Well the story is a little deep. I was given my first Koran by my friend in high schools mother. That was let's say 15 years ago. I was allways around the Muslim family life due to friends whether palistinian or Indian but I was raised Catholic. My grandparents were deep into there church and had high positions there. For me it was allways a conflict. I've studied Islam Christianity Buddhism even rastafari. I love islam for the fact of the lessons I have learned and the time I've lived trying to live by the code of jihad for him. Not physically but you know the meaning.
Yes, we do

the struggles we face in day to day life are tests which help us to define our character. They build or break character dependant on whether we are passing or failing the tests. It's an up n down process, and that's the beauty of it, we reach grreat heights, but are often humbled on the way up - thus we remain grateful to Allah alone for HIS mercy upon us.
I only put other because I don't want to disrespect Allah and say I'm 100 percent muslim when I havnt been to the mosque in almost 5 years and the last time 3 years ago I tried fasting I failed and I do not pray 5 times a day. There for I do not feel knowing these things that passing myself off as a true muslim would be pleasing to Allah when he knows these things about me. Am I a Muslim as far as what I want out of this life and that I want to live for Allah I believe so but I don't feel it correct to say something I can not be sure would be ok with Allah. So I must earn that right with him. That's why the other is there. I will allways help a Muslim brother and sister in need in whatever they feel Allah wills for them. Especially in these times when I feel so much attack on people I know are right. So no matter what they know I'll fight for them if they know me as for my faith it is islam but my practices do not reflect it enough for me to claim it to everyone right now.
Brother Patrick, I have great GREAT
GREAT news for you.
This hadeeth is from Sahih Muslim collection:
Aa’isha (Radiallaho anha) narrates that the Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) once said, "One who is well versed in the Qur'an will be in the company of those angels who are scribes, noble and righteous; and one who falters in reading the Qur'an, and has to exert hard for learning, gets double the reward." (Muslim)
So every effort you make, is doubly rewarded because 1) you're not an Arab so even just learning the basics of the alphabet would herald a victory for you. You don't know how blessed a position you really are in.
2) you're efforts are even harder for you because you have to "exert hard"
3) you falter, yet, you strive after the faltering to get up and walk towards the deen, even if you are at the half way house (this forum) - that struggle is rewarded like you wouldn't believe. A path is still a path, and an invitation is still an invitation
And there are more reasons, but these are plenty for you to reconsider the way you view your relationship with God.
Don't delay brother, you have our support every step of the way - and further more - the ultimate support of Allah guiding your soul.
Just let us know what we can do for you, how you would like to be helped in learning - what challenges you are facing, anticipate facing etc. We'll do what we can to alleviate some of those concerns in sha Allah
Scimi