View Full Version : I want to marry, but my family dont want me to

01-16-2014, 11:16 PM
Assalam alaikum. I am a muslim revert, i am 17. My fiance is a good Muslim man, and i feel so blessed, he is a really good man, alhamdullilah. I feel in my heart that this is the right thing, this is what i want, i have known him for long time now and i am ready.But my mother and father is against this. My mother is fine with our engagement, but not that we want to marry in a the Bear future, and my father is just very much against islam. I think marriage is very beautiful and important. I dont know how they can think that i am old enough for dating, clubbing and such things because it seems free to them, if they dont think i am old enough for getting married. I want to get married and live my life as a rightful muslimah. I know in islam it's important to show your parents respect and honour them, and i think that i do my best, but i dont want them to keep me from living my life as a muslim but i really dont want to be disrespecting towards them, so what should i do? Thanks in advance, rahmek allah.

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01-17-2014, 01:29 PM
I would really propose, you abide by your parents view. It's my hope, they (your parents) are the voice of reason in your LIFE. Just accept their opinion, and take time to reason out with them. Parents don't let down their daughters and sons.

If your parents are non Muslim, may be it will be a different case.

01-17-2014, 02:47 PM
Step 1. Do the istikhara.

Step 2. If you have any Muslim lady acquaintances such as from your local masjid, those whom you trust well, then have their male relatives meet with the brother. In this way you won't seem like a lone sheep to a man who might take advantage of this. Not saying that he is such a type but it's best to be safe than sorry.

Step 3. If he has any relatives, do meet them and get to know them and learn what they think about the marriage.

Step 4. If the brother is a Muslim by birth, make sure that he is serious about making the marriage work and there won't be such issues as "his family isn't happy with the marriage so he can no longer stay married with you" as has arisen in some cases where revert women married muslims by birth. Resolve any such issues. Insist on speaking to his family (even if they are living in another country) so that you can know how they feel about you marrying him.

5. the legal age of marriage in most nonmuslim countries (most places I believe) is 18 so you'll have to legally wait until then to get married. You may be considering getting married through an imam simply but I think it is safer for you if you have your marriage registered in the courts.

Finally after you've exhausted everything else and have done the istikhara prayer, the go ahead and get married islamically. Your nonmuslim parents are already giving you freedom so you won't have anything to worry about. You're doing something halal. You shouldn't accept any haram orders of your parents and you know that what they want from you falls into haram (dating, clubbing, marrying a nonmuslim) - you don't have to abide by those orders.

May Allah make it easy for you.

Muslim Woman
01-17-2014, 05:15 PM

sis , as advised already - do the Istekhara and tell him also to do the same.

may Allah grants what is best for u . Keep praying to Him.

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