format_quote Originally Posted by
Just_A_Girl13
Salaam brother,
Congratulations and welcome back to Islam :) I reverted on June 9th. If you have any questions feel free to ask, and I will keep you in my duaas. I wish I could read your story, but the PDF crashed my browser each time I tried to open it :(
Peace and blessings be with you
SALAM, welcome to our Deen and Mabrook Inshallah
and Sister please dont be sad, here i converted for you:
Cyber-Shahada?
by DippedInJannah • June 17, 2011
Background
I am a middle-aged American who lives Oregon. I was raised in the Catholic faith. Although I respect and honor that faith, I have always had some problems with the theology, particularly around the ideas of original sin and trinity. In college, I studied comparative religion. I experimented widely in religion. Although I’ve read hundreds of books on Christianity and Judaism, I also spent a long period studying and practicing Zen Buddhism.
I spent my twenties leading a typical hedonistic lifestyle – drugs, sex, etc. I made several mistakes I feel bad about to this day.
Once I was sick and lay in bed for several hours with the world spinning. I had this idea that I was going to die, and it suddenly struck me that even though I might or might not die just then, I would certainly die some day. Death is inevitable and the common heritage of man. So what thoughts would I have at the moment of death? What would go through my head? I imagined that I would finally have to make up my mind: do I believe in God? Yes or no? There would be no time for long intellectual explanations or equivocations. I would have to answer Yes or No. With death staring me in the face, I would not have the luxury of deferring the decision while I read another book.
Yes or no?
I knew in my heart that the answer was Yes. It was as if I’d simulated the moments leading up to death in my imagination. When faced with the ultimate reality – staring into the maw of eternity – my answer was Yes, I believe. Yes, I know.
And I have never had any doubts about the existence of God since then. I think I could have had the same realization at any moment in life – it was just the thought (simulation in my mind) that I was soon to die and there was no more time to debate – give me your final answer! – that pushed me to a decision.
That was the last time I used drugs or any intoxicants. I’ve been strictly clean for 15 years. After that experience, I did not immediately become more or less religious, but it was the planting of a seed and a deep realization in me.
Gradually as years went by, I returned to daily prayer. Over the last ten or so years, I’ve developed a strong habit of praying many times a day, regardless of any questions about theology. I believe in God and there is no doubt in my mind. I eventually realized that I had never formed any kind of relationship with Jesus – I don’t pray to him, I don’t really consider him on a regular basis, and even when I was going to Mass, it was mostly to pray in a sacred, quiet space.
About six weeks ago I began to ask God for guidance. I realized I’d been praying over the years mostly when I wanted something, or to say thanks. I was very strict about always saying thanks, and many of my prayers were for others, but it was still a transactional kind of relationship. So I began to pray to God, asking Him to bring me closer to Him. That was my only change. The rest of my life was normal, but every day I asked God to guide me on a path to come closer to Him and to guide my life.
Approaching Islam
Not long after, I was reading Wikipedia, jumping from one article to the next (yes, I’m strange, but I like to read the encyclopedia!) I do not remember the trail that lead me to reading an article on Islam, but I remember the article. The topic was the Qur’anic “Initials” that precede some
surah and the mystery about them. I found it fascinating and spent a couple hours reading about the Qu’ran and Islam.
I had studied comparative religion in college. Mostly, I’d focused on the Eastern traditions. I had read only enough about Islam to pass my exams, but I still had some of my books and I flipped through them. Soon I found myself devouring them and I found I couldn’t read fast enough. I read and read.
At the same time I continued my prayers. I read forums, I watched videos, and I began to listen to the Quran. I taught myself the Arabic alphabet and some basic words.
I was touched to learn that those who revert are washed clean of their sins. I still feel bad about a few things I did earlier in life and while I have made sincere effort to make amends – and those I offended perhaps do not even remember my offenses at this point – these deeds still bother me. The potential to start with a clean slate was very powerful. I pondered
Ar-Rahim often.
I found a Quran reciter – Qari Waheed Zafar Qasmi – whose voice penetrated me deeply. A few days ago I resolved to learn the first surah, al-Fatinah. I put Qasmi’s recitation on my iPod and listened to it continuously. Last night I feel asleep listening to it and when I woke up this morning, it was still playing in a loop. How many hundreds of times had I heard al-Fatinah in my sleep! The recitation is about one minute for that surah, and I slept about eight hours. 8 times 60 = 480 times!
Hurdles
I was not yet convinced that I should become a Muslim. I had not really discussed it with my wife, who is Christian (though not practicing much). And I thought, if I am going to become a Muslim, I want to make sure I have a couple bacon cheeseburgers before I sign up! Why not wait until after Ramadan? :-) Also, another hurdle is that the nearest Masjid is about an hour’s drive from my house. Plus, I don’t know any Muslims in “real life” (just those I have met online). Also, this fall I am going to the Bay area for a conference and perhaps I should find a Masjid there and make Shahada.
All of these considerations made me think that I should wait. Now, I had read many times that the moment one is certain that Islam is the truth, he should make Shahada immediately. However, with all these thoughts and external concerns, I should wait...
...or so I thought. But al-Fatinah was working inside me.
I met my thoughts throughout the day and realized my thinking was faulty.
First, I was trying to find the perfect moment to make Shahada. But that was immaterial. Shahada was only the first step in walking together with Allah. Beginning the journey is the most important thing. The point is to get on the train, not worry about finding the perfect seat!
I was waiting until I had mastered Islam at a high level. I wanted to improve my Arabic, learn all the prayers by heart, learn deeply all the theology and rules and such. But I realized it that Allah would rather have someone who has made the commitment and whose knowledge of practice is less than perfect, than someone who has perfectly memorized a range of practice but has yet to make Shahada. And submitting to His will is the most important thing – it’s what He wants, not me!
I also was not ready to take on what I perceived as the burdens of Islam – the requirements to pray, fast, abstain, etc. But al-Fatinah was working in my head. All day long I could hear ar-Rahim echoing in my mind. Which is better, to carry the burdens of my past sins, or to be relieved of them and assume the mantle of Islam? And what really is the “burden” I was perceiving? To pray? I already pray many times a day. To not eat pork? To fast? My waistline could use a little fasting!
And what about the externalities of the world – no local Masjid, discussion with family, meeting other Muslims, etc.? Surely Allah would provide. Did Allah want me to be a Muslim? Of course. So why would he not provide what I needed to practice Islam? He would sweep away barriers.
What was I waiting for?
Perhaps this was Allah’s answer to my prayer – to remove the coverings from my eyes and realize I was ready. I had been praying to God to bring me closer to him. The path was staring me in the face.
Friday Night
I was alone for several hours on Friday, June 17, 2011 in the evening. I’d taken my dog to the park and then spent some time doing work around the house and listening to the Qu’ran (Nadir Al-Qallawi’s recitation, with Bilal Abdul Kareem’s English translation).
Suddenly I remembered IslamReligion.com. I had seen that site before and read most of the material on it, like a dozen other sites that I had voraciously consumed. I remember they had a “live chat” feature where they would hear your Shahada.
The idea to make Shahada there popped into my head. No, that would be silly! I envisioned my Shahada as taking place as a kind of solemn moment, in a special place...not in my living room! I might go to the Pacific ocean and make it at sunset, or perhaps drive to the mountains, etc.
But then I asked myself really, is the important thing to start the journey or the important thing to wait for the perfect moment? Is it the external staging or the inner commitment? I will say Shahada every day until I die and I can say it in special places, in solemn moments – but the important thing is the first Shahada, the release from past sins, the beginning of the journey.
Perhaps I would die in my sleep that night.
I looked at the live chat button.
And clicked it. I could always close the browser window, after all...
info: Please wait for a site adviser to respond.info: You are now chatting with 'Fahad' Fahad: Hello. Welcome to our live chat. Fahad: How can I assist you today? you: Hello Fahad Fahad: hello you: I have been thinking a lot about becoming a Muslim. Fahad: ok Fahad: should i help you with it? you: well, here is my question... you: I have read a number of books you: and by the way, I really like IslamReligion.com -great site -lots of information Fahad: Alhumdulillah you: however, the nearest masjid is 45 minutes away from me Fahad: ok you: I have a book on how to pray and I think I understand the basics Fahad: great you: So do you think I should make shahadah or should I wait until I find a masjid that I can regularly attend? Fahad: i can help you say the shahadah right now and then provide you with information, advice and literature that would help you as a new muslim Fahad: should i?
And here I paused. Fahad probably thought I’d dropped off but it was a last moment of hesitation I had to overcome.
Then finally...
you: yes Fahad: I am so glad that you have decided to convert to Islam, which is our way to God's love, Eternal Paradise, and to salvation from Hellfire. Fahad: It is easy and we can do it now within few minutes! Fahad: But first I would like to ask you, have you read about Islam and are you convinced that Islam is the true religion of God? you: Yes, i have read several books and your site. But I have not read the whole Quran, only parts of it. you: By the way I am in the U.S. in Oregon Fahad: ok Fahad: Very well! Then I will now explain to you the steps for converting: Fahad: To convert to Islam and become a Muslim all you need to do is to pronounce with a voice that you can hear and with conviction and understanding its meaning:
I testify “La ilaha illa Allah, Muhammad rasoolu Allah.”
Fahad: These Arabic words are called Shahada or the testimony, which I can help you in pronouncing them after a while.
They translates as, “There is no true god (deity) but God (Allah), and Muhammad is the Messenger (Prophet) of God.” Fahad: The first part, “There is no true god but Allah,” means that none has the right to be worshipped but God alone, and that God has neither partner nor son. The second part means that Muhammad was a true Prophet sent by God to humankind. Fahad: To be a Muslim, you should also: -Believe that the Holy Quran is the literal word of God, revealed by Him. -Believe that the Judgment Day (Resurrection Day) is true and will come, as God promised in the Quran. -Believe in the prophets that God sent and the books He revealed, and in His angels. -Accept Islam as your religion. -Not worship anything nor anyone except God. Once you have read the things I mentioned above, please tell me if you accept them. you: Yes, that is what I believe! Fahad: Great! Now all that's left for you is to pronounce the testimony (Shahada). Fahad: If you like, I can call you now over the phone to help you pronounce it. Fahad: Or if you rather not, then I can give you an audio file to hear the testimony from and repeat after it, but it's better that I call so I can help you in pronouncing it right. Fahad: Which way would you prefer? you: You can call me. I would prefer to say it to someone. Fahad: Please give me your number and the first name. you: My name is XXXXXX. Please call me at XXXXXX Fahad: I am calling you now. Please don't leave the chat, as we will return to it after the phone call. Here is the testimony we are going to say together over the phone:
I testify “La ilaha illa Allah, Muhammad rasoolu Allah.”
At this point, my phone rang. Fahad greeted me and walked me through the Shahada, which I repeated. (Later in the evening I said the “full” Shahada in its longest form, just to be “sure”). Then we went back to chat.
Fahad: You are now a Muslim! My deepest congratulations to you :) Fahad: I have two good tidings for you! Fahad: The first, when someone converts to Islam, God forgives all of his previous sins and evil deeds. Secondly, the Prophet said: "No one says 'La ilaha illa Allah' and passes away on it (i.e. believing in it), but he/she will enter Heaven (Paradise)." you: This is very exciting. you: By the way, what country are you in? Fahad: Pakistan