Reverts to Islam: Lonely in a Crowd

[Signor]

When we hear that someone has entered Islam, we often ask .How did you accept Islam? . We also say Al hamdulilah (All praises are due to Allah alone) when someone says they have reverted to Islam, Right? These remarks show that we are heartened to see someone accepting the Truth!


Life is not easy for any believer. Life is a test!, a Jihad (struggle), for every believer whether you are a "born" Muslims or reverts to Islam.

As for reverts to Islam they undergo a great struggle. The moment they declare their faith (Islam), most of them lose their loved and dear ones. Their old friends refuse to accept their new lifestyle and new faith. Some of them tend to lose their family who are unable to digest the fact that they have embraced Islam. Whenever I hear a revert saying, "I love my parents so much… my family showered and lavished me with affection until I embraced Islam. My family’s attitude towards me is causing me much pain that sometimes I even think of leaving Islam, then Allah would shower His mercy on me that I would be reminded that this is a test and this World is just a temporary abode... and I would say 'I should not fail this test and Allah, The Most Merciful will shower His mercy and blessing on me and my family...'" The pain which, reverts to Islam undergo is something which cannot be felt unless we are in their shoes.


During this time it our duty as brothers and sisters in Islam to lush them with friendship, brotherhood, love, kindness, affection, etc. To the contrary we find some of our brothers and sisters in Islam (who are born into a Muslim family) cause our new brothers and sisters much ache in their heart, by being prejudiced, intolerant and proud.


I intended to write this essay after hearing about the treatment of our revert brothers and sisters in Islam by some of the "born" Muslims. I feel outraged to the core when I hear the spiteful attitude of these Muslims towards reverts to Islam. The new Muslims feel disheartened when they face this kind of behaviour.


I wonder how someone can neglect the brothers or sisters who reverted and consider them inferior.

Prophet [Salla Allaahu .alaihi wa sallam (May Allah peace and blessing be upon him)]
observed: Are you not aware of the fact that Islam wipes out all the previous (misdeeds)? Verily migration wipes out all the previous (misdeeds), and verily the pilgrimage wipes out all the (previous) misdeeds. [Collected by Muslim: Book 001, Number 0220]


I have heard and seen so many Muslims who are born into a Muslim family and raised as a Muslim collecting revert stories. When asked, "Why are you collecting these stories?" They would either reply, "We are curious to know how they found the truth and got the guidance?" and I have heard them saying, "Their reversion stories are truly inspirational and it helps us to boost our Iman (faith)..." The stories of reverts are published in Islamic magazines, Islamic newspapers, Islamic websites and sometimes a book is made out of these stories.

Why?
Because we know these brothers and sisters were not raised in a Muslim family and many would not have had met many Muslims before they reverted, yet they were still able to find the Truth and Guidance. This stirs curiosity in the minds of a raised Muslim or anyone, be it Muslim or non- Muslim, who is immersed and attracted to the "striking" lifestyle of the West. The influence of the west is so great on these Muslim that they tend to lose Islam. People become curious to know the reason why a person from the a non Islamic world, who was living in this "attractive" life of "freedom", suddenly is ready to forgo all his/her liberty and enter a religion which is considered to be irrational, extreme and oppressive. Thus, these revert stories (which are true life stories) act as a food to feed the curious mind.

---

Nobody is infallible except Allah (swt) and everybody would have committed some sins or the other knowingly or unknowingly in their lifetime. When Allah is ready to forgive, who are we judge anyone??


Mariam* 27 from Germany said, “ Seriously, I don't want to go to the Masjid. I find some Muslims are so intolerant towards us (reverts)..." She added, “I find them to be mean and spiteful. They are being so judgmental for the errors which I committed before I completely entered Islam...”


A renowned scholar, Sheikh Muhammad al-Jibaly said, “It is only to Allah to give final judgment in regard to any person. Anyone who takes it upon himself to do so would be overstepping his human boundaries, and may deserve Allah's punishment.”


The Prophet (saws) told that once a self-righteous man saw a sinner, he said: "By Allah, Allah will never forgive him. Allah then said, "Who are you who should dictate to Me what to do? Indeed, I have forgiven so-and so (the sinner), and demolished your deeds. "[Sahih Muslim no. 2621]

He (sheikh) further added: Righteous people are told to be merciful towards those who committed mistakes, even if their mistakes harmed them personally. During the fitnah of accusing ‘Aaishah (ra) with zinaa, one of those who transmitted the falsehood was a poor relative of Abu Bakr (ra) that Abu Bakr used to give sadaqah. When Allah declared ‘Aishah's (ra) innocence in His Book, Abu Bakr made an oath that he will never give any more help to that relative. He showed us a daleel (proof) from the Qur’an:

"Let not those of you with virtue and wealth swear not to give aid to the relatives, the needy, and the emigrants for Allah’s cause. Rather, let them pardon and overlook. Would you not like that Allah should forgive you? And Allah is Forgiving and Merciful.." [Soorat an-Noor 22]


As a Muslim, I love all my brothers and sister for the sake of Allah and it causes great pain to hear our brothers and sisters describing their experience as a Muslim after their reversion. Many reverts feel excluded and hurt by this kind of treatment.


One sister said, “I just don't feel lonely but excluded, when I am among Muslims. I would be sitting for hours listening to relatives talk in Urdu. They know I don't understand but still they continue to do that.”


I remember showing a sister an essay. It was an essay for the youth, which tells us that Allah is the Wali (Protector and Friend) to the believers. This essay was actually meant for the youth but this sister (revert) who is in her late thirties told me that this essay made her feel good Alhamdulilah! Why? Because she felt so lonely and barred after reverting and this essay made her realize that she should not accept anyone to be her friend and she is heartened to know that Allah is her Friend.


A brother who had accepted Islam few years’ back said, "I faced a lot of racism in Islam..." I wondered why he said that and then realized he said that because unfortunately the Muslims treated him that way. Then it was explained to him, "One cannot judge Islam based on Muslim's attitude. Because it looks like Muslims haven't submitted completely to the faith. We pick and choose what is convenient for us to follow and leave which is not convenient for us and our culture."


When Sr. Fathima* 42 from the USA was asked to describe the experience of her first
Ramadan, she said, "My first Ramadan was one of my most spiritual.... and was completed in the near total absence of Muslims. I hate to tell the story because I fear it sounds like bragging for having overcome some hardships, but I think it’s a sad commentary on where our community stands that the most spiritual Ramadan I had was done pretty much alone."

Sr. Lamina*, 26 from Chennai, a strong and bold new Muslimah says, "It is really sad to note that some Muslims are behaving like creeps. I started acquiring Islamic knowledge from the time I declared my faith. I witness so many unislamic cultural acts carried on by Muslim in the name of Islam. They tell me what I am doing is wrong and they know better because they are born Muslims. Just because I am new Muslim I have no right to voice the evils happening in the society in the name of Islam? She further ad," Didn’t the prophet say that everybody is born in state of fitrah (natural) and everybody are Muslims when they are born and it is only the way they are raised which makes him a person of another faith? ...Doesn't Islam insist on humility? "


Do these Muslims (who calls themselves born Muslims) know that almost all the Sahabah were reverts? Are they better than the Sahabah (reverts) in understanding and interpreting Islam (Qu’ran and Sunnah)? It is such a pitiful situation that some of these "born" Muslims are corrupting Islam with their shameful and horrible attitude, which has no place in Islam.


This kind of behaviour made many Muslims say "Alhamdulilah! We found Islam before we met any Muslim."


But I would say it is heartening to see there are still many brothers and sisters in Islam who are conscious of Allah. They are like a source of warmth and haven for our new brothers and sister in Islam. They are ready to shower them with love, kindness, encouragement and brotherhood!


Islam is a religion of peace, tolerance and harmony but we see that this is lacking among us. It's so unfortunate that many reverts to Islam tend to leave Islam! Maybe if the community was more welcoming and supportive reverts to Islam would find it easier to stay on the straight path (Islam). These ugly stances by ignorant Muslims should be rejected and amended. Let us be conscious of behaviour towards anyone be it new Muslim, non-Muslim, children or servant. We will meet our Lord soon and let us strive to amend our ways before we meet our Lord.

Source

[Muslim Woman]

:sl:


may Allah makes lives easy for them and gives them rewards in this world and the hereafter .

[Ali Mujahidin]

I, myself, am a revert. Every now and then, I meet other reverts and we share our experiences. Being neither here nor there, more or less, sums up the situation. We are no longer part of our original community of non-Muslims, and we are also not part of the Muslim community. The majority of the Muslims where I live are Malays and most of them expect me to become a Malay like them. Which is something impossible. Also something I have no desire whatsoever to do. Not that I have anything against the Malays. It's just that I want to be a Muslim not a Malay.

So, what to do?

Only one logical thing to do. We reverts will just have to help ourselves. That's all. No born Muslim, however well-meaning, can understand the situation of a revert as well as another revert.

[Insaanah]

:salam:

may Allah makes lives easy for them and gives them rewards in this world and the hereafter .

Ameen.

The majority of the Muslims where I live are Malays and most of them expect me to become a Malay like them.

Perhaps they see themselves as welcoming you with opening arms into the community you're living in locally, so that you feel one of them, and not isolated and alone.

Which is something impossible. Also something I have no desire whatsoever to do. Not that I have anything against the Malays. It's just that I want to be a Muslim not a Malay.

This sounds like the two should be mutually exclusive. You say you want to be Muslim not Malay, yet above you've mentioned the majority of Muslims where you live are Malay. These are two contradictory statements. We may be Muslims, but we are also created nations and tribes so that we may know one another, the most noble being the most God fearing. (Qur'an 49:13)

So, what to do?

Communicate with them, tell them how you feel, what they can do to help you.

Only one logical thing to do. We reverts will just have to help ourselves. That's all. No born Muslim, however well-meaning, can understand the situation of a revert as well as another revert.

This is sad. Have you told the brothers and sisters you live amongst what type of help you need? I hope this does not create an "us vs them" division.

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[MustafaMc]

I hope this does not create an "us vs them" division.

Assalamu alaikum, no, I don't think that is what he is saying. I can relate somewhat to what he and the OP said. I feel welcome and accepted by nearly all of the Muslims I have met, but at the same time I feel that I am in between two different worlds - like a fish out of water. As the brother said about not wanting to be a Malay, the point is that he can never be one in the same sense that I can never fully be a Pakistani, a Saudi or even a Briton. Just imagine for a moment if someone is the only Muslim in their family and that there is no inclination that any of his family would ever become a Muslim. Let's go a step further and say this Muslim is also a Caucasian American and that after visiting probably a dozen masjids he has personally met at most 10 other Caucasian American Muslims. There is more to establishing a sense of community than sharing the same faith.

[Ali Mujahidin]

Perhaps they see themselves as welcoming you with opening arms into the community you're living in locally, so that you feel one of them, and not isolated and alone.

Well, you have to experience it to know what I am talking about. Of course, they are welcoming me into the community. As long as I live like them.

Just as an example, I want to eat from a tray (or talam, as it's called here) but they prefer to eat from a plate. I want to wear the salwar but they would rather see me wear a sarong. They hold wedding functions with all kinds of Malay customs which are derived from Hindu customs and I don't want to have anything to do with that.

I am not sure if this is happening in Muslim communities all over the world but here, the Malays have been Muslims for so long that they have forgotten about the essence of Islam and thought that being Malay and being Muslim are synonymous. In fact, the common term for reversion here is to 'masuk Melayu' meaning 'become a Malay'.

Again I must stress that I have nothing against being a Malay, other than the parts which are derived from Hindu customs, but the whole point of being a Muslim is to be a Muslim, not to be a Malay. Or even to be an Arab or a Pakistani. I grow my beard long, not because the Arabs do it but because the Holy Prophet does it. I wear a serban aka turban not because the Arabs do it but because the Holy Prophet does it.

Also there is this question of the unique problems faced by the reverts. When a person reverts to Islam, he suffers the pain of separation from all that had been close and dear to him. He loves his parents and his siblings but if they do not revert, too, then he knows that he will not meet them in jannah. Imagine seeing your beloved father, mother and siblings burning in a roaring inferno and you cannot do anything to save them. No, you cannot imagine the full agony of it. Unless you are a revert.

Please understand that I am not saying the born Muslims do not care about the reverts. I am just saying that it takes a revert to really understand what another revert goes through. And to help someone you have to understand his problem. Fully.

[Hulk]

Islam does not destroy cultures, but purifies them. The people whose culture has been perfectly Islamised is of course the arabs, but the malays, pakistanis, indians have also had Islam in their culture for a number of years and the effects are clear in the customs, etiquette and language. I think converts should try their best to interact with the other muslims in their area even if it is of a different culture. You do not have to abandon your culture but rather do your part to remove what is wrong so as to purify it.

Do not forget that there was a time when the first few malays/pakistanis/indians who converted to Islam who may have also felt alone.

It is important keep your intentions and opinions pure of your muslim brothers and sisters. Making negative general statements about them do no good for yourself. Just like any other muslim community there are amongst them who are students of knowledge and there are those who have yet to start learning. So if you meet someone who's idea of conversion is to change their race then instead of using that as a reason to not want to interact with them rather give them the excuse that they have yet to learn what is the proper meaning.

If you wish to eat from a talam or wear a salwar I don't see how they can stop you from doing so unless they are physically doing so. Perhaps you can explain to them that it is what you prefer.

[YusufNoor]

:sl:

alhamdulillah, Allah prepared me well for what i found when i reverted. i wasn't bothered by a lot of the crap thrown my way. i'm not easily intimidated, nor do i really give a crap if "someone accepts me"; not my style.

here in the states, most Masjids are communities within communities. there are bound to be misconceptions and mis-perceptions. stuff happens.

Allah made easy on me in that before my 1st 6 months went by, i had read 5 or 6 different translations of the Qur'an, i started listening to Mufti Menk (a lot) and studied Seerah and some Tafseer. before long, my Imam and i were good friends and it is kind of easy for a "white guy" to hit "celebrity status" amid a foreign crowd. THAT is actually more difficult than being marginalized.

again, Allah made it easy on me. i decided to put my resources to good use and began making copies of all the stuff online to give to others. Allah made it even easier when i bought my dvd copying machine. brothers would just walk up to me point to my coat (cuz they knew there would be some new dvds in my pocket).

i feel bad for other reverts though, so i made a dvd/mp3 package and i buy Qur'ans. when someone reverts, someone comes and picks up a package for them. i haven done it for a few months due to bad health and finances, but i always have some sets (24 packs) nearly done, so a quick phone call and i can finish one up. down to my last Qur'an (the ones i give away), but soon, in shaa Allah, i will buy more.

i work at it. i feel it as a responsibility. a few brothers always know where to find me and one brother has me make stuff for "born" Muslims in his home country in West Africa.

we should make it our responsibility to welcome others and help them out. Allah will question us for what we did with our resources and our time.

do the best you can and encourage others as well. and make dua!

ma salaama

[Ali Mujahidin]

i had read 5 or 6 different versions of the Qur'an

I hope what you really meant was that you have read 5 or 6 different translations of the Quran. Right?

[MustafaMc]

When we hear that someone has entered Islam, we often ask .How did you accept Islam? . We also say Al hamdulilah (All praises are due to Allah alone) when someone says they have reverted to Islam, Right? These remarks show that we are heartened to see someone accepting the Truth!

There is a novelty in why someone would leave the faith they grew up with to become a Muslim because it is a relatively rare event. People want to hear what it was that attracted them to Islam and what led them to the paradigm shift change in faith. Honestly, becoming a Muslim is quite difficult and today there are many reasons for converts to Islam to revert back to a state of apparent unbelief. This is not necessarily the fault of the 'born' Muslims as you suggested, but it can be a contributing factor. People want to hear what led them to Islam, but they never want to hear from those who leave Islam regarding the difficulties they faced and why they left Islam. I left Islam for several years in part because I did not fit in as it is difficult to assimilate into a culturally diverse group with practically no one with your own cultural background. I was also offended that many brothers would speak among themselves in my presence in a language other than English. I tried desperately to find a Muslim wife, but was not able to find anyone remotely interested in me. I married a Christian and stopped practicing Islam for 16 years and then returned 12 years ago.

[Signor]

There is a novelty in why someone would leave the faith they grew up with to become a Muslim because it is a relatively rare event. People want to hear what it was that attracted them to Islam and what led them to the paradigm shift change in faith. Honestly, becoming a Muslim is quite difficult and today there are many reasons for converts to Islam to revert back to a state of apparent unbelief. This is not necessarily the fault of the 'born' Muslims as you suggested, but it can be a contributing factor. People want to hear what led them to Islam, but they never want to hear from those who leave Islam regarding the difficulties they faced and why they left Islam. I left Islam for several years in part because I did not fit in as it is difficult to assimilate into a culturally diverse group with practically no one with your own cultural background. I was also offended that many brothers would speak among themselves in my presence in a language other than English. I tried desperately to find a Muslim wife, but was not able to find anyone remotely interested in me. I married a Christian and stopped practicing Islam for 16 years and then returned 12 years ago.

Assalamu Alaikum

Let me clear this,this article wasn't been written by me.I've provided it with source:

Source

Though I can't advocate(since i don't know her personally) what she actually want to convey,I posted it with the purpose of making the members understand a chunk of what reverts are facing or has gone through after conversion.This article doesn't sounds to me written by a professional write but a blogger,perhaps the reason are more use of testimonies than material itself.

Though I can't disagree many bloggers or writers may use exaggeration to attract readership.

Regards

[YusufNoor]

I hope what you really meant was that you have read 5 or 6 different translations of the Quran. Right?

you be correct there!

[Muhammad]

:salamext:

I am not sure if this is happening in Muslim communities all over the world but here, the Malays have been Muslims for so long that they have forgotten about the essence of Islam and thought that being Malay and being Muslim are synonymous. In fact, the common term for reversion here is to 'masuk Melayu' meaning 'become a Malay'.

Have you heard/read the reversion story of shaykh Hussain Ye? He mentions similar struggles to the ones you mention - he was a Chinese Muslim living in a Malay community, and experienced a difficult time (back in 1968) when he reverted. He also mentions this issue of Malay and Muslim being synonymous terms. I would recommend you to watch it here if you haven't. It's a very interesting story with great lessons to be learnt for us all. Even though the early years of his reversion were the most difficult, he grew to understand why that was and appreciate going through that struggle: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SCoxzrOjJ7I

May Allaah :swt: make things easy for you and all Muslims, Aameen.

[Signor]

Assalamu Alaikum YusufNoor

May I know what do you include in you package?Talking about this

i feel bad for other reverts though, so i made a dvd/mp3 package and i buy Qur'ans. when someone reverts, someone comes and picks up a package for them.

One item I am sure of is something from Bilal Philips:D

[YusufNoor]

Assalamu Alaikum YusufNoor

May I know what do you include in you package?Talking about this



One item I am sure of is something from Bilal Philips:D

3 dvds on the Foundations of Islamic Studies and 1 dvd with: The True Religion of God, The Message: La Ilaha Illallah and The Status of the Sunnah.

there is also 1 dvd with 2 different videos on how to pray; a copy of the movie, The Message; a dvd with 3 Mufti Menk lectures, 2 dvds with Sh Abdullah al Farsi explaining Tawheed and shirk; a dvd with 4 lecture by Nouman Ali Khan; a dvd ebook with the Qur'an in Arabic and English(Pickthall) that you ca watch on you tv; a regular cd i made using Mufti Menk's Taraweeh recital of al Kahf that i inserted the English into and a short talk by him on the surah (sweet for Jumu'aah); Bashar Shala: Owner of the 2 Gardens on regular cd (cuz i love it); mp3 disc with Zarabozos' 28 part Al Fatihah; a 34 part mp3 of Sh Abu Abdis-Salaam on An-Nawai's 40 hadeeth; a 2 disc mp3 os Bashar Shala's Seeral lectures; a disc by Bashar on the Khulifah and 1 on the 4 Imams; 2 mp3 discs of Mufti Menk Tafseer; Al Awlaqi's the Hereafter and 2 mp3 discs on Tafseer Juz Amma by Nouman Ali Khan.

unfortunately the FBI keeps zapping my pc, so i can't burn new dvds, but my 5 disc dvd copier is off-line, so it still works!

i figure that is a pretty meaty little package to gift to someone and it is very beneficial for those seeking knowledge.

and Allah knows best!

ma salaama

[Ali Mujahidin]

Have you heard/read the reversion story of shaykh Hussain Ye?

Yes, I have personally met Brother Hussain Yee very many years ago. My memories of him is that of a soft-spoken person. I haven't heard about his reversion story from him personally, though, so I will watch the video you have linked to. JazakulLah.

[Muhaba]

I, myself, am a revert. Every now and then, I meet other reverts and we share our experiences. Being neither here nor there, more or less, sums up the situation. We are no longer part of our original community of non-Muslims, and we are also not part of the Muslim community. The majority of the Muslims where I live are Malays and most of them expect me to become a Malay like them. Which is something impossible. Also something I have no desire whatsoever to do. Not that I have anything against the Malays. It's just that I want to be a Muslim not a Malay.

So, what to do?

Only one logical thing to do. We reverts will just have to help ourselves. That's all. No born Muslim, however well-meaning, can understand the situation of a revert as well as another revert.

There needs to be a revert club then. Why hasn't one been made yet?

"Recent revert to Islam? Then join the Revert Club and get membership card, startup package on practicing Islam, quarterly Reverts newsletter, stickers, etc. Monthly get-togethers and annual Aftar dinner, news about Islamic lectures in your area, etc."

[Ali Mujahidin]

There needs to be a revert club then. Why hasn't one been made yet?

There are already a few revert clubs where I live now, which is Malaysia.

The main one is Perkim aka Persatuan Kebajikan Islam Malaysia viz Malaysian Muslim Welfare Association. Although the activities of Perkim are open to all Muslims, it's main focus is on reverts. There is also a Chinese Muslim Association which concentrates on the special problems of the Chinese who revert to Islam here in a pre-dominantly Malay society. Truly the problems faced by the Chinese reverts are unique and are best addressed by the Chinese reverts themselves, although I am not in great favor of breaking up the Muslim community into racial groups. There is also another association for Indian Muslim reverts.

In Thailand, where I have lived for twenty years, there are no Muslim revert clubs that I know of. Perhaps it's because the Muslim population, even in the predominantly-Muslim South is a diverse community made up of Malays, Arabs and Pakistanis as the main groups and none of these groups are in any dominant position as far as numbers or authority is concerned. Yes, reverts in Thailand also face problems but, from what I understand, the problems are handled on a personal, family-based, case-by-case basis.

How about on this forum?

Do we see any need to have a section dedicated specifically to the problems faced by reverts? Maybe on a race-by-race basis? I can imagine that the problems faced by, say, a white English female revert would be rather different from that faced by, say, a black African male revert. (Do we have any black African reverts here?)

[Aprender]

Communicate with them, tell them how you feel, what they can do to help you.

You know, you'd think that would be the solution to the problems that we feel as reverts but in my experience this hasn't worked very well for me. Everyone is so busy.

This is sad. Have you told the brothers and sisters you live amongst what type of help you need? I hope this does not create an "us vs them" division.

In my experience there is already a division but I don't think it's on purpose. I think it's more inadvertent. Where I live the Muslim sisters have all grown up together, gone to the same Islamic schools here in the U.S. together so they know each other very well. They hang out with each other all the time and I'm usually not invited to anything, rarely get the calls or the texts or social media interaction. So my way to remedy that was to be more proactive and reach out them but my messages often don't get responded to. But I don't blame them for it. We're post-college/university at this point so a lot of them are getting married now, starting families of their own, working and really don't have the time to cater to the needs of a revert. But in my own experience I don't feel any type of cultural oppression or domination here. The Muslim community where I live is quite diverse.

But I've learned to adapt on my own. I try to spend my time learning about Islam. And it's fine for me too since I also have to work. But I can honestly say that the only time it really hurts, when it really feels lonely is during Eid.

There is no one in my own immediate family to experience it with since I am the only Muslim in my family. So I drive to the Eid prayer alone. And it's nice seeing so many Muslims come together from different cultures wearing beautiful garments, greeting the angry scowls and stares of some non-Muslims with smiles and praying together. But then when the prayer is over, everyone goes out with their families to have food together and enjoy the day and I usually end up walking back to my car, maybe get a smoothie or ice cream for myself and drive back home to watch a cartoon movie. Can't hang out with my old friends because they're gone away from me now and the new Muslim friends seem to have their own world that I don't quite fit into.

It's almost like you're on the outside looking into a story that you're now also a part of....except not really.

[Signor]

:jz: Sis Aprender For Your Input,Its nice to see you back(the last time I remember you had some problems with forum)

I always try to fit myself in others shoes when it comes to understanding their situation.When we are young or weak or lonely,we either looks for outside help or to gain inner strength,if the former is the case,in majority cases our maturity increases.What I am trying convey is,people may not have cared about and hurt you deliberately or unintentionally,why don't you feel a more positive way,in this case,you can find new revert sisters who are also alone in there families and need to get the same love which a revert expect from Muslims already residing.In short,how about taking new reverts under your own feathers,it will not only gives a great amount of satisfaction but also Allah's blessing.

Assalamu Alaikum

[greenhill]

Peace to all.

One of the more interesting threads, so far. It mentions the place I live. It mentions struggles, confusion, realisation, outreach, discovery, realities, choices, conflict to name some.:p

Where to start?:phew

I'll start with the topic of Malay in Malaysia..

Without going to too much detail, it is true that the Malay culture was derived from the hindu, at least where I originate. In the 10th century, they were hindus. In the 11th, they converted to islam. The Brits and secularism changed the entire landscape in the country after WW2. The Malays lost a lot. They lost, in the main, islamic laws were replaced by British common law. Second, they lost the economy.

Masuk Melayu was really thing said with certain humour behind it because you are right, Malays = muslims. And for the same people, white man = Christians. Nothing can sway their thoughts otherwise. It's just their culture here.:D So, I guess they tried to protect their identity from disappearing altogether with the advent of fashion and everything 'western'.

On the eating habits, there are places and masjids that eat from talam/trays depends. Things are changing here too. There was a time, in the 60's and 70's where drinking was openly accepted. 80's people began to be aware of how the nation had 'strayed'. The 90's and turn of the century saw a 'new' spirit of faith emerge. Much fewer numbers drink now. More attend the mosques, but the Malays now are not the same as the Malays of old. Much has changed.

I read with inspiration the challenges faced by our brothers (and sisters) who made that paradigm shift. It was a momentous step. Earth shattering experience. That is just on the shahada. What, as you all describe, leaving all that you were and into what you are, alone. And that is where you have to start, all over again, with each breath and step henceforth. Words cannot do justice.

My struggle for a while was to differentiate tradition and sunnah. As Ali quite correctly pointed out about the peculiarities of the Malay/islam relationship. People are more aware now than they were back in the 60's and 70's. Alhamdulillah. And I attended a for a while the masjid that homes the tabliiq. Observed and listen to taskirah(?), chatted with them, they smile an awful lot, even when they are explaining, or should be irritated, that I got to know some of them.

One thing reading this thread has made me realise is that Allah tests everyone in His own way, and everyone will get their fair recompense, but it is how we deal with our own trials that determines the form. Are we grateful or ungrateful, do we accept or complain?

Lonely in a crowd people, it must be that your rewards in the hereafter is FAR superior to the rewards I will get if we were to do the same thing side by side. I stayed where I was, you 'hijrah'. It must count for something. Allaahu'alam. Just stay true to your course.

Salaam

[Ali Mujahidin]

Here's a bit more about 'masuk Melayu' from the perspective of someone who 'masuk Islam' and never 'masuk Melayu'.

Truth be told, I have nothing against the Malays. What I cannot accept is that the general consensus is that to be a Muslim, in Malaysia, you have to be a Malay. Unfortunately to be a Malay involves a lot of things which have no basis is Islam. Take clothing, for example. The Malay baju is nice and comfortable but it's still quite some way from being near to a kurta or a thobe. Same with the songkok. That's standard Malay headgear. Haven't seen anyone wearing a serban with a songkok yet.

I think the most telling differences between Malay and Muslim are in some of the most important occassions in a person's life. Like a wedding. A traditional Malay wedding is not really that much different from a Hindu wedding. Just compare the setting of a bersanding with that of a Hindu wedding and you can see clearly what I am talking about. A Muslim wedding is totally different from a Malay wedding.

So, for a revert like me who chooses to 'masuk Islam' and not 'masuk Melayu' the sense of loneliness is heightened a thousand-fold. I don't take part in many Malay gatherings, especially not bersanding. I look very out of place in a crowd of Malays, not because I am Chinese (nobody thinks that I look Chinese) but because I don't wear Malay costume. No songkok for me. No baju Melayu. No seramping. Definitely no kris (just kidding).

Ah, the feeling of loneliness suffered by reverts can only be understood by reverts. We are not really that different from 'yatim piatu', ie orphans. That's one reason why I don't have to pretend to cry when I perform solat.

[greenhill]

What I cannot accept is that the general consensus is that to be a Muslim, in Malaysia, you have to be a Malay

Sorry, Ali, but this is not true. It is a 'sense of humour' (but lost over time). Islam is not the exclusive right for Malays. Just happens that Malays are, by and large, muslims. Everyone knows you cannot change your origin or race. Perhaps when they were 'jesting' with you they were not aware of you taking offense to the statement. It is unfortunate that you feel this way. Historically the Malays have been very compliant and welcoming people and willingly accept newcomers. People tended to assimilate the lifestyle and I suppose the general population has come to accept this as part and parcel of the custom here and automatically assume that everyone wants to participate.

Baju Melayu for ceremonial occasions in Malaysia is not unlike wearing a suit to go to work in international companies.

I am not taking offense to your statements, just like to clarify the 'fading away humour' of yesteryear about masuk melayu.. It is hardly spoken off nowadays as the 'humour' has worn very thin.:shade:

[Signor]

Something for Everyone to reflect upon:

The New Muslim

By Muhammad Daniel

I was born from an act of idealism
To a world where ideals are sold


I looked for the way to be muslim
Got confused with what I was told


Each group claimed to be on the right path
Citing strong evidences to prove


But my heart found no peace with this conflict
So restless I started to move


From this one to that one I staggered
Nowhere did I seem to fit in


But in fear of the fire I kept searching
Wondering at the state we are in


Soon I grew tired of meetings
Of conferences, speeches and shows


I longed for some friends to be close to
As we lined up to pray in the rows


But the rows said salaam and dispersed
To the cultural lives whence they came


I went home to no group to be part of
Past the pubs looking warm in the rain


But Allah is my refuge my solace
He alone do I turn to to ask


That the muslims get out of their ghettos
To unite on their God-given task


And take in the wandering converts
For God surely will reward those


Who share the diamonds they’re hiding
In the peace of their family homes

[Signor]

Pumpkin Seeds

You will not be asked about your culture in your grave
And you will not be judged based on your father’s last name
When the trumpet blares, there will be no more kings’ only slaves
And your family traditions will not be able to keep you safe

Your language will bring you no comfort on that day
And no one will care about the kind of food your mother used to make
The angle of death does not discriminate
No matter your ethnic group, clan or race

We were created from the exact same clay
Many nations have come before, many nations have been replaced
Disgraced and erased, so which one of you feels safe
And which one of you remembers what life was like back in the day

When we used to be brothers,
And we used to stand up for one another, in the face of trouble,
We used to love each other, and understand that your struggle is my struggle
We used to be one, a nation brought together in praise under the morning sun
For those who would dare, we would defend our rights to life and liberty
We used to care, before than about the orphans and anyone else in despair
We used to believe in justice we used to be fair

Unity was not a word; it was a state of mind
Before states, nations and flags we were mankind
From the same seed we were created and to the same dirt we shall return
Now we are diseased with innovations in the fire left to burn
We seek to please heads of nations, compromising what we’ve learned
Indeed this is a time of humiliation for those who are concerned
The state of our affairs is unbearingly absurd
Taking enemies as friends after the wrath they have incurred
Empty threats and broken promises, vision is becoming blurred
Wanna raise your hands up to the sky but most of you are unsure
That the end is coming near, and only one can judge us
How can you be sincere when you forgot your purpose?
This is the final frontier; did you not think we would be tested?
Ridiculed, abused, confused and arrested
Made to feel strange in a place that’s infested
But blame is a game that they win uncontested.

We like to huff and puff about all of our stuff being protected
But what’s the point of reading books when you don’t understand the message?
Divided and conquered, but we used to be connected
And you didn’t have to like us, but you still had to respect us
Every corner of the globe but we still facing one direction,
Standing row by row, if not today, than on the day of resurrection
Where there will be no protection, without the permission,
Of the One true God, takbir: “Allahu Akbar”

And we used to be brothers,
But today I’m only really your brother until I ask to make your sister my bride
Now a days it aint girl what’s your size, its girl what’s your tribe?
But what good are your eyes, when taqwa is colour blind?

And Alhumduallah, praises to the Lord of both you and I,
Who created us from difference so that we may learn to love what’s inside?
Honoured us with this religion, the last of its kind
And a messenger with a message for all mankind

But I wonder what he would say, sallallahu `alayhi wa sallam
To know that his ummah has gone astray, sallallahu `alayhi wa sallam
He showed us how to behave, sallallahu `alayhi wa sallam
He even taught us how to pray, sallallahu `alayhi wa sallam
He was the best who ever came, sallallahu `alayhi wa sallam
So where is his example today? sallallahu `alayhi wa sallam
He emphasised solidarity, sallallahu `alayhi wa sallam
It seems like we have forgotten his ways, sallallahu `alayhi wa sallam

‘Cause we used to be brothers,
But how many of you would leave your brother on the front line to die?
There are children in Palestine getting buried alive
It’s scary to think we change the channel before we change our minds

There is no hope for a nation that is not unified
Do you really see me as your brother, or am I just some guy?
Do you protect me or do you put me on trial?
‘Cause some of you are so stingy you won’t even donate a smile
Subahanallah, Where is the love?
The state of our Ummah is that we forgot where we came from?

But when your soul begins to quiver in the shade of your rattling chest,
You will see that this world was nothing but an illusion you were in
Ya Bani Adam, don’t be fooled be wicked men
Cause there is only one God, but nuff people who don’t remember him
I am your reflection; our connection is stronger than any election
We seek protection in our Lord, may he grant us direction

May he make us amongst those who love each other for his sake,
May he make us amongst those who receive his will shade
May he make us amongst those who are content with our fate,
May he make us amongst those who have the honour of seeing his face
We ask Allah for his mercy, we ask Allah for his grace
We ask Allah to unite this Ummah and to keep us safe
We thank Allah for the countless blessings we receive everyday
And may we give thanks for unknown blessings already on their way

Aameen

[Abdul Fattah]

Aselam aleykum
Thanks for your appreciation. It's true, I often feel isolated. The first few years are great and everybody welcomes you. But some people have a certain niche for you, a certain expectation of how they want you to act. They expect you to be a newbie, no matter how long ago you accepted islam, and once you show that you've outgrown it you're no longer that welcome. Or allot of people also change their behavior and think that they have to act this or that way...

The area where I felt it the most was looking for a wife. Many girls of the younger generations might be open minded toward marrying a revert, but at the same time they fear their fathers reaction. Be it that he might disagree because he wants his daughter to marry somebody from the same race, or out of fear that a revert might leave Islam just as suddenly as he (seemed to have) entered it.

It was a difficult challenge, but Alhamdoelillah i'm happily married now (and father of a lovely one-year old girl :)).

[facethetruth]

I dont know but from my experience I never noticed the difference between myself and the revert brothers. When I used to live in the U.S. my best friends used to be reverts, we used to laugh and joke a lot. Many of them were ex gang members so their stories were very interesting to me!!

It was just amazing when I used to go me and Jamal (James) to a buffet while I have a long beard and his nick was full with tattoos but is wearing the small hat (I dont know its name) but we had stuff to share, how to get a Halal job, both of us wanted to move away from the U.S. to live next a masjid and put our children in a segregated school, we liked to workout and boxing, talking about knowledge, about how Allah saved us many times ... The same thing with Hassus, Abduallah and all my reverted friends.

I engaged to a revert sister for a couple of months, and never noticed the difference.

For the culture issues we just try to act like our prophet prayers and peace be upon him in most of the things like food, weddings..etc so our culture was the culture of Mohammad prayers and peace be upon him.

[facethetruth]

Actually I will never forget this, when Allah blessed me and I moved to KSA, James had his eyes watery and told me I have butterflies in my stomach may Allah hold him steadfast.

[tearose]

No born Muslim, however well-meaning, can understand the situation of a revert as well as another revert.

As-salamu 3laikum, sorry, but as a revert myself, I totally disagree with you. Please don't generalise so much, we are all individuals and have our unique sets of circumstances. Actually, I have had the opposite problem, where other reverts thought they completely understood me because I am a revert too, and actually they didn't understand my situation. There is nothing wrong with reverts sharing their experiences and problems with each other from time to time if that will benefit them, but I don't think they should form clubs or separate from the main community. I have been part of various Muslim communities in different countries, some much more mixed than others, and alhamdulilah I have not had problems with any of them because of being a revert. I think there is too much tendency for some reverts to blame any problems they may have with others on being a revert, when actually these are just normal problems that can come up with any group of people - we all have different personalities and different ways of dealing with things.

[tearose]

Just as an example, I want to eat from a tray (or talam, as it's called here) but they prefer to eat from a plate. I want to wear the salwar but they would rather see me wear a sarong. They hold wedding functions with all kinds of Malay customs which are derived from Hindu customs and I don't want to have anything to do with that.
I am not sure if this is happening in Muslim communities all over the world but here, the Malays have been Muslims for so long that they have forgotten about the essence of Islam and thought that being Malay and being Muslim are synonymous. In fact, the common term for reversion here is to 'masuk Melayu' meaning 'become a Malay'.

This can happen in any community where the Muslims are all from the same culture and where they are not used to mixing with Muslims from other cultures or even listening to scholars from outside their country. I lived in a community like that for two years (not Malay though). Occasionally people would tell me you should do this or that, but if I knew the thing in question was not required in Islam but just a custom of theirs, I didn't let it bother me. I didn't see it as a big deal, as long as it wasn't something forbidden in Islam. I would try to fit in with their culture as much as I felt comfortable with, and if they told me to do more, I would just say ' I'm still not completely used to this new culture'. Occasionally there were bad customs that had crept into the culture that were against Islam (but of course not everyone did those things), in that case if you can advise them with wisdom, good, if not, just stay away. Don't let it make you feel lonely.

[insann]

May Allah hold us steadfast whether we are reverts or not.

[jawad555]

Great Article I like your post.