Telling friends you don't like them.

[kidfood]

Hi, I am a freshman at high school and recently I told my former friend that I don't like him as a friend anymore. I told him in a somewhat harsh and unpleasing way (unintentionally, of course) but I wanted to get my message across. He and I were kinda good friends, but I later realized I simply don't like spending time with him. I put a lot of thought into it, what I should say, when I should say it, and if I am doing this for the right reasons. So, at a football game with our group of friends that both of us hang out with, I told him, quote, " To be honest, I don't like you". I couldn't do this with a straight face and I was laughing as well as my other friends. Other friends in the same group also didn't like him but I felt I should take the initiative since I hate being dishonest with him. I realize now that I told him so disrespectfully and made it so disrespectful. I feel so bad right now and I thought about Allah. The main reason I told him upfront and just said it in plain context because he takes everything as a joke and I wanted it to be clear. Also, if someone told me the same thing in the same situation, I wouldn't care, knowing I have Allah with me at all costs. The reason I thought about Allah afterwards because I was wondering if I did the right thing. I felt before I told him, I was backbiting a little and wanted to end it. I also was nice to him so I didn't want to be a total jerk. I couldn't handle it and it just came out. I didn't know how else to do it, and I only feel guilt, but I don't regret my decision I just wish I did it another way.

[greenhill]

Salaam to you.

Welcome to the forum. I see that this is your first post and it usually is for introduction to 'self'.

On your matter, it is hard to say or comment as we all I am sure would have been put in a similar position in the past where what we intended to say or do comes out differently and not at all in the way we wanted it to be.



Anyway, wishing you a good stay here at the forum.

Peace :shade:

[Muhammad]

Assalamu alaykum and welcome to the forum,

Muslims are still brothers, even if we might not wish to consider someone as a close friend. Perhaps you should check on him to see if he has been hurt by what you said, and it will be an opportunity to clarify that you didn't mean it in a harsh way. He might feel better knowing that you wanted to be honest with him rather than wanting to be disrespectful.

[syed_z]

I realize now that I told him so disrespectfully and made it so disrespectful. I feel so bad right now and I thought about Allah. The main reason I told him upfront and just said it in plain context because he takes everything as a joke and I wanted it to be clear. Also, if someone told me the same thing in the same situation, I wouldn't care, knowing I have Allah with me at all costs. The reason I thought about Allah afterwards because I was wondering if I did the right thing.

Asalaam O Alaikum...

I would like to share a wise sentence I heard from my elders that "Allah (swt) creates many of His creatures with tongues but put poison only in the human tongue."

Thats why it is advised in Islamic Culture to 'Think before you speak', because what will come out of this mouth might hurt someone.

When a believer commits a sin, he naturally feels bad about it because it is something he has done that is against the Fitrah (Nature) of which Al Mighty created all mankind. (Surah Ar Rum (30) Verse 30). Similarly when a believer commits a good deed he rejoices because again its in accordance to his Fitrah. Your feeling bad is good because your iman has informed you about your mistake.

One cannot judge, May be there is some good in the other of which Allah (swt) knows and we're unaware, even though our observation tells us they're not good.

Amend before it is too late, life is short, a gift would be a good way to begin....

The Prophet (saw) suggested to gift each other "Give each other gifts and you will love each other."

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[Alpha Dude]

You haven't mentioned why you don't like him. However, telling him you don't like him does not achieve anything. There is no practical benefit to it whatsoever (save stroking your own ego).

If he does something wrong like swears a lot or backbites, you are better off advising him to stop doing those things.