Brothers - Would you marry a Revert or Women from the People of the Book?

[Abu Loren]

As'alaamu Alaikkum Wa Rahmatullahi Wa Barakatuhu

To coincide with the other poll for the sisters this is for the brothers.

Brothers - Would you marry a Revert or a woman from the People of the Book? This is allowed by the way, if anybody is doubting.

Please when giving answers be honest as it is the best policy.

[Al-Mufarridun]

As'alaamu Alaikkum Wa Rahmatullahi Wa Barakatuhu

To coincide with the other poll for the sisters this is for the brothers.

Brothers - Would you marry a Revert or a woman from the People of the Book? This is allowed by the way, if anybody is doubting.

Please when giving answers be honest as it is the best policy.

One wonders how many of the women of today that say they are christian or jews, would actually be considered to be from 'the people of the book' mentioned in the Qur'an?

[YusufNoor]

:sl:

i think at this point, being a revert, i would prefer a revert. i was married to a nice Somalian sister, but she had many Somali customs verses Islamic customs. over the course of a few years, she realized and made a lot of changes.

i know some other Somali sisters, and while they mean well, they try to get you to adopt Somali customs instead of Islamic ones.

i speak from experience as well, that the Somali men can hold quite a few prejudices as well. the Imam of my wife's tribe told her that "they" thought that maybe i was a spy instead of a genuine revert. :raging: actually, because of my study of religion, i was quite popular and hold many discussions with Imams and Daiyees who travel the world. yet when the sister and i wanted to get married, "they" tried to discourage her because "Americans" are evil. "they told her that she'd be abused or killed! ^o)

people that are born Muslim tend to think that they "know" more than you, even those that don't study. a revert has the advantage that we can easily avoid all the baggage that isn't Islam.

so, with all that in mind, i think it would be better to find a revert and let her learn at her own pace.

then again, maybe i can find a nice Jewish girl!!! ;D

ma salaama

[Abu Loren]

people that are born Muslim tend to think that they "know" more than you, even those that don't study. a revert has the advantage that we can easily avoid all the baggage that isn't Islam.

I don't know how old you are bro but more wiser words have not been said on this forum yet.

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[Scimitar]

In sha Allah I will be marrying one. She's on this forum too :) but we didn't meet here so don't go thinking this site is a dating site ok?

keep us in your dua

Scimi

[Scimitar]

As'alaamu Alaikkum Wa Rahmatullahi Wa Barakatuhu

To coincide with the other poll for the sisters this is for the brothers.

Brothers - Would you marry a Revert or a woman from the People of the Book? This is allowed by the way, if anybody is doubting.

Please when giving answers be honest as it is the best policy.

Why only a revert woman from the people of the book?

Any revert is good to marry bro... why only make the distinction from the people of the book, namely Yahud or Nasari? Seems weird and very strange. A Hindu could revert to Islam, so could an atheist, so could anyone really... please clarify in greater detail what you intended with your post.

Scimi

[MustafaMc]

I don't know if the question is only for those who were born to Muslim parents and who were raised to be practicing Muslims as I am a convert from Christianity.

Actually that is 2 different questions. I did marry a Christian who later became a Muslim, but I really don't think I would ever marry either a Christian or a Jew if I became single again. I would marry a Muslimah whether she had converted to Islam or was raised as a Muslim.

Is it reasonable to presume that the Christians during the 7th century were somehow dramatically different from Christians today? I would say that Heraclius most likely had beliefs consistent with the modern Roman Catholic Church. There is even marked similarity between the Catholic and Protestant beliefs.

[Scimitar]

not being funny but the poll is waaay off... no i would not marry a woman from Jewish or Christian religions... but I would marry a revert as I am planning to... why have you placed them in the same cat? that's hardly gonna give anyone an accurate reading from a poll now is it?

Please place more thought into your posts brother Abu Loren

Scimi

[Iceee]

Id consider it but it would pose problems with the family. So I generally tend to stay clear of everything that may lead to even a slight conflict with my parents.......I understand they are flawed in their way of thinking but it doesn't mean I have to go out of my way to find someone, just to prove my point to them. I want my parents blessing in my marriage and thus I'm quite happy marrying a person who is from a similar cultural understanding to myself.

[Scimitar]

Well said bro Iceee, i used to think the same - until after two broken arranged marriage engagements and some very BIG troubles in the community with me finding a girl, and me reaching the age of 37 now, i think i have earnt the chance to be happy on my own terms in sha Allah.

my mother is cool with it, but my father is a bit dubious about it - however, he knows that with the amount of white hairs in my beard and head, and that slightly balding patch on my crown - it's time he stopped his dribble or he'll never have grand kids :D

Scimi

[Abu Loren]

not being funny but the poll is waaay off... no i would not marry a woman from Jewish or Christian religions... but I would marry a revert as I am planning to... why have you placed them in the same cat? that's hardly gonna give anyone an accurate reading from a poll now is it?

Please place more thought into your posts brother Abu Loren

Scimi

Actually bro what I meant was that there are 3 types of women here. A revert from any religion who became a believer and a Jew or a Chrstians Woman who have not yet converted. You know that Muslim men can marry a Jewish or a Christian women right?

[Iceee]

You know that Muslim men can marry a Jewish or a Christian women right?

I believe most Muslims know this.

There are many problems for the future that must be thought of:

What religion will your kids be raised in if you attend mosque 5 times a day and your wife goes to Church every Sunday, what do the children do? Attend both?

Questions like this are make people think who they want to marry, and also having children with this person.

Who do you go to for help? The priest? The Imam? The therapist? The parents who don't respect your spouse?

Just think before you get married. I'm not saying marrying a revert is a bad thing, just might be different than marrying someone who was raised in an Islamic home since birth.

[Abu Loren]

What religion will your kids be raised in if you attend mosque 5 times a day and your wife goes to Church every Sunday, what do the children do? Attend both?

Islamically the husband is the head of the household and the woman you are marrying must be made aware of this. She can go to church but if the husband wants the kids to be brought up Islamically then she has no say in the matter.

[Iceee]

Islamically the husband is the head of the household and the woman you are marrying must be made aware of this. She can go to church but if the husband wants the kids to be brought up Islamically then she has no say in the matter.

Think about the part in red ^^^

That's going to cause a problem.

Here's how I see it; You say she has no say? Give me an example. Because I think that if a revert woman sees you as to controlling, guess what? You'll end up losing half of your belongings, your kids, and your wife.

[Abu Loren]

Think about the part in red ^^^

That's going to cause a problem.

Here's how I see it; You say she has no say? Give me an example. Because I think that if a revert woman sees you as to controlling, guess what? You'll end up losing half of your belongings, your kids, and your wife.

Ice man don't you have to go to school or college or sumthin? You are here like 24/7.

Has the ice thawed there yet?

[Iceee]

Woke up for Fajr, Eating breakfast at the moment, have school in a bit. :)

Had one week off for March Break, school starting again in a couple of hours.

[cOsMiCiNtUiTiOn]

Think about the part in red ^^^

That's going to cause a problem.

Here's how I see it; You say she has no say? Give me an example. Because I think that if a revert woman sees you as to controlling, guess what? You'll end up losing half of your belongings, your kids, and your wife.

Firstly, this is why a man should be wise in choosing a spouse. If the inter faith marriage happened because a love relationship was developed beforehand (which means he was doing haraam to begin with), then the chances of it going wrong are much higher. Muslim men are allowed to marry women of the book, keep in mind though its women who actually follow their book :D. If it is a real woman of the book, he will have to approach her for marriage just like in Islam. Orthodox Christians do it this way you know, it is very rare now, but still happens.

Second any woman of the book knows that her husband is the leader of the home, if she truly is devoted to serving Allah and following her faith she will have no problems accepting this. Women tend to follow their men as this is in their nature and more often than not they become Muslim,that is part of the wisdom behind allowing inter faith marriages. Notice that non muslim men are forbidden to muslim women, why do you suggest that is?

Anyway, this is an entirely different subject lol so uhm... lets not derail it yes?

- cOsMiC

[Scimitar]

I think the clue is in the latter part of the ayah where Allah mentions "if you cannot be just then take one"...

...If a man knows his wife will refuse a second wife - and he goes ahead anyway, isn't that the first injustice?

Scimi

[Paprika]

Highly unlikely. Many reverts imo try to make Islam palatable with their previous religion/culture. I have noticed many of them prefer to continue working in their careers and find ways of justifying that it is permissible for women to work etc. without a real need.

[cOsMiCiNtUiTiOn]

Highly unlikely. Many reverts imo try to make Islam palatable with their previous religion/culture. I have noticed many of them prefer to continue working in their careers and find ways of justifying that it is permissible for women to work etc. without a real need.

I'm sorry to say that this isn't a revert issue. This is a feminism issue and it has plagued muslim women too. Most of the muslim women in my age range I know work full time/have careers and they are not reverts! (not discussing the permissibly of work here, just making a point).

The kind of scenarios spoken of when it comes to revert women (as what you just stated) are usually if not always due to a LOVE relationship initiating beforehand, then the woman decides to revert and we have a heap of problems because she is unfamiliar with Islam and the man who is involved in this haraam relationship isn't strong enough to set a good example of Islam. It is not the same or equal to a revert woman and a born muslim man deciding on marriage, discussing rules and plans, agreeing on them and then getting married. So lets not mix things up.

It isn't fair to generalize. I am a revert and I don't have those Ideals as you stated, I never did even before Islam, so we are not all the same. I actually find that many reverts, once they understand Islam and realize that it is their right to be provided for, have to put up a fight because their husband wants them working and providing for themselves. It happens all to often.

At the end of the day rules should be discussed BEFORE marriage, regardless if there's a revert involved here or not. If they are not in agreement and cannot compromise then they both go their separate ways. end of. It hasn't really to do with the woman being a revert or not.

- cOsMiC

[Paprika]

I'm sorry to say that this isn't a revert issue. This is a feminism issue and it has plagued muslim women too. Most of the muslim women in my age range I know work full time/have careers and they are not reverts! (not discussing the permissibly of work here, just making a point).

The kind of scenarios spoken of when it comes to revert women (as what you just stated) are usually if not always due to a LOVE relationship initiating beforehand, then the woman decides to revert and we have a heap of problems because she is unfamiliar with Islam and the man who is involved in this haraam relationship isn't strong enough to set a good example of Islam. It is not the same or equal to a revert woman and a born muslim man deciding on marriage, discussing rules and plans, agreeing on them and then getting married. So lets not mix things up.

It isn't fair to generalize. I am a revert and I don't have those Ideals as you stated, I never did even before Islam, so we are not all the same. I actually find that many reverts, once they understand Islam and realize that it is their right to be provided for, have to put up a fight because their husband wants them working and providing for themselves. It happens all to often.

At the end of the day rules should be discussed BEFORE marriage, regardless if there's a revert involved here or not. If they are not in agreement and cannot compromise then they both go their separate ways. end of. It hasn't really to do with the woman being a revert or not.

- cOsMiC

Good point, it's just what I have noticed on forums and some real life experiences, they have created quite a negative impression on me with regard to reverts. I knew a white revert who reverted not for love or anything but she still visited clubs etc with non mahrams and was looking for a marriage partner in these clubs :rollseyes

Her life remained quite the same as before, just that she was a muslim. May Allah Swt guide her. Ameen.

[Tyrion]

Many reverts imo try to make Islam palatable with their previous religion/culture. I have noticed many of them prefer to continue working in their careers and find ways of justifying that it is permissible for women to work etc. without a real need.

I find that most reverts end up living far purer lives than most born Muslims, since they come into it without any cultural baggage. Most born Muslims I know never manage to get past the fusion of Islam and culture they were raised with, with many of them believing that their cultural flavor of Islam is the purest form of Islam.

[Tyrion]

To answer the OP, yes I would marry a revert or a Christian/Jew if things worked out that way. In fact, I feel like I'd be more likely to do just that if I ever end up getting married. :p:

[Berries'forest]

...there seems to be a general disfavor here in marrying a born muslim from both revert and born muslum brothers. I find it strange why they would disregard a sister preassuming that she must be carrying some kind of cultural baggage. That's not always entirely true.

[MustafaMc]

there seems to be a general disfavor here in marrying a born muslim from both revert

Assalamu alaikum, I am not sure I understand your point, but I have not understood that Muslims prefer to marry reverts. My perception is the other way around in that it seems people want to marry people who have a similar background with born Muslims preferring to not marry converts. For myself I can see myself marrying a revert from Christianity as she could perhaps better relate to what I may say or write about comparing Christian theology with Islam, but only if she was firmly established in her deen, including wearing hijab. I can also see myself quite easily marrying a Muslimah raised by practicing Muslims regardless of their madhab, race or nationality as long as she spoke English fluently. If I had the opportunity to marry again one day, I would prefer a Muslimah who was very knowledgeable and pious Islamically and who knew Arabic so she could help me to grow in those areas.

[Berries'forest]

For myself I can see myself marrying a revert from Christianity as she could perhaps better relate to what I may say or write about comparing Christian theology with Islam, but only if she was firmly established in her deen, including wearing hijab. I can also see myself quite easily marrying a Muslimah raised by practicing Muslims regardless of their madhab, race or nationality as long as she spoke English fluently. If I had the opportunity to marry again one day, I would prefer a Muslimah who was very knowledgeable and pious Islamically and who knew Arabic so she could help me to grow in those areas.

Wa'alaikum assalam, That's very nice to know brother.

[Paprika]

I find that most reverts end up living far purer lives than most born Muslims, since they come into it without any cultural baggage. Most born Muslims I know never manage to get past the fusion of Islam and culture they were raised with, with many of them believing that their cultural flavor of Islam is the purest form of Islam.

To the contrary I have found many to be quite confused in their beliefs, often not knowing which sect to follow and differences in opinion among our scholars leaves them somewhere inbetween.

[cOsMiCiNtUiTiOn]

To the contrary I have found many to be quite confused in their beliefs, often not knowing which sect to follow and differences in opinion among our scholars leaves them somewhere inbetween.

Who are you referring to? The reverts?

- cOsMiC

[GuestFellow]

To answer the OP, yes I would marry a revert or a Christian/Jew if things worked out that way. In fact, I feel like I'd be more likely to do just that if I ever end up getting married. :p:

I know you. You're just gonna marry anything that moves.

[GuestFellow]

In sha Allah I will be marrying one.

Scimi

OMG YOUR GETTING MARRIED! I'M SO PROUD OF YOU! *hugs* Flabbergasted I am! I think I'm gonna cry and barf.

[Futuwwa]

Highly unlikely. Many reverts imo try to make Islam palatable with their previous religion/culture. I have noticed many of them prefer to continue working in their careers and find ways of justifying that it is permissible for women to work etc. without a real need.

Unlike born Muslims, of whom many try to make Islam palatable with their own culture, or who think their own culture is some kind of one, true, universal Islamic Culture. :hmm:

[Paprika]

Who are you referring to? The reverts?

- cOsMiC

Yes the reverts.

[Paprika]

Unlike born Muslims, of whom many try to make Islam palatable with their own culture, or who think their own culture is some kind of one, true, universal Islamic Culture. :hmm:

You get those types too

[Joseph86]

I was reading where they say the Haddith permits the marrying of a grown man to a child. How true is this because I hold true to the belief that child molesters should be excuted

[Muhammad]

Greetings Joseph and welcome to the forum,

I note from your introduction thread that you are interested in Islam and believe in one God, which is great to know. It would be of greater benefit to you to study Islam from its basics and foundations, rather than focus on issues (often highlighted by people seeking to disaparage Islam) that may create doubt and confusion. Having a structure to your study will enable you to appreciate Islam as a whole and give you a better understanding of all aspects.

Coming to your question, it's important to note that marriage to a young person does not equate to child molestation. In Islam, children are a great blessing from Allaah :swt: and a trust from Him, deserving of great care and nurturing in a righteous manner. Our Prophet :saws: was very compassionate to children and taught us a great deal about being kind and loving towards them. Therefore, it is inconceivable that Islam would approve of any harm or abuse towards children.

Non-Muslims often like to highlight the marriage of the Prophet :saws: with Aisha, may Allaah be pleased with her. But a basic study of this marriage and indeed the biography of the Prophet :saws:, will soon dispel any concerns that may come to mind. Interestingly, even amongst the many criticisms of the Prophet :saws: made at the time by his opponents, none focused on Aisha's (may Allah be pleased with her) age at marriage. I will end with this excerpt from an article in the Guardian newspaper, written at the time when a disparaging cartoon was made about our Prophet :saws:.

...What the records are clear on is that Muhammad (pbuh) and Aisha had a loving and egalitarian relationship, which set the standard for reciprocity, tenderness and respect enjoined by the Qur'an. Insights into their relationship, such as the fact they liked to drink out of the same cup or race one another, are indicative of a deep connection which belies any misrepresentation of their relationship.

To paint Aisha as a victim is completely at odds with her persona... she went on to become one of the most prolific and distinguished scholars of her time.

A stateswoman, scholar, mufti, and judge, Aisha combined spirituality, activism and knowledge and remains a role model for many Muslim women today. The gulf between her true legacy and her depiction in Islamophobic materials is not merely historically inaccurate, it is an insult to the memory of a pioneering woman.

Those who manipulate her story to justify the abuse of young girls, and those who manipulate it in order to depict Islam as a religion that legitimises such abuse have more in common than they think. Both demonstrate a disregard for what we know about the times in which Muhammad (pbuh) lived, and for the affirmation of female autonomy which her story illustrates.

[Futuwwa]

I was reading where they say the Haddith permits the marrying of a grown man to a child. How true is this because I hold true to the belief that child molesters should be excuted

Such a thing would be contrary to shariah. It is pretty universally accepted among Islamic legal scholars that a marriage is a social contract. Entering into a contract is impossible unless one is mature enough to be considered legally autonomous.

[Cabdullahi]

:sl:

i think at this point, being a revert, i would prefer a revert. i was married to a nice Somalian sister, but she had many Somali customs verses Islamic customs. over the course of a few years, she realized and made a lot of changes.

i know some other Somali sisters, and while they mean well, they try to get you to adopt Somali customs instead of Islamic ones.

i speak from experience as well, that the Somali men can hold quite a few prejudices as well. the Imam of my wife's tribe told her that "they" thought that maybe i was a spy instead of a genuine revert. :raging: actually, because of my study of religion, i was quite popular and hold many discussions with Imams and Daiyees who travel the world. yet when the sister and i wanted to get married, "they" tried to discourage her because "Americans" are evil. "they told her that she'd be abused or killed! ^o)

people that are born Muslim tend to think that they "know" more than you, even those that don't study. a revert has the advantage that we can easily avoid all the baggage that isn't Islam.

so, with all that in mind, i think it would be better to find a revert and let her learn at her own pace.

then again, maybe i can find a nice Jewish girl!!! ;D

ma salaama

Somali sisters are the best...it's a shame it didn't work out for you.