This thought about arranged marriage is killing me. Please help.

A boy and a girl, who have never met each other in their entire life, never knew each other. Then all of a sudden, after marriage, they have to sleep on the same bed. I hope you can understand what I'm trying to say. Shouldn't they get to know each other a bit at first?

Assalaamu alaikum Kamil,


(smile) I know people who did not have many interactions before marriage, but they did meet one another and have an opportunity to interact (though other people were around). It is your right to see the woman before marriage, so that you have an idea as to what you are agreeing to.

I might also point out, that it is not mandatory to have sexual relations immediately after you sign a marriage contract. You can get to know one another, and progress as you are both comfortable. Also, if you do not have sexual relations, it is easier to divorce, though it must be pointed out that this can be difficult for the young woman. The marriage is real, and in the eyes of society, she may be seen as less desirable because the man may have done other touching short of intercourse. It may make it harder for her to remarry. So marriage should be taken seriously, even if the option is there for an easier divorce if you find yourselves to be incompatible. I know a woman in Canada who took this route. A young man asked to marry her, so they did the Nikkah (with her family, and in front of the community), but they didn't live together for three months, but went out on dates and got to know each other. After this time, they decided they decided to consummate the marriage and live together. The last I saw of them, they had…mmm…I think 5 children.

(smile) So you see, it is possible to get to know a spouse, though you should discuss your ideas with the young woman in question. You may also wish to discuss this with your and her relatives.

May Allah, the One, Bless you with a pious spouse who respects you, and Help you to be a pious spouse who loves his wife.

Kamil Hassaan said:

Then all of a sudden, after marriage, they have to sleep on the same bed. I hope you can understand what I'm trying to say. Shouldn't they get to know each other a bit at first?

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Bro,marriage is not all about how you "see it". It is a social and legal relationship intended to strengthen and extend family relationships based on care,respect,good attitude,trust,love,mutual understanding,compromise so on and so forth.The part you mentioned is only an aspect of the whole deal,in fact without the values mentioned(and there are many more),what you "suggest" is nothing.Its a matter of time when you came to realize what it is....!

I can't write better than what Sis MuslimInshallah already posted.

Above two posters have made very good points.

Just wanted to add, in response to this:

Kamil Hassaan said:

Then all of a sudden, after marriage, they have to sleep on the same bed. I hope you can understand what I'm trying to say. Shouldn't they get to know each other a bit at first?

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There is no expectation that they have to sleep on the same bed straight away. If you feel uncomfortable with it, the solution is quite a simple one - you can sleep on a separate bed or room until you get to know each other better.