Ultimate Definitions

[shible]

Wonderfully described definitions ....paradoxical
Ultimate Definitions.......


CIGARETTE:
A pinch of tobacco
rolled in paper
with fire at one end
and a fool at the other!




LECTURE:
An art of transmitting Information
from the notes of the lecturer
to the notes of students
without passing through the minds
of either




CONFERENCE:
The confusion of one man
multiplied by the
number present




COMPROMISE:
The art of dividing
a cake in such a way that
everybody believes
he got the biggest piece





DICTIONARY:
A place where divorce comes
before marriage





CONFERENCE ROOM:
A place where everybody talks,
nobody listens
and everybody disagrees later on





CLASSIC:
A book
which people praise,
but never read





OFFICE:
A place
where you can relax
after your strenuous
home life





YAWN:
The only time
when some married men
ever get to open
their mouth





COMMITTEE:
Individuals
who can do
nothing individually
and sit to decide
that nothing can be done
together





EXPERIENCE:
The name
men give
to their
Mistakes





ATOM BOMB:
An invention
to bring an end
to all
inventions







OPPORTUNIST:
A person
who starts taking bath
if he
accidentally falls
into a river







FATHER:
A banker
provided by
nature






BOSS:
Someone
who is early
when you are late
and late
when you are early






DOCTOR:
A person
who kills
your ills
by pills,
and kills you
by his bills!

[Futuwwa]

ECONOMETRICS
The art of drawing a crooked line from an unfounded assumption to a foregone conclusion.

RESEARCH
Plagiarism, when done to multiple sources simultaneously.

WARSHIP
A measuring instrument for the determination of the validity of present national boundaries.

[Tawangar]

Atheist: A person who did not believe in Hell until he got married.

[Tawangar]

Straight Line: The shortest distance between a baby and a breakable object.