when can we disobey our parents?

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Can anyone provide proof or a hadith or verse from the quran where it explicitly states it is okay to go against your parents wishes if it 1. contradtics the sunnah or 2. goes against the teaching of the quran..

Please and thank you.

I am asking because recently I have had to disobey my father due to a matter pertaining to riba on which said I would not take part it.

He is upset with me and is not talking and I feel very guilty, but I don't know if I did the right thing or not. I hope I made the right choice.
 
The answer is found here where Abraham ( Pbuh) Disobeyed his father

019.041 (Also mention in the Book (the story of) Abraham: He was a man of Truth, a prophet.
019.042 Behold, he said to his father: "O my father! why worship that which heareth not and seeth not, and can profit thee nothing?
019.043 "O my father! to me hath come knowledge which hath not reached thee: so follow me: I will guide thee to a way that is even and straight.
019.044 "O my father! serve not Satan: for Satan is a rebel against (God) Most Gracious.
019.045 "O my father! I fear lest a Penalty afflict thee from (God) Most Gracious, so that thou become to Satan a friend."
019.046 (The father) replied: "Dost thou hate my gods, O Abraham? If thou forbear not, I will indeed stone thee: Now get away from me for a good long while!"
019.047 Abraham said: "Peace be on thee: I will pray to my Lord for thy forgiveness: for He is to me Most Gracious.
019.048 "And I will turn away from you (all) and from those whom ye invoke besides God: I will call on my Lord perhaps, by my prayer to my Lord, I shall be not unblest."

The spiritual lesson from this episode of Abraham's life may be stated in four propositions:
(l) the pious son is dutiful to his father and wishes him well in all things, material and spiritual;

(2) if the father refuses Allah's Light, the son will do his utmost to bring such Light to the father;

(3) having received the Light, the son will never renounce that Light, even if he has to forfeit
his father's love and renounce his home;

(4) even if the father repels him and turns him out, his answer will be a soft answer, full of love and forgiveness on the one
hand, but firmness on behalf of Truth on the other.
 
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There is no obedience in the creation where there is disobedience in the Creator
 
Asalamu-alaikum,

I hope this article will help:

Obedience to Parents Clashing with the Obediance to Allah

Firstly: That the obligation of obedience to the parents and their rights is an obligation laid down by Allaah ta'aalaa in His Book and upon the tongue of His Messenger sallallaahu 'alaihi WA sallam), that is the basis for it - nothing else I.e. It is an obligation because Allaah ta'aalaa made it such. Allaah ta'aalaa says:
Thy Lord hath decread that ye worshlp none but Him, and that ye be kind to parents[l]

Secondly: In the Aayahs where Allaah ta'aalaa orders good treatment of parents, He precedes it with the order to worship Him alone - He says:
" Worship none but Allaah; Treat with kindness your parents..... "[2]

And He says:
Serve Allaah, and join not any partners with Him; Be good to parents......" [3 ]

And He says:
" join not anything as equal with Him; Be good to parents...... "[4] "And He has enjoined on man (to be good) to his parents: travail upon travail did his mother bear him, and in years twain was his weaning; (Hear the Command), 'Show gratitude to Me and to thy parents: to Me is (thy final) goal. " [5]

Thirdly: Obedience to parents just like obedience to those in authority is subservient to obedience to Allaah and His Megsenger (sallallaahu 'alaihi WA sallam). Therefore if obedience to parents clashes with obedience to Allaah and His Messenger (sallallaahu 'alaihi WA sallam) then parents must be disobeyed on that point.
Alee (radhiAllaahu 'anhu) reports that the Messenger (sallallaahu 'alaihi WA sallam) said:
'There is no obedience to anyone in disobedience to Allah, verily obedience is in that which is correct '[6]

And as regards obedience to the Messenger (sallallaahu 'alaihi WA sallam), then the Aayahs obligating that are many, and Allaah ta'aalaa says:
"We sent not an Apostle, but to be obeyed, in accordance with the Will of Allaah." [7]

And Abu Hurayrah (radhiAllaahu 'anhu) reports that Allah's Messenger (sallallaahu 'alaihi WA sallam), said :
"He who obeys me has obeyed Allah and he who disobeys me has disobeyed Allah, and he who obeys the Ameer has obeyed me and he who disobeys the Ameer has disobeyed me .[8]

In tafseer of Aayah 83 of Sooratul-Baqarah, Ibn Katheer says."Allaah the Blessed and Most High, reminds Banee Israaeel of these orders which He gave them and took their covenant upon and that they had turned away from that, all of it, knowingly and deliberately - while remembering it - so He ordered them to worship Him alone and not to associate anything with Him, and He ordered that for all of the creation and that is the reason why He created them...And that is the highest and greatest of the rights of Allaah the Blessed and Most High - that He alone should be worshipped, and then after that comes the rights of the creation, and the most important of these is the right of the parents and therefore He joins the two." So anything which Allaah or His Messenger (sallallaahu 'alaihi WA sallam) have obligated must be carried out and if the parents try to prevent that then they must be disobeyed in that.

Ibn Taimiyyah (raaimahullaah) says Majmoo al-Fataawaa, 14/339-340):
"And part of giving thanks for the good that someone does is the thanks due to the parents and others who do good to you, since 'He who does not thank the people does not thank Allaah.' , however -the right of no person, nor his favours can ever reach the level that they be thanked with the disobedience to Allaah, or that be obeyed in disobedience to Allaah - since Allaah is the Qne who sends down all the great blessings, which none of the creation are able to . And even favours done by any of the creation are from Him also, as He says:And ye have no good thing but it is from Allaah [9] and He says: And He has subjected to you, as from Him, all that is in the heavens and on earth. [l0]

And no one is able to recompense obedience, disobedience and Kufr but Him . Therefore it is not possible that anyone be obeyed in disobedience to the Creator as He says:
"We have enJoined on man kindness to parents: but if They (either of them) strive (to force) thee to Join with Me anything of which thou hast no knowledge. Obey Them not.Ye have (all) to return to Me, and I will tell You ~the truth) of all that ye did."[11] "Show gratitude to Me and to thy parents: To me is (thy final) Goal.But if they strive to make thee Join in worship with Me things of which thou hast no knowledge, obey them not; Yet bear them company in this llfe with Justice (and consideration), and follow the way of those who turn to Me: In the end the return of you all is to Me. "[12]

And the Messenger (sallallaahu 'alaihi wa sallam) said:
"The Muslim must hear and obey in hard and easy things and what he likes and dislikes, as long as he is not ordered with disobedience and if he is ordered with disobedience then there is no hearing snd no obeying. "

And it occurs in al-Bukhaaree and Muslim that he (sallallaahu 'alaihi wa sallam) said:
"Verily obedience is in that which is correct ."

and he (sallallaahu lalaihi wa sallam) said:
"He who orders you with disobedience to Allaah - then disobey him."

and he (sallallaahu 'alaihi wa sallam) said:
"There is no obedience to any creature in disobedience to the Creator."

In tafseer of Aayah 83 of Sooratul-Baqarah, al-Baghawee says: " That is: We enjolned good conduct and kindness to them and obeying those commands of theirs which do not go against the commands of Allaah ta'aalaa . "

And al-Qurtubee says in tafseer of Aayah 23 of Sooratul- Israa:" Disobedience to them is disobeying their lawful wishes, just as goodness to them is agreeing to their lawful wishes - as long as that does not involve disobedience to Allaah). "


Footnotes

1. Soorah al-Israa (17):23 2. Soorah al-Baqarah (2):83
3. Soorah an-Nisaa (4):36
4. Soorah An'aam (6):151
5. Soorah Luqmann (31):14
6. Collected by al-Bukhaaree,Muslim and an-Nasaa'ee 'as- Saheehah of al-Albaanee no.181
7. Soorah an-Nisaa (4):64
8. Collected by al-Bukhaaree,Muslim,an-Nasaa'ee and Ibn Maajah 'al-Irwaa of al-Albaanee no 394
9. Soorah an-Nahl (16) :53
10. Sooratul -Jaathiyah ( 45 ): 13
11. Sooratul- Ankaboot ( 29 ): 8
12. Soorah Luqmaan (31)

http://islaam.net/main/display.php?id=119&category=150
 
Alee (radhiAllaahu 'anhu) reports that the Messenger (sallallaahu 'alaihi wa sallam) said:

There is no obedience to anyone in disobedience to Allah, verily obedience is in that which is correct

Ibn Taimiyyah (raaimahullaah) says Majmoo al-Fataawaa, 14/339-340):
"And part of giving thanks for the good that someone does is the thanks due to the parents and others who do good to you, since 'He who does not thank the people does not thank Allaah.' , however - the right of no person, nor his favours can ever reach the level that they be thanked with the disobedience to Allaah, or that be obeyed in disobedience to Allaah - since Allaah is the Qne who sends down all the great blessings, which none of the creation are able to . And even favours done by any of the creation are from Him also, as He says:And ye have no good thing but it is from Allaah (9) and He says: And He has subjected to you, as from Him, all that is in the heavens and on earth. [SUP][l0]

[/SUP](29:8) And We have enjoined upon man goodness to parents. But if they endeavor to make you associate with Me that of which you have no knowledge, do not obey them. To Me is your return, and I will inform you about what you used to do.
And the Messenger ~sallallaahu 'alaihi wa sallam) said: The Muslim must hear and obey in hard and easy things and what he likes and dislikes, as long as he is not ordered with disobedience and if he is ordered with disobedience then there is no hearing and no obeying.


And it occurs in al-Bukhaaree and Muslim that he (sallallaahu 'alaihi wa sallam) said:
Verily obedience is in that which is correct

 
subhanAllaah

may Allaah ta'ala make patch up between you two, ameen ya Rabb.

It's not abt sunnah, cos RIBA is haraam, khalaas. So you did right thing by disobeying HOWEVA they are our parents and hence we have to disobey at such situations in the best possible polite manner in sha'Allaah. Forbid evil, YES, but with hikmah (wisdom)and educate them about it, may be they don't know how bad of a haraam it is.
 

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