Does it really matter if I marry a virgin or not?

[Iceee]

Salaam my muslim brothers and sisters. Hello everyone else :p

Does it really matter if I marry a virgin or not? I mean, I don't really mind if my future wife is a virgin or not. I think that as long as she repent her sins and truly believes in Islam, I believe that she will make a wonderful wife.

[Abdul Fattah]

No it doesn't matter. It's a cultural thing.

[YusufNoor]

:wa:

virgin is irrelevant, chaste is what matters. we have widowers and divorced women, you know.

[islamica]

This not a cultural thing. Lets not speak of it without knowledge.

There are two types here that we need to look at. The halal and the haram. Halal is the one that was previous married and haram is the single that goes doing zina.

There are many hadith which recommend a man marry a virgin woman such as the following:

"Marry virgins for they have sweeter mouths, more productive wombs and are more pleased with less." [At-Tabarani and it is hassan]

Other narrations indicate that she is more likely to be pleased by a man and less likely to be devious and deceiving. Once, when Jabir married an older and previously married woman, the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) said to him:

"Why not a virgin? You could have played with her and she with you."

The scholars have stressed that this good attribute applies to the husband just as it applies to the wife. One of them wrote: "Similarly, it is preferred for a person not to marry his daughter except to a virgin man if she has never been married before." 'Umar ibn Al-Khattab once heard about a woman who was married to an elderly man and he said: "O people, fear Allah and marry a man to a woman who is similar to him and marry a woman to a man who is similar to her."


The other type are the ones who date and commit zina. Sadly, this is very common among muslims these days. Even full feldged hijabis have fallen into this sin. This shows a bad character and we know character is of extreme importance in Islam and goes hand in hand with faith and piety. The Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) has even described it as the purpose of his mission to mankind as we can see from the following hadith: "I have only been sent to complete good character." [Al-Hakim and others (sahih)]


"I am a guarantor of a house in the highest part of Paradise for one who makes his character good." [Abu Dawud and it is hassan]


"Righteousness is good character." [Muslim]

"The believers with the most complete iman are those with the best character." [Abu Dawud and it is sahih]

So can you marry such people? only if you are one of them, as Allah says in An-Nur verse 26:


"Bad women are for bad men and bad men are for bad women. And good women are for good men and good men are for good women." [Noble Quran 24:26]

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[Abdul Fattah]

islamica,
1. You just naturally assume that I speak without knowledge because I say something thta is different from what you think is true? Shame on you for being so vain!
2. Speaking with knowledge is not the same as speaking with sources. There's a whole science (usool fiqh) on how to derive a ruling from hadeeth and ayaath. It's not always as simple as it seems, and we shouldn't just follow any hadeeth we come across of.
3. As far as I know, past sins are not something that makes a person haram for marriage. And none of the things you quoted prove otherwise. What are your credentials for making fiqh and "claiming" that things are haram?

[ba51th]

I'm with sister islamica

[Abdul Fattah]

Good thing fiqh isn't a popularity contest.....

[Perseveranze]

Asalaamu Alaikum,

All of the the Prophet(صلى الله عليه وآله وسلم)'s marriages were with Non-virgins (except for Aisha(رضي الله عنه)) - this is including his first marriage with Khadija(رضي الله عنه), who was not a virgin, whilst the Prophet himself was.

Marrying a virgin is encouraged due to compatibility reasons (also, with a few exceptions, likely to have more children, which is again encouraged), but there's no general rule for or against it in Islam. So, if it's personally not important to you, then it shouldn't matter.

What should be more important to you is this advice that the Prophet gave;

The Prophet (صلى الله عليه وسلم) said: “Do not marry only for a person’s looks, for their beauty might become a cause of moral decline. Do not marry for the sake of wealth, as this may become a source of sin. Marry rather on the grounds of religious devotion.” (Tirmidhi)

The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) encouraged marrying women who are religiously committed, as he said: “Women may be married for four things: their wealth, their lineage, their beauty and their religious commitment. Choose the one who is religiously-committed, may your hands be rubbed with dust (i.e., may your prosper).” [Al-Bhukari]

And there's various similar hadiths.

This is not to say that you should marry someone you're not attracted to, as that may cause the marriage to fail, and that's why it's not encouraged (compatibility, as mentioned before, is also pretty important). However, you should try to put a bit of extra emphasis on finding someone who's deen is good, as this would help both spouses maintain strong imaan and fulfill their duties to one another.

Deen should definitly be most important, and then the other stuff comes.

So can you marry such people? only if you are one of them, as Allah says in An-Nur verse 26:

"Bad women are for bad men and bad men are for bad women. And good women are for good men and good men are for good women." [Noble Quran 24:26]

Just so I'm not misunderstanding; are you saying that if someone fornicates, and then repents; that they can only marry someone who is similar to them (ie. they fornicated and then repented as well)?

As that's not right... but maybe you meant something else.

[islamica]

Just so I'm not misunderstanding; are you saying that if someone fornicates, and then repents; that they can only marry someone who is similar to them (ie. they fornicated and then repented as well)?

As that's not right... but maybe you meant something else.

we are talking about character. And obviously bad men/women would be those who go around fornicating, whether openly or privately, and then try to go find a virgin or someone "islamic" . Those who repent and return to the right path are not the same.

what you stated is true, that it really is up to the individual who they chose to marry and there is no stipulations of being it one way or the other. My post only answered the question that it does matter and islamically it is encouraged to go one way vs the other. and it's more than a cultural thing as some claim.

[Iceee]

Salaam and thank you for your answers.

Firstly, I asked this question because I needed opinions since I'm going to get married soon inshallah.

Secondly and most importantly, we muslims have to remember that everyone makes mistakes in life, no1's perfect. I'm sure we all made mistakes. Maybe not committing zina or adultery but other mistakes...

Lastly, people DO CHANGE. That is why repenting sins are there in the first place.

But I don't understand this, "Bad women are for bad men and bad men are for bad women. And good women are for good men and good men are for good women." [Noble Quran 24:26]

What is considered bad and what is considered good?

[ImadhNasir]

Allah forgives. why not we? :)It doesn't really matter. if She's on the deen, she will help you to jannah. In'Shaa Allah :)

[islamica]

But I don't understand this, "Bad women are for bad men and bad men are for bad women. And good women are for good men and good men are for good women." [Noble Quran 24:26]

What is considered bad and what is considered good?

Allah tells:

الزَّانِي لَا يَنكِحُ إلَّا زَانِيَةً أَوْ مُشْرِكَةً ...

The Zani marries not but a Zaniyah or a Mushrikah; Here Allah tells us that the Zani (male who is guilty of illegal sex) does not have intercourse except with a Zaniyah (female who is guilty of illegal sex) or a Mushrikah (female idolator), meaning that no one would go along with him in this action except a sinful woman who is also guilty of Zina, or a Mushrikah who does not think it is unlawful. By the same token,

... وَالزَّانِيَةُ لَا يَنكِحُهَا إِلَّا زَانٍ ...

and the Zaniyah, none marries her except a Zani, a sinful man who is guilty of fornication,

... أَوْ مُشْرِكٌ ...

or a Mushrik (a man) who does not think it is unlawful.

... وَحُرِّمَ ذَلِكَ عَلَى الْمُؤْمِنِينَ ﴿٣﴾

Such a thing is forbidden to the believers. meaning, indulging in this, or marrying prostitutes, or marrying chaste women to immoral men. Qatadah and Muqatil bin Hayyan said: "Allah forbade the believers from marrying prostitutes.'' This Ayah is like the Ayah (about marrying slave-girls): مُحْصَنَـت غَيْرَ مُسَـفِحَـتٍ وَلاَ مُتَّخِذَاتِ أَخْدَانٍ they should be chaste, not committing illegal sex, nor taking boyfriends. (4:25) And His saying: مُحْصِنِينَ غَيْرَ مُسَافِحِينَ وَلاَ مُتَّخِذِى أَخْدَانٍ desiring chastity not committing illegal sexual intercourse, nor taking them as girlfriends. (5:5) Imam Ahmad recorded that: Abdullah bin `Amr, may Allah be pleased with him, said that a man among the believers asked the Messenger of Allah for permission (to marry) a woman known as Umm Mahzul, who used to commit adultery, and who had stated the condition that she should spend on him. So he asked the Messenger of Allah for permission, or he mentioned the matter to him. The Messenger of Allah recited to him: الزَّانِى لاَ يَنكِحُ إِلاَّ زَانِيَةً أَوْ مُشْرِكَةً وَالزَّانِيَةُ لاَ يَنكِحُهَآ إِلاَّ زَانٍ أَوْ مُشْرِكٌ وَحُرِّمَ ذلِكَ عَلَى الْمُؤْمِنِينَ The Zani marries not but a Zaniyah or a Mushrikah; and the Zaniyah, none marries her except Zani or a Mushrik. Such a thing is forbidden to the believers. Ibn Abi Hatim recorded that Abu Hurayrah said, لَا يَنْكِحُ الزَّانِي الْمَجْلُودُ إِلَّا مِثْلَهُ A Zani who has been flogged should not marry anyone except someone who is like him. A similar report was recorded by Abu Dawud in his Sunan.

[Perseveranze]

we are talking about character. And obviously bad men/women would be those who go around fornicating, whether openly or privately, and then try to go find a virgin or someone "islamic" . Those who repent and return to the right path are not the same.

what you stated is true, that it really is up to the individual who they chose to marry and there is no stipulations of being it one way or the other. My post only answered the question that it does matter and islamically it is encouraged to go one way vs the other. and it's more than a cultural thing as some claim.

السلام عليكم

جزاك اللهُ خيراً‎ for clarifying.

Just to add; whether someone is a fornicator or not is something that you just simply can't know in all honesty. It's unwise to straight up ask them (and rude), as even if they did fornicate they don't have to confess (and could easily lie) + it's going to leave a bad impression of yourself to them. Only thing you can do is asses their character to know if they're muhsanaat (which includes moral behaviour etc.).

As alot of scholars state that the best thing to do before marrying a person is to find out as much information about them as possible. Such as the type of friends they hang around with, the places they go (ie. is it clubs or mosque etc.), and use this as one of the basis to assess whether you should marry them. They should likewise do the same for you, which is the best advice in this regards.

[Iceee]

Allah tells:

الزَّانِي لَا يَنكِحُ إلَّا زَانِيَةً أَوْ مُشْرِكَةً ...

The Zani marries not but a Zaniyah or a Mushrikah; Here Allah tells us that the Zani (male who is guilty of illegal sex) does not have intercourse except with a Zaniyah (female who is guilty of illegal sex) or a Mushrikah (female idolator), meaning that no one would go along with him in this action except a sinful woman who is also guilty of Zina, or a Mushrikah who does not think it is unlawful. By the same token,

... وَالزَّانِيَةُ لَا يَنكِحُهَا إِلَّا زَانٍ ...

and the Zaniyah, none marries her except a Zani, a sinful man who is guilty of fornication,

... أَوْ مُشْرِكٌ ...

or a Mushrik (a man) who does not think it is unlawful.

The Messenger of Allah recited to him: الزَّانِى لاَ يَنكِحُ إِلاَّ زَانِيَةً أَوْ مُشْرِكَةً وَالزَّانِيَةُ لاَ يَنكِحُهَآ إِلاَّ زَانٍ أَوْ مُشْرِكٌ وَحُرِّمَ ذلِكَ عَلَى الْمُؤْمِنِينَ The Zani marries not but a Zaniyah or a Mushrikah; and the Zaniyah, none marries her except Zani or a Mushrik. Such a thing is forbidden to the believers. Ibn Abi Hatim recorded that Abu Hurayrah said, لَا يَنْكِحُ الزَّانِي الْمَجْلُودُ إِلَّا مِثْلَهُ A Zani who has been flogged should not marry anyone except someone who is like him. A similar report was recorded by Abu Dawud in his Sunan.

Zani (male who is guilty of illegal sex)
Zaniyah (female who is guilty of illegal sex)
Mushrik (a man) who does not think it is unlawful.
Mushrikah (female idolator)

Thank you for your quote.
But let's say a virgin male marries a Zaniyah (woman who had illegal sex (zina)), then would that make that virgin male a Mushrik? Even if the woman repent her sins?

[islamica]

Zani (male who is guilty of illegal sex)
Zaniyah (female who is guilty of illegal sex)
Mushrik (a man) who does not think it is unlawful.
Mushrikah (female idolator)

Thank you for your quote.
But let's say a virgin male marries a Zaniyah (woman who had illegal sex (zina)), then would that make that virgin male a Mushrik? Even if the woman repent her sins?

i don't know brother. you'll have to ask a scholar about that. The whole point of all of this is to keep the pure for the pure and vice versa.

[ardianto]

"Bad women are for bad men and bad men are for bad women. And good women are for good men and good men are for good women." [Noble Quran 24:26]

Assalamu'alaikum.

There is difference between zani/zaniyah who clearly are bad people, and former zani/zaniyah who maybe are good people.

Few religious brothers who I know personally were zani in their past. Their wives maybe don't know about it, but I know their past, and they ever told me about their 'experiences'. Even, accidentally I ever seen one of them when he did 'it'. That's happened before they repent and become religious Muslims.

I also know few religious sisters (they are married women) who had very bad reputation when they were young.

Bad people can turn into good people, just like good people can turn into bad people. How is someone now is more important than how was he/she in the past.

[CosmicPathos]

This not a cultural thing. Lets not speak of it without knowledge.

There are two types here that we need to look at. The halal and the haram. Halal is the one that was previous married and haram is the single that goes doing zina.

There are many hadith which recommend a man marry a virgin woman such as the following:

"Marry virgins for they have sweeter mouths, more productive wombs and are more pleased with less." [At-Tabarani and it is hassan]

Other narrations indicate that she is more likely to be pleased by a man and less likely to be devious and deceiving. Once, when Jabir married an older and previously married woman, the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) said to him:

"Why not a virgin? You could have played with her and she with you."

The scholars have stressed that this good attribute applies to the husband just as it applies to the wife. One of them wrote: "Similarly, it is preferred for a person not to marry his daughter except to a virgin man if she has never been married before." 'Umar ibn Al-Khattab once heard about a woman who was married to an elderly man and he said: "O people, fear Allah and marry a man to a woman who is similar to him and marry a woman to a man who is similar to her."


The other type are the ones who date and commit zina. Sadly, this is very common among muslims these days. Even full feldged hijabis have fallen into this sin. This shows a bad character and we know character is of extreme importance in Islam and goes hand in hand with faith and piety. The Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) has even described it as the purpose of his mission to mankind as we can see from the following hadith: "I have only been sent to complete good character." [Al-Hakim and others (sahih)]


"I am a guarantor of a house in the highest part of Paradise for one who makes his character good." [Abu Dawud and it is hassan]


"Righteousness is good character." [Muslim]

"The believers with the most complete iman are those with the best character." [Abu Dawud and it is sahih]

So can you marry such people? only if you are one of them, as Allah says in An-Nur verse 26:


"Bad women are for bad men and bad men are for bad women. And good women are for good men and good men are for good women." [Noble Quran 24:26]

here, here.

The fact that the person has repented only means that she might be forgiven by Allah. It however does not take away from the fact that she enjoyed (during times of jahiliyah) and had fun in past life (even though she feels guilty now, I am sure she always knew zina is haraam, even kaafirs have sense of shame, its fitra, so there is no excuse that ooh i did not know zina is wrong), and it is extremely hard to marry such a person knowing that with the help of Allah you succeeded in keeping away from that sin despite all the temptations a young man has to face at school and at work.

So if you feel okay with marrying a zani woman(or man if you are a female) who has repented, you have no right to call our preferences "cultural thing" and dismiss them. it is fitra, you only want for yourself what you have upheld yourself to, and there is totally NOTHING wrong with that.

w salam

[CosmicPathos]

Those who repent and return to the right path are not the same.

even if they have repented, they are not the same. Allah might or might not forgive them, but as long as sharia is concerned, they and virgins who have not committed that sin (despite temptations) cannot be equal.

By non-virgins, I am referring to zaaniyahs. If someone is not a virgin cuz of previous marriage etc, there is no sin on her. Its then upto the man to want to marry such a woman. If he can afford multiple marriages, he should marry such women and provide them with family.

[islamica]

On the topic of virgins, remind me of something I read early today. ..


“half virgin”

An expression used by Shaykh Muhammad Hussein Ya’qub to describe the single young girl who doesn’t have a sexual relationship with a man but who lives a love relationship with him through net, chat, phone … Virginity doesn’t only mean the virginity of the body but it includes also the virginity of the heart : feelings, emotions. There is only one man who deserves the warm feelings and the passionate love of a Muslimah: her husband… any other man than him is just a source of Fintnah and calamity for her in Dunya. Today, in the name of freedom of the woman, the people who claimed to be “civilized” killed the title:“virgin” to replace it by “mistress” or “experienced in love” ! They are calling for “freedom of the woman” by killing everything beautiful in her : her chastity, shyness, purity …

[GuestFellow]

:wa:

As long as she asked for forgiveness. Simple as that. I'm assuming she asked for forgiveness, so go on ahead and get married. ^_^

[Alpha Dude]

I think the mindset of being okay with marrying someone who has a past is admirable but there are certain issues that might arise so people should think carefully before getting into it.

Irrespective of anything, marriage in and of itself is hard work to keep healthy. Shaytan will always be at hand to give waswas and try his best to ignite a row and cause discord. One party having a past, whilst the other doesn't, is an ammo that they shaytan can use against a couple.

For example, there is the issue of how many people she or he has been with. Would you be comfortable being in bed with your spouse and wondering whether your spouse enjoys the time with you as much as they did with the person(s) from the past?

Then the issue of STDs. It would be prudent to ask a prospective to take a test before marriage. Might be a touchy issue to raise to begin with. What if it turns out positive?

Also a wider concern might be whether she or he has a bad reputation around the neighbourhood. Would you be able to live with going out into the street wondering what people who know of her past might be thinking? Would it bother you? Do you have the strength and patience to handle such things? Would you be able to ward of the attacks of shaytan?

What if your parents and family didn't know about her past and found out after marriage and they were to confront you with it. How would you react? What potential side-effects could there be to your marriage and your relationship with your family/extended family?

If it ever came down to it and you were having an argument, would you be tempted to use the past against her?

Then there's also the issue of him or her still having some kind of emotional attachment to past flings. In this day and age, people can contact each other with so much ease, maybe she still has him on facebook or blackberry or msn or whatever or they occasionally email each other to see how they are doing? Any sane husband/wife would not want that but would you be able to trust her enough to know that she wouldn't do that?

What if the guy from the past lived in the same area as you? Would it bother you being around that person knowing that you might bump into him whilst out with your wife? Would it bother you that this guy in front of you knows all your wife's physical secrets?

Like I said, it's admirable to not care for a person's past but I think one would need to be quite strong mentally and spiritually to get into and maintain such a relationship. That does depend a lot on the circumstance of the people involved, though.

I think you should think very carefully. Don't be naive and don't be gung-ho about it - I.e. don't make a blatant attempt to 'screw backward thinking culture' by marrying a non-virgin as a statement, lest you get yourself into a difficult situation that you can't handle.

Only after you have thought carefully and feel confident that you would be able to handle any difficult situation that would arise and also after you have prayed for guidance should you go ahead and decide for or against.

[cottonrainbow]

Salaam!

I agree with Alpha Dude's comment. Virgin or no virgin should not be the main factor when choosing a wife. Please get tested (both of you) and make sure that neither of your past will affect your future. Before marriage, seriously investigate her character. How much does she love Allah? How much does she love being a muslimah? Will she make a good mother to your children and teach them about Islam? WIll she be respectable to your family, especially your mother? See how she is when she is happiest (can you live with that?)
See how she is when she is unhappy (can you live with that?) Don't leave any cracks for Shaytan to enter your marriage. Get to know her and the things she likes (Can you manage that?) Tell her her expectations as a husband and be serious.
Covet, cherish, and protect your marriage once you are in it, seriously. Like keep people OUT (including certain family members) of you and her marital business as much as possible.

[Abdul Fattah]

If the opening question would have been; are we allowed to have this preferance, of course everybody would have agreed on that. But that wasn't the isue.

The question was, does it matter? And no, it doesn't. It's merely a cultural thing. sure a preferance we're allowed to have, but a cultural none theless. And none of the things you quoted change any of that. do you really think you are in any way capable of assesing wheter a person is good or bad based on his/her past sins? Only Allah can be the judge of that.



The things that you can check, is what kind of nature somebody has, how he/she cunducts him/herself and so on. some of the best sahaba's had done unthinkable deeds before converting, and that didn't change the fact that out of them some were regarded as the best people who have ever lived next to the prophets of course.


So obviously past deeds don't make a person bad or good.

And Allah Knows Best.

[sister herb]

Salam alaykum

only what matter is that you will spend long happy life with your wife. Past is past and it is something we can´t change.

[Iceee]

Salaam for all you answers, just a few things.

Bad people can turn into good people, just like good people can turn into bad people. How is someone now is more important than how was he/she in the past.

I completely agree to ^. I mean people sometimes don't like the fact that their wife has had a bad past and the male maybe won't marry the female. Same goes the other way around. I believe that with the help of Allah, we can all change from good to bad, we shouldn't judge because of the past.

The fact that the person has repented only means that she might be forgiven by Allah. It however does not take away from the fact that she enjoyed (during times of jahiliyah) and had fun in past life (even though she feels guilty now, I am sure she always knew zina is haraam, even kaafirs have sense of shame, its fitra, so there is no excuse that ooh i did not know zina is wrong), and it is extremely hard to marry such a person knowing that with the help of Allah you succeeded in keeping away from that sin despite all the temptations a young man has to face at school and at work.

^^^ I have to disagree with this because I am a teenager right now and I'm pretty sure that all teens make mistakes which will affect them in the later years (drugs, sex, friends). Teenagers especially don't realize this and we all tend to make mistakes without actually "thinking." For example, a teenage male may have a girlfriend thinking it is alright since he will eventually marry her. The female may think the same. They aren't actually committing a sin like zina because they don't know whether or not they will marry each-other one day...They don't know right from wrong as much as we (older and mature Muslims) know.

even if they have repented, they are not the same. Allah might or might not forgive them, but as long as sharia is concerned, they and virgins who have not committed that sin (despite temptations) cannot be equal.

Isn't everyone equal according to the Quran?

An expression used by Shaykh Muhammad Hussein Ya’qub to describe the single young girl who doesn’t have a sexual relationship with a man but who lives a love relationship with him through net, chat, phone … Virginity doesn’t only mean the virginity of the body but it includes also the virginity of the heart : feelings, emotions. There is only one man who deserves the warm feelings and the passionate love of a Muslimah: her husband… any other man than him is just a source of Fintnah and calamity for her in Dunya. Today, in the name of freedom of the woman, the people who claimed to be “civilized” killed the title:“virgin” to replace it by “mistress” or “experienced in love” ! They are calling for “freedom of the woman” by killing everything beautiful in her : her chastity, shyness, purity …

Virgin = never had intercourse... right?

*and man/boy lol just needed to add that to make it sound perfect I'm sure every chaste Muslim woman would want a chaste Muslim man....

Not exactly, remember, we all make mistakes. Sometimes we have to forgive our brothers and sisters for what they have done in the past.

I think the mindset of being okay with marrying someone who has a past is admirable but there are certain issues that might arise so people should think carefully before getting into it.

Irrespective of anything, marriage in and of itself is hard work to keep healthy. Shaytan will always be at hand to give waswas and try his best to ignite a row and cause discord. One party having a past, whilst the other doesn't, is an ammo that they shaytan can use against a couple.

For example, there is the issue of how many people she or he has been with. Would you be comfortable being in bed with your spouse and wondering whether your spouse enjoys the time with you as much as they did with the person(s) from the past?

Then the issue of STDs. It would be prudent to ask a prospective to take a test before marriage. Might be a touchy issue to raise to begin with. What if it turns out positive?

Also a wider concern might be whether she or he has a bad reputation around the neighbourhood. Would you be able to live with going out into the street wondering what people who know of her past might be thinking? Would it bother you? Do you have the strength and patience to handle such things? Would you be able to ward of the attacks of shaytan?

What if your parents and family didn't know about her past and found out after marriage and they were to confront you with it. How would you react? What potential side-effects could there be to your marriage and your relationship with your family/extended family?

If it ever came down to it and you were having an argument, would you be tempted to use the past against her?

Then there's also the issue of him or her still having some kind of emotional attachment to past flings. In this day and age, people can contact each other with so much ease, maybe she still has him on facebook or blackberry or msn or whatever or they occasionally email each other to see how they are doing? Any sane husband/wife would not want that but would you be able to trust her enough to know that she wouldn't do that?

What if the guy from the past lived in the same area as you? Would it bother you being around that person knowing that you might bump into him whilst out with your wife? Would it bother you that this guy in front of you knows all your wife's physical secrets?

Like I said, it's admirable to not care for a person's past but I think one would need to be quite strong mentally and spiritually to get into and maintain such a relationship. That does depend a lot on the circumstance of the people involved, though.

I think you should think very carefully. Don't be naive and don't be gung-ho about it - I.e. don't make a blatant attempt to 'screw backward thinking culture' by marrying a non-virgin as a statement, lest you get yourself into a difficult situation that you can't handle.

Only after you have thought carefully and feel confident that you would be able to handle any difficult situation that would arise and also after you have prayed for guidance should you go ahead and decide for or against.

^^^ Agreed.
STD testing right before marriage, um, isn't that bad?
A lot of muslims (from U.S.A and Canada (where I live)) marry someone living in another country and bring them to their country for a "fresh new start."

I agree with Alpha Dude's comment. Virgin or no virgin should not be the main factor when choosing a wife. Please get tested (both of you) and make sure that neither of your past will affect your future. Before marriage, seriously investigate her character. How much does she love Allah? How much does she love being a muslimah? Will she make a good mother to your children and teach them about Islam? WIll she be respectable to your family, especially your mother? See how she is when she is happiest (can you live with that?)
See how she is when she is unhappy (can you live with that?) Don't leave any cracks for Shaytan to enter your marriage. Get to know her and the things she likes (Can you manage that?) Tell her her expectations as a husband and be serious.
Covet, cherish, and protect your marriage once you are in it, seriously. Like keep people OUT (including certain family members) of you and her marital business as much as possible.

^^^ I agree that marital business should be kept secret from the rest of the world.
Get tested for STD??? "Honey, let's get tested before marriage... Just so I know you're virgin!"

The question was, does it matter? And no, it doesn't. It's merely a cultural thing. sure a preferance we're allowed to have, but a cultural none theless. And none of the things you quoted change any of that. do you really think you are in any way capable of assesing wheter a person is good or bad based on his/her past sins? Only Allah can be the judge of that.

Agreed also, Allah makes the decisions for us. We shouldn't judge. Allah does what is best for us, if he so chooses that a virgin marry a non-virgin, we shouldn't differentiate.

[sister herb]

Salaam my muslim brothers and sisters. Hello everyone else :p

Does it really matter if I marry a virgin or not? I mean, I don't really mind if my future wife is a virgin or not. I think that as long as she repent her sins and truly believes in Islam, I believe that she will make a wonderful wife.

Salam alaykum

other question is of course, does she marry virgin man, without the past?

[Iceee]

Salam alaykum

other question is of course, does she marry virgin man, without the past?

Please explain your question, I don't understand.

[sister herb]

Please explain your question, I don't understand.

Virgin man = no sexual contacts to anyone before, no emotional contacts to other gender.

What else it could means?

^o)

[Iceee]

Virgin man = no sexual contacts to anyone before, no emotional contacts to other gender.

What else it could means?

^o)

Salaam.

The term "Virgin" is different for everyone. The literal meaning is when someone who has never had sexual intercourse. But you are saying is "Virgin man = no sexual contacts to anyone before, no emotional contacts to other gender."

Big difference...

[Perseveranze]

even if they have repented, they are not the same. Allah might or might not forgive them, but as long as sharia is concerned, they and virgins who have not committed that sin (despite temptations) cannot be equal.

By non-virgins, I am referring to zaaniyahs. If someone is not a virgin cuz of previous marriage etc, there is no sin on her. Its then upto the man to want to marry such a woman. If he can afford multiple marriages, he should marry such women and provide them with family.

Asalaamu Alaikum,

May I humbly ask what opinion do you hold of the Sahabah? Some of who had much worst "pasts" than a mere Zaniya/Zani would have? What do you say when the Prophet(صلى الله عليه وآله وسلم) himself said that their sins were all forgiven the moment they stepped into Islam (which is no different from sincere repentance)?

I find it hard to imagine that if Umar(رضي الله عنه) asked your daughter for her hand, that you would say; "You tried to kill the Prophet in your jahiliyyah days, thus you're still the same person".

Also, how do you possibly even know someone's past, especially if they've fornicated? They're not obliged (or even Islamically encouraged) to tell you, nor is anyone else for that matter (unless they actually have four witnesses).

It is sunna for the one who commits zina and anyone else who commits any act of disobedience to conceal his sin from others. This is because of the hadith, Whoever commits any of these awful sins (qadhurat), let him conceal himself with the concealment of Allah, for verily, whoever exposes his action to us (man abda lana safhatahu), we will impose the hadd punishment upon him (related by Hakim and Bayhaqi with a strong (qawiyy) chain of transmission). Exposing one's sin, then, in order to be punished by a hadd punishment or a discretionary punishment (ta'zir) goes against the recommended way. As for talking about it out of enjoyment (tafakkuhan), it is definitely forbidden (haram) because of the rigorously authenticated hadiths that have come about it. - al-Khatib al-Shirbini, (Mughnil-Muhtaj, 4.195)


As I said above, not being muhsanaat (chaste) does not just mean having committed zina, it also had to do with other things such as moral behaviour. This is something you can easily see and judge by knowing what friends they hang around with and what places they go to.

But knowing if someone commits zina is something you can't really know. Maybe if the person for some reason confesses (even though they shouldn't have), then you can know and decide to not marry them. But this rarely will ever happen, and someone can easily marry someone with a "past" without ever knowing anything about it.

I know some people have "expectations and standards", but I think we need to look at reality here from an Islamic point of view. Repentance is bestowed upon this Ummah as a mercy for a good reason. There's a good reason why reverts previous sins are completly wiped clean. - If none of this were the case, then so many Sahabah would've been held accountable for their pasts.

I'll sum it up with this;

The fiancé or husband has no right to ask about his wife's past. It is sufficient for him that she is righteous and is known for good at the time of marrying her, and there is nothing wrong with her religious commitment or chastity. As to whether she did anything haraam in the past, but then repented from it and became righteous, it is wrong to ask her about that and make her choose between telling lies or getting divorced, or make her tell her secrets and disclose that which Allaah had concealed for her, then if she tells him the truth, that opens the door to doubt and suspicion.

http://islamqa.info/en/ref/127587

Insha'Allah, you can understand the wisdom behind this as nothing but a mercy from the Creator.

Zani (male who is guilty of illegal sex)
Zaniyah (female who is guilty of illegal sex)
Mushrik (a man) who does not think it is unlawful.
Mushrikah (female idolator)

Thank you for your quote.
But let's say a virgin male marries a Zaniyah (woman who had illegal sex (zina)), then would that make that virgin male a Mushrik? Even if the woman repent her sins?

The majority of the scholars [including the Hanafi, Shafi’i and Maliki madhabs] have said that a Muslim can still technically marry a Muslim fornicator (without them repenting). However, what would be considered haraam is sexual intercourse with that fornicator, until they repent (the marriage contract stays valid). [1] [2]

But you don't become a Mushrik by marrying/having intercourse. You should ask a scholar to not only clarify but to explain it in more detail to you.

[islamica]

The bottom line is that Islam and the Prophet (s) encourages one to marry virgins, especially if they are virgins themselves. This is not to say widows or divorcee shouldn't be married to but rather virgins marrying virgins will better understand each other and will both start on the same page. However this is not an obligation, so if someone finds another person who isn't one but comes from a halal relationship or repented from their haram relationship than the end choice is their to make. As pointed out by Alpha Dude, there are certain social aspects one must consider before going into such a relationship. After that final decision is that of the individual.

]I know some people have "expectations and standards", but I think we need to look at reality here from an Islamic point of view. Repentance is bestowed upon this Ummah as a mercy for a good reason. There's a good reason why reverts previous sins are completely wiped clean. - If none of this were the case, then so many Sahabah would've been held accountable for their pasts.

I understand all that you stated. What the brother meant was that you cannot undo what has already been done. One who has done zina cannot become a virgin again, even if they go get the op. While repentance wipes out the sin, it does not give back the virginity nor take away the experience gained. And as such, why should a virgin who saved him/herself all their lives from such a sin be told it's ok to marry such a person because they are repented. yes, if they want than they can. But they have every right to marry someone who has kept themselves as pure as this person did.

I also understand the scholars advice of concealing their past and saying the truth in a dubious way that it can be taken to mean anything so the husband or would be doesn't suspect it. However, i can't agree with that. That is deceitful and if someone wants to marry someone like them, then it is unfair to them. This reminds me of a marriage case in france. A muslim asked a muslim women if she was virgin before getting married and she said yes. after marriage he found out it was not the case, he went to the court have their marriage annulled. The country was in uproar but the judge agreed with the man that he said he was marrying a virgin in the contract and she wasn't one. Can you imagine the humiliation she went through because of deceitfulness.

[Perseveranze]

I understand all that you stated. What the brother meant was that you cannot undo what has already been done. One who has done zina cannot become a virgin again, even if they go get the op. While repentance wipes out the sin, it does not give back the virginity nor take away the experience gained. And as such, why should a virgin who saved him/herself all their lives from such a sin be told it's ok to marry such a person because they are repented. yes, if they want than they can. But they have every right to marry someone who has kept themselves as pure as this person did.

I also understand the scholars advice of concealing their past and saying the truth in a dubious way that it can be taken to mean anything so the husband or would be doesn't suspect it. However, i can't agree with that. That is deceitful and if someone wants to marry someone like them, then it is unfair to them. This reminds me of a marriage case in france. A muslim asked a muslim women if she was virgin before getting married and she said yes. after marriage he found out it was not the case, he went to the court have their marriage annulled. The country was in uproar but the judge agreed with the man that he said he was marrying a virgin in the contract and she wasn't one. Can you imagine the humiliation she went through because of deceitfulness.

صلى الله عليه وآله وسلم

Sister, if you want to disagree with what the majority of the scholars have stated, including the evidences, then I'm not sure what I can say. I'm sorry if you disagree with "concealing your sins", but I also think you're not understanding the Islamic position here. You, nor anyone else, has the right to dig into anyone's past.

If you're going to judge someone, you should judge someone based on how they are today, in the present. How their character is at this moment in time. This is because a person can change, and Islam recognizes this.

ps. The Muslim man has no right to ask his wife if she is a virgin or not in the first place - how can a marriage contract over-rule what Allah(swt) has concealed? - he should already assume that she is. How he found out later is also strange; as no one can be guilty of fornication unless they;

a) Self confess
b) Have four witnesses

Anything outside that isn't accepted, and if someone isn't careful, they can be guilty of accusing someone of being unchaste and suffering 80 lashes because of it.

"Those who slander male or female believers [i.e. Muslims] by accusing them of committing zina or sodomy, must produce four witnesses to testify before the judge, supporting their accusation; otherwise, they are to be punished (i.e. 80 lashes)." - Abu Bakr Al-Jaza'iri, At-Tafsir Al-Muyassar

It is wrong for him to ask the wife for a divorce on this basis.

[Iceee]

Salaam.

Ja'zakullah for answering the question given: Does it really matter if I marry a virgin or not?

Reading all of the comments and looking at the posters,

Males: Most believe that the male after marriage should not ask questions to wife about past. Same other way around

Females: Believe that the male/female has every right to know the persons past.

In the end, I truly truly believe that this issue should be kept secret and hidden. Who are we to judge what someone has done in the past. As a male virgin (18), I don't wish to know about my wife's past relationships if she had any. I do care though that she repent and is more religious in Islam. Maybe you will hate me or you may love me but I feel as though everyone should be given a second chance. As I mentioned, we ALL make mistakes, forgiveness MUST be given.

Please lock/close thread, we don't need anymore fighting about this topic.

[islamica]

صلى الله عليه وآله وسلم


It is wrong for him to ask the wife for a divorce on this basis.

He had a condition in his contract to marry a chaste virgin which she claimed to be, but was found out after marriage. I don't see what's wrong with ending a contract that involved deceit.

[Iceee]

He had a condition in his contract to marry a chaste virgin which she claimed to be, but was found out after marriage. I don't see what's wrong with ending a contract that involved deceit.

Salaam.

I'm sorry to say this but this seems crazy. How would the husband have known? Was it because the female was missing her hymen or was it because she told him. "Having 4 witnesses" as mentioned above seems impossible; 4 people watching female having sex with a man (not her husband)???

What if she repent? What is she was a better Muslim? What if she loved her husband and told him because she loves him!?

Islamica, if you were in this situation, what would you do?

[Perseveranze]

Salaam.

I'm sorry to say this but this seems crazy. How would the husband have known? Was it because the female was missing her hymen or was it because she told him. "Having 4 witnesses" as mentioned above seems impossible; 4 people watching female having sex with a man (not her husband)???

What if she repent? What is she was a better Muslim? What if she loved her husband and told him because she loves him!?

Islamica, if you were in this situation, what would you do?

السلام عليكم

It will never work for fornication, you just won't be able to prove it. Not to mention how dangerous it is for yourself if you ended up accusing without the required proofs.

I suppose the other factor is previous marriages. Technically, if you married in the past, you would be considered a non-virgin. So if someone found out they had a previous marriage that was not stated, then they can potentially cancel the marriage.

[islamica]

Salaam.

I'm sorry to say this but this seems crazy. How would the husband have known? Was it because the female was missing her hymen or was it because she told him. "Having 4 witnesses" as mentioned above seems impossible; 4 people watching female having sex with a man (not her husband)???

What if she repent? What is she was a better Muslim? What if she loved her husband and told him because she loves him!?

Islamica, if you were in this situation, what would you do?

wa'alaikum as'salaam,

i don't know the details of the story, read it long time ago. you can look it up on google or something.

[Iceee]

wa'alaikum as'salaam,

i don't know the details of the story, read it long time ago. you can look it up on google or something.

Salaam.

I don't want to look this up, I don't believe this to be true. I mean, what kind of man would leave his wife just because she wasn't a virgin?

[islamica]

Salaam.

I don't want to look this up, I don't believe this to be true. I mean, what kind of man would leave his wife just because she wasn't a virgin?

wa'laikum as'salaam,

the kind of man who kept himself pure and expected the same from his wife. If you don't want to look it up then this topic is over.

You have your answer so inshallah go do what you think is best for yourself.

[Iceee]

Salaam once again.

You didn't answer my last question... Whether you are a virgin or were a virgin when you got married should be kept to yourself. But let's say that you were a virgin when you married, would you expect the same from your husband (to be a virgin as well)?

Islamica, if you were in this situation, what would you do?

[~Zaria~]

Assalamu-alaikum,

SubhanAllah, its amazing how many self-righteous people there are on this forum!

This entire thread is littered with ayats and ahadith taken out of context, and explained from ones own limited understanding of these issues.
Isnt this in itself a fitnah?

Brothers and sisters,
As mentioned numerously in this thread, the decision to marry a virgin is an individual choice.

Indeed there are ahadith that mention of the benefits of marrying young, virgin women......however, we should also take into account that the most blessed man to have walked the face of this earth, our prophet Muhammed (sallalahu alaihi wasalam) married only one (Ayesha ra), and the rest being divorcees and widows.
In fact, his very first marriage was to an older woman who was a divorcee, with kids!

SubhanAllah.
If this is not a lesson for us all, then I dont know what will be.

Those who speak with such disdain at the idea of marrying men/ women who have been married before, or who have commited some sort of error of judgement in the past (and later repented), most likely are those who - are not married themselves or consider their own sins to be of less importance.

Do remember, that whenever we point one finger at another person, there are three fingers pointing right back at you.

The one who has committed sins that he is so ashamed and remorseful of, may likely be the one who stands all night, every night in salaah begging and crying before his Lord for forgiveness. He may, as a result be so close to Allah (subhanawataála) than the one who thinks he/ she is 'pure', 'chaste', etc and spends each night asleep and content.

Do those who carry this self-righteous attitude think that they are protected for all of their lives as a result of past behaviour?

How many hufaaz and other 'pious' people have turned their lives towards evil??

Reminds me of a poem:

"There were so many who were good
who later in life became bad;
And there were so many who were bad,
Who later in life became Walis"

Its a good thing that many of the folk here were not around at the time of the sahaba (ra).
It is man who would hang another over a distant/past fault......but it is Allah that sees into the hearts of man, and raises his/ her rank above all those critical, self acclaimed masses. Alhamdulillah.

Again, it is an individual choice if one wishes to marry a virgin.

But, lets not start judging others - esp. those who have repented and have made clear signs of turning their lives around.

And those who are not yet married, and frown at the thought of marrying those who are divorced/ widowed - do you consider yourselves immune from the same fate?

I had posted this short statement from Mufti Menk a few weeks ago, and i think it is fitting to repeat it here:

Divorce
Mufti Ismail Menk

None of us are exempt from going through divorce or experiencing it in the lives of the best of our children or family members.

Hence it is very important that we watch very carefully what we say about those who are divorced and how we treat them, speak to them or look at them.

In many instances, two individually brilliant people divorce, not because one is bad but because together, they were unable to survive. This is proven by the fact that in many cases both are then very happily married to others.

Remember, if your mouth or actions become hurtful to those divorced, there may come a time when you will be dumbfounded by repetition of the same if not worse in your own home!

Never be from those who frown upon, look down upon, criticize or gossip about those divorced, making them feel unworthy.

The Messenger pbuh chose to marry a divorced woman and repeated this type of choice. Had they been “bad” simply because they were divorced, he would have been the furthest away from them.

Shame upon those parents who do not allow their children to consider a divorced spouse. They need to know that many people say that marriages to those previously divorced are more likely to be everlasting.

May the Almighty guide us all and grant us ALL spouses who will be the coolness of our eyes. Aameen

This status was inspired by the cry of a sister. In no way are we belittling those never married. We are simply raising a VERY VERY common and REAL problem in almost every society.


-Mufti Ismail Menk

May Allah azza wajjal grant us hidayat (guidance).
May He fill our hearts with mercy towards others (for He is the Most Merciful).
May we spend more time being self-critical of our own errors, and less time on the errors of others.
May we try and find an excuse to defend the honour of our brothers and sisters whenever we can, rather than look down on them.
And for those who have committed transgressions in the past, may they turn to Allah in remorse and repent ernestly from Him - for He is always ready to forgive, even if our sins are enough to fill all the heavens.
Ameen


:wa:

[CosmicPathos]

May I humbly ask what opinion do you hold of the Sahabah? Some of who had much worst "pasts" than a mere Zaniya/Zani would have? What do you say when the Prophet(صلى الله عليه وآله وسلم) himself said that their sins were all forgiven the moment they stepped into Islam (which is no different from sincere repentance)?

There was no Islam for saahabah before Prophet brought it. Moreover, they were companions of Prophet, purified and directly educated by him. Moreover, NOT all sahaaabis were ex-zaanis. Are you suggesting that we can compare their case with 21st century zina?

We are not passing a judgment on future of ppl who commit the sin. that's between them and their Lord. We are talking about one's freedom to choose whatever sort of spouse they are comfortable with.

[CosmicPathos]

Indeed there are ahadith that mention of the benefits of marrying young, virgin women......however, we should also take into account that the most blessed man to have walked the face of this earth, our prophet Muhammed (sallalahu alaihi wasalam) married only one (Ayesha ra), and the rest being divorcees and widows.
In fact, his very first marriage was to an older woman who was a divorcee, with kids!

We are not talking about divorcees. We are talking about ex-zaanis and ex-zaaniyahs. Were any of Prophet's wives ex-zaaniyahs?

[CosmicPathos]

wa'laikum as'salaam,

the kind of man who kept himself pure and expected the same from his wife. If you don't want to look it up then this topic is over.

You have your answer so inshallah go do what you think is best for yourself.

Wisdom! may Allah bless your marriage!

[Iceee]

Wisdom! may Allah bless your marriage!

Salaam & Ja'zakallah for you answer. :)

[CosmicPathos]

I find it hard to imagine that if Umar(رضي الله عنه) asked your daughter for her hand, that you would say; "You tried to kill the Prophet in your jahiliyyah days, thus you're still the same person".

Look, let's not compare Umar (ra) with the brothers today. Let's not compare Khadijah (ra) with sisters today. I would consider Umar (ra) just because Prophet had guaranteed him jannah. I wont think about his past behaviors anymore.

[CosmicPathos]

You, nor anyone else, has the right to dig into anyone's past.

you have if that person wants to be part of your NOW and future! You have every right to ask "look, we know we both are interested in each other, but I think I would want to know if you were involved in any haraam relatonships in past that you think I should know about so that I am not expecting you to be a clean slate in this department." If he/she lies, then I hope the get punished for that.

It is generally expected that a pious/chaste man would want to marry a pious/chaste woman. If she was not virgin while the man expected that, it is deceit. In the same way if a sister kept herself chaste, she expected that from her husband, but turns out he was a player in his day but has now "sincerely repented", that is also deceit if she was expecting no past relationships.

By pious/chaste, I dont mean never married before. I am talking about adultery/fornication.

Yes, Islam is a beautiful religion as it offers us dua and forgiveness. It however also talks greatly about justice and about upholding other ppl's rights and (reasonable expectations befitting their dignity as humans) and about stopping deceit. Let's take the religion wholesomely and not in parts which fit our biases.

[alyhossaix]

I respect you for saying that because there aren't alot of men who can accept it

[~Zaria~]

Assalamu-alaikum,

We are not talking about divorcees. We are talking about ex-zaanis and ex-zaaniyahs. Were any of Prophet's wives ex-zaaniyahs?

The comments made in this thread has discussed both divorcees and 'ex-zaanis'. When mentioning the marriages of the prophet (sallalahu alaihi wasalam) I am clearly referring to his marriages to divorcees and widows.

you have if that person wants to be part of your NOW and future! You have every right to ask "look, we know we both are interested in each other, but I think I would want to know if you were involved in any haraam relatonships in past that you think I should know about so that I am not expecting you to be a clean slate in this department." If he/she lies, then I hope the get punished for that.

Most scholars would advise not to disclose ones past sins:

Question:


I have read some Q&A on this topic, however I wanted to ask specifically about discussing sins with a prospective spouse, as I feel this might be different as they need to know about you. 1) Does one need to reveal their sins to a prospective spouse? What if these sins are in the past, and one has moved forward? 2) What if the sins are in the present, but one has a sincere intention to stop and become a better person? 3) What if they are related to not being married, for example masturbation or not lowering the gaze or pornography, etc. This could be a reason to get married, but does the other person need to know? 4) What if they are not related to getting married, e.g. having difficulty praying Fajr on time or something similar? Would a prospective spouse need to know about this?


Answer:

In the Name of Allah, the Gracious, the Merciful.

Dear Brother,

I pray this message reaches you in firm iman, good health, and joyful spirits.

The general principle is that we don't discuss our sinful actions with others, even prospective spouses.
The Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings be upon him) said, "All my Community are well, except the revealers." When asked who the 'revealers' were, he replied, "Those who sinned and slept in the covering of Allah, but then tore it off and revealed their sins."

When Allah conceals a sin, it is a mercy for us. The wisdom of not discussing sins is profound. When we talk freely and openly about our past sins, it normalizes them, which is something that we definitely want to avoid.

Now in some situations, particularly when we're trying to convey a lesson to those who could benefit from our experience, then it's permissible to refer to the past in a general way. However, you have to assess the mindset of your audience and the potential benefit or harm of sharing this type of information.

When you're talking to a prospective spouse, obviously a lot of sensitivity is required. Once again, the general principle is that you don't reveal the details of past sins. However, I would add a consideration here, and that is...if you believe that your behavior may have exposed you to any infectious diseases, then you owe it to yourself and your prospective spouse to get tested and to be honest about the results of those tests.

Other than health considerations, however, it is best to not dwell on the past and to, instead, focus on a brighter future, insha'Allah.

Now if the sins are ongoing, such as masturbation and looking at pornography, then it is up to you to put a stop to these behaviors. This is not something you need to discuss with a prospective spouse. However, if you feel that these issues might carry on into the marriage, then I do suggest you seek counseling to deal with these problems and learn ways of changing these habits. You have to put yourself in the mindset that your eyes and limbs have rights. Their primary right is to not be utilized for anything unlawful. You also want to consider the harmful effects of pornography on yourself and your view of women. One of the best preparations for marriage is to lower your gaze from nudity and indecency and look forward to the pleasure of being with a righteous woman. Likewise with the masturbation issue, it's important to understand this is a harmful, unlawful practice. Sexual desire is meant to be experienced and shared with one's spouse. So try to curb these behaviors by fasting, lowering your gaze, and looking forward to a healthy and loving marriage.

Finally, the issue of waking up for fajr is certainly important. And it is not necessarily unrelated to marriage. I think it would be fine to mention to the sister that you would like her assistance in being punctual for prayers. Being married is all about helping your spouse to be a better Muslim. Allah Ta'ala says, "O you who believe! Save yourselves and your families from a Fire whose fuel is Men and Stones, over which are (appointed) angels stern (and) severe, who flinch not (from executing) the Commands they receive from Allah, but do (precisely) what they are commanded." (Al-Tahrim, 6)

I pray this has been helpful.

And Allah knows best.
http://spa.qibla.com/issue_view.asp?...=13290&CATE=30

as well as: http://spa.qibla.com/issue_view.asp?...=2548&CATE=101

For those who follow IslamQA: http://islamqa.info/en/ref/2021/aski...efore marriage
and: http://islamqa.info/en/ref/69769/ask...efore marriage



And for purpose of clarifying the following ayat of the Holy Quraan:

الْخَبِيثَاتُ لِلْخَبِيثِينَ وَالْخَبِيثُونَ لِلْخَبِيثَاتِ وَالطَّيِّبَاتُ لِلطَّيِّبِينَ وَالطَّيِّبُونَ لِلطَّيِّبَاتِ أُولَئِكَ مُبَرَّءُونَ مِمَّا يَقُولُونَ لَهُمْ مَغْفِرَةٌ وَرِزْقٌ كَرِيمٌ (القرآن 62: 24)

Evil women are for evil men, and evil men are for evil women. And chaste women are for chaste men, and chaste men are for chaste women. Those [good people] are declared innocent of what the slanderers say. For them is forgiveness and noble provision.

(Quran: 26:24)

In this verse, the common principle is stated that Allah Subhanahu Wa Ta’alā has created a connection between the people of the same nature. Thus, immoral women are inclined towards unchaste men and vice versa. Similarly, pure women are inclined towards pure men and vice versa. Therefore, everyone tries to find the spouse according to ones inclination and liking, and in a natural way one does find one to suit him or her.[2]

It does not mean that it is impermissible for immoral people to marry chaste people.


http://www.askimam.org/public/question_detail/19857

For those individuals who have sincerely repented for their past misdeeds and have turned their lives around - then surely, they are still not considered as 'bad'/ 'evil' men and women? Their sins, by the mercy of Allah, may have been completely erased - as if it had never occurred.

Understandably, it may not be easy for one be completely unaffected, irrespective of anothers past behaviour.
There are some actions that one may not be able to comes to terms with - and this ok.

While on the other hand, there are some people who do not care at all about ones past - they are only concerned about the persons current state of imaan and taqwa, and on looking forward towards the future.

It truly is an individual decision.

So, it is not the responsibility of any of us, to try to incline our muslim brothers and sisters one way or the other.
Who knows, what a great lover of Allah Taa'la someone may be denying, simply because of a past decision made in a moment of weakness.


For my brothers and sisters who are currently seeking marriage:
It is not possible to know all of a persons past misdeeds. And they are certainly entitled, not to reveal their sins to you.

If you are enclined towards someone, then turn to Allah (subhanawataa'la) for guidance. Read istikhaarah salaah - and ask of HIM, to direct you towards all that is good for you.

Why do we find it so difficult to place our trust in Allah - the only One who knows all the secrets of the past and that which the future holds?


:wa:

[ardianto]

Most scholars would advise not to disclose ones past sins:

Former zaniyah who has repent must be has burried her past deeply and does not want to talk about it again. But unfortunately, there are always other people who dig out her past and spread it as gossip.

[Abdul Fattah]

The bottom line is that Islam and the Prophet (s) encourages one to marry virgins, especially if they are virgins themselves. This is not to say widows or divorcee shouldn't be married to but rather virgins marrying virgins will better understand each other and will both start on the same page. However this is not an obligation, so if someone finds another person who isn't one but comes from a halal relationship or repented from their haram relationship than the end choice is their to make. As pointed out by Alpha Dude, there are certain social aspects one must consider before going into such a relationship. After that final decision is that of the individual.

No that is not the bottom line at all. You can't just jump to that conlcusion merely beacue there's a hadeeth of the prophet asking this question to a person once. That's why there is usool fiqh. You don't just generalize it into a rule, that's not how it works.

I understand all that you stated. What the brother meant was that you cannot undo what has already been done. One who has done zina cannot become a virgin again, even if they go get the op. While repentance wipes out the sin, it does not give back the virginity nor take away the experience gained. And as such, why should a virgin who saved him/herself all their lives from such a sin be told it's ok to marry such a person because they are repented. yes, if they want than they can. But they have every right to marry someone who has kept themselves as pure as this person did.

Again, the issue is not wheter it's allowed to have a preference. Yes we are allowed that, just as we're allowed to have other preferances such as looks, wealth family and what not. Nobody here is denying w are allowed this. That doesn't mean it's the "most" religious choice. This preferance is a cultural one. And so the correct answer to the origanal question remains, as it has always been:

"No, it's a cultural thing"

I tried to open the subject as to why you find it so important to argue that this is a religous preferance rather then a cultural preferance, but the mods thought I was being to "harsh" on you. Well God knows I tried....

[Perseveranze]

you have if that person wants to be part of your NOW and future! You have every right to ask "look, we know we both are interested in each other, but I think I would want to know if you were involved in any haraam relatonships in past that you think I should know about so that I am not expecting you to be a clean slate in this department." If he/she lies, then I hope the get punished for that.

Asalaamu Alaikum,

No you don't, and most of the scholars, based on the evidence have said this. I would sincerely advise you look into it, or even ask a scholar yourself.

Amazing how many people on this thread want to contradict clear Islamic principles. Almost reminds me of Ibn Umar's son, when he heard a hadith of the Prophet he tried to contradict it.

It's reported he never spoke to that son again.

[sister herb]

Salaam.

The term "Virgin" is different for everyone. The literal meaning is when someone who has never had sexual intercourse. But you are saying is "Virgin man = no sexual contacts to anyone before, no emotional contacts to other gender."

Big difference...

Salam alaykum

Is female still as virgin for man if she has had emotional contacts to other gender, it not physical?

[GuestFellow]

:wa:

Even if you ask your potential spouse whether they have been in past relationships, you still will not know for certain whether they are telling the truth.

[sister herb]

Salam alaykum

to some male as well to some female it means if they spuse has had any kind of relations to other gender. Physical or emotional.

That I meant when asked if he accept his spouse might had feelings to somaone else.

[Perseveranze]

Asalaamu Alaikum,

Just wanted to add, since some may be unaware of this;

The Prophet (صلى الله عليه وآله وسلم) said: “The one who repents from sin is like one who has never sinned.” (Narrated by Ibn Maajah, 4240; classed as saheeh).

[sister herb]

Asalaamu Alaikum,

Just wanted to add, since some may be unaware of this;

The Prophet (صلى الله عليه وآله وسلم) said: “The one who repents from sin is like one who has never sinned.” (Narrated by Ibn Maajah, 4240; classed as saheeh).

Salam alaykum

Great post for think.

[ba51th]

so, I have no right to marry a virgin woman because I have no right to question whether she ever had any relationship with opposite gender or not?

so, I have no right to marry a virgin woman because I have no right to know whether she still a virgin or not?

so, I have no right to marry a virgin woman because that woman will lying that she still virgin?

so, I have no right to marry a virgin woman because I should accept a woman that already repent to Allah and no longer virgin ?



that feeling... the suffer to not have a relationship with any woman, because I want to present myself to a special woman, my lovely future wife... a man... that only her, the woman that ever exist in my heart... only her, the woman that have the right to touch me... only her, the woman that I ever hug... only her, the woman that I ever kiss... only her, the woman that I ever sleep with... only her, the woman that I ever feed with my own right hand... only her, the woman that I ever have romantic dinner with... only her, the woman that I ever flirt... only her, only her, only her, only her, only her, no other woman beside her...

expecting the same from my future wife...





yo muslims, go commit zina as much as you want, after you satisfy your sex need, go repent to Allah, and you can marry opposite sex that still virgin, because virgin have no right to reject to get married with opposite sex that no longer virgin!

[sister herb]

so, I have no right to marry a virgin woman because I have no right to question whether she ever had any relationship with opposite gender or not?

so, I have no right to marry a virgin woman because I have no right to know whether she still a virgin or not?

so, I have no right to marry a virgin woman because that woman will lying that she still virgin?

so, I have no right to marry a virgin woman because I should accept a woman that already repent to Allah and no longer virgin ?



that feeling... the suffer to not have a relationship with any woman, because I want to present myself to a special woman, my lovely future wife... a man... that only her, the woman that ever exist in my heart... only her, the woman that have the right to touch me... only her, the woman that I ever hug... only her, the woman that I ever kiss... only her, the woman that I ever sleep with... only her, the woman that I ever feed with my own right hand... only her, the woman that I ever have romantic dinner with... only her, the woman that I ever flirt... only her, only her, only her, only her, only her, no other woman beside her...

expecting the same from my future wife...





yo muslims, go commit zina as much as you want, after you satisfy your sex need, go repent to Allah, and you can marry opposite sex that still virgin, because virgin have no right to reject to get married with opposite sex that no longer virgin!

Salam alaykum

when you marry a woman. Just think she is as innocent than you are. Your rest of the life starts from the day you married.

Isn´t that the most simple to both of you?

[Iceee]

Salam alaykum

Is female still as virgin for man if she has had emotional contacts to other gender, it not physical?

Salaam.

I really and truly wouldn't mind if my future wife was virgin or not.
Emotional? Give ma an example? I am a forgiving person and if she repent, she does deserve a new chance at life after marriage. Whether or not she did/din't do zina.

[Iceee]

so, I have no right to marry a virgin woman because I have no right to question whether she ever had any relationship with opposite gender or not?

so, I have no right to marry a virgin woman because I have no right to know whether she still a virgin or not?

so, I have no right to marry a virgin woman because that woman will lying that she still virgin?

so, I have no right to marry a virgin woman because I should accept a woman that already repent to Allah and no longer virgin ?



that feeling... the suffer to not have a relationship with any woman, because I want to present myself to a special woman, my lovely future wife... a man... that only her, the woman that ever exist in my heart... only her, the woman that have the right to touch me... only her, the woman that I ever hug... only her, the woman that I ever kiss... only her, the woman that I ever sleep with... only her, the woman that I ever feed with my own right hand... only her, the woman that I ever have romantic dinner with... only her, the woman that I ever flirt... only her, only her, only her, only her, only her, no other woman beside her...

expecting the same from my future wife...





yo muslims, go commit zina as much as you want, after you satisfy your sex need, go repent to Allah, and you can marry opposite sex that still virgin, because virgin have no right to reject to get married with opposite sex that no longer virgin!

Salaam.

I like what you wrote: speech, poem whatever it is...
Here's the thing however, everyone has the right to get married to whomever they please to.
Remember: Everyone makes mistakes.

[ba51th]

oh, do not mind me, I'm just a crazy virgin muslim man that have a hobby write a poem...

[sister herb]

oh, do not mind me, I'm just a crazy virgin muslim man that have a hobby write a poem...

Salam alaykum

may you get similar muslim woman to your life at the some day.

[GuestFellow]

so, I have no right to marry a virgin woman because I have no right to question whether she ever had any relationship with opposite gender or not?

You can always ask your potential spouse. Most likely they will get offended and not marry you.

[~Zaria~]

Assalamu-alaikum,

MashaAllah, these are very sweet sentiments being expressed here : )

I assure you, that as one ages and experiences life/marriage/death/divorce, etc our views on these very same topics begin to change. This is part of life - we start out youthful, starry eyed and idealistic....and then 'life' comes in the way, and Allah ( subhanawata'ala) makes other, even better plans for us : )
SubhanAllah, we live and we learn.

Just a few things to ponder over:

- Virginity is something that is related to the worldly life/ dunya.
And as mentioned, it is ok and understandable for some to desire marriage to virgin men/ women.
However, how blessed are those marriages as well, which are based on a persons relationship with Allah at this given moment in time, and on sincere love for the sake of Allah.

- If we all had the mindset of wanting to marry only virgins, then many polygamous marriages will not occur ( there are many cases were the 2nd/3rd wife hv never been married before). In fact, even the marriage of Ayesha (ra) to the prophet (sallalahu alaihi wasalam) would not have occurred if she held this viewpoint.

- If Allah Taa'la sends somebody into your life as an option for marriage, and he/ she is denied simply because
they are no longer virgins, who knows what a walli of Allah you may be missing on. And who knows if Allah will grant the same blessing on another occassion.

It takes one with a very deep understanding of the meaning of marriage, to be able to lay aside some of our ideals in life- and look towards the 'bigger' picture of our existence.

:wa:

[Iceee]

Just a few things to ponder over:

- Virginity is something that is related to the worldly life/ dunya.
And as mentioned, it is ok and understandable for some to desire marriage to virgin men/ women.
However, how blessed are those marriages as well, which are based on a persons relationship with Allah at this given moment in time, and on sincere love for the sake of Allah.

- If we all had the mindset of wanting to marry only virgins, then many polygamous marriages will not occur ( there are many cases were the 2nd/3rd wife hv never been married before). In fact, even the marriage of Ayesha (ra) to the prophet (sallalahu alaihi wasalam) would not have occurred if she held this viewpoint.

- If Allah Taa'la sends somebody into your life as an option for marriage, and he/ she is denied simply because
they are no longer virgins, who knows what a walli of Allah you may be missing on. And who knows if Allah will grant the same blessing on another occassion.

It takes one with a very deep understanding of the meaning of marriage, to be able to lay aside some of our ideals in life- and look towards the 'bigger' picture of our existence.

:wa:

Salaam.

This is absolutely true. In life, especially in this day and age, it is very hard to be "pure" or a virgin.
So a virgin will want to marry a virgin because they believe that "if I can remain a virgin, so could she."
Then when the virgin realizes that his/her spouse is not a virgin, we complain.

This is not right. Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala tests if we are able to forgive the person we married. You can either forgive him/her and pass or you can ask him/her if they are a virgin...

[Abdul Fattah]

ba51th,
No off course you have every right to have a personal preferance. I don't think anybody here said otherwise. Our point is mainly, that as far as religion is concearned, it doesn't "push" towards that preferance.

[Cabdullahi]

In another world, completely different to ours, 'virginity' is frowned upon, and if you are a virgin you lack the experience, you are timid - something is deeply wrong with you.

[Zone Maker]

In another world, completely different to ours, 'virginity' is frowned upon, and if you are a virgin you lack the experience, you are timid - something is deeply wrong with you.

You have no right to say that I have something deeply wrong with me just because I want to marry a virgin.
I could say that you some kind of fetish going after "experienced" women.
People like you are the worst putting labels on people for not choosing what you deem acceptable.
Oh you can choose this and that but remember I will put such and such labels on you but if you choose what "I" think is "good" then I will give a different label.
If you like to marry "experienced" women then that is up to you but don't you dare put labels on others for not choosing your path.
May your future wife have had a lot of "wonderful experiences"
amen.

[sister herb]

You have no right to say that I have something deeply wrong with me just because I want to marry a virgin.

Salam alaykum

I hope you will find virgin to marry. Hopely you are same like your future wife.

I was virgin when I was marrying (20 years ago - so by me you are late).

[Cabdullahi]

You have no right to say that I have something deeply wrong with me just because I want to marry a virgin.

It's not what I'm saying but what others are.