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Signor
04-04-2015, 06:38 PM
by Richard Lederer

Let's face it -- English is a crazy language. There is no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple. English muffins weren't invented in England, nor French fries in France. Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat.


We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.


And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing, grocers groce and hammers don't ham? If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth beeth? One goose, 2 geese. So one moose, 2 meese? One index, 2 indices?


Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend, that you comb through annals of history but not a single annal? If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it?


If teachers taught, why didn't preacher praught? If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat? If you wrote a letter, perhaps you bote your tongue?


Sometimes I think all the English speakers should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane. In what language do people recite at a play and play at a recital? Ship by truck and send cargo by ship? Have noses that run and feet that smell? Park on driveways and drive on parkways?


How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and wise guy are opposites? How can overlook and oversee be opposites, while quite a lot and quite a few are alike? How can the weather be hot as hell one day and cold as hell another.


Have you noticed that we talk about certain things only when they are absent? Have you ever seen a horseful carriage or a strapful gown? Met a sung hero or experienced requited love? Have you ever run into someone who was combobulated, gruntled, ruly or peccable?


And where are all those people who ARE spring chickens or who would ACTUALLY hurt a fly?


You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out and in which an alarm clock goes off by going on.


English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the creativity of the human race (which, of course, isn't a race at all). That is why, when the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible. And why, when I wind up my watch, I start it, but when I wind up this essay, I end it.

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greenhill
04-05-2015, 12:20 AM
One louse many lice, one mouse many mice, one house many hice?


:peace:
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greenhill
04-05-2015, 12:30 AM
Another one, my dad asked me many, many years ago -

What does "GHOTI" spell?


GH = F (as in touGH)

O = I (as in wOmen)

TI = SH (as in naTIon)

You get FISH!

Yes, English language is crazy...


:peace:
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Signor
04-06-2015, 06:24 PM
I always wonder:

Why does God spelt backwards spell dog?

Why does Evil spelt backwards spell live?

Edit:Found there are many like these

“Redrum” / “Murder”

“Desserts” / “Stressed”

“Knits” / “Stink”

“Sports” / “Strops”

“Regal” / “Lager”

“Pupils” / “Slipup”

“Raw” / “War”

“Smart” / “Trams”

“Pals” / “Slap”

“Snug” / “Guns”

“Lived” / “Devil”

“Straw” / “Warts”

“Time” / “Emit”

“Deliver” / “Reviled”

“Star” / “Rats”

“Spoons” / “Snoops”
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Muhaba
04-06-2015, 06:58 PM
^There are only so many letters to work with. Of course words will have similar spelling.
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Scimitar
04-21-2015, 12:55 PM
sounds very much like fun, what you guys are doing there - but you must realise that all languages are favoured to human beings by Allah. We should not look at one language as superior over another because all languages come from common roots. They developed in isolation into many dialects which over time, and through the process of etymology, morphology and philology - change from dialect, to language...

...And all languages contain words which are misused, because the speakers of the language are careless with how they use their language. Let me give you an example.

I'm an English speaking Muslim - and i find many Muslims say things like "that was lucky" or "wow, what luck" or "just my luck eh?" - the word that concerns me here is "luck".

See, the word LUCK, implies that the result by which the "luck" was achieved is purely down to chance... but as Muslims, we don't believe in concepts such as "chance", so we should not use words such as "luck" - instead, we should replace it with the word "Fortune" or "Misfortune" - because we understand as Muslims that "fortune or Misfortune is by divine decree, and not down to chance...

nuance

...your thoughts are welcome,

Scimi
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Scimitar
04-21-2015, 01:41 PM
or how about the word "coincidence" ??? this word (coincidence) is the play thing of the unbeliever, and by using this word (coincidence) he/she negates that Allah wills.

Another example, Hassan is waking in a market and thinking about his friend Imran who he hasn't seen for weeks, and out of the blue - he meets Imran and says "wow, what a coincidence, i was just thinking about you, and lo, here you are"...

...Hassan failed to realise that it is Allah who unites hearts and instead negated that theological understadning by claiming it was a "coincidence" - ie: a chance meeting.

Your thoughts, are welcome.

Scimi
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greenhill
04-21-2015, 02:16 PM
True to both posts.

Only a note though about using English. It's the common language of the users here. Won't appeal to many at all if I were to crack a joke about Malay language .. ;D

I've been told that English is a godless language anyway. Hence the terminologies that evolved removed the prospects of divine decree and puts it to random chance in the worldly scheme of things. It only add fuel to my 'stoked' perception about English as being a godless language.

Yes, I agree. There's more examples I'm sure.:p


:peace:
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farside
04-21-2015, 11:46 PM
Wikipedia has an interesting article on English.

Kind Regards,
Farside :smile:
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Eesaa_F
04-28-2015, 04:18 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by farside
Wikipedia has an interesting article on English.

Kind Regards,
Farside [emoji2]
Wikipedia can not be trusted, anyone without the required knowledge on a certain topic may edit article on wikipedia
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Abz2000
04-28-2015, 06:13 PM
And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing, grocers groce and hammers don't ham?
God knows,
A good thing it's not constant.
If sum1 who builds is a builder,
and someone who cleans is a cleaner,
Thank God that it's not logical that someone who's an adult must be an.......


The word alphabet itself is from greek, whch is in turn from a semitic and phoenician origin whose first letters are alpha beta, arabic and aramaic and hebrew also use alif ba in different forms, apparently they all evolved from egyptian heiroglyphics.



format_quote Originally Posted by Eesaa_F
Wikipedia can not be trusted, anyone without the required knowledge on a certain topic may edit article on wikipedia
Still has a useful collection of statements and information on any given topic which can be further researched, remember, it's just an extention of the internet where almost anything can be written.
You can write anything on a forum too, until someone challenges your statement.

We're told to confirm the report if it's from a faasiq.

Fatabayyanoo
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MuslimInshallah
04-28-2015, 08:34 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by Scimitar

I'm an English speaking Muslim - and i find many Muslims say things like "that was lucky" or "wow, what luck" or "just my luck eh?" - the word that concerns me here is "luck".

See, the word LUCK, implies that the result by which the "luck" was achieved is purely down to chance... but as Muslims, we don't believe in concepts such as "chance", so we should not use words such as "luck" - instead, we should replace it with the word "Fortune" or "Misfortune" - because we understand as Muslims that "fortune or Misfortune is by divine decree, and not down to chance...

nuance

...your thoughts are welcome,

Scimi
Assalaamu alaikum Scimi,

(smile) I agree with you, in that I do not believe in "luck". However, I'm not sure that "fortune" is a good replacement, or that implies what you were suggesting it did. Personally, I prefer to say "Blessed", or use some formula that evokes God.

Examples:

I am so Blessed = I am so lucky.
God Grant that… = I hope I'm lucky enough to...

(smile) There are other ways we can use the English language. The problem is not the language, but the fact that those using it don't use it as it could be used. Many of the phrases that we could use sound archaic, because English-speakers used to be very God-conscious, but they no longer are very much. And there is a negative feedback loop: the less we use references to God in our speech, the less relevant He seems… and the less we think to refer to Him.

Instead of saying: I hope that…, we could say: God Willing. Instead of: Maybeif God Wills… Instead of: have funmay God Gift you with a good time. (smile) I know that Muslims may use Arabic phrases that convey these meanings, but it seems to me if we used such English phrases in our everyday speech with people in general, we could have a subtle effect on how those around us would perceive life.

(smile) A gentle way of transforming hearts...

May Allah, the Preserver, Help us to remind ourselves and remember Him.
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Muslimahafrica
04-28-2015, 09:32 PM
Just woke up and read this whilst eating breakfast. I have thoroughly enjoyed it.
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Scimitar
04-28-2015, 10:16 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by MuslimInshallah
Assalaamu alaikum Scimi,

(smile) I agree with you, in that I do not believe in "luck". However, I'm not sure that "fortune" is a good replacement, or that implies what you were suggesting it did. Personally, I prefer to say "Blessed", or use some formula that evokes God.

Examples:

I am so Blessed = I am so lucky.
God Grant that… = I hope I'm lucky enough to...

(smile) There are other ways we can use the English language. The problem is not the language, but the fact that those using it don't use it as it could be used. Many of the phrases that we could use sound archaic, because English-speakers used to be very God-conscious, but they no longer are very much. And there is a negative feedback loop: the less we use references to God in our speech, the less relevant He seems… and the less we think to refer to Him.

Instead of saying: I hope that…, we could say: God Willing. Instead of: Maybeif God Wills… Instead of: have funmay God Gift you with a good time. (smile) I know that Muslims may use Arabic phrases that convey these meanings, but it seems to me if we used such English phrases in our everyday speech with people in general, we could have a subtle effect on how those around us would perceive life.

(smile) A gentle way of transforming hearts...

May Allah, the Preserver, Help us to remind ourselves and remember Him.
Ameen sister :)

we can use whatever comes naturally to our vocab, blessed is fine by me, so is fortune - so is destiny, so is fate... we're starting to get pedantic for all the right reasons lol

Scimi
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Signor
05-06-2015, 08:39 AM
Assalamu Alaikum

format_quote Originally Posted by Scimitar
...Hassan failed to realise that it is Allah who unites hearts and instead negated that theological understanding by claiming it was a "coincidence" - ie: a chance meeting.
I don't know whether it is a pre-Islamic saying or after its advent but in Arabic we use a term القلوب عند بعضها

A close phrase in English is Great mind think alike.However,former refer to a spiritual or emotional bond that some people have with each other, one that causes them to have similar thoughts, often about each other.

Also noticed how English use word "mind(intellect)" instead of "Qalb(heart)".(And we all know the context in which heart is mentioned in Qur'an)

format_quote Originally Posted by Scimitar
Another example, Hassan is waking in a market and thinking about his friend Imran who he hasn't seen for weeks, and out of the blue - he meets Imran and says "wow, what a coincidence, i was just thinking about you, and lo, here you are"...
Interestingly,you also used word "friend" and I was reading this hadith another day:

The Prophet sallallaahu `alayhi wa sallam said, "When souls recognize one another, they will become friends, if not, they will simply part ways." [Muslim]

Heart and Soul - Never Ending Connection....food for thought?
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Signor
05-06-2015, 08:48 AM
Readability Gap

By Enid C. Stickel

Colleges are not schools, They are learning institutions.
Problems don’t have answers, They have viable solutions.
People don’t spend money, They re-allocate resources.
Newsmen don't use tipsters,They rely on informed sources.

Speakers don’t make speeches, They give oral presentations.
Bosses don’t set quotas, They just indicate objectives.
Workers don’t take orders, Though they implement directives.

Machinery can’t breakdown , But components can malfunction.
A court does not command It just issues an injunction.
Programs don’t have failures, They have qualified successes.
And jargon doesn’t hurt you— It just constantly distresses!
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Signor
05-21-2015, 02:10 PM
Gerard Nolst Trenité - The Chaos (1922)
Dearest creature in creation
Studying English pronunciation,
I will teach you in my verse
Sounds like corpse, corps, horse and worse.

I will keep you, Susy, busy,
Make your head with heat grow dizzy;
Tear in eye, your dress you'll tear;
Queer, fair seer, hear my prayer.

Pray, console your loving poet,
Make my coat look new, dear, sew it!
Just compare heart, hear and heard,
Dies and diet, lord and word.

Sword and sward, retain and Britain
(Mind the latter how it's written).
Made has not the sound of bade,
Say-said, pay-paid, laid but plaid.

Now I surely will not plague you
With such words as vague and ague,
But be careful how you speak,
Say: gush, bush, steak, streak, break, bleak ,

Previous, precious, fuchsia, via
Recipe, pipe, studding-sail, choir;
Woven, oven, how and low,
Script, receipt, shoe, poem, toe.

Say, expecting fraud and trickery:
Daughter, laughter and Terpsichore,
Branch, ranch, measles, topsails, aisles,
Missiles, similes, reviles.

Wholly, holly, signal, signing,
Same, examining, but mining,
Scholar, vicar, and cigar,
Solar, mica, war and far.

From "desire": desirable-admirable from "admire",
Lumber, plumber, bier, but brier,
Topsham, brougham, renown, but known,
Knowledge, done, lone, gone, none, tone,

One, anemone, Balmoral,
Kitchen, lichen, laundry, laurel.
Gertrude, German, wind and wind,
Beau, kind, kindred, queue, mankind,

Tortoise, turquoise, chamois-leather,
Reading, Reading, heathen, heather.
This phonetic labyrinth
Gives moss, gross, brook, brooch, ninth, plinth.

Have you ever yet endeavoured
To pronounce revered and severed,
Demon, lemon, ghoul, foul, soul,
Peter, petrol and patrol?

Billet does not end like ballet;
Bouquet, wallet, mallet, chalet.
Blood and flood are not like food,
Nor is mould like should and would.

Banquet is not nearly parquet,
Which exactly rhymes with khaki.
Discount, viscount, load and broad,
Toward, to forward, to reward,

Ricocheted and crocheting, croquet?
Right! Your pronunciation's OK.
Rounded, wounded, grieve and sieve,
Friend and fiend, alive and live.

Is your r correct in higher?
Keats asserts it rhymes Thalia.
Hugh, but hug, and hood, but hoot,
Buoyant, minute, but minute.

Say abscission with precision,
Now: position and transition;
Would it tally with my rhyme
If I mentioned paradigm?

Twopence, threepence, tease are easy,
But cease, crease, grease and greasy?
Cornice, nice, valise, revise,
Rabies, but lullabies.

Of such puzzling words as nauseous,
Rhyming well with cautious, tortious,
You'll envelop lists, I hope,
In a linen envelope.

Would you like some more? You'll have it!
Affidavit, David, davit.
To abjure, to perjure. Sheik
Does not sound like Czech but ache.

Liberty, library, heave and heaven,
Rachel, loch, moustache, eleven.
We say hallowed, but allowed,
People, leopard, towed but vowed.

Mark the difference, moreover,
Between mover, plover, Dover.
Leeches, breeches, wise, precise,
Chalice, but police and lice,

Camel, constable, unstable,
Principle, disciple, label.
Petal, penal, and canal,
Wait, surmise, plait, promise, pal,

Suit, suite, ruin. Circuit, conduit
Rhyme with "shirk it" and "beyond it",
But it is not hard to tell
Why it's pall, mall, but Pall Mall.

Muscle, muscular, gaol, iron,
Timber, climber, bullion, lion,
Worm and storm, chaise, chaos, chair,
Senator, spectator, mayor,

Ivy, privy, famous; clamour
Has the a of drachm and hammer.
Pussy, hussy and possess,
Desert, but desert, address.

Golf, wolf, countenance, lieutenants
Hoist in lieu of flags left pennants.
Courier, courtier, tomb, bomb, comb,
Cow, but Cowper, some and home.

"Solder, soldier!Blood is thicker",
Quoth he, "than liqueur or liquor",
Making, it is sad but true,
In bravado, much ado.

Stranger does not rhyme with anger,
Neither does devour with clangour.
Pilot, pivot, gaunt, but aunt,
Font, front, wont, want, grand and grant.

Arsenic, specific, scenic,
Relic, rhetoric, hygienic.
Gooseberry, goose, and close, but close,
Paradise, rise, rose, and dose.

Say inveigh, neigh, but inveigle,
Make the latter rhyme with eagle.
Mind! Meandering but mean,
Valentine and magazine.

And I bet you, dear, a penny,
You say mani-(fold) like many,
Which is wrong. Say rapier, pier,
Tier (one who ties), but tier.

Arch, archangel; pray, does erring
Rhyme with herring or with stirring?
Prison, bison, treasure trove,
Treason, hover, cover, cove,

Perseverance, severance. Ribald
Rhymes (but piebald doesn't) with nibbled.
Phaeton, paean, gnat, ghat, gnaw,
Lien, psychic, shone, bone, pshaw.

Don't be down, my own, but rough it,
And distinguish buffet, buffet;
Brood, stood, roof, rook, school, wool, boon,
Worcester, Boleyn, to impugn.

Say in sounds correct and sterling
Hearse, hear, hearken, year and yearling.
Evil, devil, mezzotint,
Mind the z! (A gentle hint.)

Now you need not pay attention
To such sounds as I don't mention,
Sounds like pores, pause, pours and paws,
Rhyming with the pronoun yours;

Nor are proper names included,
Though I often heard, as you did,
Funny rhymes to unicorn,
Yes, you know them, Vaughan and Strachan.

No, my maiden, coy and comely,
I don't want to speak of Cholmondeley.
No. Yet Froude compared with proud
Is no better than McLeod.

But mind trivial and vial,
Tripod, menial, denial,
Troll and trolley, realm and ream,
Schedule, mischief, schism, and scheme.

Argil, gill, Argyll, gill. Surely
May be made to rhyme with Raleigh,
But you're not supposed to say
Piquet rhymes with sobriquet.

Had this invalid invalid
Worthless documents? How pallid,
How uncouth he, couchant, looked,
When for Portsmouth I had booked!

Zeus, Thebes, Thales, Aphrodite,
Paramour, enamoured, flighty,
Episodes, antipodes,
Acquiesce, and obsequies.

Please don't monkey with the geyser,
Don't peel 'taters with my razor,
Rather say in accents pure:
Nature, stature and mature.

Pious, impious, limb, climb, glumly,
Worsted, worsted, crumbly, dumbly,
Conquer, conquest, vase, phase, fan,
Wan, sedan and artisan.

The th will surely trouble you
More than r, ch or w.
Say then these phonetic gems:
Thomas, thyme, Theresa, Thames.

Thompson, Chatham, Waltham, Streatham,
There are more but I forget 'em-
Wait! I've got it: Anthony,
Lighten your anxiety.

The archaic word albeit
Does not rhyme with eight-you see it;
With and forthwith, one has voice,
One has not, you make your choice.

Shoes, goes, does *. Now first say: finger;
Then say: singer, ginger, linger.
Real, zeal, mauve, gauze and gauge,
Marriage, foliage, mirage, age,

Hero, heron, query, very,
Parry, tarry fury, bury,
Dost, lost, post, and doth, cloth, loth,
Job, Job, blossom, bosom, oath.

Faugh, oppugnant, keen oppugners,
Bowing, bowing, banjo-tuners
Holm you know, but noes, canoes,
Puisne, truism, use, to use?

Though the difference seems little,
We say actual, but victual,
Seat, sweat, chaste, caste, Leigh, eight, height,
Put, nut, granite, and unite.

Reefer does not rhyme with deafer,
Feoffer does, and zephyr, heifer.
Dull, bull, Geoffrey, George, ate, late,
Hint, pint, senate, but sedate.

Gaelic, Arabic, pacific,
Science, conscience, scientific;
Tour, but our, dour, succour, four,
Gas, alas, and Arkansas.

Say manoeuvre, yacht and vomit,
Next omit, which differs from it
Bona fide, alibi
Gyrate, dowry and awry.

Sea, idea, guinea, area,
Psalm, Maria, but malaria.
Youth, south, southern, cleanse and clean,
Doctrine, turpentine, marine.

Compare alien with Italian,
Dandelion with battalion,
Rally with ally; yea, ye,
Eye, I, ay, aye, whey, key, quay!

Say aver, but ever, fever,
Neither, leisure, skein, receiver.
Never guess-it is not safe,
We say calves, valves, half, but Ralf.

Starry, granary, canary,
Crevice, but device, and eyrie,
Face, but preface, then grimace,
Phlegm, phlegmatic, ass, glass, bass.

Bass, large, target, gin, give, verging,
Ought, oust, joust, and scour, but scourging;
Ear, but earn; and ere and tear
Do not rhyme with here but heir.

Mind the o of off and often
Which may be pronounced as orphan,
With the sound of saw and sauce;
Also soft, lost, cloth and cross.

Pudding, puddle, putting. Putting?
Yes: at golf it rhymes with shutting.
Respite, spite, consent, resent.
Liable, but Parliament.

Seven is right, but so is even,
Hyphen, roughen, nephew, Stephen,
Monkey, donkey, clerk and jerk,
Asp, grasp, wasp, demesne, cork, work.

A of valour, vapid vapour,
S of news (compare newspaper),
G of gibbet, gibbon, gist,
I of antichrist and grist,

Differ like diverse and divers,
Rivers, strivers, shivers, fivers.
Once, but nonce, toll, doll, but roll,
Polish, Polish, poll and poll.

Pronunciation-think of Psyche!-
Is a paling, stout and spiky.
Won't it make you lose your wits
Writing groats and saying "grits"?

It's a dark abyss or tunnel
Strewn with stones like rowlock, gunwale,
Islington, and Isle of Wight,
Housewife, verdict and indict.

Don't you think so, reader, rather,
Saying lather, bather, father?
Finally, which rhymes with enough,
Though, through, bough, cough, hough, sough, tough??

Hiccough has the sound of sup...
My advice is: GIVE IT UP!
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Scimitar
05-21-2015, 02:17 PM
sheer brilliance !!! :)

Scimi
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