The "Mehndi" / "Thel Mehndi"

[kingkong]

In subcontinental weddings, even Muslim ones there is this event called the Mehndi, which I've tried to locate in Hadith or other Islamic writing, but there is nothing about it. Which raises the following questions:

1. Why do South Asian Muslims go through this event if it is not in Islamic scripture?

2. Those brothers who are from South Asia, when you were married, I'm sure you had to either participate or try to avoid in this event, what did you decide to do?

3. How do you encourage brothers from South Asia like me, to overcome this age-long cultural tradition?

It's one of those things which I've never liked the idea of, because there is shameless behaviour of the highest order involved, men are asked to sit in front of non-mahram women and women in front of non-mahram men even if they are related.

[noorseeker]

Im not sure if its against islam, providing theres no free mixing.

But im not a big fan of it, but before you know females in the family have took over.:hmm:

['Abd Al-Maajid]

I am quite young to get married, however my wedding will be extra simple, in sha' allah. Just the nikah and the valimah.

3. How do you encourage brothers from South Asia like me, to overcome this age-long cultural tradition?

Just stand up and revolt against this tradition!!! :D I know old mommies would get outraged, but then again this is your wedding not theirs... lol :D

[ardianto]

What is Mehndi ?

Internet showed me that's henna. But I notice bro Kingkong talks about sit in front of opposite gender, sis Innocent Soul talks about white hair.

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[Innocent Soul]

^ brother you are right it means henna.

men are asked to sit in front of non-mahram women and women in front of non-mahram men even if they are related.

I don't know that practice maybe it depends on place we live :hmm:.

[gladTidings]

The 'Mehndi' is a pre-wedding ritual part of wedding traditions in southeast Asia. Its origin is a little bit confused since Muslim women apply mehndi (henna) on the hands and Hindu's apply it as part of their weddings and designate a day before the wedding to apply it. The word is actually derived from Sanskrit (language spoken by Hindu's) I'm not sure what significance it has in the Hindu religion actually(?). Hindu's also have a number of other activities and rituals that they carry out on the 'Mehndi' night. Again I think some practices are religious but some cultural. Muslims that adhere to their southeast Asian culture also celebrate a 'mehndi' night, sometimes carrying out rituals that are Hindu religious practices.

In my eyes these extravagant Mehndi celebrations are merely a display of wealth and tradition that has no basis in Islam celebrated by Muslims who are often ignorant and customarily follow the rest of the sheeples.

[Innocent Soul]

'mehndi' night

Oh :ooh: I know about that. It's nothing other than just imitating kuffar (mainly hindus). Many Indians I think liked the Hindu festivals and customs so they just made some changes in their religion.Traditional type of Muslims celebrate this.

2. Those brothers who are from South Asia, when you were married, I'm sure you had to either participate or try to avoid in this event, what did you decide to do?

I am not a brother but I think it is easy for brothers to stop this practice. It might be difficult for sisters.

know old mommies would get outraged, but then again this is your wedding not theirs

It's true that many elders will not allow marriages without following the customs and traditions but you can force them saying that it's your marraige and you are not going to marry unless your marraige doesn't remain completelt Islamic.

[jimbo123]

The way Mehndi's are getting, I imagine that is how weddings are meant to be!

[Salahudeen]

Hindu tradition that Pakistanis decided to carry over. Like many other traditions in a Pakistani wedding.

[taz...]

i think its a hindu practice.
To answer your question,"why?"
well, this is a simple case of a religion-culture clash. The mehndi and other such rituals were indoctrinated into our lives because of mixing with other religions. For example, Pakistanis almost always have a mehndi celebration. why? because they were once indian, before the whole splitting, they lived together with the hindus, so there's this whole culture/religion mash up. best to avoid it cus its useles, waste of time and money.

[Zafran]

salaam

its all cultural

peace

['Aleena]

:sl:

I have heard of Muslims having a sangeet session too.
And the most ridiculous tradition is the baaraat which unfortunately is practiced religiously by majority of the Muslims in India. Some of the grooms go to the extent of leading the baarat on a Horse.

We know that this is your last chance to be the King coz after marriage the Queen takes over the administration, but this by no means give you the right to do such stupidity.

['Abd Al-Maajid]

I am not sure about sangeet program in muslim community in our city but baraat is kinda practised by muslims. :( and with all the music, lightings and all, it scares me...

But I will arrange a singing program without music only in ladies section in my wedding lol...;D;D;D;D;D

[Reflections]

I don't think there's anything wrong with applying mehndi itself though before the wedding..and to stop these sort of practises is pretty hard if you don't have support..sometimes no matter how much you try to put your foot down you're opinions are just not voiced..kheir inshaAllah you get the ajar for trying to do something good.

['Aleena]

I don't think there's anything wrong with applying mehndi itself though before the wedding

Yeah, there is nothing wrong in applying mehendi. We cannot have a bride without mehndi :D But arranging a special session for it where traditions of the kuffar are followed is wrong.

[Pure Purple]

1. Why do South Asian Muslims go through this event if it is not in Islamic scripture?

2. Those brothers who are from South Asia, when you were married, I'm sure you had to either participate or try to avoid in this event, what did you decide to do?

3. How do you encourage brothers from South Asia like me, to overcome this age-long cultural tradition?

:(sigh
It's impossible for a south asian girl even to interfere in all these matters.If she dose people will think what kind of girl she is?
she don't have modesty?
The only thing we can make dua that we get such proposal is not interested in all these kind of functions.

[Endymion]

Assalam Alekum Dear Brothers and Sisters in Islam.


What we all need at first place is to learn what are reigional things and what are religional things.In every part of world,people have different kinds of customs and traditions and every person live according to them.Islam does not stop us to practice our customs but only those which are contradictory to Islamic teachings.Mehndi and night gatherings before wedding is not only a part of South East Asia but in so many Muslim countries,they have traditions like these but in a different way.Gathering at Bride's home or Groom's home,having a good time with cousins and friends,singing wedding songs is not contradictory to Islam but spending lots of money in decorations and other accessories,free mixing,dancing and singing vulgar songs is not a part of Islam.Mehndi itself is not a bad thing/tradition but Un islamic practices added in these customs made them worse.If any of you want to stop it,better try to remove the things that are contradictory to Islam.Islam does not stop us having good time with family and friends and make our precious moments memorable but stop us to waste our time and money in un Islamic practices.So,enjoy Mehndi but remember who you are and what are your limits.


P.S.The author of this post dont like such gatherings as they are a waste of money any way.Nikah in Masjid and a simple Valima ceremony and a direct flight for Umrah is the best beginning of a new phase of life to make it successful both in this life and in the here after :statisfie

[kingkong]

I asked my family to avoid the Mehndi they said no, it's happening and it's going to have music and I'm going to have to sit in front of women whilst the ladies put oil in my hair.

1. I'm thinking of going bald, cutting off all my hair in order to annoy them all, let's see how they like that, a young man getting married by going bald.
2. My flight to Pakistan is 1 day before the Mehndi, I might just delay the flight by 2/3 days so that I arrive there for the walima and let my family do the nikah on my behalf.
3. I'm actually contemplating dodging the wedding ceremony (but still get married over the phone) altogether.

[ardianto]

Thel = oil ......... Mehndi = henna.

Right, isn't it ?.

Frankly, in the last few days I often visit sites about Pakistan and its traditions, including wedding traditions.

I asked my family to avoid the Mehndi they said no, it's happening and it's going to have music and I'm going to have to sit in front of women whilst the ladies put oil in my hair.

1. I'm thinking of going bald, cutting off all my hair in order to annoy them all, let's see how they like that, a young man getting married by going bald.
2. My flight to Pakistan is 1 day before the Mehndi, I might just delay the flight by 2/3 days so that I arrive there for the walima and let my family do the nikah on my behalf.
3. I'm actually contemplating dodging the wedding ceremony (but still get married over the phone) altogether.

I hope your wedding will be held not in the part of Pakistan where men carry guns to the wedding parties. I cannot imagine how big the anger of the bride's family if you implement this idea.

[Endymion]

Sounds like you did'nt get any positive idea from our posts to apply to your situation :skeleton:

[nature]

It's impossible for a south asian girl even to interfere in all these matters.If she dose people will think what kind of girl she is?
she don't have modesty?
The only thing we can make dua that we get such proposal is not interested in all these kind of functions

actually you would be suprised, this sort of stuff is getting phased out as the younger generation who are into deen know it has no part in islam. Ive been to a few weddings, where they didnt have any of this sort of stuff.

Re: The "Mehndi" / "Thel Mehndi"
I asked my family to avoid the Mehndi they said no, it's happening and it's going to have music and I'm going to have to sit in front of women whilst the ladies put oil in my hair.

Im not entirely sure why a bloke would have such difficulties with this sort of thing, i know its widely practised pakistani tradition, but no1 really bothers anymore. Isnt it better to give the money to charity ? rather than spend on stupid lavish ceremonies that have nothing to do with islam? thats the argument most use nowadays, and with the older generation believe it or not it actually works. I know their arguments, what will so and so say ? Who cares what people will think ?? we should care about what allah will think, at the end of the day we get questioned about this sort of stuff and our waste of money.

A lot of my friends have just done simple nikkah and reception with a handful of people. You'd be better off saving the money and using it for a deposit on a home.