:sl:
format_quote Originally Posted by
mahmade
i have tried many times to reason with my wife to let go of the past and to forgive as Allah forgives the gravest of all sins and we are mere mortals, but she is adamant that she will not be made to seek forgiveness from my family
So you have tried to reason with her and it didn't work. You have tried to set a good example as well. That too didn't work.
I do not know the temperament of your wife, nor anything about her upbringing..... whether she is a revert to Islam or born into a Muslim family. In order to give proper advice it's necessary to understand the circumstances surrounding the given situation. I do not know what grievance your wife had with your mother. Perhaps your wife has a justified cause to be angry and hurt and therefore she is having difficulty forgiving and letting it go.
So what was the conflict between her and your mother about? Was it about something trivial or something major? Was your wife unjustly or unfairly accused by your mother or was your wife the aggressor and the accuser?
To resolve this problem, you would need to understand how your wife thinks and feels. Try to understand why she is still so angry even after your mother has died. Make an attempt to understand her.
Perhaps when she sees that you are concerned about how she feels she would open up more to you and talk about what's in her heart. And once you have identified what the grudge is, then you would be in a position to handle it. You could tell her that you understand how she feels... that you acknowledge that it isn't easy and that she has the right to be hurt and angry over what happened. And only after that.... can you offer some words of comfort to her, telling her that Allah sees all things and knows the feeling of hurt in every heart. You could tell her then that Allah is forgiving and He loves those who forgive.
Try this.... and if this still does not work, then you might want to take the aggressive approach. Show your displeasure openly to your wife. But that should be your last resort.
May Allah help you and guide your family. Ameen.