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Berries'forest
11-03-2014, 07:25 AM
:sl:

Have any of you noticed how being quiet is so disfavored amongst people. People always target the quiet ones because they know they won't stand up for themselves. I am a quiet person, but I believe I'm really nice. I try my best not to be rude to anyone, and yet some people try to do mean things to get the best of me. Are you also a quiet person? and do you feel the same way?
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greenhill
11-03-2014, 12:40 PM
Don't stop being who you are. Being quiet is not the same as being timid or shy. But if it is with a combination of being mostly alone, it might make you an obvious target for some idiot who thinks to go up the social ladder they must put someone down..

School day, it did happen to me. It was I was in a land far, far away from home and did not speak English too well. Sorry, my pronunciation was not perfect.

Nowadays, I just learn not to be shy. Build your confidence and mingle. Let them discover you.

Peace :shade:
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Samiun
11-03-2014, 01:20 PM
:wa: Yes I've felt them before and exactly know what you're talking about, all those things mentioned happened to me in my last few years that happened in High School and could really put you off especially if your aren't doing well in anything in life. That's where patience come into play and with no one to tell you what to do or you never spoke to anyone about it you will have to depend on Allah s.w.t. to make things easier for you that is the ONLY way to get out from this spiral depression. You feel you tried your best but it just wasn't happening for you. One of the things that can help you is join a club and talk with other people. Also find a sport that you really like and stick with that Insha'Allah it can build your confidence back. If you like reading then read(Read the book entitled Don't be Sad), but it didn't work for me all the time. I guess part of being nice to other people is getting the flake from other people. I used to change my attitude in regards to what people criticize me for, but NO MATTER what I did I was always criticized even if I did a good thing which leads me to conclude that people will always try to harm you verbally or physically but you have to still be nice to them and look the Prophet Muhammad S.A.W. to learn about how tough it was for him to deal with more harder situations. I know it is difficult and I recommend taking it to a counsellor

Also look at the countless of blessings that Allah S.W.T. had given you in shelter, food and water in regards to people who have it worse you feel very thankful and grateful and think, what is my suffering compared to my brothers and sisters that are suffering from war and terror?
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ardianto
11-03-2014, 04:06 PM
:sl:

I was walking in my highschool corridor, passed two girls. They stared at me, and then I heard they talked about me
"He is popular out there"
"Really?"
"Yes!. There are many people who know him"

I was not surprised with it. But some of my schoolmates were surprised because they got question out there "Are you from that school?. Oh, do you know Ardianto?". Indeed, I was popular enough among the youth in that time. I knew it.

Graduated from highschool I went to another city to study there. Immediately I got a number of new friends, not only from my university.

One day I gathered with few of my friends. One of them told something. Me and other friends just listened. But then I made a short comment that made them silent for few seconds, then laugh. And one of them said "Ardianto is rarely talk. But when he talk ...... he ...he ...he".

Rarely talk? ............... I am a quiet person. :)

Yes, I am a quiet person, and bit shy too. But I have many friends and acquaintances. Sound contradictive?. No!. Being a quiet person is not a barrier for socialization. As long as you can be nice to the others and willing to accept the others, then there are always people who are willing to accept you as their friend. People are not always expect someone who can talk much. Even there are people who prefer someone who can listen to them, and the quiet person is the best choice.

Frankly, I must thanks my mother in this matter. When I was little kid I was a boy who too shy to be acquainted. It made my mother often angry to me because I often refuse to be acquainted with her friend children. Then my mother told me "If you refuse to be acquainted with other people, then people would regard you as arrogant boy!". Of course I didn't want to be regarded as arrogant.

So I tried to dare to introduce myself to someone else. In the beginning I just mention my name and smile. But then I tried to say something simple like "Today's weather is sunny, isn't it". Just simple words, but it's enough to make my new acquaintances respond me and started to talk. Later I began familiar with talk with new person although usually I was in position which I listen more than talk.

But what which really helped me was my activities in public.

Join in club or do sport activity is really help, like brother Samiun mention. I know it because I was active in sport competition when I was young. I have competed in dozens sport events.

Sport competition helped me to train my ability in interact with public. Competition made me got special attention from people who watched my action and it made them wanted to interact with me. Of course I didn't want to disappoint them. So I tried to respond them nicely. I also got many friends from my sport activities.

Do activity in public can give you chance to train your ability in interact with other people. It's okay if you don't like sport activity. You can involved in other public activities like charity bazaar or work voluntary for public. These activities can make someone or some people want to interact with you. I know it from my own experiences.

So, is being quiet person a bad thing?. Absolutely not.

But there is one that the quiet people must notice. Do not ever try to change yourself to become a person who talk much because you will never able to do this. It's better if you develop your special ability, ability to listen to the others. Remember what I've mentioned above. There are people who prefer someone who can listen to them, and the quiet person is the best choice.

:)
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ahsankhan
11-03-2014, 05:54 PM
there is a famous saying for this:

"The quieter you become, the more you are able to hear."
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ardianto
11-03-2014, 06:08 PM
Smile ........ smile ........ smile.

Smile will make people always remember you although you talk very few. Smile also can make people feel invited to talk with you.

Trust me, it's work.

:)
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BeTheChange
11-03-2014, 10:31 PM
People perceive it as bad thing and would prefer to be in the company of an individual who talks nonsense all day and talks rather than an individual who is quite. Why? Because this is the current condition and state of mind that people are in. (Am sure this existed in the past as well). They would prefer to be in the company of someone who is lying, using foul language, fake words s with no real meaning behind their words, gossiping etc. This is entertainment for some people. They get a real buzz out of this.

At work i only speak when am being spoken to, have something valid and important to say - otherwise stay quite not because i don't want to speak but i prefer listening than speaking. You learn a lot by listening to people. Plus talking non stop takes a lot out of energy.

Your right in thinking people perceive someone who talks less as a bad thing. Probably because they are quick to assume and paint the individual as anti-social, weak, low confidence, low self-esteem etc etc. I've been labelled as a quite individual by my current employer but it doesn't bother me. It's all good. Whether you talk or you don't talk you will always be labelled rightly or wrongly so just be true to yourself and your creator Allah swa. People's perception of you doesn't matter unless thier judgement influences your life, i.e job, marriage, friends etc
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