If we were born as other people

Have you ever thought how was your life if you were born as someone else?. Sometime this thought came to my mind and made me remember the life that I had lived.

Started from my childhood when I lived happily with parents who loved me so much. I often went to recreation places with them and my siblings, and I had many toys. Then I grew up as teen boy when I could feel a joyful life, hung out with my friends, traveling in my car, and satisfied myself with my hobby.

Passed teen age and became young adult, I began to thinking about life-partner. Again, I had a luck. I didn't need to be bother to find and approach someone because there's always someone who invite me or even came to me. It made me in position which I could choose, literally choosing. But I was not surprised. I knew that the girls gave special attention to me because they often stared at me when they saw me.

That's my life in the past which I did not realize something until one day.

I was walking in slum area and saw few people there. They look poor and, excuse me, not beautiful. Immediately I remember a lesson in economic subject which taught about people who poor because born in poor family. I told myself "If they were born in middle class families, their life must be better".

And suddenly I realize that Allah could make me born as one of them, and one of them born as me!. I was so shocked when I realize it. How was my life if that's happened?. I was too afraid to imagine it.

Yes, if I was born as someone else, no one of you would meet Ardianto in this forum. Because probably I lived in poverty, didn't have internet access, and must work as labor in home industry or as farm worker in village since I was kid because my parent could not afford to pay my study fee.

I realize too that if I was born as someone else, must be I had different physical appearance and would not get special attention.

Alhamdulillah, I am very grateful of what Allah has given to me. This is why I always try to respect everyone equally regardless their wealth or social status. This is why I could still love my wife when her beauty had gone because her illness.

But honestly, I am so sad because reality that I have seen. There are always people who are not grateful with what Allah has given to them, who do not realize that Allah could make them born as other people and other people born as them.

I often see arrogant people who proud with their wealth and look down to poor people without they realize, actually they rich because they were born in rich families.

I have found beautiful people who very proud with their beauties without they realize that beauty is a gift from Allah that will be taken back, sooner or later.

Yes, my handsomeness that ever made some girls being 'crazy' had gone since long time ago. But I am still grateful because people still smile at me with their respect. This is why I always say, not beauty that will make you be loved, but your kindness that will make the other love you.

I often imagine if everyone realize that Allah could make them born as other people and other people born as them. We would never heard racism, we would never heard about social caste, we would never heard people treated differently because family wealth or social status.

Always remember, we could born as other people, and other people born as we.

When I was teen I had a friend who came from very rich family. One day his family employed a new servant, a teen boy in my age. I was in his palace when that teen servant worked in first day. My friend ordered him to do something (I don't remember what), but his servant didn't know how to do. My friend said to him rudely "You can't do this??!!". I saw his servant looked afraid. So, I taught and helped him to do what his master ordered. Then that teen servant whispered at me with very polite "Thank you very much". I smile at him while ask in my heart "Why can't my friend tell him how to do in good manner?". And I began to lose respect to my rich friend.

Social class in society is something that inevitable. Position in society which one is higher than another is inevitable too, like when the one employ another. But it doesn't mean we can treat those who lower than us with no respect.

We could not choose in which family we would be born. If we could choose, everyone would choose to be born in wealthy family and being beautiful. But not everyone is 'lucky'. There are people who born in poor family that can't afford to pay study fee, so they can't get enough education, then being uneducated and being poor.

Maybe not everyone here realize that if we could get enough education, it's because we were born and grew up in family and environment which we had access to education. Imagine if we were born in family and environment that didn't give us access to education. How were our life?.

Someone asked a question in this forum "Why is life so unfair?". But actually the right question is "Why are some people so unfair?".

To be honest, since I was kid I had wonder why I was treated differently than some people?, why I was treated better by some people?.

I could feel some people treated me very special when they knew my family, different than some of my friends who came from different family background. Something that always made me wonder.

greenhill said:

Salaam Ardianto,

Yes, the thought has crossed my mind in the past. I had really 4 main areas (along this vein of thoughts) that was

1- What if I wasn't born a muslim?
2- What if I was born in a very unfortunate family, financially?
3- What if I was born with permanent disabilities or sickly?
4- What if I was born really unattractive?

After a long time of contemplating, I decided not to really consider the 'What If' as "If' is a very short word with never ending possibilities and just to always remember praising Allah for the blessings He has bestowed on me and see what it is that I can, with my 'fortunate' circumstances do to make Allah extend His mercy to me and not take it away...

Peace :shade:

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Wa'alaikum salam bro Greenhill

2011, I still remember. I was walking in a parking area when I saw an old woman who sell rempeyek (traditional fries) was sitting, waiting for a buyer. I looked at her, and suddenly a question appeared in my heart.

So I came at her, bought rempeyek and paid more than its price. She thanked me and looked happy.

No!, not because the extra money that I gave, but because my attitude to her that same like an attitude of a son to the mother. Care and attention, that's what she need. I saw a loneliness on her eyes when I looked at her.

And what's the question that appeared in my heart? ...... "If I was this grandma". That's why I knew what she need.

Imagine if I didn't have ability to ask myself "If I was ......" and imagine if everyone has ability to ask "If I was ......"

Salam alaykum

If we all would have time sometimes, even a moment, to think this "What if"- matter, this world might be much easy place to live to all people. Simple "what if" just shows that we still have some ability to put oneself in another person's shoes, so called ability for empathy. Without empathy we would be just cold and careless for the suffering of others.

Thanks for reminding us about this one of the most important matter to remember.

ardianto said:

Have you ever thought how was your life if you were born as someone else?

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No,but after reading all your posts.I wanna born-again as
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Ardianto;D

i can relate, i was born into a hard working family.

i grew up living in a sweet shop... a real sweet shop.

even after we moved on i always helped out in the family business but it never felt like work.


after education i ended up trying to make my own way in the world, things never really panned out and after several.. hundred jobs i ended up back at my family business.

actually having to work for a normal wage.

and finally realising how most people must struggle in the world.

it is a very humbling experience.



i definitely lost the sweet shop mentality.

Signor said:

No,but after reading all your posts.I wanna born-again as
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Ardianto;D

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You forget something bro. I lost my wife when I was on peak of my love for her.

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So, be happy because you are Signor.

M.I.A. said:

i can relate, i was born into a hard working family.

i grew up living in a sweet shop... a real sweet shop.

even after we moved on i always helped out in the family business but it never felt like work.


after education i ended up trying to make my own way in the world, things never really panned out and after several.. hundred jobs i ended up back at my family business.

actually having to work for a normal wage.

and finally realising how most people must struggle in the world.

it is a very humbling experience.



i definitely lost the sweet shop mentality.

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When I was a kid I've ever imagined myself as a sweet shop owner in fairy land, a middle age fat man with glasses.

I imagine children came to my sweet shop, bought candies and be happy. But suddenly I saw a boy stood and looked at my shop. I saw a sadness in his eyes because he wanted to buy candies but he didn't have money. So I took some candies and gave him. It's made him happy.

Now I am a middle age fat man with glasses, and I have my own 'shop'. Not sweet shop, but just small courier agent.

One day when my office full of customers I saw a man walked while pull a garbage cart. Dustman in my housing area, a young father from family that not so lucky like my family. He must work hard with low salary that actually not enough to fulfill his family needs

So I open my wallet, approached him, gave him a smile and put something in his hand. He received it with a smile on his face, like a boy in the my fairy land.

Bro, I have seen many things life, I am sure, more than you have ever seen. But I am not losing my mentality as sweet shop owner in my fairy land.

I have seen many sadness that made me understand, not our cry that they need, but our smile and little happiness that we can share with them. This is what they need.

you are very lucky, every person i have given charity to usually comes back and asked for more.

it made beggars out of poor people.

so now i just give zakat and mosque donations.

...and discounts on some shop items. (i hope they dont think it as cue to start stealing from me)


although i still get asked for money from the people in the past.

imo charity is getting people to get over themselves.


which is always hard.


i always say to myself, im 32 and i feel twice that age.

M.I.A. said:

every person i have given charity to usually comes back and asked for more.

it made beggars out of poor people.

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I know. Beggar mentality and servant mentality are two of some problem among low class people that make them hard to leave poverty. Poverty eradication activists know it. But I am not sure about macro economists who always regard people as just statistic. :hmm:

ardianto said:

You forget something bro. I lost my wife when I was on peak of my love for her.

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So, be happy because you are Signor.

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mg:

I thought this fairytale would end like "As the time passes,Ardianto was able to overcome his feelings.He got the lesson of not only accepting reality as it is but also to remain happy what Allah has chosen for him...........................story continues.....................He finally found a woman(as a wife)who won the heart of Ardianto,proven herself a perfect mother for two existing kids and they all lived happily ever after.;D

On a serious note,Allah's plans for our life far exceed our present circumstances. He’s Sovereign Creator whose thoughts and ways of doing things are light years beyond anything we can even imagine.He don’t operate on our timetable, schedule, or even our frequency. Though it bitter for us to admit it, He’s never, ever failed to work in and through our lives and He’s always been perfectly on time.Its always us who judge things by the appearance of this world.

When my children have ready, ....... why not?

ardianto said:

I know. Beggar mentality and servant mentality are two of some problem among low class people that make them hard to leave poverty. Poverty eradication activists know it. But I am not sure about macro economists who always regard people as just statistic. :hmm:

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servant mentality, as a muslim this should be a controversial point of view.

i mean you can read the quran and pray your namaz, but what you do with the people around you defines most things.

service to allah swt by implementation of knowledge and action, displays of iman, amal and tawheed.


...which if you go by the quran, will often put you at odds with your own best interests.


imo the defining moment within the ummah.


but you are ultimately right because most people get by just fine without having to think twice.. its most contradictory.

its like using one plate for two courses.

...would you like one less plate?

ultimately its that fear that makes you forget you had two courses. its very hard to break out of that mentality.

..and why would you want to?


anyway imo, when you make yourself the servant. it at least makes you aware of the masters wishes.


although i often think of all that i have given up for a lower position and the answers to go with it.




allah swt makes of us what he wills really, so why arn't things different?

M.I.A. said:

servant mentality, as a muslim this should be a controversial point of view.

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I am not talking about submission to Allah, but I am talking about mentality among some people in human to human relationship.

Servant mentality is a mentality which we feel or believe that we cannot live without depend on someone who can fulfill our needs.

Typical of a human in this mentality when working is do only what the 'master' ordered him. He doesn't have initiative to give opinion or idea. He doesn't have motivation to learn and ability to do something without instruction of how to do.

Someone with servant mentality, of course, will never able to work in position as manager, supervisor, even salesman, and they will always in lowest position.

From what I have found in my observation, servant mentality is a taught mentality. It's based on conception among poor people that live in poverty is destiny. They believe that they will never get better life by their own effort. And the worse is, they teach this conception to their children.

If we want to eradicate or reduce poverty, at first we must help the poor to eliminate their servant mentality. If they still have servant mentality, every attempt we do to help them will not reach good result.

We can give them job, but must be we hesitate to give them better position. We can give them capital money to build micro business, but must be they would not know what they should do, even after we gave them some instruction. If we just give them money, it would raise their beggar mentality.

But if we can help them to eliminate their servant mentality, they would have big motivation to get the better life. And added with their 'natural endurance', they would get great success.

I know personally with some success people who came from poor family in lowest social class. But frankly, I found all of them had interaction with people from higher social class who helped them to eliminate their servant mentality.

i guess thats the joke, the earliest adopters of islam were the poor and homeless.

and furthermore the slaves.

M.I.A. said:

i guess thats the joke, the earliest adopters of islam were the poor and homeless.

and furthermore the slaves.

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If what I have said is joke, why nowadays many Muslims are living below poverty line?.

sorry mate i cant answer that.

its what the world has always tried to answer.


why is there poverty?


unfortunately i dont have the bravery.

It's an interesting thought. Alhamdulilah I was born muslim, that's all I can say.