Life is tough

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Re.TiReD

Re.TiReD

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So how do YOU keep YOURSELF happy, positive, focused and goal-driven?

I know it's a tricky question but I feel things aren't always as simple as 'this too will pass', or 'be patient' and 'make Du'aa'

It's advice for myself as well as general advice so c'mon...
 
Assalamu Alaikum

This might sound silly, but I go on youtube and just watch something funny, or I talk to a friend that I know will make me feel stupid to be feeling stressed or sorry for myself lol. Then I'm fine afterwards. Sometimes you just need someone to bring you to a happy place so that you can see your life through a different emotion.

As for being goal-driven, work towards your goals but tell someone about them so that they can help keep you on task. If I say I'm going to do something, and I end up not doing it, someone will ask me, "Hey didn't you say you were going to do this and this?" It makes you feel a little obligated to complete the task.

fi aman Allah
w'salaam
 
Re.TiReD said:
So how do YOU keep YOURSELF happy, positive, focused and goal-driven?

I know it's a tricky question but I feel things aren't always as simple as 'this too will pass', or 'be patient' and 'make Du'aa'

It's advice for myself as well as general advice so c'mon...
Click to expand...

Life is tough. And you're right, things are never that simple. When people give that advice, it's legit but I feel that it's not tuned to the human condition because as humans we need more.

Anyway, to answer your question - I guess it depends on how often you feel unhappy, negative, unfocused or without goals.

If its a once in a while thing, then that probably just means you need a break or a vacation. So take a break, watch a movie, go out and spend a day doing something you don't do often. Literally, just spend a day or a weekend doing nothing but having fun. If you're surrounded by people, go out and have a day by yourself. Indulge in life and give yourself a break. Get away from everything. Go to the beach. Go to a spa. Smell the flowers. Eat a tub of ice cream. Nothing wrong with that. Invest in yourself. That way, once you've given yourself the rest (mental and physical) that you need, you'll have energy and desire to go back to yourself and focus again.

If it's something you feel often, then you need to reevaluate your goals and what you're focusing on because to be consistently unhappy, negative and feel unfocused means that either i) you don't have goals that really matter to you or ii) you have goals, but you're not sure whether that's what you really want. You need to engage in some deep introspection (muhasaba) and rethink what you're focusing on. Question yourself. Does what I'm doing make me happy? Does it help me become more of the person I want to be? Am I feeling this way because I'm doing something I don't like? Is there something else that I can be doing which will make me happier and also help me get closer to Allah? If these are the goals that I want, then what can I do to remotivate myself to achieve them? It's something deeply personal and no one can really do this except you. Once you have honest answers from yourself, then you can evaluate your current situation and figure out how to improve it. If you engage in muhasaba consistently and are always in a process of trying to grow personally, you'll find that it'll help you be happier inside.
 
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Wow, wasn't expecting such helpful posts, Masha'Allah.

JazakAllah to both of you!

And no Charisma, it doesn't sound silly. What is silly is that I sometimes forget that other people, like my friends, actually exist I'm so caught up with my current life, then when I get too caught up I feel like I have nowhere to turn when in reality I do.

I think I just need a change of scenery and a re-evaluation of goals and where my life is headed

Thank you!
 
I am just reading a book on 'overthinking' (and how women have a tendency to do this more than men ... ahem ...:p)

So far I have gleaned from it that sometimes, when people are having a difficult time, they can go round and round in circles in their minds. The idea is to find a solution, but what happens in reality is that we drift deeper and deeper into negative thoughts and feelings.

Experiments have shown that when people who were unhappy/negative/depressed were encouraged to think about their problems, they became worse.
On the other hand, people who were equally unhappy/negative/depressed, but were instead given 'distraction activities' developed a more positive attitude towards their situation afterwards.

So, the lesson is, to try not to dwell on negative situations, but to find distraction instead.
Read, listen to music or nasheeds, pray, walk, exercise, do a crossword puzzle, make a cake ... whatever takes your fancy!
 
I am just reading a book on 'overthinking' (and how women have a tendency to do this more than men ... ahem ...:p)
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HAHA ;D :p that is so me, but Alhamdulillah my 'better' half is better for a reason - he pulls me out of it.
So far I have gleaned from it that sometimes, when people are having a difficult time, they can go round and round in circles in their minds. The idea is to find a solution, but what happens in reality is that we drift deeper and deeper into negative thoughts and feelings.

Experiments have shown that when people who were unhappy/negative/depressed were encouraged to think about their problems, they became worse.
On the other hand, people who were equally unhappy/negative/depressed, but were instead given 'distraction activities' developed a more positive attitude towards their situation afterwards.
Click to expand...

So, the lesson is, to try not to dwell on negative situations, but to find distraction instead.
Read, listen to music or nasheeds, pray, walk, exercise, do a crossword puzzle, make a cake ... whatever takes your fancy!
Click to expand...

Precious advice and a fantastic post, it's been a long time since I've fully been able to appreciate the wisdom of some of our members xx
 
Re.TiReD said:
HAHA that is so me, but Alhamdulillah my 'better' half is better for a reason - he pulls me out of it.
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One of my husband's favourite comments is "I think you are over-analysing this, dear ..." :D

I don't always appreciate it at the time, but with hindsight I usually have to admit that he was right ... :nervous:
 
Yeah sis, there's a reason why men and women compliment one another perfectly right? We're the feelers and they're the rational thinkers. I've just had some overwhelming changes in my life over the past 6 months subhanAllah, I haven't coped well with all of them. At times I feel like I need a pause button to be able to react sensibly to situations as they occur, other times I want to fast forward to the way I want things in the future, I guess I just need to be content with the play button and live it as best I can with the resources I have now.
 
Re.TiReD said:
What is silly is that I sometimes forget that other people, like my friends, actually exist
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innit. :cry:

Re.TiReD said:
So how do YOU keep YOURSELF happy, positive, focused and goal-driven?
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Also your diet, by eating healthy food, high in serotonin, n drinking plenty of water :D e.g. warm honey water. It makes you feel amaaaaaaazing and gives you that pure and real glucose which gives u lots of strength and power to stand up and take on life with a rejuvinated body, mind and spirit ! Try it ! :D
 
Go on holiday for sometime...preferably a place where all you can do is pray salah and memorize the quran.
 
you cannot keep yourself happy in dunya. the quicker you get rid of happy mentality, the quickly you will find inner peace and contentment with your existence and Qadar.

Try to do what is within your capacity. Have dreams and goals but do not become slave to those dreams. If you attain your dreams, sweet, if not, still sweet.

Be thankful to God for whatever you have (trust me, this is the HARDEST thing to do if you are alpha personality and always a go-getter and ubber competitive), but only through thankfulness for what you have NOW rather than what do not have NOW will you find peace in this world that might otherwise seem to be a God-forsaken hell.
 
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Diverting your mind is the first thing you have to do. I usually call any old friend and talk to her meeting up with relatives whom like. See the jokes thread or try to keep myself engaged in reading an interesting book. I sometimes read motivational stories.

Maybe listening to Quran recitation with translation. Just tell your problems to Allah and whenever you pray a lot with khushu then believe me you will feel happy.

Helping others is also a very good thing to do. :)

“Happiness is a perfume you cannot pour on others without getting a few drops on yourself”
~ Ralph Waldo Emerson
 
Re.TiReD said:
So how do YOU keep YOURSELF happy, positive, focused and goal-driven?
Click to expand...

sometimes :s

what i do now is that i take break n go really quiet, i start reciting the Quran more because "Verily in the remembrance of Allah do hearts find its rest". (surah Rad:ayah 28) n then i listen to lectures as they boost the iman level n kinda try to help ppl tht makes me happy. I start reading lots n lots too. I usually like to be on my own wen theres a prob cuz somehow i just know i cn handle it buh i just need time.

Buh life srsly is tough, its a test y wouldnt it be.

You learn alot when ur teaching 3 yr olds alhumdulilah i've learnt how to be patient.

n like the akhi said one should b thankful at all times.
 
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Yes life is tough but it wasn't meant to be easy. We are all tested in different ways for our own benefit and going through periods of darkness whilst holding onto the rope of Allah is in fact a blessing if anything as Allah almighty tests whom he loves. Peace out :peace:
 
JazakAllah Khayr to each and every one of you for replying.

Hey I'm usually the one who is all happy and positive but lately that positivity has been difficult to keep up, but insha'Allah it'll go back to the way it was. Well I'll definately be reading the advices on this thread every once in a while to keep myself focused.

Assalamu 'alaykum
 
Salam alaykum

I make work mostly with refugees from the civilian war countries, many from islamic ones.

They life is real tough, not mine. I hug them, cry with them, try to walk even part of they path with them as helper.

:exhausted My life is easy comparing like they ones.
 
Don´t cry there now - even it is tough to them, I also laugh with them when it is time to some little relief.

:D
 

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