
06-19-2011, 11:11 AM
I think when people hear, "Wife must be obedient the her husband" they get an image in their heads of a big nasty man giving loads of commands to his wife every second of the day and not being understanding of her. I think there has to be a balance between the two, yes the wife should obey her husband but also the husband has to be an understanding person and listen to what his wife says when she tells him how she's feeling.

For example if he tells her to do something and she says she feels really tired to do it and she just wants to rest, he should be understanding and not go "Woman how dare you disobey me get up now and do what I said"
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Riana17
06-19-2011, 11:20 AM
Originally Posted by Salahudeen
I think when people hear, "Wife must be obedient the her husband" they get an image in their heads of a big nasty man giving loads of commands to his wife every second of the day and not being understanding of her. I think there has to be a balance between the two, yes the wife should obey her husband but also the husband has to be an understanding person and listen to what his wife says when she tells him how she's feeling.

For example if he tells her to do something and she says she feels really tired to do it and she just wants to rest, he should be understanding and not go "Woman how dare you disobey me get up now and do what I said"
Agreed brother,

alhamdollelah my husband is gifted in this, he knows how to please me, to please his mom and sisters, he is blessed in this. Oh yes he never throw bad words in me, althou i deserve it sometimes HAHAHA

For me it was a process, it took me sometime to realize and listen to him, actually now i still argue a bit, for some minute however I will quickly remind myself that my husband never wanted something bad for me and so I must see what he would say before I jump into conclusion. He may not be correct at all times, but he does not like to hurt me or anyone, so yah

It's a process
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ardianto
06-19-2011, 01:12 PM
Why wife is not allowed to lead her husband in salat ? ....... it's because men are leaders for women. And if the husband makes mistake in leading her in salat ? ....... she must clap her hands to warn her husband. But if the husband ignore this warning and still perform salat incorrectly ? ........... the wife is allowed to follow not her husband.

That is description of Islamic marriage life. Husband lead the wife, the wife follow and obey the husband but only if the husband lead her in the right way. When the husband start to lead the wife to the wrong way, the wife is obligated -not only allowed- to warn the husband. If the husband always ignore this warning, the wife is allowed to follow not the husband. It's means, she has a right to get divorce.

In Muslim family, the wife is obligated to obey the husband. But the husband is obligated to treat his wife well, is obligated to protect his wife, is obligated to lead his wife to the right way. If his wife walks on the wrong way, it's becomes the husband responsibility.

So, who said become a Muslim husband is an easy job ? :D
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Nσσя'υℓ Jαииαн
06-19-2011, 02:07 PM
Double post..!
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Nσσя'υℓ Jαииαн
06-19-2011, 02:08 PM
:sl:

"Your obligation is another persons right."
This is something my dad always says to me and it REALLY sums it up. Obviously he said it in Urdu lol.

If you are fulfilling your obligations as a Muslim and as a human, you are also giving someone else their due right! People think more about their "rights" first rather than their duty. If everyone did their duty or performed their obligations, their rights and the other persons rights would automatically be handled.
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Who Am I?
06-19-2011, 05:03 PM
Originally Posted by Ramadhan

No one needs to be perfect to get married. Who knows, if you marry for the sake of Allah, you will become a better man in the process.
Well the other thing is dealing with my family. I can't just get married and not tell them. That wouldn't be fair to anyone.
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S_87
06-19-2011, 07:55 PM
Alhumdulillah i havent had to 'obey' him yet but if a situation came up where he wanted or not wanted me to do something then id respect it..
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ardianto
06-20-2011, 04:55 AM
Ever heard about Obedient Wives Club ?

http://www.thejakartaglobe.com/inter...fe-club/444808

http://www.thejakartaglobe.com/home/...achings/447686

http://www.thejakartaglobe.com/home/...es-club/447838
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Revert 2010
06-20-2011, 03:57 PM
Salaam, if I get married at some point Allah willing then I would hope that we would work on things together by talking it out. It's about mutual respect which will embellish our Deen and relationship further.
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Riana17
06-21-2011, 10:21 AM
Salam

Okay this is good point also not about obeying but for the success of couple, i remember seeing this video of Brother Nouman Ali Khan week ago about the nature of Men/women.

He said that women should understand that its nature of men to look when he sees beautiful girls, so instead of women nagging around, she must understand that WOMAN is the greatest weakness of a man [mentioned in Holy Quran- (Good to know coz when my husband look at beautiful girls I'm with him and we will exchange good comments - i dont know if it makes me abnormal, i dont have desire for women loool , but they fill my eyes LOOOL :D:D:D)]

On the other hand, man needs to understand that women are made to be complicated / mysterious at times, so when wife is sad or feeling bad or crying, and the husband asked her what's going on, then the wife replied "i dont know huhuhuhu:cry::cry::cry:" instead of getting mad at her or thinking that she's crazy, husband has to understand that yes its true sometimes that woman doesnt know why on earth she is sad! lol
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