Question about Marriage in Islam ?

[truthseeker63]

As Salaam Alaikum my question is is that I went to a event the other day with only Muslims and the Speaker who I know he was talking about Marriage in Islam he asked how many of us were Married and how many were Single and I was ashamed to raise my hand that I am Single anyone know why or feel like me ? Also in Islam is being Celibate a bad thing Im asking because I come from a Christian background where being Celibate is seen as good anyone know thank you ? Also is Marriage in Islam diffrent from Marriage in Christianity ?

http://www.islamawareness.net/Marriage/

[truthseeker63]

Thank you for replying.

[Aisha]

Wa alaykum as Salam.

Sayyiduna Abdullah ibn Abbas :ra: narrates that the Messenger of Allah :saws: said: “There is no celibacy in Islam.”
(Sunan Abu Dawud & Mustadrak Haakim)

[Aisha]

^Celibacy means to abstain completely from marriage and intimate relations - eg as monks and nuns do. This is not allowed in Islam, and it is what the Hadith is referring to.

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[UmmuShaheed]

Jazakallahu Khayr for clearing that up for the sister

[Ali Mujahidin]

As Salaam Alaikum my question is is that I went to a event the other day with only Muslims and the Speaker who I know he was talking about Marriage in Islam he asked how many of us were Married and how many were Single and I was ashamed to raise my hand that I am Single anyone know why or feel like me ? Also in Islam is being Celibate a bad thing Im asking because I come from a Christian background where being Celibate is seen as good anyone know thank you ? Also is Marriage in Islam diffrent from Marriage in Christianity ?

1. I don't think you should be ashamed to be single. To be single, by itself, is not a sin. To indulge in zina is a sin.

2. Being celibate as in abstaining from zina is not wrong in Islam. Being celibate as in believing that being single is a preferred state is something that needs more study.

3. If you do not have any desire for women, then perhaps it's alright to be single. I read that there are some Muslim scholars who have never married their entire lives. This is not saying that being single is the preferred state because, generally speaking, men to have desire for women. In Islam, from what I have learned, suppressing the desire for women is not exactly encouraged as a way of gaining merit. There is much more merit in getting married. Yes, it's a whole lot more challenging being married than to be single. I think that's where we get so much more merit from being married.

4. Can't really say if marriage in Christianity is any different from marriage in Islam since I have never been married as a Christian. However, from what I have learned, marriage in Islam is considered to be a very natural thing to do. How else are we going to bring forth the next generation of Muslims? How else are we going to bring forth a new generation of Muslims who are better than us? One thing I do know. We surely need to have a new generation of Muslims better than us.

5. My views are personal and unschooled. Make sure you refer to a live Muslim scholar to get a better answer.

[Ahmad H]

Being celibate is something which Christians invented. Allah says that He never prescribed that for them in the first place:

57:27 Then, in their wake, We followed them up with (others of) Our messengers: We sent after them Jesus the son of Mary, and bestowed on him the Gospel; and We ordained in the hearts of those who followed him Compassion and Mercy. But the Monasticism which they invented for themselves, We did not prescribe for them: (We commanded) only the seeking for the Good Pleasure of Allah; but that they did not foster as they should have done. Yet We bestowed, on those among them who believed, their (due) reward, but many of them are rebellious transgressors.

Allah didn't condemn all of them, out of His Mercy He has accepted the goodwill of some of those men.

24:34 Let those who find not the wherewithal for marriage keep themselves chaste, until Allah gives them means out of His grace. And if any of your slaves ask for a deed in writing (to enable them to earn their freedom for a certain sum), give them such a deed if ye know any good in them: yea, give them something yourselves out of the means which Allah has given to you. But force not your maids to prostitution when they desire chastity, in order that ye may make a gain in the goods of this life. But if anyone compels them, yet, after such compulsion, is Allah, Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful (to them),

So celibacy is not allowed in Islam, and neither did Allah allow it in Christianity.

Personally, I would love to be allowed to be celibate the rest of my life. But I have to give up being single and get married, as much as I loathe the idea of relationships and having to please someone else. Marriage is a drag, but it is just that much more Sawab to give up that freedom for the sake of Allah.

[greenhill]

In this day and age, being single implies a number of things. It is these implications that indirectly makes the single person feel 'uncomfortable' when put to the question. I see it happening around me all the time, especially during family get togethers where those unmarried are 'grilled' as to why they have remained single.

I reckon they are more concerned with the possibility of temptations to sin.

However, as what Ahmad H quoted, there are 'clauses' that allows a muslim not to marry due to economic reasons, but I cannot find a 'sunnah' that I read earlier on with regards to the person not being favorable to women (not able to treat them well) to refrain from marriage.

Peace:shade:

[ardianto]

there are 'clauses' that allows a muslim not to marry due to economic reasons,

Depend on what you mean with economic reason. Men should have a job if they want to get married, but low income actually is not a barrier to get married.

Some husbands who I know personally were poor and had low income when they got married. I still remember their life, they lived in a room in the parent house, or rent a room (or 'mini' house). Then when the husband income gone better they rent a house. Now they are wealthier, or even rich, can buy house, car, etc.

I found two similarities among those success husbands

First: They have good motivation to build the better future for their families, and they work hard for this.

Second: They have wives who never complain on the husband's income. Those wives always grateful with what their husbands have given, and they always support their husbands.

Marriage is team work which the husband and wife struggle together to build the better future, with their own roles. Fulfill the family need is the husband duty. The husband should work hard as best as he can. The wife should understand it. If the husband has low income, the wife should not complain, but should make du'a and always support the husband.

The unmarried brothers must have a job if they want to get married. But they do not need to wait to become rich. What the brothers should do is find and marry salehah women which can be grateful for the sustenance given by their husbands, and always appreciate the husband struggle in meeting the needs of families. In Shaa Allah, easiness will come to them.

[Predator]

What the brothers should do is find and marry salehah women which can be grateful for the sustenance given by their husbands, and always appreciate the husband struggle in meeting the needs of families.

and unfortunately in this materialistic age most women are not salehah type, which is what causes the men to remain single and go into retirement home once they grow old and weak.
Women themselves are becoming independant

[Ahmad H]

The unmarried brothers must have a job if they want to get married. But they do not need to wait to become rich. What the brothers should do is find and marry salehah women which can be grateful for the sustenance given by their husbands, and always appreciate the husband struggle in meeting the needs of families. In Shaa Allah, easiness will come to them.

Exactly. Well put ardianto. I couldn't agree with you more. I myself am single, so my goal is to worry about finding a good stable job in life rather than worry about marriage at this time.

But in your answer lies the problem as well. You aren't wrong, but you hit the nail on the head on the difficulty in marriage - and that is to find someone who is patient and is able to bear with low income and live a lower standard of life. Just like Predator said, most women in this age are not like this. Not all women are, but a lot are. And that makes it all the more challenging.

Now, the root problem doesn't lie in women either, it is the economy which is the source of all this trouble. This issue of men not wanting to marry because of financial difficulties arises from this. The economy is getting worse, therefore, more men will wait to marry. For example, I would rather not marry myself until my family is rid of some of their debts. I don't know if that is Haram or not to put off marriage due to this, I have been repeatedly told by others that it is wrong. But, that advice comes from people who have stable jobs and have no idea what they're talking about.

So the situation is even more difficult than one can imagine. Debts are all very high in this day and age. My dilemma is: Should I get married knowing my parents are in debt and leave them in their misery, or should I wait and help them first before I go ahead and relieve them of their problems? I think the latter option is much more closer to the Islamic values than the first is. I don't think Allah created marriage for young people to be selfish and leave their parents to fend for themselves. Marriage brings more debt because of the wedding, and the marriage itself costs money for getting a house and everything else. How would that solve the problem for my parents?

It is a difficult situation these days. What a burden this financial system is.

[جوري]

women have always been independent since the time of the prophet & before that- that's not the purpose of marriage for either gender. It isn't a question of co-dependance or partial dependance. And certainly not how :Allah::swt: described the relationship of the two in the noble Quran.

Ar-Rum (The Romans)[30:21]

[RECITE]

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Wamin ayatihi an khalaqa lakum min anfusikum azwajan litaskunoo ilayha wajaAAala baynakum mawaddatan warahmatan inna fee thalika laayatin liqawmin yatafakkaroona

30:21 And among His Signs is this, that He created for you mates from among yourselves, that ye may dwell in tranquillity with them, and He has put love and mercy between your (hearts): verily in that are Signs for those who reflect.

no mention of materialism or dependence there or elsewhere!

:w:

[ardianto]

and unfortunately in this materialistic age most women are not salehah type, which is what causes the men to remain single and go into retirement home once they grow old and weak.

most women in this age are not like this. Not all women are, but a lot are.

Actually, there are enough much women from salehah type who can understand the husband state (at least in my place). But it's not easy to know if a woman is type salehah like this or type of materialistic. Often the husbands can only know after married them.

There are women who before getting married said that they don't mind if their husband is not rich as long as the husband always love them. But after getting married, they complain because their husbands income are not high. Even then they ask divorce.

In another side, there are women who before getting married said that they want the husband provide them house, furniture, etc. But later they marry men who are not rich. And instead of complain, they support their husband to reach the success and finally can provide them everything that they want.

[Ahmad H]

Often the husbands can only know after married them.

Exactly. The problem is that it is a gamble. As for the women who get husbands who might be the same as well. This is why in such cases those marriages don't work, or one of the two are patient and they put up with the other one's misbehavior. What a dilemma.

[ardianto]

Exactly. The problem is that it is a gamble. As for the women who get husbands who might be the same as well. This is why in such cases those marriages don't work, or one of the two are patient and they put up with the other one's misbehavior. What a dilemma.

Actually the men are not different, bro :D

There are wives who feel disappointed because their husband behavior is not as good as their assumption before getting married. And also there are wives who happy because their husband actually better than their assumption before getting married.

[sohail1234]

^Celibacy means to abstain completely from marriage and intimate relations - eg as monks and nuns do. This is not allowed in Islam, and it is what the Hadith is referring to.

thanks for defining celibacy, i was not familiar with it