Zina has become widespread amongst Muslims but why?!

[anonymous]

:sl:

After reading so many stories of our Muslims, not only in this forum but many other Islamic sites, it has become wide spread amongst Muslims practicing or not, make zina.
But what are the reasons for that?


subhAllaah, I don’t know what to say, it’s really worrying me for the future of our deen and our children, it seem like one that makes zina knows very well that’s totally against Islam and knows very well that there is a great punishment still goes ahead with it. but why?

It all starts with small things like texting, emails, social networks, talking to opposite sex without valid reason, going out were just friends, we work/study together, get to know each other before getting married without wali.

I say, cut all relationship with non mahrams, I mean shaytaan will come to you in some way and tempt you do something you don’t even think or realize, you will feel attracted to that person not knowing you’re not, you'll be really attracted but its shaytaan making you feel this feeling and whispering in our ears, don’t let shaytaan fool us.

I say, SAY NO TO ZINA!! And be one of those whom Allah mentioned when there is no shade but his shade on that day, you'll be on his shade, Allaahu akbar.


for those who wanting to get married try to make dua for urself, if you are late sleeper like me pray 2 rakat and ask Allaah his forgiveness and to give you a good wife/husband some people think it’s too early to make dua if your 16/17/18 but i used to make dua when I was younger around 17 to give me a good husband and Allhmdulilah got married when I was 19 turning 20.

if you find a suitable partner for yourself don’t try to do things without your wali or someone knowledgeable like imaam, visit the imaam often discuss and ask him how you can do things right, and go back to him all the time let him be your adviser or even if things don’t go right with the family, invite him to your house and let him discuss the issue with your family. Also continuously pray istikhara on that process if you have trust in Allaah, He will not disappoint you but it maybe its khair for you to continue or to stop.
__________________________________________________ ___

There are many forms of Zina, but what we are addressing here is the highest form. This is adultery, fornication, having sexual intercourse without being married to the person.

Allah (SWT)'s order in the Quran to stay away from Zina.

"And those who invoke not any other god along with Allah, nor kill such life as Allah has forbidden, except for just cause, nor commit illegal sexual intercourse (zina) and whoever does this shall receive the punishment. The torment will be doubled to him on the Day of Resurrection, and he will abide therein in disgrace; except those who repent and believe and do righteous deeds, for those Allah will change their sins into good deeds, and Allah is Oft Forgiving, Most Merciful." (al-Furqaan #25, ayat #68-70) "And come not near to unlawful sexual intercourse. Verily, it is a faahishah (a great sin) and an evil way." (Sura Al-Israa # 17 ayah # 32)

Imaam al-Qurtubi (may Allah have mercy on him) said: The ulama said that the phrase And come not near to unlawful sexual intercourse is more eloquent than merely saying Do not commit zinaa, because the meaning is, Do not even come close to zinaa. This means not doing any deed that may get close to zinaa or lead to it, such as being alone with a member of the opposite sex, touching, looking, going to evil places, speaking in a haraam manner to a woman to whom one is not related, thinking about and planning immoral acts, and so on.
"Tell the believing men to lower their gaze (from looking at forbidden things), and protect their private parts. That is purer for them. Verily, Allah is All-Aware of what they do.

"And tell the believing women to lower their gaze (from looking at forbidden things), and protect their private parts and not to show off their adornment except only that which is apparent and to draw their veils all over Juyubihinnaand not to reveal their adornment except to their husbands, their fathers, their husband's fathers, their sons, their husband's sons, their brothers or their brother's sons, or their sister's sons, or their (Muslim) women (i.e. their sisters in Islam), or the (female) slaves whom their right hands possess, or old male servants who lack vigour, or small children who have no sense of the shame of sex. And let them not stamp their feet so as to reveal what they hide of their adornment. And all of you beg Allah to forgive you all, O believers, that you may be successful." (Sura # 24, Ayat #30 and 31)

Hadith warning against not even coming close to Zina

"Some persons from Banu Hisham entered the house of Asma' daughter of Umays when AbuBakr also entered (and she was at that time his wife). He (AbuBakr) saw it and disapproved of it and he made a mention of that to Allah's Messenger (saaws) and said: I did not see but good only (in my wife). Thereupon Allah's Messenger (saaws) said: Verily Allah has made her immune from all this. Then Allah's Messenger (saaws) stood on the pulpit and said: After this day no man should enter the house of another person in his absence, but only when he is accompanied by one person or two persons." (Sahih Al-Bukhari Book 25, Hadith # 5403)

"Abd-Allaah ibn Masood (RAA) said: I asked the Messenger of Allah (SAW), Which sin is worst in the sight of Allah? He said, To make any rival to Allah, when He has created you. I asked, Then what? He said, To kill your child for fear that he will eat with you. I asked, Then what? He said, To commit zinaa with the wife of your neighbour." (Reported in Sahih Al-Bukhaari, Hadith #492 and In Shaih Muslim, Hadith #90).

"Rasulullah (SAW) explained: If one of you were to be stabbed in the head with a piece of iron it would be better for him than if he were to touch a woman whom it is not permissible for him to touch." (Reported by al-Tabaraani; see also Saheeh al-Jaami, 5045).

This refers to the punishment for touching, so how about worse deeds, such as embracing and kissing, and even worse kinds of illicit activity?

May Allaah protect and guide us all to the right path and follow the footsteps of rasullah s.a.w and his companions. ameen

[tigerkhan]

ya its most heart breaking i feel so much pain while seeing this...i think one main reason of this is listening to the music in every form either nasheed or islamic song. bcz its in hadith music lead to zina. 2nd watching videos of opposite gender or Movies. u blv i am registered on other muslim forum and there is a thread "movie review" and member shares their views on diffrent english, indian movies they watched.
alhumdullaih i never did anything wrong in whole my life, only allah swt knows that. and alhumdullaih i am proud of it. i wish all muslism learn what is the value of purity and poiuty. allah swt oder us to do good and stop from "fakhas" and "munkir" and shyness is important part of iman.

[Riana17]

Salam

Not only Zina,


The main reason for this is lack of education, we have to be strict with ourselves and force ourselves to read & study the teachings of ISLAM, keep reminding ourselves and stay away from bad places, bad people, avoid major sins, otherwise if we try one big sin, next one will come again & again, it's like addiction. So there are many ways to keep our deen inshallah, read Quran and hadith, and read Muslim's inspirational stories, that will keep us on track inshallah

Meanwhile, I also feel that damaging oneself is much better than destroying others lives. So If i smoke, drink and so on, it is not same to me when I am doing everything to make someone's life a hell.

The only thing I guess is that we cant change the world, we cant change others but we can improve ourselves inshallah.Amen

[Caller الداعي]

i think also as the years go by the means for encouraging fornication have risen very steeply.

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[Salahudeen]

There's no single reason, there's many reasons such as lack of education, the content we're exposed to like movies/music/media they all play a part in leading a person to zina.

i think also as the years go by the means for encouraging fornication have risen very steeply.

Couldn't agree more, society today is very different from when our grandparents grew up.

[Who Am I?]

:sl:

Look around you. Sex is everywhere, and it's encouraged in our society. Some days it is all I can do to lower my gaze when an attractive women not wearing many clothes walks by. In recent weeks, I have had women checking me out, giving me the eye, but I don't approach them (even though sometimes I want to). I appreciate the attention of course (at least some women still find me attractive), but at the same time, it irritates me. I'm being tempted by forbidden fruit, and that's not fair.

It was suggested to me in the past that I find a Muslim wife as soon as possible to help me with this. However, after much prayer and reflection, I have come to the conclusion that I cannot marry for the forseeable future for personal reasons. So I will just have to keep praying and struggling on my own. I'm trying to stay on the straight path and don't need the distraction of women right now.

[Riana17]

:sl:

Look around you. Sex is everywhere, and it's encouraged in our society. Some days it is all I can do to lower my gaze when an attractive women not wearing many clothes walks by. In recent weeks, I have had women checking me out, giving me the eye, but I don't approach them (even though sometimes I want to). I appreciate the attention of course (at least some women still find me attractive), but at the same time, it irritates me. I'm being tempted by forbidden fruit, and that's not fair.

It was suggested to me in the past that I find a Muslim wife as soon as possible to help me with this. However, after much prayer and reflection, I have come to the conclusion that I cannot marry for the forseeable future for personal reasons. So I will just have to keep praying and struggling on my own. I'm trying to stay on the straight path and don't need the distraction of women right now.

Masha Allah
It so means that you have fear in Allah, may the blessings, guidance and mercy of Allah be with you all the time. Ameeen

Sooner or later you have to marry inshallah, but better choose a good mood wife and someone like you who have fear in Allah,

love is not enough, it can fade away... besides you are not getting younger and women are men's greatest weakness, if I may recall you are 45 now hahaha lol just kidding

[Galaxy]

:sl:

The thing we must do is LOWER OUR GAZE because Allaah subhaana wa ta'aalaa ordered us to do so, and the Prophet :saw: said to get married if we are able to because this helps us become chaste! If one cannot do so, then one can fast. If you have a problem with lowering your gaze, beg Allaah!!!

[Darth Ultor]

ya its most heart breaking i feel so much pain while seeing this...i think one main reason of this is listening to the music in every form either nasheed or islamic song. bcz its in hadith music lead to zina. 2nd watching videos of opposite gender or Movies. u blv i am registered on other muslim forum and there is a thread "movie review" and member shares their views on diffrent english, indian movies they watched.
alhumdullaih i never did anything wrong in whole my life, only allah swt knows that. and alhumdullaih i am proud of it. i wish all muslism learn what is the value of purity and poiuty. allah swt oder us to do good and stop from "fakhas" and "munkir" and shyness is important part of iman.

Music leads to Zina? No. You can't blame music, video games, TV, or movies for sin. If you do commit a sin, it's your own fault. I mean, think about it. You walk into a store or eat in a restaurant, does the music playing in there make you want to have sex or kill someone?

[إحسان]

Music leads to Zina? No. You can't blame music, video games, TV, or movies for sin. If you do commit a sin, it's your own fault. I mean, think about it. You walk into a store or eat in a restaurant, does the music playing in there make you want to have sex or kill someone?

I understand what you're trying to say. But what the brother was trying to say (and several others who mentioned music etc) is that the majority (especially mainstream) music that we hear today have SUGGESTIVE lyrics. I mean I hear my little cousins (aged 11) randomly sing lyrics that have suggestive and at times underlying meanings. Furthermore, music videos of this time are disgusting. No doubt is fornication normal nowadays.

In addition, TV programmes/soaps/dramas whatever you want to call it and movies also include pre-marital sex/relationships thus no doubt has zina been on a rise in the Muslim community and in general.

'If you do commit a sin, it's your own fault.' - You're entirely correct, but these suggestive music videos/lyrics, sex-driven society etc can influence oneself, no? Therefore, it's a struggle to many who are surrounded by this society.

[Who Am I?]

Masha Allah It so means that you have fear in Allah, may the blessings, guidance and mercy of Allah be with you all the time. Ameeen Sooner or later you have to marry inshallah, but better choose a good mood wife and someone like you who have fear in Allah, love is not enough, it can fade away... besides you are not getting younger and women are men's greatest weakness, if I may recall you are 45 now hahaha lol just kidding

Not yet sister, but 40 is not far away. imsad

The thing we must do is LOWER OUR GAZE because Allaah subhaana wa ta'aalaa ordered us to do so, and the Prophet :saw: said to get married if we are able to because this helps us become chaste! If one cannot do so, then one can fast. If you have a problem with lowering your gaze, beg Allaah!!!

Well as I said, I have some personal issues that prevent me from marrying at this time. I have fasted and prayed a bit, though.

:wa:

[Zafran]

Music leads to Zina? No. You can't blame music, video games, TV, or movies for sin. If you do commit a sin, it's your own fault. I mean, think about it. You walk into a store or eat in a restaurant, does the music playing in there make you want to have sex or kill someone?

Ofcourse these things have a huge impact on how a society views violence, sex and bad language and preety much everything around the world - just look at how arabs have been viewed in hollywood. Grand theft auto games -music videos - they all have messeges - zina is one of them.

[Darth Ultor]

Also liberal parenting is to blame. Kids, especially teenagers, need a firm but loving hand. Sometimes they need to fall on their faces in order to learn right from wrong.

[Who Am I?]

Also liberal parenting is to blame. Kids, especially teenagers, need a firm but loving hand. Sometimes they need to fall on their faces in order to learn right from wrong.

:sl:

If your kids don't say that they hate you or they wish they were never born at least once, you're not doing your job as a parent. ;D

[SFatima]

So true , the above observation .

[Who Am I?]

So true , the above observation .

:sl:

Well it didn't come from me. I borrowed it from somewhere else.

There were times as a kid when I hated my parents. But I always respected them, and still do to this day.

[Ibn Abi Ahmed]

It's a multi-faceted issue. On one hand. there aren't any institutions in our communities that enable young men and women to get married, meaning there is nothing that helps facilitate marriage - and if there are, then there are other problems in the way by means of family, culture, peer pressure etc that result in delaying it. On the other hand, the tarbiyyah isn't properly given to the young men and women as they are growing older and as a result they're far from the religion. Both of these sides come together and the result are problems such as zina and more. It's easy to tell the kids to make dua', go talk to an imam etc, but the reality is that the kids aren't that into the religion in the first place and even if they are, they're weak in this regard, and the imam is the uncle from back home who is unapproachable along with the family/parents who set up cultural demands and high standards that the young man/woman must meet before they can get married. Meanwhile, day and night they're surrounded by and are living in a hyper sexualized environment. It's a multi-faceted issue and there are a lot of variables and factors that are playing into it so we shouldn't over simplify it. I don't have the solution but I do think that we need to come up with good ones soon for the next generation..

[Insecured soul]

Television, magazines, movies, bollywood, hollywood, billboards are all promoting zina

to be completely safe from this is to live in a islamic country which implements 100% sharia.

If u cant make hijrah then you will be surrounded by those above things and every one of is weak and we cannot stay away from evil
our resistance level is less so its my understanding that the only way to save ourselves is to live in an islamic state

and allah knows best in all matters

salaam alaikum

[Darth Ultor]

to be completely safe from this is to live in a islamic country which implements 100% sharia.

Does not exist. If Zina doesn't exist there, the governments commit plenty of other sins. You want a place without any bad influence, does not exist outside Jannah.

[Insecured soul]

Does not exist. If Zina doesn't exist there, the governments commit plenty of other sins. You want a place without any bad influence, does not exist outside Jannah.

may be ur right, but we wont go as per your understanding and rather live where zina, gayism and lesbianism is promoted. the islamic goverment which implements shariah law is better than any other government.

[Who Am I?]

:sl:

The problem with any government or any country is that they are all founded and ruled by men, who are by nature corrupt and sinful. It doesn't matter what kind of system you have, it will still be ruled by men, and therein lies the problem.

[SFatima]

It's a multi-faceted issue. On one hand. there aren't any institutions in our communities that enable young men and women to get married, meaning there is nothing that helps facilitate marriage - and if there are, then there are other problems in the way by means of family, culture, peer pressure etc that result in delaying it. On the other hand, the tarbiyyah isn't properly given to the young men and women as they are growing older and as a result they're far from the religion. Both of these sides come together and the result are problems such as zina and more. It's easy to tell the kids to make dua', go talk to an imam etc, but the reality is that the kids aren't that into the religion in the first place and even if they are, they're weak in this regard, and the imam is the uncle from back home who is unapproachable along with the family/parents who set up cultural demands and high standards that the young man/woman must meet before they can get married. Meanwhile, day and night they're surrounded by and are living in a hyper sexualized environment. It's a multi-faceted issue and there are a lot of variables and factors that are playing into it so we shouldn't over simplify it. I don't have the solution but I do think that we need to come up with good ones soon for the next generation..

What you said is what i agree with, but do we really do anything than just point out this issue? I mean I am hearing the same ordeal regarding this matter for a long time now, and I hardly see any change in the attitudes of the young generation, does the youth even have any platform to look for potential spouses where they are guided, counselled for not only focussing on the right choices but also groomed for making the right decisions regarding the matter, 'cause living in a closed cultural society , hardly gives you the ample room you need to ask a blunt question to a scholar, and most scholars have no time to sit online. Anyhow, there aren't many scholars available as well, it isn't a field people aspire to be in, it does not guarantee a lofty lifestyle : p


(p.s since you're the administrator, i wanted to know why is there discrimination regarding eligibility to access the sister's section to hit uptill 300 posts and for brother's section just 200? it usually takes lesser time to spot a female then it does otherwise, they usually stay away from political discussions : p actually, not all the people have the liberty to wait around so much to post to that high figure before they are actually granted access, i find it a bit limiting, please do think over it , thanks)

[SFatima]

:sl:

The problem with any government or any country is that they are all founded and ruled by men, who are by nature corrupt and sinful. It doesn't matter what kind of system you have, it will still be ruled by men, and therein lies the problem.

i think the kind of system does matter, definitely. If it is based on absolute truth and justice, the chances to be corrupt are not only minimal but extremely risky ones, considering the fact that there is a system which empowered by the people, of the people and for the people, and by the govt for the govt.

Once, when Hazrat Ali R.A (the 4th caliph of Islam) was the Khalifa of his times, his iron coat of war got stolen, after sometime he saw it with some Jewish person who was trying to disassemble it, he was petrified and asked him why he was doing it? the man replied it is mine i can do what ever i wish to do with it. ALi R.A informed him that it is his and he had made it himself and enquired of how the man got it? he refused to accept it. They both went to the Qazi ( the Jurist, Judge) and Hazrat R.A presented his case, the Judge asked for witnesses, unfortunately for him, he could not gather any witness except his own son (or sons) because the people who had seen with his coat had already passed away.

The Judge declined to accept the witness of the Khalifa saying " Ali ibne talib, you have taught me yourself not to accept as a case's witness; the closest of your kin i.e the sons or relatives. I am afraid you have no witnesses to pursue your case further, this iron coat belongs to the other man."

The jew who was a new settler of that place was baffled at the system of justice so powerful that It denied its own head the power to pursue his case even though not only was he the Caliph, but also one of the most well respected companions of the Prophet muhammad saww and could have requested the judge to decide in his favor, and yet he kept quiet and accepted the verdict. He was so impressed with the caliph that he claimed the shahdah right there and returned the iron coat to Ali telling him that he had bought it from some man ( who may have stolen it) and did not wish to keep it anymore. Hazrat Ali insisted on buying it from him back, instead of just taking it, and he paid him the price that the man had bought it for. ( So hazrat ALi committed to justice, and Allah swt returned him his beloved Iron coat, who could've guessed that the man who was not willing to let it go would just hand it over in a short while? thats How Allah swt works, SubhanAllah)

My point, the system of Justice is possible, but not without inco-orporating the word of God in it, if it was working in the same world so many years ago, it can work again, the biggest question is, who wants to stop such a fair system from being adopted?

p.s( the story may not be as similar to the original narration, but as close to it as i recall, may Allah swt forgive any errors on my part)

[Ummshareef]

:sl:

After reading so many stories of our Muslims, not only in this forum but many other Islamic sites, it has become wide spread amongst Muslims practicing or not, make zina.
But what are the reasons for that?


[/B]

Wa 'alaykum us-salam wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh,

Surely the main reason is that those that they either forget about the punishments that await those that make zina or do not fear them. They are probably aware of the prescribed punishments (hudud) that apply to the unmarried and married person for zina, but feel that they will not be applied in the country where they live, so there is no great deterrent effect. Secondly, they forget that Allah subhanahu wa ta'alaa sees all and that whatever they may get away with in this Dunya, without repenting, they will be held to account for on the Day of Judgement. If only they would spend a little more time studying then they would understand the true consequences of their actions, insha'allah. They could start with the following:

Imaam Muhammad Adh-Dhahabee rahimahullaah
From 'The Major Sins' - Al-Kabaa'ir

Allaah subhanahu wa ta'ala says: "And come not near to the unlawful sexual intercourse. Verily, it is a Faahishah (i.e. anything that transgresses its limits (a great sin)), and an evil way (that leads one to Hell unless Allaah forgives him)." [Al-Qur'aan 17:32]

"The woman and the man guilty of illegal sexual intercourse, flog each of them with a hundred stripes. Let not pity withhold you in their case, in a punishment prescribed by Allaah, if you believe in Allaah and the Last Day. And let a party of the believers witness their punishment." [Al-Qur'aan 24:2]

The Jurists say that the last verse quoted above is the punishment for fornicators who have never been married. If a person was ever married before committing the crime of Zina (illegal Sexual Intercourse), he or she is to be punished by stoning to death. This is established by the practise of the Prophet sallallaahu 'alayhi wa sallam.

In a tradition transmitted by Bukhaaree, on the authority of Samurah ibn Jundab radiallaahu 'anhu, concerning a dream of the Prophet sallallaahu 'alayhi wa sallam in which the Prophet sallallaahu 'alayhi wa sallam was accompanied by Jibreel alayhis salaam and Meekaa'eel, the Prophet sallallaahu 'alayhi wa sallam said: "We went on and arrived near a pit which was like an oven, out of which we could hear cries. We glanced into it and saw naked men and women, who cried out when the flames reached them from below. I asked, "Who are these, O Jibreel?" He replied: "Males and females who have committed fornication." [vol.9, p.138, no.171]

In explaining the meaning of the verse concerning Hell, "It has seven gates, for each of those gates is a (special) class (of sinners) assigned." [Al-Qur'aan 15:44]; 'Ataa says: "The most severe of these gates in terms of heat, pain, sorrow, and stinking air is the gate for the doers of fornication, who did it (even) after knowing the awfulness of it."

[laila_99]

asalaam alaikum
i have a question regarding this
if a person has commiteed zinaa and knows that what they have done is bad but asks for forgiveness for what has been done
would it be better for her and the brother she committed zinaa with to marry each other? or would it be better if she let him go and marry someone else ..?
sorrry for the confusion if there has been any and jazak allah in advance for reaading and replying Inshallah*

[tigerkhan]

recently i see a book and it was stated that they should not marry each other. however previously i heard that if someone found in this act, they should be married. maybe diffrence of opinion in hanafi and shafi, i hope someone with knowledge clear it.

[Salahudeen]

asalaam alaikum
i have a question regarding this
if a person has commiteed zinaa and knows that what they have done is bad but asks for forgiveness for what has been done
would it be better for her and the brother she committed zinaa with to marry each other? or would it be better if she let him go and marry someone else ..?
sorrry for the confusion if there has been any and jazak allah in advance for reaading and replying Inshallah*

http://www.islam-qa.com/en/ref/96460


http://www.islam-qa.com/en/ref/97987

[ardianto]

Music leads to Zina? No. You can't blame music, video games, TV, or movies for sin. If you do commit a sin, it's your own fault. I mean, think about it. You walk into a store or eat in a restaurant, does the music playing in there make you want to have sex or kill someone?

Listen to music in restaurant will not make you want to have sex. But sing a song or play the music in front of women can make them going crazy to you, and they will do everything for you.

[ardianto]

asalaam alaikum
i have a question regarding this
if a person has commiteed zinaa and knows that what they have done is bad but asks for forgiveness for what has been done
would it be better for her and the brother she committed zinaa with to marry each other? or would it be better if she let him go and marry someone else ..?
sorrry for the confusion if there has been any and jazak allah in advance for reaading and replying Inshallah*

Wa' alaikumsalam, sister.

It's better if they marry each other after they have repented. But if that brother wants to leave that sister and marry someone else ?. This is a proof if that brother is not a good person. So, it's depend on that sister, does she wants to marry him or let him go and wait a better man who want to marry her.

My advice : bring her confusion back to Allah. Do salah Istikhara, ask a guidance from Allah.

[Mr.President]

It's a multi-faceted issue. On one hand. there aren't any institutions in our communities that enable young men and women to get married, meaning there is nothing that helps facilitate marriage - and if there are, then there are other problems in the way by means of family, culture, peer pressure etc that result in delaying it. On the other hand, the tarbiyyah isn't properly given to the young men and women as they are growing older and as a result they're far from the religion. Both of these sides come together and the result are problems such as zina and more. It's easy to tell the kids to make dua', go talk to an imam etc, but the reality is that the kids aren't that into the religion in the first place and even if they are, they're weak in this regard, and the imam is the uncle from back home who is unapproachable along with the family/parents who set up cultural demands and high standards that the young man/woman must meet before they can get married. Meanwhile, day and night they're surrounded by and are living in a hyper sexualized environment. It's a multi-faceted issue and there are a lot of variables and factors that are playing into it so we shouldn't over simplify it. I don't have the solution but I do think that we need to come up with good ones soon for the next generation..

I 100% agree with ur comment ! totally agree :( :( :(

[Muhaba]

It is because ppl aren't getting married. Some have made marr4iage difficult with high mahrs and other demands. Other won't let their sons and daughters get married at an early age because they feel that the children should first work and earn lotsssssssssssss of money. Other youth themselves don't want to get married because they want to get rich first and put off marriage until late. Still even when ppl do get married, if some woman gets divord\ced or widowed she will rarely get married because men no longer marry more than one wife and even if they want to the traditions have changed so noone accepts that. And in the instances when they do remarry, then they on;ly focus on one wife while neglecting the other whether that is the first wife or the second that gets neglected.
In generaly ppl are following western lifestyle in all this even if they don';t know it and that is nt working, since in the west ppl have made zina a normal lifestyle. But that isn't the case in the muslim world. So while it is normal for ppl in west to have relations and live together without marriage, it isn't right in the islamic world. So how can the two treat marriage in the same way? The west finds it easy to put off marriage because they will still be able to have relationships without marriage and even have children. But in the islamic world it's not possible to have relations or children without marriage so how can ppl put off marriage?

In the west while some ppl (kafirs) don't get married until late thirties, they start having sexual relations even before they are 20. But in the muslim world when the ppl cop[y the same and put off marriage until late 20s and even late 30s it means they have to not only put off marriage but also sex altogether and even companionship with the opposite sex. That is a difficult thing because the human nature is such that ppl want relationships with the opposite sex. Even if they put off sex, they still want friendship. So in the islamic world the matter becomes worse than the western world, because now you are oppressing the body and mind.

So the end result is none other than zina.

Some ppl are good muslimes enough to abstain but not all.

[laila_99]

Wa' alaikumsalam, sister.

It's better if they marry each other after they have repented. But if that brother wants to leave that sister and marry someone else ?. This is a proof if that brother is not a good person. So, it's depend on that sister, does she wants to marry him or let him go and wait a better man who want to marry her.

My advice : bring her confusion back to Allah. Do salah Istikhara, ask a guidance from Allah.

Jazakallah for the reply brother.
the brother wants to marry the sister as soon as possible but it is her parents that are not allowing the matter to go forward. i was told that her parents are ignoring the situation and are not dealing with it. this is why the sister is stuck and does not know what to do. the brother however, as well as his parents, wants the nikah to be done asap. do you, or anyone else, have any advice that i can give to the sister?

Jazakallah

[ardianto]

Jazakallah for the reply brother.
the brother wants to marry the sister as soon as possible but it is her parents that are not allowing the matter to go forward. i was told that her parents are ignoring the situation and are not dealing with it. this is why the sister is stuck and does not know what to do. the brother however, as well as his parents, wants the nikah to be done asap. do you, or anyone else, have any advice that i can give to the sister?

Jazakallah

I am sorry, I misunderstood the situation in my previous post.

Okay, in this situation you should tell that sister to keep in patience and make du'a. And tell that brother (and his family) to make dialogue again with that sister parents. And if necessary, request a help from local Imam to make dialogue with that sister parents. If that sister parents refuse him, try to make dialogue again. The sister parents refuse him again ?, try to make dialogue again, again, again, again, and again.

Tell that brother, don't ever give up and don't ever surrender.

[laila_99]

I am sorry, I misunderstood the situation in my previous post.

Okay, in this situation you should tell that sister to keep in patience and make du'a. And tell that brother (and his family) to make dialogue again with that sister parents. And if necessary, request a help from local Imam to make dialogue with that sister parents. If that sister parents refuse him, try to make dialogue again. The sister parents refuse him again ?, try to make dialogue again, again, again, again, and again.

Tell that brother, don't ever give up and don't ever surrender.

thank you so much for your help brother ..the sisters parents have known about the situation for 3months now and no dialogue has been made from the brothers parents to the sisters parents ..but Inshallh* they will soon ..the brother is starting to surrender and may surrender altogether some time soon as the matter is becoming too much for him because he does not wish to live in an haraam state (only way to make it okay is to marry) he has also told the sister that the hanafi madhab allows a marriage without the consent of the guardian ..

i am sorry for the overload of information. its just that this sister is very confused and does not know which way to turn or what to do.

[Mr.President]

v dnt hav any choice bt to be a bit careful cuz zina is really normal and parents won't let us marry work work work ............................. wt eva u do work !!! SHOW US tHE MONEY !!! thts all they want !:raging::raging::raging::raging::raging::raging:

at the end of the day nothing bt a frustrated up and down life !!!



ANOTHER MATTER !
One of my brother he like a girl and they informed their family then the girl and boy both of them are almost good they dont miss prayers and so on
bt the boys family didn't allow this marriage cuz the girl is not pretty or beautiful :( :( :(

[ardianto]

v dnt hav any choice bt to be a bit careful cuz zina is really normal and parents won't let us marry work work work ............................. wt eva u do work !!! SHOW US tHE MONEY !!! thts all they want !:raging::raging::raging::raging::raging::raging:

at the end of the day nothing bt a frustrated up and down life !!!

Calm down, bro, calm down. Why you think parents won't let their kids to marry ?. It's fair if parents order their sons to have incomes before marry because their sons must fulfill their wives needs after they married. And it's fair if parents ask men who would marry their daughters about how would they fulfill their daughters needs in marriage. There is no parents who will gives their daughter to a man who would makes their daughter suffer.

Out of rule in Hanafi madhab that allow women to marry without the consent of the guardians, actually "akad nikah" is not an agreement between the groom and the bride but an agreement between the groom and the guardian of the bride. This is a process when the Wali gives the woman under his guardian to another man who take over all responsibility on that woman.

So, if you have found a woman and you are ready to marry her, you must tell her parents you want to marry her and ready to take over all responsibility on her. Make a presentation about how would you fulfill their daughter needs. Make them sure although your income in this time is small, you will always try to build the better future for their daughter. Don't ever afraid to talk and discuss with her parents.

ANOTHER MATTER !
One of my brother he like a girl and they informed their family then the girl and boy both of them are almost good they dont miss prayers and so on
bt the boys family didn't allow this marriage cuz the girl is not pretty or beautiful :( :( :(

I am sure, the person who would marry that girl is only your brother, not all persons in his family. :)

So, if he has ready to marry, just marry that girl.


Okay, to prevent this post out of topic, I will say, zina can be happen if a man not married but want to feel a 'touch of a woman'.

[Salahudeen]

I think also, it's un-natural for a man after he's reached puberty to go through life without a partner, but of course now days there's no chance at all of a boy getting married at/after puberty so he falls into zina with other girls his age.

[Who Am I?]

I think also, it's un-natural for a man after he's reached puberty to go through life without a partner, but of course now days there's no chance at all of a boy getting married at/after puberty so he falls into zina with other girls his age.

:sl:

Well I guess that makes me an un-natural freak of nature, then... :p :skeleton:

[SFatima]

lol, just wait till you find out how many muslim brothers and sisters aren't married/or ever have had relationships at 30 and plus ...not uncommon.:p the scenario is wayyyy too common...

[Cabdullahi]

Zina = no constraints


Marriage = plenty of constraints applied

[Who Am I?]

lol, just wait till you find out how many muslim brothers and sisters aren't married/or ever have had relationships at 30 and plus ...not uncommon.:p the scenario is wayyyy too common...

:sl:

I'm used to being alone. I've been alone for most of my life. I really don't think much about it anymore.

[flowergarden]

Salaam,
I also feel there are bad Muslims who hurt good Muslims... such as manipulation.

[ardianto]

Another statement from a local da'i.

"Zina happened because two factors, Intention and opportunity. If one of these two factors does not exist, zina will not happen. But actually the main factor is intention. If someone has intention, opportunity can be found".

[Abz2000]

marriage is a good measure to take - but that doesn't always stop it in a decadent society where the media push adultery as "cheating", and put pictures of mostly-naked women on front pages of their news sites, and when they constantly do interviews and stories with p""n actors (prost"""tes on film) p""n means prostitution, graphy comes from imagery - greek term. i can remember one bbc interview where they had a girl saying how her parents thought she was being used, then she told them how much money she makes and her dad was ok with it - it was as if they were promoting it, without mentioning that most of these women get lured into strip clubs and modelling in their college or uni days, and end up on the streets soliciting perverts when their looks fade away.
kids are growing up thinking it's normal and become desensitized to that crap - then their minds get perverted, then they turn into animals.
regarding the comment saying it's good that parents ensure their sons are earning loads to provide for the wife, i'm not sure if you're aware that

a woman was reported in sahih muslim to have come and offered herself to the Prophet (pbuh), he looked her up and down but didn't respond, finally one man responded saying i'll marry her, he asked, what do you have to give her as a dowry? the man said: the only property i have is the loincloth around my hips, the prophet, after gruelling him some more asked - even a ring of iron? the man answered: no, and was turning away in disappointment, the prophet asked: how much of the Quran do you know? the man said such and such, the Prophet is reported to have said: giver her (or teach her) these verses as a dowry. (3316).

the man will have to eat anyway, the woman will have to eat anyway, what's wrong with them avoiding decadence and eating anyway?

the companion of the Prophet (pbuh) Hanzalah (ra) is reported to have gotten married on the very day the battle of Uhud was announced, he fought and died and the Prophet named him 'Gaseelul Malaaikah' - the one bathed by the angels.

the Prophet (pbuh) married widows and so did his companions, there was not that type of stigma attached to divorce or marrying widows as there is in some cultures today, they saw it as a contract, if it wasn't working out, they'd divorce and remarry, but they wouldn't act it out like animals - they had structure, just as civilized humans do.

[Salahudeen]

^True abz if you've never been married and you marry a divorcee you're the talk of the town lol

[Abz2000]

while they forget that the first wife of the prophet was a widow who was older than him!

[ardianto]

^True abz if you've never been married and you marry a divorcee you're the talk of the town lol

That's in your town, not in abz town or my town. Some guys who I know married divorced women and they are not the talk of the town.

Not every divorced woman is 'bad woman', many of them are good women but they married 'wrong men'.

[Abz2000]

That's in your town, not in abz town or my town. Some guys who I know married divorced women and they are not the talk of the town.

Not every divorced woman is 'bad woman', many of them are good women but they married 'wrong men'.

lol i think you got salahuddeen all backwards, he seems to have mentioned the fact that in some cultures there is some wrongful stigma attached to it - where people think "they must have done something wrong", and when you listen to the women gossiping - it can be quite entertaining :D
but true - he should've emphasised that it's a stupid stigma which some ignorant people attach and that wise people should ignore it and see it as a way to change perceptions.
hell, here where i live - there's no stigma attached to men marrying men - so i wouldn't say that counts:statisfie

[Who Am I?]

:sl:

When I was younger, I used to have a hang-up about not dating a divorced woman or a woman with kids. I know Muslims don't do the dating thing, but my point is that I realized as I got older that there's nothing wrong with divorced women or single moms.

[Salahudeen]

That's in your town, not in abz town or my town. Some guys who I know married divorced women and they are not the talk of the town.

Not every divorced woman is 'bad woman', many of them are good women but they married 'wrong men'.

I don't recall saying every divorced woman is a "bad woman" my mother is a divorced woman so if anyone understands the plight of divorcees and what they go through it's me. I agree with you :hmm: