Convince a person that keeping a beard is good

[Live2Learn90]

Assalamualaikum brothers and sisters,

i have a problem. i am engaged with a sister, InsyaAllah planning to get married once my economy is fine, which is soon if Allah gives me the permission. During the engagement i have just discovered that she does not like brothers who keep their beards. i have tried to convince her that the beard is a sunnah and there are lots of hikmah to it. But she would not accept it. i dont wish to break of the engagement, but keeping a beard is really something that i want to do, because when i die, i want to die following the sunnah. can someone please help me give some advice on how to soften her heart?

[Alpha Dude]

Wa alaykum salam,

Probably nothing you can say will convince her. Only sincere, heartfelt dua will stand a chance at softening her heart.

[Live2Learn90]

It saddens me to find out about this difference on views. it took me alot of effort to win her familiy's heart. i wont easily break off the engagement. hence i was hoping some of our brothers and sisters have some idea. i have had someone giving me advice, as in make her love towards our prophet, praise be upon him stronger. but im not really sure how. i could do this after marriage..

[Adil]

Assalamu aleikum brother

Maybe there is a way to convince her somehow inshallah. Here my suggestions:
(may Allah make it clear to understand and if doesn't help may The Wise guide you to the a better solution)

Bismiallah

- You should start by stated the difference between a muslim man and a non-muslim and highlight why we there are these difference and mainly is because all of us we are following our beloved Prophet (:saws1:)
- Remind her that muslim (man/women) get rewards by following the sunnah and thats the key to obtain good deeds which lead to His mercy and therefore the access to Paradise and the salvation from the Hellfire.
- not having the beard and shave will just pleased the others rather than our Creator and that not right

May Allah forgive me if I said something wrong.
May Allah help this sister to understand and softer her heart.

Waleikum salam wa rahmatullahi wa barakatu

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[Insaanah]

:sl:

i have tried to convince her that the beard is a sunnah and there are lots of hikmah to it.

It is a sunnah of the Prophet :saws: , but in terms of fard, waajib, sunnah etc, it is waajib at the very least, i.e. it is compulsory.

For some matters, the Prophet :saws: gave commands, but then showed that the matter could be done less than that, or that it is ok to do it sometimes and not others, or that it's ok if you don't do it, but more reward if you do. The beard is not one of those matters.

It is not something in which you have any choice as to whether you do it or not.

“It is not for a believer, man or woman, when Allaah and His Messenger have decreed a matter that they should have any option in their decision. And whoever disobeys Allaah and His Messenger, he has indeed strayed into a plain error” [Surah al-Ahzaab 33:36]

The Prophet :saws: ordered men to grow their beards, and to keep beards, in many ahadeeth, just some of which are here:

It was narrated from Ibn 'Umar:
That the Messenger of Allah :saws: said: "Trim the mustache and let the beard grow." (Sahih)
Sunan an-Nasa'i 5045
http://www.sunnah.com/nasai/48#6

Narrated Ibn `Umar:
Allah's Messenger:saws: said, "Cut the moustaches short and leave the beard (as it is)."

Sahih al Bukhari 5893
http://www.sunnah.com/bukhari/77#110

Narrated Abd Allah b. 'Umar:
The Messenger of Allah :saws: commanded to clip the moustaches and grow the beard long.
Sunan Abi Dawud 4199
http://www.sunnah.com/abudawud/35#41

In one hadeeth, it is mentioned as part of the Muslim man's fitrah:

'A'isha reported:
The Messenger of Allah :saws: said: Ten are the acts according to fitra: clipping the moustache, letting the beard grow, using the tooth-stick, snuffing water in the nose, cutting the nails, washing the finger joints, plucking the hair under the armpits, shaving the pubes and cleaning one's private parts with water. The narrator said: I have forgotten the tenth, but it may have been rinsing the mouth.
Sahih Muslim 261a
http://www.sunnah.com/muslim/2#71

Try to explain to her through her wali that this is something which is incumbent on you as a Muslim man, and there is no choice in the matter. It might be that she does not know that. Give her time to think it over. If she still does not agree, then you need to consider whether you feel comfortable in marrying someone who will make you disobey a command of the Prophet :saws:, one which is compulsory on you.

May Allah make it easy for you and grant you what's best for you, ameen.

:sl:

[crimsontide06]

Have you asked her why she does not like beards? Maybe too hairy for her tastes. I see most of the responses are to "convince her" and not to see what her opinion is, why she feels it...

[cOsMiCiNtUiTiOn]

Asalaam Aleikum,

You should ask her why she doesn't like it, find the root to the problem. Chances are she doesn't appreciate masculinity, which is prevalent now a days, and prefers the pretty boy look which is what's in style. If that's the case she just needs to develop in her Islam, as she grows she will learn to appreciate it. There's also preference, you may find that she just doesn't like the unkept beard and just turns away from all forms of beard because she doesn't want to see that? You will only know by asking her :) Back off on the "convincing" part though, that's not the way to do it. Women are easily influenced, especially once there is love in her heart for the man. It will take some effort and time but I'm pretty sure that eventually you can help her see the good side of having a beard.

If you feel she has potential and she inclines towards Islam and she wants to learn, then you have room to work. insha Allah. Be clever! :) Her not liking beards right now isn't reason enough to break off an engagement, and being forceful about the subject won't help either. Once you all are married insha Allah, and she's head over heels for you, she will probably let u have your way anyway :p :D

- cOsMiC

[Indian Bro]

As-salamu alaykum

As someone mentioned above, growing a beard is fard, therefore you must explain to your wife the importance of it according to sunnah of the Prophet (PBUH). Even majority of the established scholars today claim it is compulsory to grow the beard and some madhabs suggest it is haram to shorten the beard before it reaches fist-size.

And Allah (s.w.t.) knows best, may He guide us all to the straight path.

Salam 3laikum

[cOsMiCiNtUiTiOn]

The brother is asking HOW he can accomplish helping his fiance understand. I'm sure he already understands the importance of the beard (otherwise he wouldn't be concerned about convincing her).

Not everyone is on the same level in imaan and not everyone has the same understanding. Some people can just do & follow everything the prophet s.a.w did without a question (masha Allah) while some need time to understand it, no amount of fatwas are going to change the nature of humans. Patience is needed.

Also, who on this thread is a scholar to be saying something is fard? Yes I am aware there's hadith which state the prophet (s.a.w) ordaining to clip the mustache and grow the beard,but I don't see anyone posting why he said this and what was the situation. Anyone can google sahih volumes, hit f3 for ur keyword and copypasta statements, but I almost never see historical reference to tell the full story. In Islam we DO have gray, not everything is black and white. We DO have room to develop, and we DO have room to fail in understanding. I'm saying all of this because the thought of the sister being turned down due to her lack of understanding (which can develop with time if her thirst for knowledge is nourished) is seriously obsurd. I say give her time and be patient (that's just me though).

Allah gives us all time and patience.

Slow and steady wins the race.

- cOsMiC

[Indian Bro]

Also, who on this thread is a scholar to be saying something is fard?

- cOsMiC

As-salamu alaykum sister,

To answer your question, I never said I was a scholar, however it is the scholars who say it is a fard, so who are you to object to what scholars say?











Salam 3laikum

[cOsMiCiNtUiTiOn]

Indian bro, the only part I adressed you was in this: "The brother is asking HOW he can accomplish helping his fiance understand. I'm sure he already understands the importance of the beard (otherwise he wouldn't be concerned about convincing her)."

The rest was geared to other posters here and the rest of the forum. Who am I to object? I never objected XD and I am a person with a brain, who can think on her own and understands that there is no compulsion in Islam, so I can question and learn not just repeat things. I not once in this thread objected to the importance of the beard, I personally feel the entire sunnah if cumpolsory, we MUST follow everything rasool Allah sallalahu Aleihi Wasalaam did, no exceptions. Some may agree, some won't, that's my personal view, but you don't see me telling anyone what is fard or not do you? Unless a person has devoted their life to a certain subject, they have no right to speak about the subject as if they were learned! Especially not by copying and pasting bits and pieces from our most important books with no reference to the context!

So you posting a bunch of youtube videos of sheikhs (there is no way that last one can be a scholar much less a sheikh btw, he's super young and he spends his time making takfir on others, that's not the behavior of righteous ulama, so check your sources) was not necessary for ME to understand the importance of the beard. Re-read what I typed to you please.

You are totally missing my point, and the point of the thread. This isn't about whether the beard is fard or not! :D it is about HOW you can help a person understand the importance of adhering to the Sunnah.

Good Day.

- cOsMiC

[Indian Bro]

Indian bro, the only part I adressed you was in this: "The brother is asking HOW he can accomplish helping his fiance understand. I'm sure he already understands the importance of the beard (otherwise he wouldn't be concerned about convincing her)."

The rest was geared to other posters here and the rest of the forum. I not once in this thread objected to the importance of the beard, I personally feel the entire sunnah if cumpolsory, we MUST follow everything rasool Allah sallalahu Aleihi Wasalaam did, no exceptions. Some may agree, some won't, that's my personal view, but you don't see me telling anyone what is fard or not do you? Especially not by copying and pasting bits and pieces from our most important books with no reference to the context!

So you posting a bunch of youtube sheikhs (there is no way that last one can be a sheikh, much less a scholar he's super young and he spends his time making takfir on others, so check your sources) was not necessary for ME to understand the importance of the beard. Re-read what I typed to you please.

You are totally missing my point, and the point of the thread. This isn't about whether the beard is fard or not! :D it is about HOW you can help a person understand the importance of adhering to the Sunnah.

Good Day.

- cOsMiC

As-salamu alaykum,

I apologize for misunderstanding your post, I thought you were making an inclination that I am in no position to say growing a beard is a fard unless I'm a scholar. And the reason why I brought up the entire "Beard is a fard" is because the OP said:

i have tried to convince her that the beard is a sunnah and there are lots of hikmah to it.

I was trying to point out growing beard is a fard(not just a sunnah), therefore no one has the right to stop someone from growing a beard. If anyone objects to this, then they should refer to the scholars. That is why I mentioned in my first post "you must explain to your wife the importance of it according to sunnah of the Prophet (PBUH)."

I hope this clears any misunderstandings from my end.

And Allah (s.w.t.) knows best.

Salam 3laikum

EDIT: Abu Mussab is a well known scholar, just because he's young doesn't mean he cant be a scholar. If you can provide me evidence otherwise I'd gladly accept your justification.

[Insaanah]

:salamext:

The brother is asking HOW he can accomplish helping his fiance understand. I'm sure he already understands the importance of the beard (otherwise he wouldn't be concerned about convincing her).

He's mentioned that keeping a beard is good, but can't tell if he knows it's compulsory, so there's nothing wrong with pointing that out. If he already knows, alhamdulillah, and if he didn't, then that's something learnt :ia:

Also, who on this thread is a scholar to be saying something is fard?

but you don't see me telling anyone what is fard or not do you? Unless a person has devoted their life to a certain subject, they have no right to speak about the subject as if they were learned! Especially not by copying and pasting bits and pieces from our most important books with no reference to the context!

The hadeeth are clear and the fuqahaa are agreed. The four imams and early pious predecessors agree on this. Nobody is sitting in front of their screens making up rulings on whats fard and what's not, or somehow pretending to be a scholar. We are meant to share what we know, not withold it. If somebody does, and provides reference sources, they shouldn't somehow be tried to put down or made to feel as though they've committed a wrong by sharing that knowledge. Indeed the Prophet :saws: said:

The Prophet (PBUH) said, "Convey from me, even if it is an ayah...". (Sahih al-Bukhari 3461)

Allah also tells us in the Qur'an that we're meant to cooperate in goodness and righteousness and help each other in those things (5:2), and that we are the best nation raised up for mankind, because we enjoin what's right and forbid what's wrong (3:110, part). None of those verses say that it's just for the scholars to do that, but for each of us. Nobody should make up rulings on things that they have no knowledge on, but when the matter is clear and the work has been done for us, and the jurists and salaf have unanimously agreed, then the flip side could also be, what right do we have to withhold that information?

Yes I am aware there's hadith which state the prophet (s.a.w) ordaining to clip the mustache and grow the beard,but I don't see anyone posting why he said this and what was the situation.

Some of the ahadeeth on keeping beards mention acting against the polytheists, though there aren't specific situations where beards must be kept.:
Ibn Umar (may Allah be pleased with him) said:
The Messenger of Allah (may peace be upon him) said: Act against the polytheists, trim closely the moustache and grow beard.
Sahih Muslim 259c
http://www.sunnah.com/muslim/2#69

However even if the polytheists or Jews and Christians keep beards, it doesn't negate the ruling.
http://www.islamqa.com/en/ref/75525/beard

If someones life is endangered by keeping a beard, or keeping a beard causes some medical problem, then of course they need to consult with a scholar on an individual basis, but it's general ruling is that it is wajib at the least.

Anyone can google sahih volumes, hit f3 for ur keyword and copypasta statements, but I almost never see historical reference to tell the full story.

When references are provided nowadays, we are in the internet age, and even scholars provide internet references or copy and paste from scanned books etc. Nowadays it is almost unavoidable, even if you need to direct somebody to a scholarly site.

I say give her time and be patient (that's just me though).

Give her time to think it over.

I hope things work out favourably for the brother.

Good Day.

:salamext:

By the way, for anyone thats interested, there's a good brief read on the beard here: http://d1.islamhouse.com/data/en/ih_...laf_Khalaf.pdf

[Ibn Abi Ahmed]

Yes. This. Thank you for saying what is much needed to be said and understood. People forget that they're dealing with humans, not robots. They forget that different people are on different levels and that it takes time to develop as Muslims - that a bunch of video clips on youtube do not do justice. People forget that the first 13 years of revelation were spent developing the inner so that it can be ready to accept the outer rulings. This is the problem with getting knowledge (ie information) without being experienced on how to deal with people and actualize that knowledge. It can potentially do more harm than good.

Indian bro, the only part I adressed you was in this: "The brother is asking HOW he can accomplish helping his fiance understand. I'm sure he already understands the importance of the beard (otherwise he wouldn't be concerned about convincing her)."

The rest was geared to other posters here and the rest of the forum. Who am I to object? I never objected XD and I am a person with a brain, who can think on her own and understands that there is no compulsion in Islam, so I can question and learn not just repeat things. I not once in this thread objected to the importance of the beard, I personally feel the entire sunnah if cumpolsory, we MUST follow everything rasool Allah sallalahu Aleihi Wasalaam did, no exceptions. Some may agree, some won't, that's my personal view, but you don't see me telling anyone what is fard or not do you? Unless a person has devoted their life to a certain subject, they have no right to speak about the subject as if they were learned! Especially not by copying and pasting bits and pieces from our most important books with no reference to the context!

So you posting a bunch of youtube videos of sheikhs (there is no way that last one can be a scholar much less a sheikh btw, he's super young and he spends his time making takfir on others, that's not the behavior of righteous ulama, so check your sources) was not necessary for ME to understand the importance of the beard. Re-read what I typed to you please.

You are totally missing my point, and the point of the thread. This isn't about whether the beard is fard or not! :D it is about HOW you can help a person understand the importance of adhering to the Sunnah.

Good Day.

- cOsMiC

[Jedi_Mindset]

Sis insaanah that is not exactly what Sis cosmic intuition meant.

Let me explain, arabic is a complex language, translating it to english will often result in mistranslations. Because Arabic has much dialects and some words have multiple meanings.

the hadith are sayings of prophet muhammed(Saw) but you must know in which situations the prophet(Saw) said this. Let me post and narrate a hadith which is often used by kufar to demonize muslims:

''Saheeh Bukhari

Volumn 004, Book 052, Hadith Number 256.

Narated By As-Sab bin Jaththama : The Prophet passed by me at a place called Al-Abwa or Waddan, and was asked whether it was permissible to attack the pagan warriors at night with the probability of exposing their women and children to danger. The Prophet replied, "They (i.e. women and children) are from them (i.e. pagans)."'

This often is used by the kufar to demonize muslims, and some mujahideen groups have even used this hadith to justify killings of enemy women and children without any commentary from earlier scholars who have learned fusa'a arabic, and they didnt have studied the situation when the prophet(Saw) said this. It is believed that this hadith is a huge mistranslation from fusa'a arabic to english.

Sis Cosmic Intuition is a very carefulll sis Masha'Allah what she trying to say is that hadith wether clear or not are to be posted with commentary, this also includes with qu'ran verses, use tafsir with it. Unless you are highly studied in fusaa arabic.
In my view a rulling should be applied and accepted on this forum to do not post hadith and qu'ran verses without commentary and tafsir. Even scholars use these books to study the qu'ran and hadith, and muslims who havent reached the level of being a scholar are posting and copying hadeeths around like no other.

[Tyrion]

To answer your question, I never said I was a scholar, however it is the scholars who say it is a fard, so who are you to object to what scholars say?

This idea of "The Scholars", who are some amorphous group that sends down the rules for right and wrong, doesn't exist. There are opinions. Opinions given by men. Some people do not hold those opinions, and others (god forbid) hold opinions that differ from them. Many consider their opinions to also come from people they'd consider scholars. If this guy wants to break off his engagement because of facial hair, he can do so, but let's try and understand that people don't have to think like you (or your scholars) do. There are many people who can argue with you that the beard is NOT compulsory, and they'd also use 'scholars' among their evidences. Even when talking about the opinions held by the majority of scholars, I always see this debate devolve into, "Well, there's a valid difference of opinion", which should be enough to leave it alone... Yet we still get people who demand that because they think it's absolutely required, everyone else has to think so too.

As far as the OP's problem goes, chances are you're not convincing her. Perhaps you can agree to a compromise, where you grow a more tame and shorter beard?

[GuestFellow]

Lol, this guy. I don't know how anyone can take him seriously, he's quite funny sometimes. Sufis everywhere! The sky is falling! Omg!

I honestly think he sits in front of a camera alone and acts as if he's speaking to an audience.

He's very loud. I'm so flabbergasted zomg. :/

As for this topic, show her some verses which support the growing of the beard. If she is not convinced, give her time. If she is still not convinced, oh well...move on. You can't force people to change their opinion, just the way I can't force people to get a grip in life. That's life.

[piXie]

:sl:

It is important that you marry a sister who will support you in your deen and help to bring out your full potential as opposed to marrying a sister who will be a hindrance in your deen and make it a struggle for you to implement all the commands of Allah, especially in a society where it is already difficult. The last thing you want is to come home and have to struggle with your spouse and always be trying to convince her too and constantly be feeling weighed down. Instead of admiring and valuing your courage, zeal and confidence in implementing the Sunnah in trying to be like the Prophet :saws1: , she does not like it.

You must be aware of the advice of the Prophet (saw) in choosing a spouse;

Abu Bakr (RA) once asked Rasulallah (PBUH) what was the best thing to be treasured, and he (PBUH) replied: "the tongue in remembrance of Allah, the heart filled with thanks to Allah, and a pious wife who helps in virtuous deeds."

A woman is married for four things, i.e., her wealth, her family status, her beauty, and her religion. So you should marry ...the religious woman [otherwise], you will be a loser.'"

[Bukhaari, 3/242; Muslim, 2/1086]

If she expects you to leave something which the Prophet :saws1: has legislated and commanded, then this is not a good indication in terms of her religious commitment and Eemaan.

It is important that you marry a woman who is on the same wave length and level as you are otherwise there would be conflict later on. Your religion is the most important thing to you, be careful of marrying a woman who wants you to compromise your principles/deen. Today she doesn't like your beard, tomorrow it may be that she doesn't like something else. I understand you may be thinking that people change but please be careful of letting your emotions come into your decision, it's not wise going into a marriage hoping for something which we have no guarantee about. You need to feel secure and comfortable about her deen and the fact that she will protect you with yours and be a companion who will guide you and ur household towards what is pleasing to Allah and His Prophet :saws1:.

I pray that Allah guides you towards what is best. Aameen.

[Live2Learn90]

Assalamualaikum, thank you very much for the feedbacks. Im sorry i havent been online for awhile.

I did ask her why she doesnt like men with beards. Apparently she says that she doesnt like the "bushiness" of the beard. she feels like she cannot look at me when i have a beard.

I asked her what type of husband does she want. She answered she wants someone that practices the deen. But somehow i think that is abit contradictingimsad. Should i give her time to accept it? I dont really understand women, do their hearts get softer when they get married? will they be more likely to change their views and appreciate their husband?

I remember that women are created from the rib, so i shudnt force too much, yet i shouldnt be too lenient. Im pretty sure she will be a good wife, because she is a wonderful daughter to her family.

[Indian Bro]

As-salamu alaykum,

I just want to make one thing clear, I don't think any one of us is in any position to judge a scholar if he is backing his statements up with the support of hadith and Qur'an.

Hanafi madhab:To trim the beard when it is less than a fist’s length, as done by some modern people and hermaphrodites is not permissible in the opinion of all the jurists. To shave the beard as done by unorthodox Jews, Hindus and others is also not permissible.

(Durre Mukhtar)

Maliki madhab:To shave the beard is haram and to trim it in such a manner that it changes one’s natural and normal facial features is also haram. It is also quoted in Kitabul Ib’daa’, that without doubt the four Madhabs are agreed that the beard should be lengthened and that shaving it is haram.
Shafe’ee madhab:
It is quoted in Al Ibaab’, that Imaam ibn Ar’rifaah says that Imaam Shafe’ee, in his book, Kitabul Umm, has categorically stated that shaving the beard is haram.
Al Azraiy says that the correct position in the Shafe’ee madhab is that to shave the beard without a valid medical reason is haram. Similar verdict of prohibition has been issued by Zarakhshi, Baihaqi in his book, Shu’ab Al Iman, and by his teacher Qa’ffal Shashi in Muhasin As Shar’iyyah.
Hanbali madhab:
It is narrated in Shar’hul Muntahaa’ and Shar’hul Manzoomatul Adaab, the most accepted view is that it is haram to shave the beard. Some Ulama like the author of ‘Insaf’, have categorically stated that it is haram. There is no report from anyone to the contrary.
Sheikhul Islam ibn Taymiyyah says, "Shaving the beard is haram."

So, if you still don't think growing a beard is a fard, please bring your evidence of your "scholars" because the four man madhabs clearly reject the idea.

And again, I repeat what I mentioned before, I only started the whole "Beard is fard" thing because the brother didn't mention growing a beard is a fard but rather a sunnah. I am not one to judge, because I assume the brother MAY or MAY NOT know that it is a fard, but it is my duty as a Muslim to inform him about what is right if not remind him about what is right. If any of you have objections with me taking this approach then I apologize if this approach as offended you, but I am more inclined towards what the madhabs claim than what a poster on an internet forum claims.

And Allah (s.w.t.) knows best and may He guide us all to Sirat al-Mustaqim.

Salam 3laikum

[Indian Bro]

Assalamualaikum, thank you very much for the feedbacks. Im sorry i havent been online for awhile.

I did ask her why she doesnt like men with beards. Apparently she says that she doesnt like the "bushiness" of the beard. she feels like she cannot look at me when i have a beard.

I asked her what type of husband does she want. She answered she wants someone that practices the deen. But somehow i think that is abit contradictingimsad. Should i give her time to accept it? I dont really understand women, do their hearts get softer when they get married? will they be more likely to change their views and appreciate their husband?

I remember that women are created from the rib, so i shudnt force too much, yet i shouldnt be too lenient. Im pretty sure she will be a good wife, because she is a wonderful daughter to her family.

As-salamu alaykum bro,

If you told her that growing a beard is a fard and she still has a problem with it, then I would suggest you to try and get to her as close to the deen as you can. The best solution to your problem has already been mentioned as someone narrated the hadith of our beloved Prophet (PBUH) to marry a pious girl, however, it is not EASY to do this when you are already interested in someone else as you currently are, so I would suggest you to give her more knowledge about Islam, especially ALL the Prophets (May Allah Almighty be pleased with all of them) and also the righteous predecessors, ALL of them had beards. Tell her that you want to be closer to Allah (s.w.t.) and tell her Allah (s.w.t.) rewards those that compromise in marriage for the sake of Allah (s.w.t.). I don't think YOU should be the one to compromise in this case since it is a fard, but you should try to convince her to do so for this matter. Explain to her the hadith that the above poster spoke about pious wives and I'm sure inshAllah your wife will be more understanding and inshAllah she will be guided and you will have an AWESOME beard and an AWESOME marriage :shade:.

Salam 3laikum

[cOsMiCiNtUiTiOn]

Assalamualaikum, thank you very much for the feedbacks. Im sorry i havent been online for awhile.

I did ask her why she doesnt like men with beards. Apparently she says that she doesnt like the "bushiness" of the beard. she feels like she cannot look at me when i have a beard.

I asked her what type of husband does she want. She answered she wants someone that practices the deen. But somehow i think that is abit contradictingimsad. Should i give her time to accept it? I dont really understand women, do their hearts get softer when they get married? will they be more likely to change their views and appreciate their husband?

I remember that women are created from the rib, so i shudnt force too much, yet i shouldnt be too lenient. Im pretty sure she will be a good wife, because she is a wonderful daughter to her family.

Beard doesn't equal to righteous or pious. There's plenty of bearded evil doers and hypocrites. So NO it isn't contradicting, but I do see where you are coming from, because when a man is trying to be pious the beard naturally just comes as their love for our RasoolAllah (saw) increases as they want to be like him.

From what you describe, she has potential and as I said before she just needs time to grow in her imaan. As she learns more about our deen she will begin to understand the beard and probably request that you wear it, just give it time. After you two are married, yes her heart will be softer towards you, you just need to be patient. If she's a good girl, she will see how much you really want to have the beard and she will learn to accept it.

It also seems she doesn't like the unkept beard, I have the same problem. I like a well kept and groomed beard and not too long, but a beard is a total must for me, that's one of the fist things I asked my now fiance before we got engaged. This came with time though, back when I first came to Islam I liked goatees, or the "rugged" look and that is what I requested from my ex-husband. I felt beards were for old men :embarrass. However, as I learned more and learned to appreciate its significance, I ended up requesting he grow a beard.

So you see, it takes time. Take this opportunity to grow together, that is what marriage is about. Helping each other grow and being each other's garments. As she gets attached to you and once love grows between you two, she will take ur suggestions seriously. Lead her by example and show her the beauty our deen has.

- cOsMiC

[Urban Turban]

:sl:

Relax man, I suggest YOU don't talk to her regarding this, nobody likes to be told they are wrong, and if you talk about ahadith and Nauzoobillah she rejects them or says something else altogether, you know the repercussions??

Aren't their any senior Ulamah who you can take advice from on how to go about this? Or how to make sis understand?

Men actually look awesome in sunnah beards, cap and thobe - wish they knew.

I'm reluctant to say anything else, if it was a mustahab [recommended] practice you could have taken it easy, but as its a sunnah....

Don't wreck anything, don't make things harder, take advice from senior and I mean only senior Ulamah.

Don't forget to give sadaqah and duas, pray to Allah rabbul izzat to grant her understanding, give sadaqah with the exclusive plea to Allah to grant her understanding.

[Karl]

Assalamualaikum brothers and sisters,

i have a problem. i am engaged with a sister, InsyaAllah planning to get married once my economy is fine, which is soon if Allah gives me the permission. During the engagement i have just discovered that she does not like brothers who keep their beards. i have tried to convince her that the beard is a sunnah and there are lots of hikmah to it. But she would not accept it. i dont wish to break of the engagement, but keeping a beard is really something that i want to do, because when i die, i want to die following the sunnah. can someone please help me give some advice on how to soften her heart?

Salaam
You are best to find another woman. Remember you are a man be one. Your wife should be loyal and supportive not critical of your appearance. What would Muhammad (PBUH) do if one of his wives said that they don't like his beard and want him to shave it off?

Also, if you give females an inch they will take a foot and before long you wont have a leg to stand on.

[Live2Learn90]

As-salamu alaykum,

I just want to make one thing clear, I don't think any one of us is in any position to judge a scholar if he is backing his statements up with the support of hadith and Qur'an.



So, if you still don't think growing a beard is a fard, please bring your evidence of your "scholars" because the four man madhabs clearly reject the idea.

And again, I repeat what I mentioned before, I only started the whole "Beard is fard" thing because the brother didn't mention growing a beard is a fard but rather a sunnah. I am not one to judge, because I assume the brother MAY or MAY NOT know that it is a fard, but it is my duty as a Muslim to inform him about what is right if not remind him about what is right. If any of you have objections with me taking this approach then I apologize if this approach as offended you, but I am more inclined towards what the madhabs claim than what a poster on an internet forum claims.

And Allah (s.w.t.) knows best and may He guide us all to Sirat al-Mustaqim.

Salam 3laikum

Assalamualaikum brother. thank you for your concern, i do realise it is fard to keep the beard. Even if it isnt fard, i would still like to keep it, since all the prophets and messengers keep their beards. :D

As-salamu alaykum bro,

If you told her that growing a beard is a fard and she still has a problem with it, then I would suggest you to try and get to her as close to the deen as you can. The best solution to your problem has already been mentioned as someone narrated the hadith of our beloved Prophet (PBUH) to marry a pious girl, however, it is not EASY to do this when you are already interested in someone else as you currently are, so I would suggest you to give her more knowledge about Islam, especially ALL the Prophets (May Allah Almighty be pleased with all of them) and also the righteous predecessors, ALL of them had beards. Tell her that you want to be closer to Allah (s.w.t.) and tell her Allah (s.w.t.) rewards those that compromise in marriage for the sake of Allah (s.w.t.). I don't think YOU should be the one to compromise in this case since it is a fard, but you should try to convince her to do so for this matter. Explain to her the hadith that the above poster spoke about pious wives and I'm sure inshAllah your wife will be more understanding and inshAllah she will be guided and you will have an AWESOME beard and an AWESOME marriage :shade:.

Salam 3laikum

Wa alykumusalam, thanks i will give her time, but at the same time i'll just not trim it.;D the noble quran didnt come all at the same time, if it did, it would be hard for the sahaba to change instantly. (correct me if im wrong) so i think i should just take it nice and slow. From where i come from, its pretty hard to find a fully practising sister (and mostly are married/already engaged). so id rather give more time rather than starting from scratch >.<

Beard doesn't equal to righteous or pious. There's plenty of bearded evil doers and hypocrites. So NO it isn't contradicting, but I do see where you are coming from, because when a man is trying to be pious the beard naturally just comes as their love for our RasoolAllah (saw) increases as they want to be like him.

From what you describe, she has potential and as I said before she just needs time to grow in her imaan. As she learns more about our deen she will begin to understand the beard and probably request that you wear it, just give it time. After you two are married, yes her heart will be softer towards you, you just need to be patient. If she's a good girl, she will see how much you really want to have the beard and she will learn to accept it.

It also seems she doesn't like the unkept beard, I have the same problem. I like a well kept and groomed beard and not too long, but a beard is a total must for me, that's one of the fist things I asked my now fiance before we got engaged. This came with time though, back when I first came to Islam I liked goatees, or the "rugged" look and that is what I requested from my ex-husband. I felt beards were for old men :embarrass. However, as I learned more and learned to appreciate its significance, I ended up requesting he grow a beard.

So you see, it takes time. Take this opportunity to grow together, that is what marriage is about. Helping each other grow and being each other's garments. As she gets attached to you and once love grows between you two, she will take ur suggestions seriously. Lead her by example and show her the beauty our deen has.

- cOsMiC

Ameen sister. Jazakallah khair. i feel better knowing there is hope for things to turn out better:statisfie. im not perfect myself. but im trying to be a better person, little by little.

:sl:

Relax man, I suggest YOU don't talk to her regarding this, nobody likes to be told they are wrong, and if you talk about ahadith and Nauzoobillah she rejects them or says something else altogether, you know the repercussions??

Aren't their any senior Ulamah who you can take advice from on how to go about this? Or how to make sis understand?

Men actually look awesome in sunnah beards, cap and thobe - wish they knew.

I'm reluctant to say anything else, if it was a mustahab [recommended] practice you could have taken it easy, but as its a sunnah....

Don't wreck anything, don't make things harder, take advice from senior and I mean only senior Ulamah.

Don't forget to give sadaqah and duas, pray to Allah rabbul izzat to grant her understanding, give sadaqah with the exclusive plea to Allah to grant her understanding.

The thing is, most of the ulama here shave their beards, (or their beards dont grow). So thats pretty unfortunate. :exhausted i'll just try do what i can, in the end its Allah's decision:smile:

Salaam
You are best to find another woman. Remember you are a man be one. Your wife should be loyal and supportive not critical of your appearance. What would Muhammad (PBUH) do if one of his wives said that they don't like his beard and want him to shave it off?

Also, if you give females an inch they will take a foot and before long you wont have a leg to stand on.

Im sorry brother, i dont think thats a good way to educate others. i prefer to lead by example, not use force eventhough im correct.
i prefer to have a wife that is not afraid to share their opinions with me, not the ones who just follow everything i say.;D

we should give respect to our sisters. They are humans too.. not just mindless robots who follow any decision we make.

[Jalal~]

:sl:
if you read the tafsir ibn Kathir, surah 4 verse 119 explains why the beard is fard.

but anyways, you want to find a way to persuade her in keeping your beard, and you said she doesn't enjoy the bushiness of the beard. i think the best strategy as someone else mentioned would be to not bring it up at all and just keep on growing it. you don't want the discussion of the beard to make or even break your marriage.
but when your future wife Insha Allah brings it up, then you could mention the benefits of the beard.

Example:
Fiancee - Why are you still growing the beard? I don't think it looks good on you...
YOU - Maybe it doesn't look good now, but when i give it time to grow, it'll be big, thick, and soft and I'll be more of a man. You don't want to marry a woman do you? [because the more masculine a man looks, the more feminine a woman will act]

OR

you could say it's the sign of a Muslim, and you want to be identified as one every where you go. [of course, she'll say that christian, jews, etc grow beards as well, but you can say that they don't grow it for religion, but just to be a man]

OR

you could mention that if she's patient with you, then she will be rewarded as well for dealing with your facial hair for only a short while until it grows out to become the ultimate beard. so she gets rewarded for basically supporting you in growing a beard, and if she wants extra points, she can oil it and comb it for you, lol. that way, she'll get used to the bushiness, and then eventually she won't mind, insha allah :D

One thing for sure though, don't bombard her with too many hadiths and Quranic verses. She probably already knows they are there, but she doesn't fully understand the reasons or the benefits from the beard, because she doesn't see how YOU growing a beard will be benefiting her. So if you can find some awesome, yet simple reasons that shows how it can benefit both you, her, and the whole family, then she'll definitely agree.

oh yeah, one more thing dude --> girls love chocolate. make sure not to catch her in a bad/stressed out mood either when your talking to her. you don't want her to associate her bad moods with your growing a beard if that makes sense. just make sure to talk to her when she's in a good mood, im sure you already know this haha.

yea, hope this helped man. have fun and don't let anyone distract you from your deen, be it your wife or children. just keep on pushing forward!

[ardianto]

Bro, do you already keep beard, or just will start to grow beard?

[Muhaba]

If she accepted you while you had the beard, then i don't see what the problem is. She's already engaged to you and she accepted you already, you don't have to listen to her if she says she doesn't like the beard. Tell her that you won't remove the beard no matter what. But don't say anything about breaking the engagement. If she doesn't want to marry someone who has a beard and threatens to break the engagement, don't take heed. if she goes through with it, then don't be upset about it since you sacrificed her for the sake of the Prophet (SAW).

[GuestFellow]

I wonder if he could dye his beard blond. I mean you get some that dye their beard orange. :/

[Live2Learn90]

Bro, do you already keep beard, or just will start to grow beard?

Yes im aleady keeping my beard. First time i met her n her family i was clean shaven, few days after ive realised its sunnah (and fard) to keep a beard. So slowly my beard starts to flow. and now after few months she realised i only trimmed my moustache n kept the beard. Hence started this misunderstanding:D

:sl:
if you read the tafsir ibn Kathir, surah 4 verse 119 explains why the beard is fard.

but anyways, you want to find a way to persuade her in keeping your beard, and you said she doesn't enjoy the bushiness of the beard. i think the best strategy as someone else mentioned would be to not bring it up at all and just keep on growing it. you don't want the discussion of the beard to make or even break your marriage.
but when your future wife Insha Allah brings it up, then you could mention the benefits of the beard.

Example:
Fiancee - Why are you still growing the beard? I don't think it looks good on you...
YOU - Maybe it doesn't look good now, but when i give it time to grow, it'll be big, thick, and soft and I'll be more of a man. You don't want to marry a woman do you? [because the more masculine a man looks, the more feminine a woman will act]

OR

you could say it's the sign of a Muslim, and you want to be identified as one every where you go. [of course, she'll say that christian, jews, etc grow beards as well, but you can say that they don't grow it for religion, but just to be a man]

OR

you could mention that if she's patient with you, then she will be rewarded as well for dealing with your facial hair for only a short while until it grows out to become the ultimate beard. so she gets rewarded for basically supporting you in growing a beard, and if she wants extra points, she can oil it and comb it for you, lol. that way, she'll get used to the bushiness, and then eventually she won't mind, insha allah :D

One thing for sure though, don't bombard her with too many hadiths and Quranic verses. She probably already knows they are there, but she doesn't fully understand the reasons or the benefits from the beard, because she doesn't see how YOU growing a beard will be benefiting her. So if you can find some awesome, yet simple reasons that shows how it can benefit both you, her, and the whole family, then she'll definitely agree.

oh yeah, one more thing dude --> girls love chocolate. make sure not to catch her in a bad/stressed out mood either when your talking to her. you don't want her to associate her bad moods with your growing a beard if that makes sense. just make sure to talk to her when she's in a good mood, im sure you already know this haha.

yea, hope this helped man. have fun and don't let anyone distract you from your deen, be it your wife or children. just keep on pushing forward!

true.. first attempt to convince her i bombed her with hadiths and quranic verses..
and i even asked "do you love the prophet?
she said: "yes"
and i asked "dont u want me to have an image following the prophet?"

and then she just went quiet and didnt want to talk to me lolimsad

If she accepted you while you had the beard, then i don't see what the problem is. She's already engaged to you and she accepted you already, you don't have to listen to her if she says she doesn't like the beard. Tell her that you won't remove the beard no matter what. But don't say anything about breaking the engagement. If she doesn't want to marry someone who has a beard and threatens to break the engagement, don't take heed. if she goes through with it, then don't be upset about it since you sacrificed her for the sake of the Prophet (SAW).

Youre right. eventhough she doesnt like my beard. never once she mentioned that she wants to break the engagement, so i guess its not that of a big issue for her (maybe a big issue, but still tolerable)

[cOsMiCiNtUiTiOn]

Okay so her first impression of you was that you were clean shaven, and she found you attractive that way, and so you kind of just started growing it after she accepted you. Give her time, don't change so drastically, it's not very fair to be honest. Start off with a trimmed beard, not the shaggy long one, the mustache part doesn't have to be shaven off, just trimmed, there's a difference between shaven and trimmed. This is why I asked the context of the hadith where the prophet (saw) said for the mustache to be trimmed and beard to be grown(I do realize this isn't the only hadith concerning beards, however this one specifically mentions the mustache). This was because the persians were influencing the men at that point (they were growing the fancy mustache), and persians are known until this day for they mustaches (look up persian mustache and you'll see). When you read hadith you must also read its context so you have a better idea of what is being said and get the big picture, learn the seerah, this helps immensely. I'm no scholar so feel free to ignore all of that, just putting it out there.

anyway, If you'd had the long beard when she first saw you, she may not have accepted, and of course she isn't going to just break off the engagement, she probably likes you etc and it would be drama if she broke it off over this. However, you shouldn't take advantage of that, it isn't fair, it is almost like forcing her.

so again, give it time and don't be forceful.

my two pesos.

- cOsMiC

[ardianto]

Yes im aleady keeping my beard. First time i met her n her family i was clean shaven, few days after ive realised its sunnah (and fard) to keep a beard. So slowly my beard starts to flow. and now after few months she realised i only trimmed my moustache n kept the beard. Hence started this misunderstanding

For this time she is yet ready to accept the change of your physical appearance because she still want to 'enjoy' your handsomeness like the first time when she meet you. :D

Give her time. Don't force her to accept this 'sudden change'. Insha Allah, slowly but sure, she will able to accept it. Maybe after you marry her.

[sohail1234]

No doubt beard has much importance in Islam and sunnah of the prophet Muhammad (S.A.W). I think saying of prophet Muhammad (S.A.W) help you to convince her ask her to study the islam in deep.
The Prophet Muhammad (S.A.W) said about the importance of Beard

1. (1) Rasulullah (Sallallahu Alayhi Wasallam) said "I have no connection iwth one who shaves, shouts and tears his clothing eg. in grief or affication."
   - Reported by Abu Darda (R.A.) in Muslim, Hadith no. 501
   (2) The teachings of Hadhrat Ammar Bin Yaasir, Abdullah Ibn Umar, Sayyidina Umar, Abu Hurairah and Jaabir (R.A.), indicate that ALL used to keep beards that were one fist length or more. Hadhrat Jaabir (R.A.) had said: "We used to grow long beards and only during Hajj and Umrah did we trim them to the required length (i.e. fist length)."
   (3) Hadhrat Abdullah Ibn Umar (R.A.) relates that: "He who imitates the kuffar (non-believers) and dies in that state, he will be raised up with them on the Day of Qiyamat (Judgement)."
   (4) Rasulullah (Sallallahu Alayhi Wasallam) says: "Trim closely the moustache, and let the beard flow (Grow)."
   - Narrated Ibn Umar (R.A.) in Muslim, Hadith no. 498
   (5) "Rasulullah (Sallallahu Alayhi Wasallam) ordered us to trim the moustache closely and spare the beard" says Ibn Umar.
   - Muslim, Hadith no. 449
   (6) Rasulullah (Sallallahu Alayhi Wasallam)said: "Act against contrary to the polythesists, trim closely the moustache and grow the beard."
   - Reported by Ibn Umar (R.A.) in Muslim, Hadith no. 500
   (7) Rasulullah (Sallallahu Alayhi Wasallam) said "Trim closely the moustache and grow the beard."
   - Reported by Abu Hurairah (R.A.) in Muslim, Hadith no. 501
   (8) Rasulullah (Sallallahu Alayhi Wasallam) said: "Anyone who shaves has no claim to the mercy of Allah"
   - Reported by Ibn Abbas (R.A.) in Tibrabi
   (9) Hadhrat Abdullah Ibn Umar (R.A.) used to cut that portion (which exceeds the grip of the hand) of the beard.
   - Tirmidhi
   

[Abu Loren]

Assalamualaikum brothers and sisters,

i have a problem. i am engaged with a sister, InsyaAllah planning to get married once my economy is fine, which is soon if Allah gives me the permission. During the engagement i have just discovered that she does not like brothers who keep their beards. i have tried to convince her that the beard is a sunnah and there are lots of hikmah to it. But she would not accept it. i dont wish to break of the engagement, but keeping a beard is really something that i want to do, because when i die, i want to die following the sunnah. can someone please help me give some advice on how to soften her heart?

Dump her and break off the engagement, you will be better off in the long run without any heartaches. If she doesn't understand why a believer has to have a beard then she's not worth it. You have to be cruel to be kind someimes.

[mosad655]

Religiously speaking, I think we should be fair and accept that there is (and has always been) a genuine disagreement among scholars when it comes to growing a beard. Some hold the stance that it is mandatory, some that it is sunnah and no more. The latter stance is especially widespread among the Shafii school of jurisprudence. I would link you, but I am not allowed to do so yet on this forum.. All though, the hadith that say a man should grow his beard are true, it is NOT clear whether this is a reccomended act or an islamic command. Scholars truly disagree on their interpretation of these ahadith. And when there is genuine ikhtilaf on a subject in Islam, we are as muslims are completely free to follow whichever stance we find more convincing. This means that noone can walk up to a clean shaven muslim man, point at his face, and say that he lacks facial hair and that what he is doing is haram. Doing so is wrong, as there is no such thing as a "haram" stance when the source are educated islamic scholars. In such cases of ikhtilaf, ALL stances acked up by their respective scholars are legitimate. We have to be more open and accept this difference in our ummah.

With that being said, regardless of whichever ulamaa you follow on this stance, I think you should leave this women. If she simply refuses to accept the way you chose to look, it just shows that her liking you ultimately is more physical than it is an emotional attraction. If your looks are THAT important to her, to such degree that you growing a beard turns her perception of you and your relationship with her up side down, then I think you should cancel the engagement and leave her. What happens when you perhaps grow in age and go bald? Will she require of you that you get a hair transplant? It's not a stable relationship, and you should leave a women who is THAT obsessed with looks.

[Tauheed123]

Assalaamu Alaikum Wa Rahmatullahi Wa Barakatuh,

From The Hadiths I Have Read, Keeping A Beard Is Wajib Or Fard And Trimming It Is Haraam. In Sha Allah I Can Send You The Links To The Hadiths. Hope This Helps :) . I'll Make Dua For You In Sha Allah

[Karl]

When the Germanic barbarians were conquered by the Romans and became slaves or joined the legion they had to cut off their beards and long hair and be clean shaved. Sometimes they were allowed to have a small moustashe
it was a sign of subjugation. Do you want your wife to do the same to you? Are you are mouse or a Muslim?
These Heathens would not let a woman tell them what to do, it took a massive army of Romans to make them cut their beards off!

[Ahmad H]

Assalamualaikum brothers and sisters,

i have a problem. i am engaged with a sister, InsyaAllah planning to get married once my economy is fine, which is soon if Allah gives me the permission. During the engagement i have just discovered that she does not like brothers who keep their beards. i have tried to convince her that the beard is a sunnah and there are lots of hikmah to it. But she would not accept it. i dont wish to break of the engagement, but keeping a beard is really something that i want to do, because when i die, i want to die following the sunnah. can someone please help me give some advice on how to soften her heart?

This one quote changed me and made me want to keep a beard because of learning the severity of not keeping one:

“Abu Hurayrahra reported that the ruler of Yemen, appointed by the Persian emperor Khusraw, sent two envoys to the Messengersa. When they came into his presence, he noticed that they had shaved their beards and let their moustaches grow big. Being disgusted by their appearance, hesaturned his face away and said, “Woe be to you, who told you to do so?” They replied: ‘Our lord (Khusraw) did.’ The Prophetsa responded: ‘But my Lord, Exalted and Glorified be He, has commanded me to spare my beard and trim my moustaches.’ – Tafsīr Ibn Jarīr of Imām atTabarī

This was enough for me to seriously consider keeping a beard despite what others told me about how it looked. Ask her if she would like you to have the Holy Prophet (saw) seem disappointed in you because you did not keep a beard. Let her know it is more important to follow him than to follow what she says. She should love the Holy Prophet (saw) more than you. So she should understand it from this point of view, if she is truly a sincere Muslim. Not that I am questioning her without knowing her. I am just saying this is how you should put it to her. Facts are facts. And sincerity is shown through actions and deeds.

[sunnyhayat]

Is it necessary to keep untrimmed beard or one can trim it to manageable size?

[Scimitar]

Assalamualaikum brothers and sisters,

i have a problem. i am engaged with a sister, InsyaAllah planning to get married once my economy is fine, which is soon if Allah gives me the permission. During the engagement i have just discovered that she does not like brothers who keep their beards. i have tried to convince her that the beard is a sunnah and there are lots of hikmah to it. But she would not accept it. i dont wish to break of the engagement, but keeping a beard is really something that i want to do, because when i die, i want to die following the sunnah. can someone please help me give some advice on how to soften her heart?

Walakum salaam,

Once you're married, she hasn't got a say in the matter :) just agree and nod for the time being.

You're face, you're right to do with it as you please.

Scimi

EDIT: I think there is too much opinion here, when really I think a little "tact" would suffice.

Women always say things and their hearts always change - it's real easy bro, just nod and agree, then after marriage, slowly grow one out.

If she complains, explain that other girls are hitting on you, and thus, you are growing it to protect your imaan :D I'm sure she'll agree at that point :D

Gotta know how to play the game is all :)

Women who want husbands to look all gangnam style is just looooool

[Ahmad H]

Is it necessary to keep untrimmed beard or one can trim it to manageable size?

The Ahadith will give you the answer in this:

Ibn Umar said: The Apostle of Allah (may peace be upon him) said: Trim closely the moustache, and let the beard grow.
(Sahih Muslim)

So you should trim the moustache and let the beard grow. I say go and check what the scholars have said, and see if there are any past rulings on allowing the trimming of the beard. This is what I know. There are many other Ahadith on this matter from other Sahaba but I gave you the shortest one for clarity and simplicity.

[Tauheed123]

Assalaamu Alaikum,

JazakAllah Brother Ahmad For The Hadith. My Mom Complains About My Beard As Well Lol So I Know What It Feels Like