SO much DRAMA since I reverted to ISLAM PLEASE HELP!!

[cottonrainbow]

Assalamu alaikum brothers and sisters!

where do I begin... So, to give a little background, I am American. I was born into a heavily Southern Christian family.I was first introduced to Islam at age 12 by a friend of my oldest sister. He gave me my very first Quran! I would read the Quaran and sleep with it under my pillow until one night I had a really horrible dream, and I was afraid that God wasn't pleased with me reading the Quran, so I stopped reading it and went back to reading the Bible.

So fast forward almost twenty years and now Allah has called me to HIM and I answered by becoming a Muslimah! It was a very private decision, and I really did not seek advice from friends and family (knowing they'd try to talk me out of it). Honestly, besides learning the Surahs, the transition was really easy. Hijabing seemed really natural; I actually welcomed it!

Since becoming a Muslim, I have found myself in another place that I did not expect. Allah has blessed me with many good things, and I am forever greatful to HIM, alhamdulilah! The bad part is that I have lost every female friend that I have had for years now: college buddies, work friends, friends I grew up with. I am literally like very lonely except for my immediate family. Even my coworkers all had something bad to say. One lady coworker comes up to me and says, "You are not a Muslim, you are a saintified holy Christian! And beside, you look oppressed with that thing on your head and all covered up. You should know better." My supposed best friend just had a birthday last week. She didn't invite me. Actually she hasn't spoken to me in about three weeks. She did post Facebook pics of her and some other girls going out and having a good time. I'm kinda hurt even though I don't go clubbing that she didn't even mention it to me or share any part of her moment with me and she calls me her bestie?

My neighbor for almost 7 years does not talk to me anymore as well. It has been a year now and nothing. her daughter and my daughter were best friends, but now they actively avoid us. I even had a small party at my house and invited her. She told me that she would come, but never showed up.

My other friend, who is a Muslimah, rarely speaks to me but I'm okay with it because she did some things to try to cause me to end my marriage with my husband. This lady is wayyy older than me, so I was really hurt for a moment because she was the first person to assist me when I reverted to Islam. She became distant and would not give me any advice.

Honestly, I don't know what's going on. I'm not a mean or arrogant person, and I always try to be helpful, tactful, and pleasant.

My distant family (cousins, aunts, etc.) I do tend to avoid them because they always want to get into arguments with me about Islam v/s Christianity. I am leary about visiting my family for Thanksgiving because last year, one of my cousins came to me and said something very rude about what she thinks about Muslims. Plus, I can't trust the food because it's filled with pork! maybe the macaroni doesn't have pork lol.;D

Honestly, I don't get what the big deal is. It's too much to even put into words.
My husband thinks its jealousy and he prays for me all the time because I've gone through a lot, but I know that I can't depend on him to be my best friend. I would like to have female Muslim friends, inshallah.

[جوري]

:welcome: aboard we're honored to have you here :)

[cottonrainbow]

:statisfie Thanks sis! I'm happy to be here, inshallah!

[جوري]

It is lovely to see you smile.. I think we all have similar stories some of us born Muslims. I myself cut ties to a childhood friend whom I'd known for 17 years. I just outgrew all the B.S and jabs. Allah swt is preparing you for what is better in shaa Allah.
the highest heat yields the purest gold so hang tough..

Hey there! Looks like you're enjoying the discussion, but you're not signed up for an account.

When you create an account, you can participate in the discussions and share your thoughts. You also get notifications, here and via email, whenever new posts are made. And you can like posts and make new friends.
Sign Up

[Periwinkle18]

Assalam o alikum

Aww sis we're here for u :) welcome to the forum. adhaka llahu sinnak may Allah always keep u smiling =) ameen

[crimsontide06]

Southern as in close to Alabama?? Maybe you can tell them about Islam (your friends and family may think like most of the south, that Muslims are barbaric terrorists) Don't try and convert them but just let them see what Islam is and maybe why you chose to convert. As for the head covering, the Bible, I believe, does say for women to cover their heads but the excuse given by Christians is that the hair IS the covering... Mary, mother of Jesus, as well as nuns and highly religious Christian women...wear head coverings.

[Aprender]

walaykum salaam,
Girl I can relate. My family is actually from the Southern U.S. too but they stopped practicing Christianity a while ago. I picked it back up again but then after some deeper studies moved on to Islam when I was in college.

It's tough but just hang in there. I also lost all of my friends too and at first my step father kept calling me a rag head terrorist ;D but alhamdulillah he stopped and I have now gained some amazing Muslim sisters around here to hang out with. Allah breaks us to build us.

It's going to take some time but in shaa Allah they'll come around. Just make dua for them and keep going. Cliche but nothing worth having is easy.

As you can see now other people are going to let you down. Even your fellow brothers and sisters in Islam. We're humans. But Allah will never let you down.

Enjoy your stay here on the forum. I'm happy to have you here with us and if you ever want to chat you can always PM me my dear sister.

[Hulk]

waalaykumsalam wrwb
I believe that it is not your inward belief that bothers them but your outward form and manner. If you were to eat, behave, dress like them they would surely be satisfied with you. But your duty is not to please them but to please God. So hold strong to Islam. Sometimes its better to be a lone wolf than to fit in with sheeps. That said, continue to be nice to everyone (especially family). People will look at you first before they look at Islam. I can't really offer much advice on making new friends except that maybe you can join a class which might have other learning muslimahs. Other than that I guess you will have to make do with the sisters here for a while :)

[glo]

Welcome, cottonrainbow.
I love your name and how cheerful you sound, despite your difficulties.

May your faith journey be GLORIOUS!

[cOsMiCiNtUiTiOn]

Asalaam Aleikum sister :)

I find myself a loner as well (I'm also in the south lol, bible belt.) :D I have one friend and she lives far so I cannot visit much,lol, and when it comes to family, I'm not allowed to go visit my own father (brother lives with him and he doesn't like me coming around). The way I see it, it's better to be alone than in bad company. Perhaps the friendships you once had will bring no benefit to you imaan, Allah knows best. In many cases having a large social circle takes attention away from Allah and your deen. It may be difficult at first to deal with the rejection, but it is through difficulties that we learn to appreciate ease right? :)

Just keep doing what ur doing, lead by example, be kind to others and surely the right people will come into your life insha Allah. I also would love to have a close sister who I can share and learn with, someone who wants to be close to Allah and who shares similar aspirations to mine. I hope one day I will find a sister like that, insha Allah :) I used to have alot of muslim sisters as friends, but as I became more aware of things, and decided to really put an effort to grow in my deen, my muslim friends disappeared too. Interesting isn't it? :)

Welcome to the boards! Hope you enjoy ur stay here, insha Allah.

- cOsMiC

[Endymion]

:sl: dear sister :)

Its nice to know your hubby supports you and as sister CI said above,its better be alone than in the company of bad people.I have hundreds of relatives but seldom i meet them.I think you should only meet people if it benifits you :)

Don't grieve over the behavior of people sis,Allah SWT is with you and no matter the distance,we are all with you :) You'll find amazing sisters and friends over here Inshallah :) Some of us are on fb as well,if you like,you can join us over there :) But don't post your fb id over here otherwise you could have unwanted friends as well :D



P.S.I changed my font to Shadin's font but the color is different.I thought may be copying her font could make me wise and knowledgeable like her :hmm: but it seems im still me so far :hmm:

[Scimitar]

I also would love to have a close sister who I can share and learn with, someone who wants to be close to Allah and who shares similar aspirations to mine. I hope one day I will find a sister like that, insha Allah

I would like to have female Muslim friends, inshallah.

birds of a feather, flock together.

:)

Scimi

[Marina-Aisha]

i feel for u sis i too having troubles with my family and the only comfort is one the sis i talk to online..i dont really have friends i do get long with people at work but they dont really understand me..so we dont hang out so just my hubbie but in shaa Allah i will find some more friends outside the intenet so will you Allah doesnt give us anything we cant handle so just hang in there.

[Hulk]

If Teleport machines have already been invented you guys can meet right now.

[Aprender]

If Teleport machines have already been invented you guys can meet right now.

I'm always saying this to my online sisters.

[Musaafirah]

Wa-alaikumussalaam sis.
First of all, welcome to Islamicboard. You'll find many sisters here who are all welcoming masha'allah.
Masha'allah at the steps you have taken, you sound like a lovely sister.
One thing I must say though, is that in any time of your life you will find that there are people out there who don't agree with what you do. (Even with muslim family!) but stay strong sis and insha'allah you'll be rewarded.

[Dagless]

Welcome!
Regarding your friends... well it's better you find out now who your real friends are. I've been through similar in the past (not religion related) and these types of events show you which people are worth your time.

[MustafaMc]

Hey, what's up with all the reverts from Southeastern USA? Well, I happen to be one, too. My wife and I can relate somewhat to your issues, but each situation is unique. I think not having a sense of community of people with a similar background was one of my biggest difficulties. I am the only Muslim in my family, except my wife, and the only one where I work. In shaa Allah, things will improve for you. I would encourage you to not forsake family gatherings, but rather strive to maintain family ties even if they are strained. Of course, being a Southerner, I know that a lot of the food is cooked with bacon, bacon grease, ham, sausage, and lard. I also avoid chicken and beef that is not slaughtered Islamically according to my understanding of what the Qur'an says. BTW Gossypium hirsutum, happens to be my favorite plant species.:statisfie

[جوري]

P.S.I changed my font to Shadin's font but the color is different.I thought may be copying her font could make me wise and knowledgeable like her but it seems im still me so far

Allah swt a3lam which one of us is more knowledgeable and wise and I think the answer to that is quite obvious plus you humble me on top of such modesty.. I love my sisters in Allah .. may Allah swt grant our ummah solidarity and kinship and the ability to complete each other so that we're one force to be reckoned with and on top of all, may Allah swt love us and accept the best of our deeds..
ameen

[cOsMiCiNtUiTiOn]

Hey, what's up with all the reverts from Southeastern USA? Well, I happen to be one, too. My wife and I can relate somewhat to your issues, but each situation is unique. I think not having a sense of community of people with a similar background was one of my biggest difficulties. I am the only Muslim in my family, except my wife, and the only one where I work. In shaa Allah, things will improve for you. I would encourage you to not forsake family gatherings, but rather strive to maintain family ties even if they are strained. Of course, being a Southerner, I know that a lot of the food is cooked with bacon, bacon grease, ham, sausage, and lard. I also avoid chicken and beef that is not slaughtered Islamically according to my understanding of what the Qur'an says. BTW Gossypium hirsutum, happens to be my favorite plant species.:statisfie

There's still fried fish, cole slaw, hush puppies and we can make our own halaal fried chicken oh and home brewed iced tea! NYEHS!! :D

- cOsMiC

[Hulk]

I really do wonder how you folks living over there eat out is it even possible.

[Snowflake]

Wa alaykum assalam wa rahmatullahi wb,

Masha Allah, I can't say more beautiful and supportive words than what's already been said. So can I just give my sister a big hug and warm welcome, and let you know that it is truly a pleasure to have you amongst us. With Allah and us with you, you won't ever feel alone insha Allah. :statisfie

[MustafaMc]

There's still fried fish, cole slaw, hush puppies and we can make our own halaal fried chicken oh and home brewed iced tea! NYEHS!! :D

- cOsMiC

You are exactly correct. How did you know what I had for supper? When we eat out, we have fish, seafood or vegetarian. Sometimes we bring our own meat-containing dish to potluck family gatherings, too.

[cottonrainbow]

Assalamu alaikum sisters and brothers! Thanks for the comments. I read and appreciate all of them, and you all are right, Allah knows best. I'm happy to share my Facebook link with ones who are truly looking for a sister friend. Please PM me.

Honestly, there were so many occassions when I wanted to pick up the phone and say or text, "If there's anything I did or said, then I apologize," or "So please tell me why we aren't talking anymore, blah, blah, blah." I am glad that I didn't because it would only cause more problems. I agree that it is Allah's way of moving certain people out of my life so that I can follow the Deen more closely, and in due time, like minded sisters will come into my life. Alhamdulilah. Allah knows best.

[cottonrainbow]

I really do wonder how you folks living over there eat out is it even possible.

Salaam. That's another big change! It's almost impossible to eat out because of so many reasons. I (We) don't eat out as much anymore. No more Olive Garden, Red lobster, and Applebee's. There are a few halal restaurants popping up in the area, but we prefer to cook at home. There are a few halal shops in the area that we purchase our meats and snacks from.

Hey, what's up with all the reverts from Southeastern USA?

Alahmdulilah, Islam is growing rapidly in the South! The Mosque is sometimes packed to capacity. Just a theory on the growth:

1. Muslims from bigger, more Northern cities are moving South for ecenomic reasons and an easier life.
2. People are starting to question their way of life and beliefs, which leads them to Islam for completeness.
3. Some of the most devout Christians are from the South. They are raised to follow the Gospel in it's entirety, but most really do not follow. They lead a life of duality and only pray when they are in a state of hardship. Becoming a Muslim allows an individual to worship the one true God fully and completely-- without shame or conflict, continuously.

[fairy333]

:sl:
Even if the whole world leaves you alone then still Allah(swt) will always be with you:statisfie

[Joseph33]

Converts to Islam oftentimes suffer from a bad reputation in the United States. This poor reputation is partially deserved because many converts claim to be Muslim for attention. I used to be hostile towards Islam for this very reason. It was only until I actually read the Q'uran and read about Islam that my opinion entirely changed. I think few people would resist Islam if they understood the true nature of the religion.

That said, I have yet to inform my parents of my conversion. Perhaps in the future I will, but in the time-being I cannot see them having an open mind. It's really a shame because Islam embodies most of their beliefs and certainly their modest, moderate lifestyle. Hopefully Allah will show mercy because they simply have had few chances to understand Islam despite both of them living and working in Saudi Arabia for seven years. Instead of Muslims sitting down and explaining their religion, both of my parents tell me they were for the most part treated with overt hostility during their time in the Middle East. For the life of me, I cannot understand why fellow Muslims would act so callously towards my parents. I hate to be negative because I see mostly pure intentions among the Muslims here. But many Muslims I see in real life adhere to an overly politicized version of Islam.

[YusufNoor]

:sl:

i'm almost jealous. NONE of my problems have been with non Muslims. of course, i know when to keep my mouth shut. picked up a client once who said Americans should be able to shoot Muslims on site. BUT, he absolutely loved my chemise. raved about it. ;D

had a radical Christian evangelist care-giver once, but i was feeling rather up for a challenge that day. i WOWED her with and explanation of al Fatihah. she was stupefied. my explanation of Tawhid just baffled her. she was speechless. she had no clue we actually worship God. she was so taken aback that she couldn't say anything until she was getting out of the car. ta ta!

Muslims on the other hand. don't get me started!

ma salaama

[Kmbattaglia05]

Asalam Alaylum Sister,

I know exactly how you feel!!!!! I am a convert as well (from a Christian family) and have faced many conflicts with family and friends.
I am married to a Muslim man (who is very liberal) but my family acts like he is some type of extremist. I also try to avoid certain family events because when the topic of religion comes up, it gets very uncomfortable. I am constantly the center of gossip in my family. I am 26 years old - I have been married about 2 years and am about to have a baby and they are still acting so uncivil about it!

I also faded away from some friends. Obviously my lifestyle changed, and some of my friends dropped me because "I couldn't keep up with their lifestyle anymore" or simply just thought I was a "follower" for converting.

I know being a convert has many struggles, but at the end of the day I learned to appreciate the life I was blessed with . Hamdillah, my husband and I are in good health and live a stable life with a baby on the way. I look at all the tragedies going on in the world and feel my problems become so tedious. I just try to keep myself busy to distract myself from thinking too much about the negativity. I join many local mosque groups and fundraisers, and met many wonderful people - and took up many hobbies and hamdillah, has worked out very well.
:)