Muslimah - Would you marry a Revert?

[Abu Loren]

As'alaamu Alaikkum Wa Rahmatullahi Wa Barakatuhu

The following question is for Muslimah's who were born into a Muslim family and who practice the five pillars of Islam.

Woul you marry a Revert?

If NO please give your reasons and please be honest.

[Amat Allah]

Wa Alikum Assalaam Wa Rahmatullahi Wa Barakaatuh

My answer is Yes, cause I really see no differences; the one whom Allah will bless me with will be my husband who I will love, respect and take care of no matter what his background, color, shape or whatever...those things matter not to me...he is a mass of emotions and feelings, he wants a wife, kids and a home to return to; to find comfort , peace, love, care...etc just like anyone....

And whoever and whatever Allah gives us is always the best for us always ...Alhamdulilah always and forever.

Humbly and with all respect , this is my opinion and I do respect other's opinions too.

May Allah grant every single one of His servants and slaves the best match and bless them with all good in this life and in the afterlife too Ameeeeeeen

Wa Assalaamu Alikum Wa Rahmatullahi Wa Barakaatuh

[Abu Loren]

Alhamdulilah. Thank you so much for your honest answer dear sister.

The reason I'm asking this question is that in one Islamic marriage site there was an option in choosing someone who has reverted and the majority of women there said NO.

May Allah grant every single one of His servants and slaves the best match and bless them with all good in this life and in the afterlife too Ameeeeeeen

Ameen and Ameen Ya Rabb!

[Amat Allah]

You are always very welcome May Allah love you my respected and noble brother Ameeen

Forgot to say; whether being a revert or not then our answers should be after praying Iss'tikhaarah...whom to return to first and ask for his help but Allah The All Knowing The Wise...

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[Ghazalah]

People are often worried they may go back to their previous jahil ways, when in reality guidance comes from Allah swt alone.

[Abu Loren]

People are often worried they may go back to their previous jahil ways, when in reality guidance comes from Allah swt alone.

That is understandable however there are reverts who are more stronger in faith than 'born muslims'. Would you personally give a revert a chance? Would you marry one?

[sister herb]

Salam alaykum

Aren´t we all humans as born muslims - our parents may then teached us to other religions? ^o) I believe I too was born to muslim but my parents are Christians.

[Ghazalah]

That is understandable however there are reverts who are more stronger in faith than 'born muslims'. Would you personally give a revert a chance? Would you marry one?

That's exactly my point, they might be stronger than the born Muslim, but obviously through ignorance or cultural thinking not everyone views it like that, hence why I said guidance comes from Allah swt alone.

On a personal level, of course I would, I see no reason why not.

It's difficult enough that for majority of reverts, they're shunned to one side by their family, but to be shunned by their own brothers and sisters is even worse.

[tigerkhan]

:sl:
i think generally revert people are of two types in that sense. some people have strong personality and they do change their selves and get rid of bad habits developed during time of ignorance and being in wrong environment. but some of them try their best but still these things has effect on their personality.
so if i am given choice i will see the personal strength and eman of person and adherence to quran and sunnah regardless of revert or born Muslim.

[Iceee]

:sl:
i think generally revert people are of two types in that sense. some people have strong personality and they do change their selves and get rid of bad habits developed during time of ignorance and being in wrong environment. but some of them try their best but still these things has effect on their personality.
so if i am given choice i will see the personal strength and eman of person and adherence to quran and sunnah regardless of revert or born Muslim.

Salaam.

The question in general is asking; If you had the choice... Would you marry a revert?

Most people would say yes.

[Periwinkle18]

I dont know :S

[Abu Loren]

I dont know :S

You can't just say you don't know and just leave it at that periwrinkle.

Please tell us about your reservations and be honest. That will just add to the conversation and different points of view Inshaa Allah.
:hmm:

[aamirsaab]

I think you have to consider a lot of things. Reverts tend to have a completely different culture to most born-muslims, at least as far as indo-paks go. It's very difficult sometimes for the two cultures to meet and that can cause problems - sometimes with the two parties concerned, and sometimes with the actual families. Heck, even amongst born-muslims, there are cultural barriers...so it's certainly not something to overlook nor something particularly new.

Also, reverts tend to be relatively unknown territory for born-muslims. Typically, our in-laws share the same religion. This isn't always the case as far as reverts go - so whilst we can of course accept the revert and their family into our fold, we don't always have strongest connection we should have with the revert's family. This is down to two things: prior to the marriage we usually don't know much about the revert's family at all (who are they; can any of our family, extend or otherwise, vouch for them; do they 'get along' with us; etc) and neither do we share their religion - so it's quite a daunting experience to take on that in all honesty, many would rather not venture in the first place. Marriages have enough difficulties and trials and tribulations as it is - who intentionally wants more on top of that?!

None of this of course is to say we can't or shouldn't marry reverts. It's just there's extra stuff we have to take on board on top of the usual marriage woes and trials and tribulatioons - and so much of it is completely unknown to us.

There are two sayings I think fit perfectly for this topic, so I'll end the post with them. They'll provide you some food for thought too.

1) Take the road less travelled.
2) better the devil you know than the devil you don't.

[Periwinkle18]

Reverts tend to have a completely different culture to most born-muslims, at least as far as indo-paks go. It's very difficult sometimes for the two cultures to meet and that can cause problems

so true

i guess bro aamirsaab summed it up for me :) jazakAllah khayr was gng to say something like tht


Akhi Abu Loren i srsly don't know honest

if i was given a choice mayb i would buh the family n community i belong to won't let that happen.

Getting married to a revert would b out of the question my stupid community creates such an issue wen someone marry's outside of the community its just a cultural thing i guess. My community ppl think too much of themselves just cuz well you won't find the poor category in my community its either rich or average(n the average r not tht average lol).

lol so i srsly don't know :S

[tigerkhan]

Salaam.

The question in general is asking; If you had the choice... Would you marry a revert?

Most people would say yes.

i answered.

so if i am given choice i will see the personal strength and eman of person and adherence to quran and sunnah regardless of revert or born Muslim.

u can conclude it in " i think about it" option.

[Cabdullahi]

I wouldn't marry a revert, a born Muslim or a non-Muslim.

[Al-Mufarridun]

:sl:

I wouldn't marry a revert, a born Muslim or a non-Muslim.

What about Jinn? :D

[Abu Loren]

I can't believe this. This poll is for sisters and brothers are gettin in on the act. LOL

[ardianto]

In my place there are White men, also Black African and Latinos who convert to Islam because they married local Muslim women. Mostly of marriage between born-Muslim and revert in my place happened this way, while case which a foreign man convert to Islam then start looking for local Muslim woman are very rare.

[Abu Loren]

In my place there are White men, also Black African and Latinos who convert to Islam because they married local Muslim women. Mostly of marriage between born-Muslim and revert in my place happened this way, while case which a foreign man convert to Islam then start looking for local Muslim woman are very rare.

Mashaa Allah I knew a few indonesian sisters in another forum and they were all happy go lucky smiling people without any chips on their shoulders. I can understand why Muslims and non-Muslim foreigners would want to marry them.

[ardianto]

Mashaa Allah I knew a few indonesian sisters in another forum and they were all happy go lucky smiling people without any chips on their shoulders. I can understand why Muslims and non-Muslim foreigners would want to marry them.

One of them was my customer. I don't know his born name because he had change his name into Muslim name, but I know he is British. Also I have meet a Muslim couple which the husband is Japanese.

[cOsMiCiNtUiTiOn]

I'm a revert myself so I'm not qualified to vote here. However, here's my two pesos.

When I was still doing portraiture I photographed a Muslim couple after their Nikah and before their walimah. Anyway the brother was a Mexican convert and the sister and Egyptian born Muslim I asked many questions, and I think that yes it can work and sisters should consider a revert however something has to be kept in mind. Men are the leaders of the household and the sisters follow them, so their knowledge has to be a good, and a new revert brother is not a good match for a born Muslim sister *in my opinion*. The reason the couple I photographed seemed to work and why the sister accepted him was because he had been a revert for many years and he learned fluent Arabic. I highly doubt her parents would have accepted him otherwise.

So I guess what I'm trying to say is that if a revert brother wants to marry a born Muslim woman needs to make sure he is a very good understanding of Islam and if firm in his deen. The longer he has been Muslim the better as this will give the woman and her family confidence that the brother is in Islam to stay and it isn't some kind of phase and their daughter will be in safe hands.

- cOsMiC

[ardianto]

So I guess what I'm trying to say is that if a revert brother wants to marry a born Muslim woman needs to make sure he is a very good understanding of Islam and if firm in his deen.

Mostly of convert in my place who married born Muslims converted to Islam prior to nikah. But I don't think this is a problem because those convert can learn Islam further after they become Muslims.

Sis, marriage is a learning process which the husband and the wife learn how to become good husband and good wife.

:)

[cOsMiCiNtUiTiOn]

Yes I understand that husband and wife help each other learn and grow together and I fully agree with you. However there is great danger in reverting for the sake of marriage, the sincerity is lost there. It is safest for a sister to marry someone who is anchored, firm and has been practicing for along while (I didn't say perfect as we all have ups and downs) vs marrying somebody who converted to marry her. If the man decides Islam is not for him and leaves, she has no choice but to divorce as a Muslim woman is not allowed to be married to a non Muslim. A whole can of worms will be opened in a scenario like that.

I didn't say it wasn't possible or that it never happens, I'm sure it does. However as a mother of a girl things like this do cross my mind and no I would not allow her to marry off to a brand new revert, especially if he reverted in order to marry her. sorry.

A long time revert of lets say 7+ years who is firm in his deen, yes I would consider.

it's just my opinion though :)

- KatNip

[Iceee]

I didn't say it wasn't possible or that it never happens, I'm sure it does. However as a mother of a girl things like this do cross my mind and no I would not allow her to marry off to a brand new revert, especially if he reverted in order to marry her. sorry.

Salaam.

So if she wanted to marry a non-muslim man who was willing to convert, you wouldn't allow it? Would you stop her?

[cOsMiCiNtUiTiOn]

Salaam.

So if she wanted to marry a non-muslim man who was willing to convert, you wouldn't allow it? Would you stop her?

She would not have my approval nope. Keep in mind I am a revert of 8 years myself :D so has nothing to do with the whole born Muslim vs revert deal. I don't feel it would be wise to marry my daughter off to somebody "willing to revert". If his interest in Islam was sincere and genuine, he would have converted by the time the idea of marriage came up. simple.

- cOsMiC

[Iceee]

Salaam.

Mostly of convert in my place who married born Muslims converted to Islam prior to nikah. But I don't think this is a problem because those convert can learn Islam further after they become Muslims.

Agreed, I believe the best way to learn is to marry that person of that culture, you can always learn together.

If the man decides Islam is not for him and leaves, she has no choice but to divorce as a Muslim woman is not allowed to be married to a non Muslim.

The same could happen to anyone; whether they were born muslim, converted a few years ago, or recently converted.

She would not have my approval nope. Keep in mind I am a revert of 8 years myself so has nothing to do with the whole born Muslim vs revert deal. I don't feel it would be wise to marry my daughter off to somebody "willing to revert". If his interest in Islam was sincere and genuine, he would have converted by the time the idea of marriage came up. simple.

I agree with the sense that it is best that the convert know some of Islam. It would be embarrassing for him/her not to know the proper steps to marriage, the Quran, about the Prophet (peace be upon him), the shaking of hands with the opposite gender etc.

[cOsMiCiNtUiTiOn]

The same could happen to anyone; whether they were born muslim, converted a few years ago, or recently converted.

Of course it can happen to anyone at any given time. The chances are waaaaaaay slimmer for someone who has been practicing for a long time and this has to be considered.

I'm not sure you can relate much to this threas because A) you are super young B) you are a born muslim Alhamdullilah c) you are not a muslimah :shade:

Not that your opinion isn't appreciated or anything, just keep an open mind to those who have been down a path you haven't kwim? :)

so I mean really....


- KatNip

[Iceee]

Of course it can happen to anyone at any given time. The chances are waaaaaaay slimmer for someone who has been practicing for a long time and this has to be considered.

B) you are a born muslim Alhamdullilah

Born Muslim? It's my parents and society that taught me the Islamic way.

Or if you say I was born Muslim, then aren't we all born Muslim? But society changes us?


It's true that a person who has been following a certain religion all their life is willing to change religion. But I mean, a convert may actually be more devoted to their religion than someone who was born into it. That said, if your daughter does bring home a non-Muslim man, it would be awkward in many senses.

[cOsMiCiNtUiTiOn]

Born Muslim? It's my parents and society that taught me the Islamic way.

Or if you say I was born Muslim, then aren't we all born Muslim? But society changes us?


It's true that a person who has been following a certain religion all their life is willing to change religion. But I mean, a convert may actually be more devoted to their religion than someone who was born into it. That said, if your daughter does bring home a non-Muslim man, it would be awkward in many senses.

Yes you were born a muslim, meaning you didn't revert and have non muslim family.

I agree, reverts in many cases are much more dedicated, however a brand new revert has LOTS to learn , thus not a good match for a sister who has been practicing all of her life (every situation is different though), this is due to many reasons that I cannot be bothered to list. You would have had to experience marriage and have had children to begin to grasp how important all of this is. Marrying a woman off is not the same as a man choosing a woman to marry. A woman is married OFF, meaning, she will form then on be the man's responsibility.

Being a mother of a girl and being a woman myself, I say it is NOT wise so marry off a woman to a new revert. :) If they revert together, fine, that is different. This thread, however is speaking of Muslim women born into a Muslim family and who have been Muslim all of their lives.

- cOsMiC

[Iceee]

Yes you were born a muslim, meaning you didn't revert and have non muslim family.

I and anyone else wouldn't say they were born Muslim. It's like saying you were born gay. I understand what you mean but it's better to say that I was born into a Muslim family and so I was taught the way of Islam really early in my life.

[Iceee]

She would not have my approval nope.

Salaam.

A lot of times, this is said. Even my parents told me as a kid that if I married a white girl, they'd kick me out. Lol.

The thing is, you don't know what the future brings. You'll support your child no matter what she chooses. All parents should and will (especially if they are Muslim parents) support their children's spouse. We just don't think of it yet and we don't want to. But if it does happen, that's when the biggest test comes.

Let your child marry whomever she wants, it's her choice. You can always say no, but guess what, it's her choice lol. Support her, love her, and be happy that she married a man who she loves whether he is a Muslim, Non-Muslim, or about to convert.

[cOsMiCiNtUiTiOn]

I and anyone else wouldn't say they were born Muslim. It's like saying you were born gay. I understand what you mean but it's better to say that I was born into a Muslim family and so I was taught the way of Islam really early in my life.

lol it is totally NOT the same as saying someone was born gay. Bad comparison bro. I say it the way I do, because I was not born a Muslim, my parent thought me another religion and i chose Islam, Alhamdullilah because Allah guided me to it. So I see it differently from you perhaps.

I do agree with you it is better to say born into a Muslim family. I will stick with that :) from now on. Jazaak Allah Khair!

- cOsMiC

[Cabdullahi]

:sl:



What about Jinn? :D

Nah, not even jinns.

[cOsMiCiNtUiTiOn]

Salaam.

A lot of times, this is said. Even my parents told me as a kid that if I married a white girl, they'd kick me out. Lol.

The thing is, you don't know what the future brings. You'll support your child no matter what she chooses. All parents should and will (especially if they are Muslim parents) support their children's spouse. We just don't think of it yet and we don't want to. But if it does happen, that's when the biggest test comes.

Let your child marry whomever she wants, it's her choice. You can always say no, but guess what, it's her choice lol. Support her, love her, and be happy that she married a man who she loves whether he is a Muslim, Non-Muslim, or about to convert.

You have a point yes, but to an extent. Arranged marriages have a higher rate of success and as a divorcee, I don't wish this life upon my daughter so I will try my best to raise her a good Muslimah and in sha Allah she will opt for her parents' recommendation instead of go and "choose who she wants". Because when one is young and they "choose who they want"... it just doesn't really work out. Society as w hole can prove this easily. In sha Allah, my daughter can choose who she wants from the suitors she is presented, that's how it should be. Long time from now in sha Allah, she's only 6! lol. I really don't want to keep talking about that, I mean I'm still working on getting married mysefl! looooool. In sha Allah.

As I stated before, a MAN choosing a wife is waaaay different than marrying off a woman to a man. You cannot compare it. If you marry a white girl and your parents kick you out, then you, as a man will still have to get on your feet and provide for your wife as she is YOUR responsibility. That was your role anyway to begin with XD. It doesn't work the same the other way around. If a sister gets disowned she has no fall back. Why do you suggest the rules about a wali being present and involved are so strict? It is to prevent harm for the sisters. It is indeed alot different for the sister who is born into a muslim family (Alhamdullilah!) than for the sister who doesn't have muslim parents to watch out for her in this way. :hmm:

hope I make sense.

- cOsMiC

[جوري]

No- I have a general mistrust of converts - maybe in a different period of time and not a time of great tribulations & schisms.. Of course one might meet with someone who'd change their minds but my general experience with converts has been well.. less than ideal!

:w:

[MustafaMc]

Did not the sahabah all start out as converts? Did the Ansar intermarry with the Muhajirun? I see that intermarriage is the way to build a sense of community and the lack thereof tends to fragment society. I find it encouraging that only 1 Muslimah would not marry a convert.

[Amat Allah]

Did not the sahabah all start out as converts?

Yes, and they were and are the best Muslims of all times May Allah unite us with them Ameeen

if he is a new convert then I'll teach him and show him the beauty of the Deen of Allah which he has chosen as a way of life and I my self know not everything so, with him asking about this and that ; i will learn so much about ma Deen in'shaa Allah...so, why not? i really see no difference between a convert , revert and one who born in a muslim family...May Allah grant every single one the best match Ameeeeen and as i said before whether a revert or whatever we need to pray Istikharah and seek the help of Allah in all of our matters...then I guarantee you all; you will neither be disappointed nor harmed...He Is Allah O my Love O Allah.

And whatever your opinion would be then you will get nothing but what Allah had written for ya and I assure ya that it is always the best for you Alhamdulilah

[MustafaMc]

if he is a new convert then I'll teach him and show him the beauty of the Deen of Allah which he has chosen as a way of life

Assalamu alaikum, my kind and respected Ukhti. And who better to teach a new convert than one's spouse? A pious Muslim spouse would be the second greatest blessing for a convert, the first being guidance to Sirat al Mustaqueem! Allah willed a test for me by not bringing a Muslim wife to me when I was young. Either due to my impatience and failure of the test or due to His will that it should happen that way, but due to my discouragement I stopped practicing Islam and married a Christian. I left Islam for 16 years, but alhamdulillah He guided me back to Islam almost 12 years ago and my wife became a Muslimah. I, therefore, had the opportunity to "teach her and show her the beauty of the Deen of Allah". I fault only myself for leaving Islam, but I believe it would have been easier for me had Allah willed that I should marry a practicing Muslimah. Perhaps it was as you wrote:

you will get nothing but what Allah had written for ya and I assure ya that it is always the best for you Alhamdulilah

[Amat Allah]

Wa Alikum Assalaamu Wa Rahmatullahi Wa Barakaatuh my respected and noble brother,

May Allah love you and your wife , make you happy always and forever and make you from the best of His slaves and servants Ameeen

I believe it would have been easier for me had Allah willed that I should marry a practicing Muslimah.

Allah knows

Perhaps it was as you wrote: you will get nothing but what Allah had written for ya and I assure ya that it is always the best for you Alhamdulilah

It is for sure what I have written above and always; nothing happens but has some great wisdom and mercy behind it Alhamdulilah. May Allah give you and the whole world the best of the best in this dunya and Al Akhirah too Ameeeeen

btw, I am really happy and honored knowing all of you brothers and sisters and I love you madly from the bottom of my heart's core just for the sake of Allah whether reverts or whatever; we are all sons and daughters of one Ummah and that's enough for me to love you insanely...this is the love that Allah planted in the hearts of the believers; so pure, high, eternal, unconditional and so away from this paltry worldy life... may Allah love you my precious and dear Ummah and give you back your glory so soon Ameeeeen

[Qurratul Ayn]

:salamext:

My own Brothers and Sister wish to marry reverts, :ia: they will

if he is a new convert then I'll teach him and show him the beauty of the Deen of Allah which he has chosen as a way of life and I my self know not everything so, with him asking about this and that ; i will learn so much about ma Deen in'shaa Allah...so, why not? i really see no difference between a convert , revert and one who born in a muslim family...May Allah grant every single one the best match Ameeeeen and as i said before whether a revert or whatever we need to pray Istikharah and seek the help of Allah in all of our matters...then I guarantee you all; you will neither be disappointed nor harmed...He Is Allah O my Love O Allah.

My precious and beloved Sister Amat Allah has written it all really. Absolutely

It should not matter whether the person is born Muslim or a revert, what y'all should question yourselves; Does that person truly and completely love :Allah::swt: and His Creations regardless of negativity? Are they trying their utmost to please the Lord of the Heavens? Are they learning Islaam and practising Islaam too so their acquisition of knowledge is applied in their daily lives?

I don't have any problems whatsoever with reverts, they are better in everything than many born Muslims, I truly believe that. The problem with many born Muslims is that the ridiculous and idiotic element that is culture comes into play. That is the case unfortunately for majority of born Muslims. And it can ruin, devastate and cause colossal problems when a person tries their utmost to follow Islaam properly or has found a Muslim spouse of a different ethnic background, as "sentiments", "feelings" and stupid "traditions" that are completely and utterly wrong in every single way affect lives, decisions especially with marriages.

Yes, there are things to think about when marrying a revert more so than for born Muslims but for me the questions are whether they're born Muslims marrying or one of them a revert or they're both reverts; "Will they help each other to follow Islaam and please :Allah::swt:? Are the couple able to work together, live together and support each other? Are the intended couple happy with this? 100% sure?

And there are always problems with the groom and bride families before marriage and after whether both spouses are born Muslims, or one is born Muslim and the other is a revert, or they're both reverts. Adjustment is needed regardless. There will always be problems despite being born Muslim or being a revert. Even if it's a microscopic thing, someone guaranteed will be unhappy and will let y'all know it too

My thoughts

Ma Salama

[جوري]

For the record I wasn't the one who voted no- rather the last option I am not big on theoretical Qs there's something impersonal and outlandish about them - it's what it is always about the individual and intuition!

But people do have their preferences!
How many white converts here prefer white women for instance?
I've seen a couple here who professed such an interest it shouldn't be a crime to have a preference!

:w:

[Abu Loren]

For the record I wasn't the one who voted no- rather the last option I am not big on theoretical Qs there's something impersonal and outlandish about them - it's what it is always about the individual and intuition!

But people do have their preferences!
How many white converts here prefer white women for instance?
I've seen a couple here who professed such an interest it shouldn't be a crime to have a preference!

:w:

It's OK if you don't want to marry a revert. Contrary to what people have been writing here, you are in the majority. Many Muslimah's are really scared that they would do something drastic like apostating or worse with a revert. Whilst others don't see reverts as real Muslims. No really.

[جوري]

Life doesn't come with certainty and I personally have no fears - I just enjoy certain things that I don't think I can have with converts but I haven't found in most Muslims as well - the people who have ever propositioned me were WASPS. I want someone أبي and There's just no western equivalent to that.

[Qurratul Ayn]

:salamext:

But people do have their preferences!

it shouldn't be a crime to have a preference!

Of course it isn't a crime, my sweet! Each to their own, if you're not comfortable with the idea of marrying a revert then that is absolutely fine as you've clearly stated your reasons why.

Brother Abu Loren did this thread to see the responses of the Sisters and even said to give reasons whatever the option, I'm quite certain no one thinks any less for saying no to marrying a revert, we all have our own preferences and choices, that's what makes each and every one of us unique and pretty special, ya know? :D

Many Muslimah's are really scared that they would do something drastic like apostating or worse with a revert. Whilst others don't see reverts as real Muslims.

This is true and the last part (I've highlighted it) saddens me, but the reasons you've given as to why many of my Sisters out there that won't marry reverts are valid as there are people, unfortunately, who became Muslim then backed away as it may have been overwhelming for them, too hard or whatever the reason they convinced themselves with to turn away, which the accursed shaytaan would have been pleased with no doubt.

Life doesn't come with certainty

True that, my Sister.

"Life is short and full of blisters"
African-American Proverb.

I want someone أبي and There's just no western equivalent to that.

Again, each to their own. Absolutely nothing, I mean nothing, wrong with that, :ia: your Du'as will be answered

"I share no man's opinions; I have my own"
Ivan Turgenev

Classic

[MustafaMc]

I just enjoy certain things that I don't think I can have with converts but I haven't found in most Muslims as well

Assalamu alaikum, respected Ukhti. Everyone has the right to their preferences and I respect your honest and forthrightness. From my perspective a woman must first respect her husband even before love. I don't know the full story of the marriage between Zaynab bint Jahsh and Zayed ibn Harithah, but I can imagine the difficulty for a woman of high social standing being satisfied with a former slave. Using this as an example, I can imagine it may be difficult for some Muslimahs to respect a convert who doesn't know Arabic, very many surahs, all of the various sunnahs, and who may still be trying to find his way Islamically. (It is not an easy transition to becoming a Muslim and it is very easy to get discouraged particularly for Caucasian converts in USA.) I am not insinuating that this is your reason, but from my perspective I can see lack of respect for a convert is reasonable for the afore mentioned reasons. BTW Could you tell me the meaning for the alif-ba-ya word?

[جوري]

Assalamu alaikum, respected Ukhti. Everyone has the right to their preferences and I respect your honest and forthrightness. From my perspective a woman must first respect her husband even before love. I don't know the full story of the marriage between Zaynab bint Jahsh and Zayed ibn Harithah, but I can imagine the difficulty for a woman of high social standing being satisfied with a former slave. Using this as an example, I can imagine it may be difficult for some Muslimahs to respect a convert who doesn't know Arabic, very many surahs, all of the various sunnahs, and who may still be trying to find his way Islamically. (It is not an easy transition to becoming a Muslim and it is very easy to get discouraged particularly for Caucasian converts in USA.) I am not insinuating that this is your reason, but from my perspective I can see lack of respect for a convert is reasonable for the afore mentioned reasons. BTW Could you tell me the meaning for the alif-ba-ya word?

I said in a previous thread that there are three things I look for or need to have in a partner and unfortunately it is missing from most.. It really isn't any reasons that you may think or posted above and it certainly not snootiness on my part God knows but one of the reasons you mention is important indeed... I don't know if I can marry someone I don't respect and respect has to come from strong character and I perceive that in certain traits - I need them there to have a foundation and then everything else can be built upon that. I am learning Quran myself, I am learning sunnah myself and I am learning Arabic myself it is an ongoing thing like with any science.. not starting at the same point isn't at all a detraction what matters is where we end up and how we use it all along..

the abbii word you won't find an equivalent to in English.. usually comes in the dictionary under a negative light... someone who is rebellious or a renegade when in fact in Arabic it is a gallant trait and not a trait of some bandits or folks who have fell off the band wagon..

fi aman illah

:w:

[ardianto]

Quality of a Muslim is not determined by how long he become Muslim.

In fact, percentage of pious Muslim among convert is far higher than among born Muslim.

[Iceee]

In fact, percentage of pious Muslim among convert is far higher than among born Muslim.

That's probably based on where you live and what you have seen in your area.

[Al-Mufarridun]

:sl:

As other brothers have expressed their views on this subject, even though the topic was directed towards the sisters, I would like to share my thoughts on this matter. I agree with those who say there should be no difference between a born-Muslim and a revert. I also believe that the length of one's belief should be taken into account. The particular state I live in there have been plenty of cases were someone would meet a Muslim sister at work or school, a 'relationship' would develop and the guy would become 'Muslim' just to marry the sister without any serious conviction. After a while everything goes to ruin. I'm not saying every revert is like that, but this type of conversion is something i would be very cautious of if I was the Wali of a Muslimah.

Allah :swt: knows best.

[MustafaMc]

the abbii word you won't find an equivalent to in English.. usually comes in the dictionary under a negative light... someone who is rebellious or a renegade when in fact in Arabic it is a gallant trait and not a trait of some bandits or folks who have fell off the band wagon..

Would nonconformist, individualist, contrarian, or maverick approximate the word? Does it mean someone who is not afraid to stand alone for what he believes is the Truth?

[جوري]

Would nonconformist, individualist, contrarian, or maverick approximate the word? Does it mean someone who is not afraid to stand alone for what he believes is the Truth?

yes- indeed the way you described in the end sums it up brilliantly but with military prowess. Someone who soldiers on quite literally but combines the other two traits.
I think probably few people in history have ever been that with and combined knowledge (wisdom) & faith the prophet Suliman, David, khalid ibn ilwaleed.
Anyhow women don't give birth to the likes of them anymore.. :alhamd: converts or not.. but probably the feeling that we're an ancient people I just don't have with westerners although their brand of Islam seems purist if they truly stick to it and don't try to 'modernize' it- and with eastern converts there's the subject of baggage some bring from their old ideologies which I believe is the root of many tribulations & divisions we've today ..
So I mean those are my personal concerns and I have had the occasional person offer to convert for marriage purposes so it is obviously very upsetting if there's an expectation rather than a meta philosophical need fulfilled. I am open to amend those prejudices if the right person comes along & convinces me and that's a gift from :Allah::swt: knowing whether someone is sincere or not is an intuitive thing... without having to drag posts along on this forum for instance we almost collectively tell even from behind the screen who is here for what purpose that sort of sense isn't borne of rationale but I think it is more logical than our conscious mind even if completely illogical and visceral to discuss.

:w:

[Scimitar]

There are two sayings I think fit perfectly for this topic, so I'll end the post with them. They'll provide you some food for thought too.

1) Take the road less travelled.
2) better the devil you know than the devil you don't.

Assalaam alaikum bro Aamirsaab,

I think these pose a contradiction.

Take the road less travelled is implying that YES, marry a revert.

Better the devil you know, than the devil you don't is implying that you're better off marrying someone from your own community, a born Muslim.

Am I the only one who sees this or? :nervous:

Scimi

[MustafaMc]

Although not of Khalid bin Walid's caliber, what you wrote reminded my of Thomas 'Stonewall' Jackson in the American Civil War.

From Wikipedia, <Military historians consider Jackson to be one of the most gifted tactical commanders in U.S. history. His Valley Campaign and his envelopment of the Union Army right wing at Chancellorsville are studied worldwide even today as examples of innovative and bold leadership.... Jackson rose to prominence and earned his most famous nickname at the First Battle of Bull Run (First Manassas) on July 21, 1861. As the Confederate lines began to crumble under heavy Union assault, Jackson's brigade provided crucial reinforcements on Henry House Hill, demonstrating the discipline he instilled in his men.... Jackson's religion has often been discussed. ...It was the fear of God which made him so fearless of all else ... Jackson thought of the war as a religious crusade, and viewed himself as an Old Testament warrior - like David or Joshua - who went into battle to slay the Philistines.>

One thought came to my mind relative to a quote I read, "God doesn’t give you the people you want, he gives you the people you need. To help you, to hurt you, to leave you, to love you and to make you the person you were meant to be." We have our ideals for our perfect spouse, but maybe the spouse or suitor we are given was meant to teach us something special experientially that another, more 'perfect' mate could not. Maybe we keep having troubles in different areas related to the spouse we have or don't have because we haven't learnt the lesson that Allah (swt) has intended for us to learn.

[sohail1234]

Wa Alikum Assalaam Wa Rahmatullahi Wa Barakaatuh
Yes I can .If she has strong believe on Allah Almighty and his Messenger also believe that Muhammad (S.A.W) is the last messenger of Allah Almighty and there is no God Except the Allah.He is the lord of world.
Allah Most High says:

�Do not marry unbelieving women until they believe. A slave woman who believes is better than an unbelieving woman, even though if she attracts you. And not marry (your girls) to unbelievers until they believe. A man slave who believes is better than an unbeliever, even though if he attracts you. Unbelievers do (but) beckon you to the fire but Allah beckons by His grace to the garden (of bliss) and forgiveness, and makes His signs clear to mankind; that they may receive admonition�. (al-Baqarah, 221).

[جوري]

Although not of Khalid bin Walid's caliber, what you wrote reminded my of Thomas 'Stonewall' Jackson in the American Civil War.

From Wikipedia, <Military historians consider Jackson to be one of the most gifted tactical commanders in U.S. history. His Valley Campaign and his envelopment of the Union Army right wing at Chancellorsville are studied worldwide even today as examples of innovative and bold leadership.... Jackson rose to prominence and earned his most famous nickname at the First Battle of Bull Run (First Manassas) on July 21, 1861. As the Confederate lines began to crumble under heavy Union assault, Jackson's brigade provided crucial reinforcements on Henry House Hill, demonstrating the discipline he instilled in his men.... Jackson's religion has often been discussed. ...It was the fear of God which made him so fearless of all else ... Jackson thought of the war as a religious crusade, and viewed himself as an Old Testament warrior - like David or Joshua - who went into battle to slay the Philistines.>

One thought came to my mind relative to a quote I read, "God doesn’t give you the people you want, he gives you the people you need. To help you, to hurt you, to leave you, to love you and to make you the person you were meant to be." We have our ideals for our perfect spouse, but maybe the spouse or suitor we are given was meant to teach us something special experientially that another, more 'perfect' mate could not. Maybe we keep having troubles in different areas related to the spouse we have or don't have because we haven't learnt the lesson that Allah (swt) has intended for us to learn.

I already have my troubles in other areas I want to come home to someone who'll shoulder them with me not add to the list of misery- i am not asking for the impossible - none of it is materialistic or worldly just what I consider favorable personality traits which I can't do without in a partner. What's the point of marriage if one can be self sufficient on their own? I realize men and women are different in that regard men and women have different needs in a marriage they're meant to compliment one another not be supplementary one needs a maid who'll also act as a bedmate while the other needs shelter and someone to support her shopping habits just comes up empty for me!

:w:

[username95]

I would, but i think their will be clashes between my family and his and also the language barriers between him and my parents. So in my case although i really don't mind marrying a revert, marrying someone from my own culture would be the best choice..

[aflawedbeing]

The thread was too long, and I didn't read. BUT, I feel like I have to contribute as a revert male myself.

I'm a revert, and married to a born Muslimah. :) I'm so thankful that she fought to marry me too, as her family continually told her (before she accepted) me all about how 'reverts are a myth' and they 'always go back to jahil' or use Islam to guide born Muslims astray after marriage.

Just months later, she told me of her mother in the Masjid during Ramadhan upon being asked about me, telling an auntie about how she couldn't ask for a better son-in-law. *Emotional tearsss!!!*

[~Zaria~]

:salamext:

I dont think this question can be given a 'yes' or 'no' answer in itself.

Theres many other factors that one needs to take into consideration as well -

including culture, family dynamics, the potential spouses relationship with Allah and his desire to learn more, the duration the person has been practising Islam, the persons lifestyle before he/ she embraced islam (and your personal ability to see past it), guidance from Allah Taa'la by the means of istikaarah, to name a few....

Every person is an individual, with a completely different life story.

It should not be the case where we can give a 'blanket' rule, whether we will/ will not marry those who revert to Islam.

By doing so, we are in essence, developing a stereotype of those who have reverted......and we are generalising this, to all those who may fall into this category.

Who knows what a beautiful person you may be missing out on, by doing so....

Lets give everyone a fair chance, and make decisions upon their own individual merit.

We all would desire the same.

One thought came to my mind relative to a quote I read, "God doesn’t give you the people you want, he gives you the people you need. To help you, to hurt you, to leave you, to love you and to make you the person you were meant to be." We have our ideals for our perfect spouse, but maybe the spouse or suitor we are given was meant to teach us something special experientially that another, more 'perfect' mate could not. Maybe we keep having troubles in different areas related to the spouse we have or don't have because we haven't learnt the lesson that Allah (swt) has intended for us to learn.

:jz: for sharing this quote with us.

Its very true.
Nothing on this earth lasts forever.
In the same way, Allah Taa'la sends people into our lives - who were only meant to be with us for a period of time....sometimes as a trial - which could be a means of punishment for us in this worldly life, or a means for us to turn back to Him.

Sometimes people are sent into your life - and Allah Taa'la already KNOWS that they will leave you hurt - but still He sends them into your life.
Why?

Perhaps its a means for us to realise that our heart should belong to HIM - in its true sense.
And, by being let down by someone who is close to us, it serves as a reminder to rely upon and place our trust in Allah (subhanawataála), OVER anyone and everyone else.
Without this trial, we may never have realised this.

So, when marriages dont work out, for whatever reason - its not because: 'He/ she was a revert' or 'He/ she was a bad person', etc
Allah azza wajjal will judge that.
It is for you to work out what was the lesson that Allah Taa'la is trying to teach you.

Ultimately, He only desires that we return to HIM.
And He would continue giving us trials in life - in many forms (sometimes by means of other people) - so that, in shaa Allah, we realise this.....before our time runs out.


:wasalamex

[MustafaMc]

And He would continue giving us trials in life - in many forms (sometimes by means of other people) - so that, in shaa Allah, we realise this.....before our time runs out.

Assalamu alaikum, sister, another thought came to my mind. Marriage often calls for us to forgive the other at times and at other times to ask for forgiveness. Sometimes words are said or actions taken in marriage that are very hurtful to the partner. It is easier to get a divorce during those difficult times, but often times it is better to stay together and work toward forgiving each other. I believe that it is pretty unusual for someone to be deeply hurt and then be able to forgive the transgressor, but those who do so experience a small similitude to what we hope for on Judgment Day. I believe that, in and of itself, is a rare blessing - sorta like a rainbow after a thunderstorm.

[Sumaiya54]

Asa,
I would marry a revert because I am a revert myself and frankly it would be easier for my family if I married someone whose own family didn't have a lot of cultural barriers (you can still run into those when marrying a revert however). But apart from the fact that I'm a revert myself, I don't think there is a lot of backing to the thought that reverts are more likely to go back to their old ways. I'm guessing that a lot of more born-Muslims grow up to be non practicing then reverts leaving Islam but I could be wrong.
Allah knows best, and its all in His plan. If He intends for me to marry a revert or born-Muslim, that is how it is going to be.

[CosmicPathos]

Comparing Khalid bin Waleed with Sulaiman and David? The last two are Prophets, higher in status than Khalid bin Waleed, no matter what angle you look at it from.

Khalid ibn Waleed (ra) was a great personality but had his weaknesses. He helped Muslims in winning many battles (we often forget that victory is from Allah, He chose Khalid (ra) for that). His weaknesses are also obvious in written records, as evident from Umar ibn Khattab's relationship with Khalid (ra).

[Al-bint]

:sl:

I would have no problem provided my parents agree. What I feel is that from the place that I come from, most born in Muslim families take Islam for-granted whereas I feel that reverts are much more practicing and have much more knowledge about the Islamic do hows. So, if I were given a choice maybe I'd go for a revert :)



Wa salaam !

[aflawedbeing]

In Islam you always have that choice, sister.

[MuslimahRo]

Assalam walaikum.
Good question! For years, I was looking for someone, with a focus on finding a revert or someone interested in Islam and willing to revert after learning more about it. I would prefer to marry an attractive and well-educated Caucasian white revert as they seem kind and understanding and most compatible with me and my uperclass education and lineage. So yes, I would marry a revert who fits the criteria I am looking for. Alhamdulillah, I found somebody who is interested in me and Islam! I am extremely grateful to Allah Subhan wa tala.

[MuslimahRo]

Actually, I would not marry a non revert because I have had bad experiences dealing with ethnic people, including relatives who are of an Asian background. I just hate how misunderstanding and misogynist they are! I have been infantalized and abused by a bunch of ethnic psychopaths and their ethnic husbands. I never want to deal with them or their kind again. I don't even look like those people. I am mixed genetically. I don't even find those people physically attractive. I would never marry one of them or other ethnic Muslim male. They are very selfish and clever and cunning. I grew up in America. I don't have time for nonsense and dishonesty. Or, ethnic baggage.

[MuslimahRo]

I do realize marrying a revert guy often means not having Muslim in-laws. That is something I can do without. I have seen how these "Muslim" in-laws malfunction and cause friction and trouble in their sons' marriages. Monsters-in-laws are a better term for them, especially crazy, ethnic "mothers-in-law."

[MuslimahRo]

It is better to marry a revert and/or someone from a different background than not to get married because one is not interested in guys from one's or one's parents' country of origin or because one is afraid of them and their crazy, controlling demeanors. I have talked to and heard of women in the West who do not want to marry guys from their ethnic backgrounds and, therefore, they swear off marriage. I think they are limiting themselves. There are so many options nowadays. People can even find spouses online!