Marrying someone with children

[Berries'forest]

How do you feel about marrying someone who already has children. Would you accept? And what if those children were out of wedlock but the person says they've repented. Just wondering what your opinions are especially the sisters.

[sister herb]

Salam alaykum

Why not.

[Berries'forest]

Insecurities maybe the children wont like the new person coming into their family. Maybe the husband thinks about their mother. Complications between your own children and their half siblings...some reasons...

[GuestFellow]

I rather avoid it. The kids might not like me. I would only marry if I REALLY like her.

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[Iceee]

Please use the search option before starting a thread in-case your thread has already been discussed of.
http://www.islamicboard.com/family-s...-has-kids.html

[glo]

Speaking as a non-Muslim, marrying people with children from previous marriages/relationships is very common these days.

Speaking as somebody who had a stepfather thrust upon her at the age of 10 after the death of her own father 6 years previously, I would very much recommend that future husband/wife and stepchildren get to know each other very well before further steps are taken. Having a new 'parent' is a big change for a child!

[Scimitar]

well said sister glo,

I am engaged to a Muslimah who has a child (not out of wedlock) and I've gotten to know her (the child) pretty well, we laugh a lot :) together. And she knows I will in sha Allah marry her mother as is my intention to.

I don't see it as a big deal.

The stigma comes from Asian parents who prefer their sons/daughters marrying a virgin.

I'm aware of the hadeeth regarding the recommendation of marrying virgins, but that only applies is one is a virgin themselves.

Scimi

[Berries'forest]

ease use the search option before starting a thread in-case your thread has already been discussed of. http://www.islamicboard.com/family-s...-has-kids.html (Would you marry someone who has kids?)

Maybe you have good intentions. I wouldn't really know but it's not very nice when you keep popping up in threads telling people that threads are not useful or they should think before they start a thread.
I'm more than sure that you wouldn't like someone treating you that way. So treat people the way you'd like to be treated. Either particpate or just notify me via PM or something.

[Berries'forest]

The stigma comes from Asian parents who prefer their sons/daughters marrying a virgin.
I'm aware of the hadeeth regarding the recommendation of marrying virgins, but that only applies is one is a virgin themselves.

I think there are many complications when it comes to virgin marrying non virgin, but there was a thread about it before. It's nice to know that you and the little girl get along well together, May God bless your marriage and hopefully you don't encounter any problems.

[Cabdullahi]

I wouldn't mind

[cOsMiCiNtUiTiOn]

I wanted to give my perspective on this. I think each situation varies really, for a child such as my own child who has never experienced having daddy come home(It has been just her and me since she was two years old so she has no memory of family life) or have daddy read her a bedtime story and who yearns to have that kind of love, it isn't the same (the same as for example sister Glo's example). It wouldn't be replacing anyone rather bringing into her life a joy she hasn't experienced. Her little eyes light up at the though of mommy re-marrying actually, she tells me she looks forward to family dinners and family activities.She draws little pictures all the time, it's adorable! She really does seem to like scimi a whole lot, that's for sure hehe. :wub:

Then you have neglected kids who really need that other parent in their lives. I have two step cousins. My aunt took them in when they were close to 10 years old, she married their dad and they had been abandoned by their biological mom. They were so grateful and loving to my aunt and my aunt till this day treats them as her own (they are going into their 30's now). So, neither of these scenarios are ones where the child would feel as though a parent is being replaced by another.

I say this because there's many children in similar shoes and I'd hate for a sister/brother to be turned down simply because they have a child and that child be deprived of a family due to some cultural mumbo jumbo. Everyone needs love and a family. Don't focus on whether or not the child will like you. A child's heart is not corrupted like that of an adult and it is very easy to get through, just show kindness and love. That being said, I personally don't feel a relationship must be established with the child first, the parent has the right to re-marry and be happy regardless of what the child/children says. Not that the child should be disregarded, I already talked about that anyway. :)

my two pesos,

- cOsMiC

[Berries'forest]

Sister Cosmicinutuition Thank you for participating you have some interesting points. Your daughter is adorable she's so cute please give a hug from auntie Berries'. May Allah protect her it's good to know that they're getting along well Masha'Allah. Congrats on your engagement I wish you a blessed marriage.

[cOsMiCiNtUiTiOn]

Sister Cosmicinutuition Thank you for participating you have some interesting points. Your daughter is adorable she's so cute please give a hug from auntie Berries'. May Allah protect her it's good to know that they're getting along well Masha'Allah. Congrats on your engagement I wish you a blessed marriage.

I'm glad I was able to contribute to your thread sister berries :) It is definitely a good subject to discuss. Thank u for the hugs for my daughter hehe <3 Masha Allah she sure is adorable and so very loving, children show such unconditional love, it is quite amazing, subhan Allah!

Alhamdullilah yes, I'm so glad her and scimi get along so well already, I have no doubt they will have a great relationship in shaa Allah.

- cOsMiC

[IbnAbdulHakim]

if its out of wedlock i would never consider it. if its within wedlock and the sister is pious then i would be honoured

[Berries'forest]

if its out of wedlock i would never consider it.

Even if they've repented?. I would like to get more opinions on this.

[IbnAbdulHakim]

Even if they've repented?. I would like to get more opinions on this.

yes. personal position.

[Berries'forest]

yes. personal position.

Understood thank you for participating.

[marwen]

Where is the poll ?

anyway ..

- am I ok with marrying someone with children ===> yes, in general.
- and if those children were out of wedlock ? ===> no.
- does this forum look like a matrimonial site with all these threads about marriage ? ===> yeah .:hmm:

[Periwinkle18]

All of these threads remind me of the marriage section we once had lol

[Iceee]

Salaam.

Personally, I love kids, I taught in a grade 6 & 3 classroom for some time as teacher's assistant, I babysit kids (well, I am forced to by my Mom), I taught Grade 1 class last Summer and well, the kids like me and I like them. (The kids say they hate me when I babysit them but their Mom calls my mom and tells my Mom that her kids want me to babysit them...:hmm:)

But Jealousy would kill me so I would prefer not to marry someone with children. My wife having been in contact with another male and them having children (how are children made!?), then him having contact after divorce with my new wife... AHH. Child support, children respect, wife comparing you to another man (husband/BF). Not for me.

Prefer a chaste woman without children. But only Allah knows my future.

[Qurratul Ayn]

- does this forum look like a matrimonial site with all these threads about marriage ? ===> yeah .:hmm:

All of these threads remind me of the marriage section we once had lol

I agree completely...

It cracks me up...

:lol:



Apologies, my Dear Berries'forest, but I'm married, first marriage for both of us and (of course) no illegitimate children, thus me not able to answer your queries :)

[Berries'forest]

Icee you're so right I completely agree with you.Brothers and sisters... I'm sorry for having no polls and making it look like a matrimonal website. Please accept my apologise.No worries Qurat Alayn it's all good thanks anyway. I declare the:
:threadclo

Thank you to everyone who particpated.