format_quote Originally Posted by
.iman.
asalaam 3laykoum
My question is in regards to what extent do we have to "forgive and forget"? Allah SWT teaches us in the Qur'an that we must forgive others. I always tell myself, if Allah SWT can forgive us over and over for the sins that we make, why can't we forgive one another? In regards to marriage, if one partner has done absolutely horrible things to the other... at what point do you know whether to forgive them, and reconcile or not?
Asalaamu Alaikum, As Muslims we should forgive others if we want forgiveness for ourselves. How can we expect Allah's forgiveness unless we also forgive those who do wrong to us. Forgiving each other, even forgiving one's enemies is one of the most important Islamic teaching.
Allah says in the Quran: "those who avoid major sins and acts of indecencies and when they are angry they forgive"
(al-Shura 42:37)
The Messenger of Allah Sallallahu ALaihi wasallam said: "The best deed before Allah is to pardon a person who has wronged you, to show affection for relatives who have broken ties with you, and to act generously towards a person who has deprived you". Thereafter he recited the following holy verses: "Turn to forgiveness and enjoin good and turn aside from ignorant"
(7:199).
Qatadah was asked, “Which person has the highest standing?” He replied, “The one most abundant in his pardon.”
And the great reward given to the one who is forgiving and pardons others...
The Messenger of Allah (Sallallahu ALaihi Wasallam) was seated in a gathering with the Sahabah when he looked towards the entrance and said, “A man of Paradise is coming.” At that instance someone who seemed to be very ordinary entered the mosque where they were seated. A Sahabi was curious as to why the Prophet .‘ said this, so he followed the man to his house. This Sahabi told the man that he was a traveler and stayed as a guest. For three days the Sahabi saw nothing unusual, so he finally told the man what the Prophet had said and asked him what was so special. The man thought for a long time and said, “There might be one thing — before going to sleep every night I forgive everyone and sleep with a clean heart."
Regarding your question about forgiving ones spouse then the way to deal with it depends on the severity of their deeds or actions. One should certainly not be too liberal that ones partner walks over them but one should also not be too extreme or harsh towards ones partner. One should find a middle ground and keep a good balance. If the partner has done many wrongs then they should be told in a firm manner that their behaviour does not befit the way a partner should behave towards the other for what they are doing is committing a major sin. If they keep persisting then other means will have to be used. It really depends on the specific situation.
May Allah give us all the ability to forgive others for the wrong they do to us, and May Allah forgive us all for our sins - Ameen