I need help from sisters here

[anonymous]

:salam:


I need help from sisters here...
umm... well...

question 1:
is that normal for a young virgin woman (around 20 years old) to marry an old widower man (around 50 years old)? normal? or not? if it's not normal, why?



question 2:
if a young virgin woman (around 20 years old) got a marriage proposal from an old widower man (around 50 years old), and then she accept it, can you tell me why she accept it? what's her reason to accept a marriage proposal from a 50 years old widower man, while there are still many young virgin man that match her age? she has a good-looking face (umm... yes, I think she has a good-looking face), I think, it won't be hard for her to get a spouse that young as her...


sorry to ask this, since I'm not a woman, I don't know woman's way of thinking.







let me tell the story...

my father and my mother divorced. while my mother never planned to get married again, my father married again.

my father get married again with a young woman, young as I am. one day, my father invite me to come and stay on his house, and then I met her young wife, my father introduced his young wife to me, she wear hijab, have a good looking face, and they got a 2 years old daughter from their marriage. and then we have dinner together on his house. she is a good cook. while we enjoy our dinner, it looks like they both get along so well like any normal spouse (something that I never experience while my father and my mother still together). seeing how happy them both somehow make me sad... I stay for 2 nights and come back to my mother house (I live with my mother).

(my father asked me to look after her young daughter when he die, he is afraid if his young wife get married again, his daughter will no longer properly taken care of, and it looks like father invite me to stay on his house so I can see my younger sister)

my mother said, before my mother and my father divorced, my father already cheat my mother by dating that young woman (my father and that young woman work on the same place). my mother said, that my father and his young woman ever skip work and go to the beach together. my mother said that young women ever stop my father's car while my father and my mother come home together (thinking she will come home together with my father that time. my mother and my father work on the same company) and my mother said that young woman marry my father because of his money.

somehow I get curious, is there any other reason for a young woman to marry an old man because of his money?




sorry for talking too much like this... I'm just... I have no friends... I have no one to talk... so I remember this forum...

and sorry, looks like I'm not good in english, since english is not my primary language...

[Muslim Woman]

:sl:


In my country , a young actress under 25 and a famous writer & film director aged 60( minimum ) got married . He divorced his wife who is mother of his 4 kids . The actress was friend of his daughter and they both acted in his drama serial .

It is heard that they fall in love when shooting that drama . It's strange that how a young lady could love father of 4 kids and who has 2 kids elder than her .


Free mixing could be the reason of the ' love ' story . I think love at first sight can't be possible between a young lady and an aged person . After mixing closely day after day , it's possible to grow an affair between them .

And Allah Knows Best.

[h-n]

I answer on what you have written;-

Before I read the bottom part, I assumed that it was a Male perhaps attracted to this female and wishes to know why she had chosen to get married to someone else rather then him. As of course if she got married to an obese Man, a poor Man people may be asking the same question, if he had some sort of abnormality people would still be asking why. We cannot say that she was not attracted to him. Unfortunately there are plenty of cases of females getting married for money, but again we cannot assume with this one, as you mentioned later that they are happily married. So its not for any male to waste time thinking of such issues as this is nonsense talk as this is from the Shaytaan to bring rifts in people, and that if people are in this scenario of being attracted to someone like this they should stay away. Also there is nothing wrong with getting married with someone older then you, and nowhere can anyone say that a person is early twenties is better then someone in their sixties, its up to people's preferences ie I would never get married to someone younger then me, it wouldn't make a difference if he owned the whole planet. You hear of females screaming and liking males from one direction pop group is that normal? No it is not, if that is all we are going to have ie their definition of Man in this world, then we have no hope in this world at all. Its is rather a bad thought that you say you are better then an older Man, be happy that your father is in a happy marriage, instead of being alone somewhere.

To the bottom section, I would like to say firstly remind in these days children are growing up with less guidance so when their parents get remarried, they maybe resentful, as they always see themselves as the focus of attention, even we hear of people reaching the ages of 40, 50 still complaining about their family life! People can choose to get married again, they don't have to stay miserable for the sake of a child, as they also have to guard and save themselves from the fires of Hell. No one can help you on that Day. But this is just a reminder, you haven't mentioned much on how you feel, just accusations of her being a bad person.

Lastly, I urge you to concentrate on your life, you need to pass your exams (remember Allah of course), and get a job, and look after your Mother. You may get married when you are older, I don't understand why anyone would ask a person's step brother to look after his 2 year old step sister in a scenario were he thinks that his wife will still be alive, even if she chooses to get married or not. It is not for you to worry about, and it is for the adults who chose to get married to deal with, how would your Mother feel if she was asked to take care of your step sister (because the Mother of the child decided to get married again-that wouldn't make any sense, she chose to get married to your father knowing full well that he has had a wife and child-you weren't part of their marriage make up). I not here to cause division, I understand that people can feel under pressure on what to do, and being told to take responsibility that has nothing to do with you. So what your doing is fine, by being respectful, BUT I would concentrate on thinking about your life as remember they have chosen what to do with theirs and you have the same decision to make on yours. Concentrate more on taking care of your Mother as then she might be all alone.

[anonymous]

Is you father good looking?

I don't know how to define a man's face whether he is handsome or not... some people call others ugly, yet those ugly people still be able to find a spouse.

if sister want to judge the situation by making a scenario that my father is a good looking, it's up to sister...

you haven't mentioned much on how you feel, just accusations of her being a bad person.

I don't know, sis, I only have impression about her that she is young, good looking, good cook, that's all...

they don't have to stay miserable for the sake of a child

one day, my younger brother sports teacher need to meet our parents, maybe my younger brother have problem on his sport class. rather than go to his mother, he go to his father (my father and my younger brother is close since my younger brother is my father's favorite child).
when arrive at my father's house, he saw a young woman on his house, because of that, he come back to our home (our current house, where I, my mother and my younger brother lives).
since that event, my younger brother start to come home late, after school he waste his time at game center, he start to act cold toward my father. times passes by, my younger brother stop to go to school. there is no hope for him to go back to school, so his highest education is junior high school (there's no way he have problem with the study since he is so smart...).
we ever brought him to psychologist, and it looks he suffer high depression... and now his activity is playing video games, sleeping, eating, he frequently lock himself on his room, if we talk about his future he will get angry and slammed his door. once in a while my mother woke me up to breaching his room's door because he took a knife from the kitchen and locked his door. I don't know if my mother ever planned to get married again, but my mother said she can't afford to make my brother get worse than this...





when I see father and mother fight each other, at dining table, on the car, somehow it's something normal, it's not bothering me, "oh, I see, they both at each other throat again". one night, I woke up at midnight, I heard the sound of exhaust of my father car, in the morning I see no presence of my father, looks like he went to his second house (his current house).
one night, my mother came to my room, asking me whether we should accept him again in this house, or let him go forever. I prefer to let him go forever. I see no chance for both of them to rebuild their relationship again, my mother keep telling my father cheating and never spent on her, while my father keep telling that my mother is a rebel wife, beside I don't really like my father...

everytime I see a happy family, I keep asking myself, why it's make them happy to be together with their family, have dinner at restaurant, go shopping together, or go on vacation...


when I have dinner in my father house with my father and his wife, seeing both of them get along so well while having dinner, I ask myself, why I feel so sad... is this how it's feel, having a family... yet when my parents still together, why I never have a feeling like this...





sorry to make a thread like this, it looks like I'm not focus on the subject, it just... I am... confuse... upset... depressed... angry... awkward... weird... I don't know exactly how I feel...

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[Periwinkle18]

Well I Duno I guess a girl can fall for anyone if they're given attention n are heard n are treated well they will eventually like tht person. N obviously shaitan is there so yeah maybe some women are after money they don't care abt Wht their husbands age us they just run after the money...

Women just need love or someone there to listen to them take care of them I guess...

[h-n]

AS mentioned it is unacceptable to copy of what western media has taught, Muslim children in the past didn't go around throwing tantrums and being awkward as they were focused on what they wish to do in life. Even teenagers have been created in the west, when young people have been off working, supporting their families in the past and still do in many parts of the world.

You cannot feel angry for someone doing something that Allah himself allows, In your father's life he is able to get married again, and has done so-which is not an issue with GOD HIMSELF!

The clear focus on problems is the lack of taking responsibility, being focused on your own life; ie working hard, to better yourselves. It is your MOTHER that was married to him, and I'm not going to just brush off how the children feel, but your Mother doesn't have to put up with her sons behaving selfishly when she has already gone through a divorce. Have you ever been around toddlers?? Do you know how much work it is to bring them up? When your older you have to start taking responsiblity and acting respectful to what your Mother and ALLAH himself has provided you with.

Ask yourselves the following questions, do you wish to stay that way (I don't know how old you are), but when you are in your 20s? In your 30s??

A family is what you make it out to be, people are used to others doing the work and creating a good environment and its all for them-that is what you have when you are young children, but when you are older you are responsible for communicating and creating a better environment. Are you seriously saying that you cannot have a family life without your father??? You have your Mother and another brother. Start trying to do things together, speak to your brother, as forcibly trying to change him is only going to make it worse, mention to him that there are plenty of people who complain about absent fathers and they go into crime, and waste their education time, so what do they have to prove of themselves??? What about if they wanted to get married what are they telling the woman? That they couldn't be bothered to complete their education, get a job because your father remarried. That is a poor state of being.

In the west they teach people its OK to feel that way because so and so wasn't there for you, but then Allah has given the story of Prophet Joseph peace be upon him when he got thrown into a well by his brothers, if anyone else was in that position they'll be walking around not being productive and taking it out on other people if they were treated badly by others. Treat people as you want to be treated. Remember that people will not look on you as young sons later, but older Males in their 20s and people will scrutinize what you have done in your life and no one will say that it was acceptable for you to treat your life as if its nothing, not making things easier for your Mother, just because your father decided to get married again.

People when they get divorced mourn for something that they say they lost (they lose things that have never happened yet in the future ie we could have still been together, being happy). This is idle talk and from the devils. Your looking at what your family would have been if your father was still here, and deciding not to do anything for yourself (your NOT the only one who doesn't have a father in their lives, why even Prophet Ibrahim peace be upon him's father didn't support him). You have to focus on working and making your lives better (not as people imagine that if they got married their lives would be perfect). You and your brother are responsible, and your Mother, quite frankly doesn't need this. So the answer is to take responsibilities in your life instead of thinking of what your father should have done for you (it would be embarrassing if your 20s, uneducated, jobless and still complaining about your father-no one will say its the father's fault of why they couldn't get on with life). Take responsibility!