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Fainoz
07-20-2013, 09:47 AM
In my family, we hug and shake hands with our cousins, but cousins are considered Mahram. Even so it is so strange to treat them as such because we grew up together and some of our cousins used to live with us. When we go to reunions, my older cousins who used to babysit me as a kid will extend their hands or hug me, and I don't know what to do. If I refuse it would be so weird even if I politely declined. I know they would say something like "it's OK I used to take care of you as a baby" And I know that there are people in my family would have have some negative comments to make, like how I am turning into a "wahabi" or extremist. I know this because I heard someone else being called that for refusing to shake hands with a man ( who wasn't even related to her) simply because the man said " It is ok, I have a daughter your age"

During the time of the Prophet (SAW) this was acceptable and normal, but now we have an entire different perception on things so it is hard for us to grasp the concept of cousins being "strangers".
SOmeone please explain this to me so I can avoid fitna at the next family reunion.

jzkallah khairun.
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Muslim Woman
07-20-2013, 10:30 AM
:sl:

marriage between cousins is allowed in Islam ; it does not matter if they babysit u or not . So , shake hand with them , give them a hug - these are forbidden . Don't bother if they call u extremist ; u must obey ur Creator .
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aflawedbeing
07-20-2013, 02:30 PM
I was going to say the above. Don't treat them as mahram if you know they're not, which you obviously do based on your post.
Do daw'ah to them ukhti.
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crimsontide06
07-20-2013, 05:49 PM
Personally, I think all this is silly... they are your cousins, they do not look at you in a sexual way, right?? The fact they are old enough to have babysat you as a baby tells me they are much older than you, so even if they did like you ; it would be sick and they would deserve jail time for that...
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Iceee
07-20-2013, 06:43 PM
Originally Posted by crimsontide06
they are your cousins, they do not look at you in a sexual way, right??
You don't know this for a fact, don't jump to conclusions.

Originally Posted by crimsontide06
they would deserve jail time for that
Islam law and your opinion are different. Refrain from this on forums. Opinions should be kept to yourself.

If the cousins are male and female and are young and have not reached the age where they could feel desire and temptation, then there is no harm in their playing together. If they are older, then it is forbidden because cousins are not Mahrams

http://islamqa.info/en/ref/5215
Your cousins are non-mahram to you which allows them to marry you in the future. For example, one day (when you're older) your Dad might ask if you'd like to marry the cousin you are talking about in this question; By hugging and shaking hands with them, you don't know whether it is friendly or provoke desire.

It was narrated from ‘Uqbah ibn ‘Aamir that the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Beware of entering upon women.” A man from among the Ansaar said, “O Messenger of Allaah, what about the in-law?” He said, “The in-law is death.
(Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 4934; Muslim, 2172)

With regard to the Prophet’s words “The in-law is death,” what this means is that there is more fear with regard to him than anyone else, and evil is to be expected of him, and the fitnah (temptation) is greater because he is able to reach the woman and be alone with her without anyone denouncing that, unlike the case of one who is a stranger.
http://islamqa.info/en/ref/12837
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ardianto
07-20-2013, 08:27 PM
Originally Posted by crimsontide06
they are your cousins, they do not look at you in a sexual way,
I do not look at my female cousins in a sexual way. But, everyone is not same, bro. There are people who sexually attracted to their cousin.

By the way, although I'm close with my female cousins, I never hug them.
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aflawedbeing
07-20-2013, 11:11 PM
Originally Posted by crimsontide06
Personally, I think all this is silly... they are your cousins, they do not look at you in a sexual way, right?? The fact they are old enough to have babysat you as a baby tells me they are much older than you, so even if they did like you ; it would be sick and they would deserve jail time for that...
I love you for the sake of Allah swt bro, but I think this post is very naive.
Do you know how many people marry their cousins? One would hope they think of each other in a sexual way?

Also, age gaps aren't always bad. Some men and women marry people up to 20 years their senior, theoretically you only have to be 10 years older to babysit someone. If everyone's over the age of consent, no one is going to jail. It could very well be a 20 year old and 30 year old. Allah alim.
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