Hw to het through to her?

[Marina-Aisha]

Okay I met this girl on one my Islamic forums anyways she isn't sure bout islam and she keeps saying that muslim men are abusive is that true?I know in the Quran it says that ushouldnt beat ur wife but keeps saying Arab world lots husbands r abusive.

[ardianto]

:sl:

My wife had a bad past, her ex-boyfriend treated her very bad. I know it because she was my close friend. Finaly she could left her ex-boyfriend, and we made a promise to marry each other. But she asked me "Will you promise, you will not abuse me?", I told her "I promise". We have been married almost 18 years, and I still keep my promise until now.

Are Muslim husbands abusive?. There's no abusive husband in my big family.

If I beat my wife, I am sure, her brothers would beat me too. But not this factor that made me never beat my wife. Long time before I married, people around me taught me "Women are weak creature, they are not strong like us. If you are a gentleman, do not ever beat your wife. If you want to beat, just beat a muscular thug, that's the right rival for you".

There are two factors that made me never beat my wife. First, I love her. Second, like other men, I want to be a gentleman.

But I will not deny, there are abusive Muslim husbands, even there are areas with many of Muslim husband there, are abusive. But actually this is because culture, not because Islam. In their culture, gentlemen are men who can make their wives afraid to them. Of course, they will not hesitate to beat their wives.

[Marina-Aisha]

Thank you for ur fast reply I know that not everyone is like that. I kind hard to talk to her now, she doesn't trust Muslims and she thinks I'm " in danger" but I know my husband better then I know myself and I know he wouldn't hurt me or our children. She doesn't seem to get that so I have to say I can no longer talk to her. Thanx again Salam.

[Snowflake]

I am always amazed at the mentality of people like the girl you mentioned sis Marina. Do they not see the number of attacks on women by non muslim men? Are they really unaware of the safe houses set up in non muslim communities to give refuge to women suffering from domestic violence - not to mention injunction laws? Have they never looked at the statistics of rape and murder against women by the hands of non muslim men? If they are really so blind as to think that only muslim men are guilty of such crimes, then let them be. But first do ask them if Islam promotes violence against women then why are more women coming to Islam than men.

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[Marina-Aisha]

That's the thing I quoted lots of verses in the quran but she didn't care. She just keep going on and on bout hw the millions of incidents of domestic violence towards women in the islamic world..

[Endymion]

Dont waste your time on her and enjoy your life :statisfie

[Ghazalah]

Men who are abusive to their wives are cowards outside of the home, so to feed their 'macho' tank, they beat their wives in order to make themselves feel like they're the 'man'.

Let her know abusive people are everywhere in the world, both Muslim and Non-Muslim, the only thing is, Muslim men who abuse their wives physically, try and justify this in the name of 'Islam', when in fact Islam is the only religion in the world which gives women such a high status.

I'll try and get round to posting some ahadith and ayats which show the high status women have in our religion.

[Crystal]

Do they not see the number of attacks on women by non muslim men?

That is very true - in every part of the world women are treated badly and it is wrong to say it just happens because the man is Muslim. There are many countries where women do not earn the same amount of money for the same position as a man does! Isn't this violence against women although not physical! How many countries in conflict who use women as a tool of war? What about women all over the world who are forced into prostitution or what about how the media exploit women? And then of course domestic abuse is everywhere! http://www.ncadv.org/files/DomesticViolenceFactSheet(National).pdf

[Marina-Aisha]

I know Babe, it's just I thought I could guide her to the right path but I don't think she can be helped. Thanks guys for all ur help an input.

[Salahudeen]

Violence Against Women: Facts and Background

"Violence against women continues to persist as one of the most heinous, systematic and prevalent human rights abuses in the world. It is a threat to all women, and an obstacle to all our efforts for development, peace, and gender equality in all societies." Ban Ki moon, United Nations Secretary General, 2007.
Some statistics

UK

45% of women have experienced some form of domestic violence, sexual assault or stalking.1

Around 21% of girls, experience some form of child sexual abuse2

At least 80,000 women suffer rape every year.3

In a survey for Amnesty International, over 1 in 4 respondents thought a women was partially or totally responsible for being raped if she was wearing sexy or revealing clothing, and more than 1 in 5 held the same view if a woman had had many sexual partners.4

On average, two women a week in England and Wales are killed by a violent partner or ex-partner. This constitutes nearly 40% of all female homicide victims.5

70% of incidents of domestic violence result in injury, (compared with 50% of incidents of acquaintance violence, 48% of stranger violence and 29% of mugging).6

Around 85% of forced marriage victims are women7

Domestic violence is estimated to cost victims, services and the state a total of around £23 billion a year.8

Globally At least one in three women is beaten, coerced into sex or otherwise abused by an intimate partner in the course of her lifetime.9
Women aged 15-44 are more at risk from rape and domestic violence than from cancer, motor accidents, war and malaria, according to World Bank data.10

Approximately 80,000 women suffer rape and attempted rape every year 11

More than 60 million women are "missing" from the world today as a result of sex-selective abortions and female infanticide (Amartya Sen, Nobel Laureate)

Several global surveys suggest that half of all women who die from homicide are killed by their current or former husbands or partners.
Violence in LGBT Communities










1 Walby, S. & Allen, J. (2004) Domestic violence, sexual assault and stalking: Findings from the British Crime Survey. Home Office. London.
2 HM Government (2007) Cross-government Action Plan on Sexual Violence and Abuse. Home Office. London.
3 Walby, S. & Allen, J. (2004) Domestic violence, sexual assault and stalking: Findings from the British Crime Survey. Home Office. London.
4 Amnesty UK (2005) Sexual Assault Research. Amnesty. London.
5 Povey, D. (2005) Crime in England and Wales 2003/2004: Supplementary Volume 1: Homicide and Gun Crime. Home Office Statistical Bulletin No. 02/05. Home Office. London; Department of Health (2005) Responding to Domestic Abuse. DH. London. (from ‘Statistics on Domestic Violence’: www.womensaid.org.uk)
6 Dodd, T. et al (2004) Crime in England and Wales 2003-2004. Home Office. London (from ‘Statistics on Domestic Violence’: www.womensaid.org.uk)
7 Forced Marriage: A Wrong not a Right, Home Office and Foreign & Commonwealth Office, 2005
8 S Walby, The Cost of Domestic Violence
9 Unifem (2003) Not a minute more: Ending Violence Against Women. United Nations Development Fund for Women. New York. http://www.un.org/en/women/endviolence/pdf/VAW.pdf
10 Unifem (2003) Not a minute more: Ending Violence Against Women. United Nations Development Fund for Women. New York. http://www.un.org/en/women/endviolence/pdf/VAW.pdf
11 Walby, S. & Allen, J. (2004) Domestic violence, sexual assault and stalking: Findings from the British Crime Survey. Home Office. London.






http://www.whiteribboncampaign.co.uk..._against_women

[Aprender]

I thought I could guide her to the right path but I don't think she can be helped. Thanks guys for all ur help an input.

By any chance is that Soraya again you're talking to? Anyway, the information that other members have shared with you is correct. Domestic abuse is prominent throughout the world and isn't exclusive to any one religion, culture or race and it isn't approved of in Islam...

[Marina-Aisha]

Yes I know, I guess I just wanted show her figures just to show her but I think wot ever evidence I give she still wouldn't get it. Yes it's her, I thought she was confused bout Islam but I think it's a roose to get me to convert back. I know it's sounds like I'm over reacting but just seems that way. That's why I'm taking step back.

[Aprender]

You are not overreacting. Leave her. She is not interested in learning about Islam at all. I thought she was too but I stopped talking to her. She just wants to start trouble with you and seeing as you are a newer Muslim, it's best not to associate with people like that.

The best you can do is make dua that Allah (swt) guides that person...

[Marina-Aisha]

Ur right, I'll try make dua but in not really good at salat yet.

[Perseveranze]

Marina, remember one thing.

"Verily you guide not whom you like, but Allah guides whom He wills. And he knows best those who are guided." [al-Qur’aan, al-Qasas(28):56]

[جوري]

It is a wonder how we survive childhood with all that abuse? ;D
she's a pathological liar and mentally unstable. I wouldn't want her as a Muslim.. Can't we work on being better Muslims than amassing every ragtag and bobtail? Enough da3wa giving.. let's work to better what we've got..

:w:

[CosmicPathos]

is soraya the same person we had issues with few days ago?

[Marina-Aisha]

yes ive stop talking to her nw, i know that sounds cruel as she might need a friend to talk to but i dont have the strength. Im just a new muslim so i dont know all the answers she wants and to be honest she doesnt know when to quit. she can be quiet offensive. i dont wanna hear bout abusive husbands and that me and children r in danger! i just cant handle it. i know ur suppose to guide people to way of islam but i just cant. does that make me bad person?

[CosmicPathos]

no sister, you've done ur best. u have no obligation to change ppl's hearts. ur job was to give the mssg. and you shoiuld spend that energy for learning more deen for your aakhirah. :)

[Marina-Aisha]

no sister, you've done ur best. u have no obligation to change ppl's hearts. ur job was to give the mssg. and you shoiuld spend that energy for learning more deen for your aakhirah. :)

your totally right :P yea ive got to practise learning salat

[Marina-Aisha]

sorry but i feel like crying she reached out to me i forgave her now shes just said the most hurtful thing i feel like a complete fool...

[TrueStranger]

sorry but i feel like crying she reached out to me i forgave her now shes just said the most hurtful thing i feel like a complete fool...

Don't take it to the heart sister. We have no idea what her mental condition is. If you decide to continue dealing with her, then have patience. If not, then it's understandable if you can't handle the negative side of her character.

You're not a fool in overlooking the shortcomings of others.

[Marina-Aisha]

thank you....its just i started to see her as friends then she says the most hurtful thing u know?ur proberly right........thank you sister

[جوري]

she does that with everyone.. what she needs is a psychiatrist that enjoys a challenge not a friend.. she's a malingerer who is manipulative and attention seeking.. she has found the right target in Muslims. Don't cave in to this passive aggressive approach of hers, she's really bordering on criminality if not actually already so..

:w:

[Marina-Aisha]

she does that with everyone.. what she needs is a psychiatrist that enjoys a challenge not a friend.. she's a malingerer who is manipulative and attention seeking.. she has found the right target in Muslims. Don't cave in to this passive aggressive approach of hers, she's really bordering on criminality if not actually already so..

:w:

I know I know, told myself if she was out line again I wouldn't speak to her. To be honest I'm real softie, I really like to give people a chance but in the end people just walk all over me. I'm really trying to stronger person but sometimes I think would Allah forgive? Would prophet saw forgive?

[جوري]

I know I know, told myself if she was out line again I wouldn't speak to her. To be honest I'm real softie, I really like to give people a chance but in the end people just walk all over me. I'm really trying to stronger person but sometimes I think would Allah forgive? Would prophet saw forgive?

There's nothing to forgive or not forgive.. also we don't seek forgiveness of the prophets but that's besides the point. Weed grows besides the harvest.. should we feel bad for tilling the lands and removing what's not suitable or downright harmful? Good grows besides the bad and you have the ability to reason and make seasoned choices.. We're much like the earth some of it good and some of it rotten.. you can't make good a rotten thing but you can remove it so that the whole patch doesn't rot as well.. Every society, everything on earth has what is good and what is bad to be kept in balance even your body has an immune system and a host of bacteria and viruses and cancers and helminths that can potentially weaken or even kill it. Do you say... I am not going to take this medication because it will kill the bacteria and I'll feel bad and what would God say? come on..

:w:

[Insaanah]

:sl:

I've been sent a PM asking sisters to add her on MSN etc, acknowledging she has problems, and that:

If we abandon her at this time, we would be responsible before Allah.

How responsible are we? (This is a very serious question by the way)

If someone says that they are a Muslim, but then insults the Prophet :saws:, tries to get new reverts to leave Islam, etc, then does it again etc, do we have to trust every person every time they say they are a Muslim?

Or is there some room for discretion?

Will we really be punished for going by the only behaviour that we know from a person?

Surely you can't keep crying wolf and then expect everybody else to trust you. There must be an element of personal responsibility here.

Many sisters here have tried to help and devoted much of their time and effort til they have felt drained, and have been met with nothing but insults. It may be that what is needed is actually professional help.

[Aprender]

I know I know, told myself if she was out line again I wouldn't speak to her. To be honest I'm real softie, I really like to give people a chance but in the end people just walk all over me. I'm really trying to stronger person but sometimes I think would Allah forgive? Would prophet saw forgive?

Sister, don't worry about this Soraya person. I figured her out after talking to her for a few days. She told me herself that she enjoys making other people feel bad and that's all she's doing here. She's been sending out e-mails to other sisters on this forum asking them to forgive her then she'll go right back to insulting you and your religion again. No need for you to worry or or feel bad about that. It's not your job to hold her hand and try to "fix" her. Just make dua for her and leave her be...

And when they hear vain talk, they turn away therefrom and say: "To us our deeds, and to you yours; peace be to you: we seek not the ignorant." (55) It is true thou wilt not be able to guide every one, whom thou lovest; but Allah guides those whom He will and He knows best those who receive guidance. (56) [Al-Qasas:55-56] Yusuf Ali

[جوري]

A Muslim is never bitten from the same hole twice!!.. I think I am starting to understand why women aren't meant to be state leaders at least with the majority being so emotive one can't build governance on the exception but again I digress ... I don't see how she's Muslim? is it something to be said in words only?

:w:

[Abz2000]

she wanted my personal email or messenger too, i refused.
Allahu A'lam but it seemed to me she was trying to privately sow discord so i avoided a personal confrontation and left it on the board, and Alhamdulillah, she showed her true colours in less than a week.

[جوري]

She's been sending out e-mails to other sisters on this forum asking them to forgive her then she'll go right back to insulting

I refused to give her any of my contact information or any further information about myself and she was trying to guilt me about that through PM, thankfully guilt isn't a trait I was blessed with...
I suggest people just block her, she'll find a new community of Muslims to emotionally hijack and probably do this for the rest of her meaningless life..

[Marina-Aisha]

Ur all right, I'm just hurt to be honest. U put time and effort and all u get big slap in the face. She may want help but I think guys right I'm not the one who should.

[FS123]

That's the thing I quoted lots of verses in the quran but she didn't care. She just keep going on and on bout hw the millions of incidents of domestic violence towards women in the islamic world..

Because she is dazzled by bull**** that is in the mass media against Islam and muslim. She is a girl and I know guy who kept saying this kind of stuff. Domestic abuse happens all-over the world, not just by muslim men. Go to poor neighborhoods US and UK, and you see it is very bad. It happens less among the wealthy, not sure why but normally it appears to be less in wealthy neighborhoods.

[FS123]

Sister, don't worry about this Soraya person. I figured her out after talking to her for a few days. She told me herself that she enjoys making other people feel bad and that's all she's doing here. She's been sending out e-mails to other sisters on this forum asking them to forgive her then she'll go right back to insulting you and your religion again. No need for you to worry or or feel bad about that. It's not your job to hold her hand and try to "fix" her. Just make dua for her and leave her be...

And when they hear vain talk, they turn away therefrom and say: "To us our deeds, and to you yours; peace be to you: we seek not the ignorant." (55) It is true thou wilt not be able to guide every one, whom thou lovest; but Allah guides those whom He will and He knows best those who receive guidance. (56) [Al-Qasas:55-56] Yusuf Ali

That's smart sister, I didn't read the other replies before my last post, but I'll leave my post as it is. She seems like a person who is their to take people away from Islam, and seems like she does it on purpose.

[- Qatada -]

:salamext: Thanks and jazak Allahu khayran to everyone for the positive feedback. I never knew things had gone this far, especially with marina. There's alot of background stuff that goes on which we're unaware of.

[Amat Allah]

imsad...................

[Marina-Aisha]

When we had fight the first time I forgave as she said she was sorry, then the yesterday I was just advising her that it was best if she covered herself when she to the mosque especally if she sees the imam. She went so angry at me called me sand ******. I felt like crying....I really felt we friends and she just was so cruel. My husband african and to say discussting word just was the last straw. I know we should be patient but there's only so much I can take. Sometimes thinK she just enjoys it, huirting people. The sayin "u fool me once, shame on u. Fool me twice shame on me. She's not gonna fool me anymore. I'm sorry qatada I've run out patience,ur on our own with her I'm sorry.

[- Qatada -]

:salamext: Someone told me (they can mention their username if they want) that this Soraya might actually be an ex-Muslim (since the 1st time they joined), or a Shi'i (from the shi'a), and that it might actually be a man. That's because Soraya doesn't do any voice conversations, and is targetting Sunni (followers of the Sunnah) Muslims and telling them that he likes the shi'a. It seems this is true, and everyone can ignore/block him/her now officially inshaa' Allah.

[Marina-Aisha]

Wot I dont understand....

[Who Am I?]

Don't feed the troll, kids.

[جوري]

She went so angry at me called me sand ******. I felt like crying.

Who is she to get angry at anyone? I am angry she made you feel like crying frankly she is a friend to no one and is a pathological liar.. 'father forced her into prostitution per her, sister is a lesbian, she told one of the sister's here that you've to wear hijab in front of your husband yet apparently doesn't cover up all together given your:

I was just advising her that it was best if she covered herself when she to the mosque especally if she sees the imam

Honestly this thread and that person was given much more time & effort than they're worth but let that be a lesson to Muslims not to give 150% to people who are obviously there to bait you. A Muslim should never be bitten from the same hole twice!!!!!!!!

Wala tahinoo wala tahzanoo waantumu alaAAlawna in kuntum mumineena

3:139 So lose not heart, nor fall into despair: For ye must gain mastery if ye are true in Faith.

[Ramadan90]

I would suggest you stop wasting your time on her. There will ALWAYS be people who do not like you, even muslim people. Even if you are a very good person. Yes. Some people will hate you because you are "too muslim", some people will hate you because you are threatening them intellectually or/and pshysically(HOW DARE YOU THINK YOU ARE BETTER THAN ME?!), or some people will even hate you because you a very humble person that enjoy too help people.

The best thing you can do is to be the bigger person and ignore it. Why waste your precious time and energy on something useless?

[Marina-Aisha]

Totally right, I think she knows how press people's buttons, and abuse peoples good nature. Anyways I'm not going talk again. All I wanted was to help, my hubbie does say I'm too kinda. Anyways thank you everyone for ur help and advice..its best to stay away..in not sure shes for real...if shes speaking the truth anyways thank you everyone :)

[Amat Allah]

Someone told me (they can mention their username if they want) that this Soraya might actually be an ex-Muslim (since the 1st time they joined), or a Shi'i (from the shi'a), and that it might actually be a man. That's because Soraya doesn't do any voice conversations, and is targetting Sunni (followers of the Sunnah) Muslims and telling them that he likes the shi'a. It seems this is true, and everyone can ignore/block him/her now officially inshaa' Allah.

Wa Alikum Assalaam Wa Rahmatullahi Wa Barakaatuh

Yes, she might be all of that (those are my doubts); she done so much proving the above and Allah knows.

That person has grown so much of doubts and suspicions around her and none can be blamed for all what she has said and done...I had my share from her Alhamdulilah for everything.

but still, we don`t know the reality; maybe she is a sick person needs mental care and also she asked our forgiveness and she said that she is considering Islam; then why not giving her another chance...we don`t know maybe maybe....Allah knows.

I'll try for one more time with her just for Allah's sake and to not regret later in shaa Allah and say : why I didn`t?; and if she would be the same old person then I'll just leave her matter to Allah...May Allah guide us all Ameeeeen