Alternatives to Prom

[Beardo]

:sl:

Recently, I've been approached with questions about prom from my peers. I was just wondering, what can I offer them as alternatives to prom? It's a big thing in American culture apparently.

[BadOlPuttyTat]

:sl:

Recently, I've been approached with questions about prom from my peers. I was just wondering, what can I offer them as alternatives to prom? It's a big thing in American culture apparently.

Ive passed highschool and would say that proms are utter garbage. Nothing to do and ive never been to one and dont care. its just an excuse for sex and debauchery, and sorry if i sound like an old grouchy man. Proms are just worthless parties like most parties, everyman at a prom is only there to get some free sex from some misguided foolish girl. My mother tried convincing me to go and i did not care what so ever about a prom. Just have a regular party, nothing is special about a prom and i forgot why they do it actually lol.
Sorry for ranting :statisfie

[dqsunday]

I never went to my prom either. I didn't see any fun in having half my friends spend the entire dance puking in the toilet..like they did in all the other school dances in the past. Nor did I like the whole idea of having to buy some expensive gaudy dress for it, the stress of having to get a date etc. I just wasn't interested in any of that stuff. The whole concept seems to be to get laid or drunk or stoned or all three. This was also way back when I really didn't have any faith.

For my Brothers and Sisters of Islam I would recommend organizing a potluck at your local Mosque, and just socialize eat good food and perform Maghrib and maybe Isha prayer in congregation. For larger communities maybe just a gathering of friends at one's home. But more importantly, praise Allah for getting you through the trials of education and finally graduating.

[Aprender]

Prom and what it stands for has no place in an Islamic setting in my opinion. I did not go to mine when I was in high school because I thought the whole thing was just silly but it's symbolic of young men and girls going to hotels and fornicating, a lot of drinking and raunchy dancing between both genders or the same gender...depending on what dates they bring. I'm not saying that every city where a prom is held does this but a majority of the schools have that type of atmosphere. It's quite pointless and I don't recommend any type of Muslim organization trying to host a prom. It's nothing but fluffed up talk for anyone who tries to say their life will have a void without going to prom. It won't. You'll save money and possibly an unwanted pregnancy or awful drunk driving incident.

With that said though I did read an article on the NY Times a few weeks ago about a group of Muslim girls who held an all-girls prom at their school. They got all dressed up in nice hijabs to go in, banned anyone from bringing any type of cameras in certain parts of the room because some of the girls would be unveiled, they had a bunch of food, and apparently they had a great time. So, yes, to some people it is really important...

http://www.nytimes.com/2012/05/02/us...prom.html?_r=1

I like the potluck idea at the masjid or even just going out in nature and holding a big barbecue at the park and holding a summer water balloon fight would be cool.

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[Muhaba]

you can have a muslim get-together. it can have islamic speeches and booklets about islam. the speeches can be first. afterward, there can be a party which will of course be separate for men and women which can have games, contests, refreshments, etc.

[dysphoricrocker]

Salaam.

You could organise an outing to the mosque or an orphange and spend the day helping out there (you know like painting, fixing stuffs etc). I did it before with a bunch of friends and it was alot of fun (:

[Naeema]

My favorite thing from the New York Times article cited above:
"Ignoring the naysayers who could not imagine anyone coming to a prom without boys, Tharima and her friends approached their task systematically, taking a survey of all the girls at Hamtramck High. They found that 65 percent were not able to attend the coed prom because of cultural and religious beliefs. After discussion, the school supported the student-driven alternative.

"In addition to Muslim girls (and alumnae who never got the opportunity), non-Muslim students wanted to go, too. “I want to support all my girls,” said Sylwia Stanko, who was born in Poland and whose friends are mostly Bengali-American or Arab-American. “I know how important it is to them.” "

A well-organized, student led event has the chance to bring together young people. Here, it even had the support of the public school, who permitted fundraising and publicity on their property. I think it is important that kids have an opportunity to have fun. In my naive opinion, showing others that you can have a good time and be a good Muslim is a roundabout way of da‘wah that is not without merit in Western society.

[GodIsAll]

I've taught high school for 20 years and its a big deal. I loathe it, especially when I am required to spend a Saturday evening away from my family supervising hormonally imbalanced adolescents while being subjected to music that is reminiscent of small animals being tortured.

And never forget! Prom spelled backwards is "Morp".

[glo]

And never forget! Prom spelled backwards is "Morp".

I actually went and googled that ... LOL ;D

[patientgrace]

I agree with what others are posting. If you feel uncomfortable in going to the prom and what it stands for, then you should plan your own gathering that is what you want it to be! :)

Good Luck!

[ardianto]

Is there prom in UK or other European countries?.

I know prom only from Hollywood movies with American setting.

[patientgrace]

Is there prom in UK or other European countries?.

I know prom only from Hollywood movies with American setting.

Yes, the country where I am from they really do have a prom, they are not just in the movies :)
and in my opinion from what you see in the movies, isn't too far fetched. In consists of fancy dresses, tuxedos, dancing, and for most but not all teens getting drunk and having sex in a hotel afterwards...

[ardianto]

Yes, the country where I am from they really do have a prom, they are not just in the movies
and in my opinion from what you see in the movies, isn't too far fetched. In consists of fancy dresses, tuxedos, dancing, and for most but not all teens getting drunk and having sex in a hotel afterwards...

In all Hollywood movies that I have seen, there's no having sex in hotel afterward.

[Cabdullahi]

In all Hollywood movies that I have seen, there's no having sex in hotel afterward.

What kind of Hollywood movies have you been watching?

The old old ones?

[ardianto]

What kind of Hollywood movies have you been watching?

The old old ones?

I don't remember the tittle, but old movies on TV.

[Cabdullahi]

I don't remember the tittle, but old movies on TV.

Good!

Don't watch the new ones because they will have a prom and after that, the whole movie will basically turn into pron.

You could be sitting there with your nephew or your grandmother - its not nice.

[Kei]

In high school, most of the girls were dying for a prom, so they organised a "halal prom - NO BOYS ALLOWED" with the help of a few teachers.
Basically they hired a fancy hall, with catering included, they all dressed up in their fancy lengha's and suits, and they danced with each other to some classical music :giggling:
Not my kinda thing, but I saw photo's and vids, looked pretty classy.

[IbnAbdulHakim]

tell them to get together and recite dhikr


we shouldnt want what the non-muslims have, thats how we destroy our islam

[Ibn Abi Ahmed]

:sl:

Recently, I've been approached with questions about prom from my peers. I was just wondering, what can I offer them as alternatives to prom? It's a big thing in American culture apparently.

:w:

Probably super late but they did this in a few communities where I live - basically have a sisters only event where they can dress up and hang out with each other and have another separate one for the brothers. It's really important to provide our community and youth with halal alternatives. Prom is a pretty big deal and it's a struggle for many youth to not go when all their friends are going. That's why it's really helpful if the community or Masjid organizes an event that allows them to enjoy a night dressed up to chill - separated or even on different nights. A Sister's Prom night and a Brother's Chill-out night where they play video games or basketball.

[Ramadan90]

This is an intresting and a good article about the prom from the Islamic perspective. I dont think the younger people would take this advice, but still....

The Prom and Happiness

Happiness! Ah what a wonderful term, wouldn't all of us like to have that? I think it's the only thing that we need in life. How can we achieve happiness in the life hereafter after as well as in this life? (note the reverse order of the last sentence).
Most people think, 'okay sure suffer all this life to get a reward of which we are not sure we will get as we are never good enough for God'. But I intend to prove that you do the get the rewards of obedience in this world and that you can get happiness even in the most direst of circumstances.

Luxury Enjoyments (proms/parties/other enjoyments)

The main reason people want to go the prom is not because they are really seeking personal enjoyment or happiness but because it's their last association with their classmates or just "because everyone else is going to be there". Now ask yourself the question: is this really making me happy? Or am I being forced into it?

If you are really going to the prom because it's the last time you're going to meet your classmates, then invite your closest friends to your home and have a social gathering. You can have a couple of trustworthy elders (preferably of young age who understand teens). And no one has to wear tight and uncomfortable clothing or have to show their cleavage. You can have a friendly chat. I am sure you'll treasure the memory of being with your closest friends more than being with people you never really got to know. Isn't this true happiness?

I myself did not choose to go to the prom because I didn't find happiness there. In the beginning all of my friends were really pushy, they wanted me to go. Sure, I felt disappointed for not going there, but it was only for one day, that's it. Besides, my friends who did go to the prom, don't really talk about it. They talk more about the fun times 'our group' had when we were by ourselves. So to conclude, the prom doesn't really provide any "happiness" to any person (let alone a Muslim). Rather it leaves most people sad and questioning their own beliefs.

The Prom and "The Pandora's Box Phenomenon"

Most people think, one night of the prom, so what? Well, not necessarily. When you go to the prom you are becoming accustomed to that atmosphere so that if a similar event occurs in your life (other parties) you will go there which will further extract from your happiness.

Some of my brother's non-Muslim friends have a very boring lifestyle. During their holidays, all they do is drink and go to a night club. That's there lifestyle. Can you imagine doing that everyday?

Most say that the reason they do it is because they can't find any other suitable lifestyle. We all know that there are more suitable lifestyles. Do you know why they said such a thing? It's because they're accustomed to a lifestyle that's draining their happiness. It's like drugs, it's like an addiction. They became accustomed to this lifestyle probably from their night at the prom. Think about all-night raves. You go back home in the morning with a raging headache. Your whole sleep timetable is disturbed. Is this making you happy?

I know that most of our Muslim brothers and sisters probably will not be willing to go to night clubs after going to the prom, but they will become accustomed to the atmosphere, and if they see others going to the prom they would not condemn them.
You are going to get away with this, but are your kids gonna get away with this?
For those of you who went to the prom, the reason you behaved "decently" is not because you chose to do it. It was restrictions placed by parents on you that made you do so. However, when you grow up you are going to be more lax about the prom idea and you probably will not take extra precautions with your kids as your parents did with you.

You'll probably give them more leeway or more room to maneuver because you might be more sympathetic to the prom. When your kids have their kids they are going to give even more leeway. Hence your descendants will get closer and closer to that "all week night club" lifestyle that I mentioned earlier. And the happiness will literally evaporate from your family. Do you want to take away your kids' happiness?

So Then What is True Happiness?

True happiness lies in being satisfied with what you have, to be contented. What's the one way to always be happy? It is THANKFULNESS.
God just didn't create thankfulness to make our lives boring. He made it to make us happy, He cares for us. The question one must ask himself/herself is 'what do I get from being thankful?'

Well let's start with an example: Let's say you're 30. You live on minimum wage and you are very depressed about yourself. Is there something that can change all of this?
Look at your hands. Can these same hands write reports that can win you jobs and promotions? Look at your eyes, ears and your nose. Can these three organs record data into your brain that can make you into a famous historian, scientist, doctor, interior decorator or a chef? Look at your feet (legs included). Can these same legs make you carry a wounded person (paramedic/nurse) to a hospital bed or can it make you jump hurdles in a race or score the winning goal for your team.

Look at your mouth (tongue). Can this organ convince a youth not to commit suicide, kill someone, take drugs (i.e. can you be a counselor)? Or can this organ help you win the attention of audiences? Does this make you feel happy?

Finally, look at your head (brain). Can this part of your body make you the most knowledgeable and respectable person in the world? Wouldn't you be happy with that? Yes, it can. Imagine you had none of these things how would you feel ? Now imagine having most if not all of these organs with you. You don't have to imagine this. You do have these things and having even one of these organs can make you really happy. What's there to be sad about?

What I mentioned above is a part of thankfulness and being contented. The other part is praising and thanking God. By Praising God for His favors and blessings upon you just realize how many things you have to be happy about, including parents, friends and Islam.

That's the reason why God made thankfulness Wajib (obligatory) on us as He cares for us and doesn't want us to feel sad, He wants us to be happy and contented. You don't have to go on a vacation to be happy. You can do that right from home.
Why does a walk in the park make you feel happy? Its because you think about nature and the good things in life and hence you think about God (remembrance).
This is the reason why all of the religious people spend all of their time in remembrance, in Zikr, because just like you and me they want to be happy in this life as well as the life Hereafter.
Can a prom really bring you that happiness?

There you go. I have proven to you how to attain happiness in this world, through Zikr, as well as in the hereafter. I hope I have convinced most of our young Muslim readers from not going to the prom and have changed the thinking of those who did go to the prom. Even if one person changed his/her mind then I feel my work is done, for curing people of their problems makes me a happy person.


Source: http://soundvision.com/Info/teens/zikrnotprom.asp

[Tyrion]

tell them to get together and recite dhikr

Ha... Yeah, right. Just try telling that to a teenage girl (or boy for that matter) and see what kind of response you get. :p: Let's at least attempt to be realistic here if we're going to answer the OPs question.

[Ramadan90]

Ha... Yeah, right. Just try telling that to a teenage girl (or boy for that matter) and see what kind of response you get. :p: Let's at least attempt to be realistic here if we're going to answer the OPs question.

LOL! I agree. There is no way a teenager would listen. Thats why, like brother Muraad said, we need to provide halal alternatives which allows them to have fun within the islamic boundaries.

[IbnAbdulHakim]

Ha... Yeah, right. Just try telling that to a teenage girl (or boy for that matter) and see what kind of response you get. :p: Let's at least attempt to be realistic here if we're going to answer the OPs question.

just how flexible should we be then?

DO you have any idea how beautiful it can be to get together and recite dhikr?

You can set the mode wiv aroma/flowers. Dress nicely, prepare good food. But instead of the silly stuff like dancing and that You have a leader/Imam who sets the mode with a speech/recitation maybe someone can recite a nasheed.

You then tell everyone to get comfy, turn off the lights and enjoy some amazing spiritually uplifting dhikr.


I have already enticed unseeming teenagers to these gatherings, it can be done. BE MORE OPTIMISTIC



oh and bro, i am always realistic... i gotta be

[ardianto]

just how flexible should we be then?

DO you have any idea how beautiful it can be to get together and recite dhikr?

You can set the mode wiv aroma/flowers. Dress nicely, prepare good food. But instead of the silly stuff like dancing and that You have a leader/Imam who sets the mode with a speech/recitation maybe someone can recite a nasheed.

You then tell everyone to get comfy, turn off the lights and enjoy some amazing spiritually uplifting dhikr.


I have already enticed unseeming teenagers to these gatherings, it can be done. BE MORE OPTIMISTIC



oh and bro, i am always realistic... i gotta be

Realistic?. This is reality in Indonesia.

Schools often hold event like that. Yes, the students are gathering, and listen to the lecture. It's happen in the day. But in the night? ...... they go to discotheque.

[IbnAbdulHakim]

Realistic?. This is reality in Indonesia.

Schools often hold event like that. Yes, the students are gathering, and listen to the lecture. It's happen in the day. But in the night? ...... they go to discotheque.

yes my teacher always says that the benefit of dhikr is always there, and it will remain if you dont soil it with other bad deeds.

[Mustafa2012]

You could have a BBQ or hire out a hall where segregation will be observed.

Plan some activities where both brothers and sisters can have a good time and talk about their achievements and challenges.

It can also be an opportunity to talk about the blessings of Allaah and remind people how we cannot achieve anything without His help.

[innocent]

Is there prom in UK or other European countries?.

I know prom only from Hollywood movies with American setting.

Im in UK and my daughters school had one. Its an all girls school. I let my daughters decide and they decided against it Alhumdulillah. I had already made my disapproval clear but I let them decide in the end.

[innocent]

All the schools in UK have it I think

[innocent]

In high school, most of the girls were dying for a prom, so they organised a "halal prom - NO BOYS ALLOWED" with the help of a few teachers.
Basically they hired a fancy hall, with catering included, they all dressed up in their fancy lengha's and suits, and they danced with each other to some classical music :giggling:
Not my kinda thing, but I saw photo's and vids, looked pretty classy.

Whats halal about that?

[Galaxy]

since when does anyone care about prom

[dusk]

Is there prom in UK or other European countries?.

We have them too in Austria/Germany lets call it central europe Czech, Hungary are no different.
It is a different event. Prom for US is just a student event. In our school it is an event organized by the graduating class (seniors) but relatives, friends are all invited. It is some huge ball ours had a total revenue of some 40.000 Euro for a school of 800 pupils. With mostly only the seniors attending so just 200-300 + relatives and friends. Public school btw.

It is just like every ball. Fancy dressing, some cake, food, drinks. Dancing lessons before. It is also not in the school but ours was in a rented ball room. At midnight there is on every such prom a special event, a show or something choreographed with the participation of students and teachers. Ours was awesome because we had cool teachers and a fun headmaster that weren't shy.

In most of central Europe prom is more of cultural event that pretty much everybody goes to regardless if you have date or not. Not going would be seriously weird. Would almost be like not showing up to a US graduation party.

Afterwards it is after party in some bars for those that want which was only graduating students. Our parents left between 1-2 am but most of us slept in the school and didn't go home until there was school next morning. And yes we do drink alcohol at this event in full view of our parents and teachers but our drinking age isn't 16 to 18.


I think it is sad how some people are so anti party. Parties are socialization and if you don't have complete idiots as friends nobody needs to drink. When you hang out with students there is often this or that guy that has to get up early, or do some homework who doesn't get drunk. Yes people expect it in our cultures but very few people really force it on anybody if one firmly says no, the only thing that matters is that ones isn't a complete bore. Nobody knows what to do with shy people that don't ever say a word.
Not socializing makes people miserable and boring. It is also a great way of letting of some steam for getting back to studying. People that always stay at home because they feel they have so much work usually just work way to inefficiently.
In our droms we also put in coffee/tea breaks almost every day. Somebody wrote a mail. Hey guys I made some coffee (tea for the health conscious). Then some of the studying people take a break for half an hour and go back to work.

I don't think there has to be an alternative to prom. Every gathering where people are allowed to go nuts for a while is great. That includes going swimming and doing stupid stuff. Too much seriousness is emotionally unhealthy. The best & nicest people I know are those that are good at just letting go and turning loon. You don't need drugs but you need some activity and some environment that says hey go have fun (safety rules are a deal breaker, young adults don't want to be treated like stupid children and rules of any but the most basic kinds kill the setting). BBQ, swimming, highland games. Actually among the physical stuff the best is just seriously mentally insane games. People are too serious about soccer or football and all the established sports but give them some game they all suck at and nobody every played, thats a fool proof way for fun.
Girls want to dress up and dance. I am the wrong guy to ask for tipps in that regard. Costume and theme parties are probably the way to go.

[~Zaria~]

Assalamu-alaikum

Why should there be an 'alternative' to prom?

If your child wants to go the prom - why cant a simple 'NO' suffice anymore?

We dont need to make excuses/ find 'alternatives' to our way of life called Islam.

Our problem lies here:

If we were raising our kids in an Islamic enviroment from young (which means that our homes are places where angels themselves wish to enter - i.e. it is free of zina-promoting TV, music, etc but rather a place where: QURAAN is recited everyday, where SALAAH is encouraged, where the SUNNAH of the prophet (sallalahu alaihi wasalam) is stressed, where the feeding of the POOR and ORPHANS is remembered........)

THEN, would our kids, themselves, even consider attending a prom?
--> Of course not.

What can we expect of our youth, when our own homes resemble that of the kuffaar?

We reap what we sow.

The teenager who is even considering attending a prom, and who is desiring every haraam act that occurs there - is the product of a poor islamic foundation (in the majority of cases)
- one where the love AND fear of Allah (subhanawatáala) has not been instilled into his/her heart.

Our solution is not in finding 'alternatives' to way of life of the kuffaar.
For ISLAM is the alternative!

Our solution is finding out why our youth has reached the point of desiring the life of the disbeliever.
And fixing this.

--> The problem and solution lies within our own homes.

:wa:

[dusk]

Our solution is finding out why our youth has reached the point of desiring the life of the disbeliever.
And fixing this.

Because it is way more fun and nobody gets why being happy is supposed to be bad. Some people enjoy being alive. :happy:

[~Zaria~]

Because it is way more fun and nobody gets why being happy is supposed to be bad. Some people enjoy being alive. :happy:

"To you be your religion, and to me my religion." (109:6)


Have a great life.

[Ibn Abi Ahmed]

Oh yes, alternative to proms must be evil because our youth want a night of fun and giving them that in a halal environment is such a bad thing. You are so right!​ :statisfie

Assalamu-alaikum

Why should there be an 'alternative' to prom?

If your child wants to go the prom - why cant a simple 'NO' suffice anymore?

We dont need to make excuses/ find 'alternatives' to our way of life called Islam.

Our problem lies here:

If we were raising our kids in an Islamic enviroment from young (which means that our homes are places where angels themselves wish to enter - i.e. it is free of zina-promoting TV, music, etc but rather a place where: QURAAN is recited everyday, where SALAAH is encouraged, where the SUNNAH of the prophet (sallalahu alaihi wasalam) is stressed, where the feeding of the POOR and ORPHANS is remembered........)

THEN, would our kids, themselves, even consider attending a prom?
--> Of course not.

What can we expect of our youth, when our own homes resemble that of the kuffaar?

We reap what we sow.

The teenager who is even considering attending a prom, and who is desiring every haraam act that occurs there - is the product of a poor islamic foundation (in the majority of cases)
- one where the love AND fear of Allah (subhanawatáala) has not been instilled into his/her heart.

Our solution is not in finding 'alternatives' to way of life of the kuffaar.
For ISLAM is the alternative!

Our solution is finding out why our youth has reached the point of desiring the life of the disbeliever.
And fixing this.

--> The problem and solution lies within our own homes.

:wa:

[~Zaria~]

Oh yes, alternative to proms must be evil because our youth want a night of fun and giving them that in a halal environment is such a bad thing. You are so right!​ :statisfie

Im not sure how you came to this conclusion based on my post.
It certainly was not the message being made.

Salaam

[PurpleCup]

I never went to my prom and I wasn't Muslim at that time. I didn't go because I did not feel comfortable to go. I never feel as if I missed anything.
I guess you could hold an all girls swim party at local private pool, with punch, chips, lots of pizza and games.