Question about my marriage.

[voomie]

Assalam alaikum,

I have been looking into different religions and seeing if any is right for me. I am currently looking into Islam. There is a lot that speaks to me but I want to learn more before I make a decision on saying my shahada. My question is related to how my current marriage will be viewed. My wife and I have been married for about a year now and the marriage happened before I started looking into Islam. The part of my marriage that I am concerned about is that my wife is pagan and I am concerned about how her religious view would conflict with Islam. I know that Muslims are supposed to marry people of the book but why would Allah (swt) put her in my life?

[Salahudeen]

Walaykum salaam, I hope you are well my brother, when you say your wife is a pagan do you mean a Hindu or Sikh?? Or a Christian?

[IbnAbdulHakim]

try to get her to accept islam with you?

if she loves you it shouldnt be too difficult :)

[voomie]

When I say pagan, she worships more than one god. She centers her beliefs around those of accienct Egypt and Europe. Search paganism on wikipedia.com if you need more information. If I do end up accept Islam myself I would want her to accept it out of her will just as I did. Not because I reverted.

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[glo]

Welcome to the forum, voomie.

I am sure Muslims here will tell you that there is only ONE REASON to convert to Islam - namely that you believe it to be true.

Does you wife know about your interest in Islam?
If yes, how does she feel about it? Can you find common ground and common values?

[Futuwwa]

Well, myself, I think there is no sin or shame in continuing a marriage that was originally entered in good faith, and I've argued as such even on this forum previously. But, be advised, those of my opinion are in the minority. Most Muslims would think your marriage is invalid.

[Tyrion]

Most Muslims would think your marriage is invalid.

I'm not sure if this is true when it comes to most Muslims worldwide... But judging from past experiences on this forum, you may be right when it comes to Musims here at least.

Anyway, I feel like you'd have good reason to believe your marriage would still be a valid one. You married before you knew anything about Islam. No need to throw your life away now solely because you might convert, unless your wife holds a gun to your head and forces you to bow down to her idols (which she most likely will not do...). When it comes to these non Muslim marriages, I once heard a nice explanation using Surat al-Lahab... The speaker was explaining the meaning of the surah, and claimed that scholars of the past have used it to prove that marriages outside of Islam (in this case, those of/to pagans) are still considered valid in Islam because the Quran itself acknowledges Abu Lahab's wife as being his wife in this surah. This seems to make sense to me..

[Muhaba]

You haven't converted yet, so i don't see why you should be so worried. You are still researching Islam. Research together and who knows she might see the beauty of Islam and convert with you or even before you!

Don't worry so much about these sort of things. First study Islam. When you see it's truth, you will know what decisions to make. The main thing you should be worried about is what your life will be like in the life after death. what will happen to you in the grave? What will be your condition on the day of judgment. How will your accounting be like and will you end up in Hell or Paradise. That should be your concern for your wife too. You shouldn't be more worried what the effect will be on your marriage but what will her life in the next world be like if she continues to remain pagan. (Polytheists will remain in hell forever and will be in great agony, wishing they had another chance to change but they won't get it. The only chance to change faith is in this life.)

You shouldn't also remain a nonmuslim once you've decided that Islam is the truth simply to keep your marriage intact. There are many verses where people wish that they hadn't remained friends with deviated people who had been the reason why they didn't accept Islam. On the day of judgment close friends will be fighting with each other because they had been the source of misguidance of one another.

[ Allah ] will say, "Enter among nations which had passed on before you of jinn and mankind into the Fire." Every time a nation enters, it will curse its sister until, when they have all overtaken one another therein, the last of them will say about the first of them "Our Lord, these had misled us, so give them a double punishment of the Fire. He will say, "For each is double, but you do not know."

And the first of them will say to the last of them, "Then you had not any favor over us, so taste the punishment for what you used to earn."

Indeed, those who deny Our verses and are arrogant toward them - the gates of Heaven will not be opened for them, nor will they enter Paradise until a camel enters into the eye of a needle. And thus do We recompense the criminals.

They will have from Hell a bed and over them coverings [of fire]. And thus do We recompense the wrongdoers.
(7: 38 - 41)


...The criminal will wish that he could be ransomed from the punishment of that Day by his children
And his wife and his brother
And his nearest kindred who shelter him
And whoever is on earth entirely [so] then it could save him. (70:11 - 14)


In gardens of pleasure....And they will approach one another, inquiring of each other.
A speaker among them will say, "Indeed, I had a companion [on earth]
Who would say, 'Are you indeed of those who believe
That when we have died and become dust and bones, we will indeed be recompensed?'"
He will say, "Would you [care to] look?"
And he will look and see him in the midst of the Hellfire.
He will say, "By Allah , you almost ruined me.
If not for the favor of my Lord, I would have been of those brought in [to Hell].
(37:44 -57)

So close companions can become the reason for someone's misguidance and on the Day of Judgment they will regret being friends with each other and will wish that they hadn't sought the compny of those who had been the reason they remained astray. There, they will not care for each other, for their parents or spouses or children or friends. Every person will want to be saved whatever it takes. And they will say that their spouses, children, parents, friends, and everyone and everything on earth should be taken as ransom but they should be saved from Hell. But nothing will be able to save a person there from Hell except one's faith of Islam. So it's best to take heed here rather than regret later.


Indeed, We have warned you of a near punishment on the Day when a man will observe what his hands have put forth and the disbeliever will say, "Oh, I wish that I were dust!" (78:40) (Read the whole chapter 78 if you can. http://www.quran.com

[Abdullaah]

Good advice.

I would like to add that once a person has come across the truth(Islam/Quran), then he has no choice but to believe in the truth that he/she has come across. Otherwise that truth(Quran/Islam) will be an evidence against him/her. Read if you like the last Ayahs of Surah Ankabut and May Allaah guide you as well as us to the truth.

[Muwaahid]

Goto a fatwa (religious verdict) site your marriage maybe still valid even after you accept islaam because it happened prior to you accepting islaam so the ruling concerning marrying people of the book may not apply to you, wallaahu alam and Allaah knows best, by the way the opinions of the people is not a Proof in Islaam. We govern ourselves based on the Qur'aan and the Sunnah upon the understanding of the companions and not upon I feel and i think.
Wa billaahi at-tawfeeq

[Futuwwa]

We govern ourselves based on the Qur'aan and the Sunnah upon the understanding of the companions and not upon I feel and i think.

Oh, if it really were that simple... :statisfie

[voomie]

Sorry about the delay in a reply, been busy lately. My wife knows about my interest in Islam especially since I have taken up daily prayer. She is supportive of me trying to find truth. There a lot of values in Islam that my wife and I both hold but there are something that she differs on. Two big things is that she believes in multiple gods and that people are reborn mulitple times til their souls reach perfection. I dont know if she would be one to follow the path of Islams because she doesnt agree with things like the different responsibilities of men and women and thing mercies placed upon women during that time of the month.

I guess it makes sense about being held responsible for only your own actions. I am just worried about how I will be treated in the community if I do convert inshallah.

[//-Asif-\\]

Hiya Voomie, welcome to the forum.

I have to agree with some of the advice given by brother Tyrion and Sister WRITER. You dont have to worry about your marriage since you were and apparently are still not Muslim. But as with any life altering decision, you have to take it in babysteps. Read and learn from reputable sources and whatever you do, share your new information with your wife.

When you say taken up daily prayer you mean the Islamic prayer? Again baby steps, you dont even necessarily need to do the ritualistic prayer (salat) until you take the shahada, and even then, if you dont know how to properly do the prayer with the words and movements and everything, its no biggie. Baby steps.

Engaging in some logical debate with her and finding out the basis in why she believes in rebirth and multiple Gods would be good. Though it is ideal that you learn the religion and convert in tandem with your wife, if she doesn't follow then at the moment, worry about yourself. Learn what you can, take those baby steps and make those gradual changes and continue discussing with her and eventually with the help of Allah she may come around.

Regarding your community and your uneasiness, all this would depend on the climate of your community and other factors where you live, what circles of society do you frequent, your job, your family etc. Some are more open, others will be more ignorant and intolerant. If you can expand on this we can better understand how to approach the matter. Either way, it'd be best to stand firm for what you believe in and not be ashamed.

[Scimitar]

Far as I am aware, (and I'm no expert) A Muslim should not break bonds with non Muslims. It is from our example that we can lead - so to distance ourselves would serve no purpose at all.

In my opinion, you can stay married.

Insha-Allah, HE will guide her too :)

Scimi

[Muhammad]

Let us all be careful of speaking without knowledge and giving a religious verdict here.

Voomie, unfortunately we do not have anyone qualified here to give you a definite answer. The best thing would be to consult an Imam or scholar with regards to how your marriage will be viewed. I am sure he can give you good advice based upon knowledge and perhaps experience with meeting others in your situation.

May Allaah (swt) guide you and your wife to Islam and make it easy for you both, Aameen.

[Muslim Woman]

:wa:

Assalam alaikum,

..... I know that Muslims are supposed to marry people of the book but why would Allah (swt) put her in my life?

we must not challenge Allah . He knows what is best for us . May be , after ur reverting to Islam , ur wife will be guided , too . Thus u 2 will be saved from eternal fire .

And Allah Knows Best.