09-06-2013, 05:54 PM
In the name of Allah the most merciful. After going through some threads I found that some people are confused about the role of the man and woman. The greatest thing about our religion is a reference so we dont use our desires or opinions to deal with stuff. Reply
Inshalah I will be honest and not just post what I believe in, I will post different opinions when needed and then say what I do believe. Moreover pls dont say you are Hanafi, Hanbali, Salafi...etc we are Muslims all the Imams and scholars made statements in which mean if my opinion rejected an AUTHENTIC hadeeth then leave it. Back then scholars used to travel months to learn 30 or 40 hadeeths not like in our days we ask Shaikh Google for many stuff!. Lets hit the point:
There are three types of rights between the Wife and the Husband:
The first type or categories where the rights are the same for both them such; treat each other right, lower the gaze from the haram, look good and so on
The second type is where they are not the same but equal in weight such; the husband work outside and the wife inside. She makes him beryani and he brings her flowers He build muscles and she loses weight so according to the difference between males and females, for a man he has to feed her, buy her clothes, place to live, does not hit her rough or in the face or hurt her he can hit her with a pencil or a siwak as what the scholars said in interpretation of the Aya hit them and believe me this works I saw it with my eyes it hurts the feeling of the wife not the body and shows how disappointed the husband is which make a good wife come bake. Allah guide brothers who are mike tyson (by the way he became muslim not the best though but he said it and a chicken outside..etc
The third type is were Allah gave men an upper hand. THIS DOES NOT MEAN THEY ARE BETTER JUST MORE RESPONSIBILITY AND THINGS THAT THEY WILL HELD ACCOUNTABLE DONT LET SHAYTAN PLAY IN YOUR MIND. I am a man and there is no way I will reach the status of my mother Khadeeja for example who Allah sent her peace from 7 heavens. These are obeying him such in the end of the aya 228 in the Bakara and in surat al Nisa verse 34. They have one step higher ( one just one not 10000) this step is obeying him in good and not in haram. Angels will curse a woman who her husband asks for her in the bed and she refuses. Why dont they curse men? the answer is also simple, it is very rare that the man will reject this request! the other reason men differ with their energy on how much they can have sex not like women.
A person could ask why the woman has to obey the husband not vise versa?
The answer is simple, the woman is more emotional than the man. A woman could feel sorry for a poor kid and give him all what she has and stay with nothing the man wont. If the final word is not in the hand in one person this will never work. Thats why 55% of U.S live singles, I am certain from this number or at least very close when I did a research 5 years ago about gays YUCK.
Family is like any organization needs a leader, look at work, country ..etc always one leader. Again that does not mean he is better than you or opressor, if you feel that you can call two judges hope you wont reach this point and just solve these things.
An issue has different of opinions:
The hot topic, should a woman serve her husband (Cleaning, washing dishes...etc) The "Jomhoor" which means most of the scholars said it is not mandatory! I dont believe in this but this is the opinion and I will explain why I do. Now NO body disagreed that serving him is something likable and recommended such like what happened with the best woman ever or at least one of the best four the daughter of the prophet Fatima. The problem is some wives are with battles with their husband and they are more competing that loving. Does the mother serve her child when she breast feed him or change his dipers??? sisters and brothers Walahi the problem is not in our deen it is in our hearts. If the word serve him is heavy on you, you can exchange it with helping him because by going to the grocery store he could be your driver.
Lets break it up short and simple
a- Hanbali, Shafiee and some Maliki (Not mandatory)
b- Most of Malaki mandatory but she can ask for money weird ah I will explain why now.
Now the people who said it is mandatory they mean that what is inside the house related stuff
Their evidence is based on the judgment between Ali and Fatimah may Allah be pleased with them so Ali take care of the outside stuff and Fatimah take care of the inside stuff. This is clear.
Why some of the scholars said that he can give her money because according to the "Jomhoor" Majority of the imams the husband is not asked to pay her treatment when she gets ill!!! so if you want to go with the first opinion you should take it as a package. For the opinion that I believe in the husband has to support his wife in EVERYTHING.
Lets taking it logically if the guy is working till 5 pm would his wife who "loves" him makes him wash dishes and prepare food for himself?? and she is all day home no way!! even I was watching the other day a UFC fighter who is christian and his wife prepares him food with smile and love she knows that he is working for her and the family all day, that made me mad why are they keep practicing our believes and we dont?!. Again in conclusion ALL scholar agreed that it is better for the wife to prepare stuff for the husband.
Lets pick on the husband a little bit. The husband should also fears Allah and remember that our prophet prayers and peace be upon before his death and one of the last words said to be soft and gentle with women. She is your wife not your servant!!! She does this because of the sake of Allah and because she loves you.
For women and men who are working, absoluty it is not fair for the woman to take care of the house alone.
Now there is a different between Males, Females, and Men and Women. I will be harsh a bit excuse me and want to face with some facts that we run from.
A woman and a monther wont accept daycare to raise her children for her, she wants to assure that they will be raised in the best way possible and learn the best ...etc
A man will work if it is required two jobs for him to keep his jewlery out of the rough working environment where her boss pick on her or she wont be able to give her husband and the children enough attention and love or even being a "Qanita" who prays at night as Allah describes the best women in the quran.
Something worth to stop by:
Wife and Husband should take care of their look!! yes for both of them not just the woman. In aya 228 in Surat Al baqara which means that they both have same rights and duties on each other. Ibn Abbas used to make him self look nice from hair the way he dresses ..etc for his wife while narrating this Aya. Sobhanalah this is one of the best scholars in the history of Islam who the prophet prayers and peace be upon him prayed for him to understand and become a scholar of the religion as in the authentic Hadeeth.
Raising the children I want to speak about it sepratly because it is very important. In an authentic hadeeth our prophet prayers and peace be upon his said that we are responsible on our family and we will be asked for that. Brothers and sisters your children are not animals who you feed dress and play with. They need effort, time and attention. They need you to help them with their problems and raise them properly. The sometimes the mother and father need somebody to raise them!! sad but true. There is a lot to talk about it. Here wont be appropriate.
The bottom line. Allah says in the quran we created between you (husband and wife) love and mercy. If you dont love him you wont forgive him. He will make mistakes but here the mercy part plays you HAVE to forgive him if you really love him, vise versa for the husband. To love him also for people who did not get married you need to love HIM not his bank account or just the way he looks though they are important but personality comes first. Though a person with good personality will kill himself before seeing his wife or children dont have place to live or food to eat or clothes to wear in EID. Again a man not a male.
Finally all of us want great wives and husbands and we pray for that all the time, but did you ever asked your self are you good enough to get what you are asking for? Remember Allah is fair. All of us want perfection but are we perfect ?? I cant answer this. Our final words all praise go to Allah almighty.
09-07-2013, 09:56 AM
One reason why women are told to obey men and men aren't told the same may be because the relationship is such that men already do what ever their wives ask (in most cases). So it was necessary to remind the women of men's rights. This is similar to people being told to accompany their parents and treat them well but parents aren't told to take care of their children. This doesn't mean that parents are allowed to neglect children. Rather this is due to the fact that people normally care for children while grown children are more likely to forget their parents' rights. So they are told to accompany their parents and not to treat them badly, etc.Reply
Also, men are told to treat wives well and to care for them. There are many verses in Quran about women's rights but the ones that more attention is given are those about men's superiority.
09-07-2013, 10:13 AM
Originally Posted by WRITER
Pls sister dont make up a new religion. This is a BIG NO, if I understand you right. I understood that the man should obey his wife too but the Quran did not mention that because it is natural. Sister pls dont make up a new religion for us. Absolutely no prove for that. The reason is there should be one final word in the house and that is for the husband. The same thing in any organization in the world. The reason Allah put the word with the husband because women are emotional which is not a bad thing but this could let them make a wrong decssion for example the son wants something that expensive and the family cant afford it so the wife could buy it and then the family in trouble. It is not a bad thing but the woman is the emotional source for the family and children.
The second part which you did the "Kyas" is not true.
Parents would treat their children in a nice way but not special with big respect in the way that the children would treat their parents. Though Allah ordered the parents that they are responsible of their families and they will be asked about this responsibility as in the famous hadeeth.
If a son tells his father OFF or complain in any way it is a MAJOR sin, but if the Father said to his son the same word it is wrong BUT not a major sin.
Jazaki Allah khair.
09-07-2013, 10:15 AM
And yes we are ordered to treat our wives kindly in many Ahadeethes and verses.Reply
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