Child will not do salat

[Galaxy]

If a pubescent 12 year old does not do his prayers, is he kaafir? His mother warns him but he does not listen.

[MustafaMc]

My opinion is that a child who refuses to offer salah is approaching disbelief and has probably already left Islam in his heart. I don't believe that faith can be forced on anyone, even a 12-year old. The best one can do in this situation is to provide for the child's needs and to be a good example for him. Perhaps when he grows older he will see the truth of Islam and choose belief over unbelief. This letting go is an exceedingly difficult thing for a parent to do.

[syed1]

If a pubescent 12 year old does not do his prayers, is he kaafir?

when I was around this age (maybe a few years younger), I was a very mischievous boy. When I was called for prayer by my dad I would pretend to make ablution by taking water from my hand and dripping it on my slippers to show that it was wet and give the impression that I had done wudu.

During salat, I would make a bickerring sound instead of saying the actual surah (and once received a nice slap for this ;D).

But Ma'shallah I do not view my religion the same way as I did back then, I am much more educated about islam (atleast I would like to think) and I pray regurlarly without the need of my mother to tell me to pray etc.

The point is, this 12 year old, it is not fair to call him a kafir. first of all he is only 12 and he is probably being influenced by the kids in school or wherever he is located and he probably doesn't realize what praying, or religion, or even what God really is.

My best advice as the other brother already mentioned, is to set a good example, and watch him, as he gets older, Inshallah he will make his own conclusions about islam and voluntarily come for prayer.

[MustafaMc]

My best advice as the other brother already mentioned, is to set a good example, and watch him, as he gets older, Inshallah he will make his own conclusions about islam and voluntarily come for prayer.

Whether kafir or not it is a question only Allah (swt) can answer. I left salah and the practice of Islam for 15 years, but alhamdulillah I have practiced consistently for the past 10 years and I even made hajj last year. I will say that I was closer to unbelief than to belief during those 15 years of wandering, but there must have been at least a smidgen of faith in my heart for Allah (swt) to have guided me back to Islam. I would recommend having a serious talk with this person and let him know that at puberty he is responsible for his actions before Allah (swt) and that what separates a believer from an unbeliever is offering salah. After that it is up to him to decide what he will do with Islam. The same applies to a girl or woman who does not wear hijab - it must come from the heart for it to count anyway.

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[esperanza]

you cannot call a 12 year old,..who does not pray...a kaffir...children are not judged until 14 or 15... this does not mean they should not pray...
we must remind them and even hit them after 10 years if they do not pray
but at this age.. they are starting to thin for themsleves and to want to be independent and rebell in many things
all we an do is keep guiding them

there are many many adults slack in prayer...do wse all them all kaffirs..
a 12 year old is not yet adult...we must guide them to the best of our ability inshallah

[Galaxy]

He should do his prayers. He is turning 13 next year and puberty is fast approaching. It's very frustrating that I tell him to pray, and he simply does not reply. I warn him and he does not care. Does he fear God? I told my mom on him and he gets a lecture from her and comes up with a lame excuse. It's like talking to a wall. He's a smart kid and he knows about praying, fasting, etc. He even used to pray but not now. It's probably so because he is influenced as you said akhi Syed. I am his older sister and I try to influence him but he doesn't listen.

[Abz2000]

why not get him involved in Islam, get some debates on dvd/youtube, get him to realize how passionate we are about it and allow him to see the contrast between truth and falsehood,
there are many good Islamic cartoons on dvd and also on youtube, the more time he spends with Islam, the more familiar he will be with it.
right now, Islam seems alien to him while Kufr is familiar and "fun".
i'll be honest with you sis, even though i'm 30, i still watch cartoons like "Muhammad the last prophet" (pbuh) and "Habil and Qabil" when i feel weakness in faith, or the message.
they make me reflect on all the struggles they went through to establish Islam and that makes me value it more.
i would recommend the stories first, and then the debates.
it is difficult to get kids to read these days and they are more comfortable just watching.

[جوري]

a non-praying Muslim is a fasiq not a kaffir. Not that being a fasiq is good either but you know you can't give up on a fasiq...
I didn't pray until I was 26, not very proud to admit that also I didn't consider myself a Muslim and I had ultra orthodox strict parents and siblings.. They did give me a good foundation though & I did live in Saudi Arabia as a child..It just didn't do much for me.... it really wasn't until I lived on my own and was working on my doctorate that I had a change of heart.. things happened which I don't wish to disclose here for brevity' sake.. I think the best thing you can do is lead by example, not be forceful and make du3a for him--yes du3a works!

:w:

[YusufNoor]

If a pubescent 12 year old does not do his prayers, is he kaafir? His mother warns him but he does not listen.

:sl:

^o)^o)^o)

why is the poor child at fault here? are we missing some information?

was the child inculcated[OK, i've NEVER used that word in a sentence before, but it fits here] at a tender young age in how and why we perform Salat? did the lad grow up watching his immediate family [esp Mom and Dad] pray ON TIME every day? was he brought to the Masjid often to acquaint himself with the Din? was he praying regularly by the age of 7? at 10 was someone making sure that he was performing Salat regularly? is his abode a place of peace and tranquility with lots of learning going on??? if the answer to all of these questions is yes, then "Houston we have a problem!"

if not, then why is he at fault here? if the boat already sailed and the poor kid is still at the dock, then why was this youngster left behind? is it his fault?

i might sound a wee bit crazy here, but how about, "LOVE the child!" if opportunities were missed and responsibilities unfulfilled then this would be a wonderful time to start! what a joy it would be to start teaching someone about The Messenger of Allah and his message! what an opportunity for someone special close to him to "brush up" on the Din and teach the Wonder contained therein to this precious gift from Allah! i reckon all that learnin' and teachin' would fetch a smidgen of reward for the one who does it!

opportunity knocks!

:wa:

crazy

[Ramadhan]

I think the best thing you can do is lead by example, not be forceful and make du3a for him--yes du3a works!

:sl:

I agree.
I was practically living life outside of Islam for many years.
It was the endless du'a from my mother that I believe helped me back pushing towards Islam. That, and her patience and relentless ibada and her relentless asking from Allah SWT.

I can't remember the hadith detail, but prophet saw said that du'a from a mother for her child will always be answered.

[Galaxy]

Jazakum Allaahu khayr for the responses...I heard that someone who does not pray is a kaafir because of the hadith that mentions the thing that stands between kufr and Islam is prayer. We have to make du'a for him because he knows a lot about Islam and grew up praying, fasting, reading religious texts and he knows the consequences about not praying but he chooses not to.

Also I am sorry Yusufnoor if I am crazy, I just did not know what to do and I asked a stupid question I wished I never asked.

[MustafaMc]

I just did not know what to do and I asked a stupid question I wished I never asked.

It is good to ask advice when you are unsure of what to do. I hope that what we have said will be helpful to you.

[Galaxy]

I know but then I always ask dumb Q's and then I get scolded and then it eats me up for weeks because I'm extremely sensitive :( My God I hate myself

[MustafaMc]

Don't be so hard on yourself. Our religion is one of faith and deeds, the first and foremost deed is salah. As I said earlier, I went 15 years without offering salah and I am glad that I did not die during that state. There is hope for one to convert or to come back to Islam as long as they are still alive. You can't force someone to pray or fast or believe and if you try too much to convince them, then they will most likely only rebel even more. The best you can do is to offer dua for him, to treat him kindly and be the best example you can. It is hard when someone close to you does not share your faith and convictions. I know because my wife and I are the only Muslims in our entire families.

[YusufNoor]

Jazakum Allaahu khayr for the responses...I heard that someone who does not pray is a kaafir because of the hadith that mentions the thing that stands between kufr and Islam is prayer. We have to make du'a for him because he knows a lot about Islam and grew up praying, fasting, reading religious texts and he knows the consequences about not praying but he chooses not to.

Also I am sorry Yusufnoor if I am crazy, I just did not know what to do and I asked a stupid question I wished I never asked.

:sl:

please forgive me Sister if you thought i was calling you crazy. the form of the question made ME crazy. you DID NOT ask a stupid question!

your child is a teen. who knows what has gotten into him. it could be the media, school, friends or maybe he is just lazy. just do what Purest said:

I think the best thing you can do is lead by example, not be forceful and make du3a for him--yes du3a works!

the MOST you can do is your part, you can't do his. love him and help him. Alhumdulillah, you still have several years with him. be the best Mom you can be. everything else is in Allah's Hands.

May Allah rekindle the Iman in your son's heart and may he grow up to be a pillar and scholar of the Din! Ameen!

:wa:

[Jedi_Mindset]

Children are not judged until they reach their puberty. But it's alarming when a kid who is 12 don't pray Salaah and so on. possible because of school influence.
May Allah(SWT) guide us all to the right path. Ameen.

[Salahudeen]

He should do his prayers. He is turning 13 next year and puberty is fast approaching. It's very frustrating that I tell him to pray, and he simply does not reply. I warn him and he does not care. Does he fear God? I told my mom on him and he gets a lecture from her and comes up with a lame excuse. It's like talking to a wall. He's a smart kid and he knows about praying, fasting, etc. He even used to pray but not now. It's probably so because he is influenced as you said akhi Syed. I am his older sister and I try to influence him but he doesn't listen.

Maybe he doesn't understand why he needs to prostrate 5 times a day and therefore doesn't see the point, has the child been educated about Islam? Beginning from the life of the prophet (saw) to his death, and all that occurred in between? When I was that age I didn't get many explanations, just commands to do stuff that I couldn't see the point of.

Do you tell him that Allah is watching and he will not be happy if he doesn't do his prayers etc? Have you explained to him that the Qur'an is a book from Allah and that's why it's important? Does he know who Allah is? Does he know Allah's attributes?

Perhaps make it fun for him, make a chart with stars you can buy them, and every time he prays he gets to colour in a star and when all the stars are coloured in he gets a reward. This will get him into the habbit I think. But understanding is also important.

[Darth Ultor]

He is twelve, what did you expect him to act like, Prophet Muhammad at the age forty-seven? You just gotta be firm with him. Don't take his whining. He will thank you later.

[Galaxy]

No I don't expect him to act like the Prophet :saws1: but I noticed he has began listening to me and doing his prayers alhamdulillah. Also he's my younger brother not my son lol

[Salahudeen]

No I don't expect him to act like the Prophet :saws1: but I noticed he has began listening to me and doing his prayers alhamdulillah. Also he's my younger brother not my son lol

Then you should praise him lots for doing this and make him feel happy with your praise :) If he starts slacking, try the chart method I mentioned :p

But you know for a person to practise Islam with happyness they need understanding of why they're doing the things they're doing, so check his understanding by asking him questions etc, such as why do you think we pray?? Why do you think we read the Qur'an? and then explain to him why we do this etc. then ask him a few days later and if he answers give him a cookie :)

[Galaxy]

Lol he's a child but he's not 6 so I can't give him a cookie but what will motivate him is the reason why we're motivated to pray salat insha Allah

[Darth Ultor]

Do not try to scare a teenager with Hell. It'll make them more rebellious.

[MustafaMc]

Do not try to scare a teenager with Hell. It'll make them more rebellious.

I agree with you.

[Galaxy]

Do not try to scare a teenager with Hell. It'll make them more rebellious.

I see, that could be a reason why he will not listen but most teenager's faith actually strengthens because they are reminded of God's punishment that's eternal, that is how I started practicing the deen.

[Darth Ultor]

The world is so full of negativity these days, I think you should bring up the more beautiful aspects of connecting with God and how He is the last hope we have for happiness in these hard times. The mortal pleasures are as temporary as life itself.

[Galaxy]

I honestly never thought of that, you're so smart man!! Maybe if learned how great God is he will want to try to please Him insha Allah

[syilla]

I know that in islam at the age of 9-10 if the child did not pray the parents can hit the child according to islamic ways (no hitting on the face or sensitive area and and not with something hard, heavy or thorny) but the parents have no right to hit the child if the child is not being teach to do salah prior to that. not just teaching but good practice.

To my knowledge that if the child really understand and has practice salah he will not to be too rebellious when been asked to perform salah. Maybe secretly or behind the parents but not openly.

However in this case, he/she is a teenager a very rebellious age, understanding of salah maybe still low or maybe he wants to proof something i'm not sure (if he is showing dispute)

but if he is lazy then thats another approach probably he needs some motivation or encouragement. Some teenagers will not do anything unless being motivated or theres an excitement in it.

so maybe the parents should try to understand the child first before taking any action.

[Darth Ultor]

Forgot to mention that you should talk about how important and wonderful a connection with Allah is in the mortal life. A life wanting to please God would make him want to be a better person.

[ayesha.ansari]

You can teach your children like when they are small say them to come and collectively say the Prayers. Children are mostly attached with their parents girls with their mother and son with their father so If parents show their intention and dedication toward religion then no worries teenagers will never be go far away from prayers.