Assalaamu alaikum Signor,
(smile) It's good to get your two cents (and everyone else's), but sometimes a little cultural background helps understand the meanings of actions.
In recent times,it has been realized humans are emotional creatures.You push the right buttons and gets the desired results.Unfortunately,many uses it for sinister purposes.You see,Sister Lisa,what was written on paper makes you feel special but maybe at the same time another Lisa,Michelle,Taryn or Marie also feels the same,so even we agrees it is sweet and special,it doesn't makes it "exclusive". Later is what is needed and needs to be understood by both Muslim men and women.In this way,Unmarried can remain safe from the harm of diabolical minds and married will guard their feelings for their respective spouses.
Getting the benefit of this opportunity,I want to take it to another level,our concept of love which I am afraid is shallow now.If you truly loves a person,you never want him/her to get disrespected,Period.There is no need to send cute messages or ask him/her out for date.
Perhaps in your culture, sending a personalized handwritten note expressing admiration could be seen as disrespectful, but here in Canada, such a gesture would likely be seen as a sign of sincere interest. (twinkle) Of course, we are rather colour-coded for gender (The colours and patterns men and women use tend to be distictly different), and few men would write in pink pen. Blue or black, yes. Pink, no.
A polite personalized note is not disrespectful. Quite the contrary. And remember, we don't have family members who are matchmaking for us. (smile) No rishta aunties! We have different ways of expressing our interest and looking for potential spouses. (smile) And there
are social rules as to what is respectable or not.
There is also the phenomenon here of random acts of kindness. For instance, at a masjid one day, I found a folded piece of paper next to the Qur'ans. I had a look, and it was a note written to a random person, saying kind things. The aim was to spread a little light into the person reading the note's day. This phenomenon can also be seen at work in "pay-it-forward". This is when a person goes to a (so far) coffee and snack place, and spontaneously pays an amount of money for the next customers' order (and sometimes it can be many customers!). One of my daughters was a beneficiary of such a random act of kindness; when she went to pay, she was told that someone had already paid for her. And this really did make her day. She was surprised and happy. And she felt like doing the same for another person.
Personally, I find in this cold corporate industrial world, that random acts of kindness are important to help build society.
Even those who have less choices in finding a suitable partner do find a way to neutralize the threat of being seeing as man/woman of loose character.For example,A woman may keep her children with while meeting a possible suitor,through this way she not only protects her physically but also from the onlookers for whom it is just another date(no women meets a man with her children from "this" purpose).Whenever there is a will,there is a way.
As for smile or not smile,I believe if smile is sunnah than over smiling is not appropriate.It should go with conditions naturally warranting them.At the end of the day,No one takes those guys seriously who always keep their teeth on front.
Yes, there are ways of doing this. I'm afraid the idea that a woman would never meet with a man for immoral purposes if her children are present…mmm… I'm afraid that the shameless may know no limits.
However, there
are ways to protect and build your reputation. How you behave, how you dress, what you talk about, what you chose to do with your life… these are true in all cultures. However, the exact nuances of this depend on the culture. For instance, in some cultures, people do not smile very much. In Canada, however, people smile… a lot!!! If you do not smile, frankly, you will be seen as rude and arrogant. Canadians themselves don't really notice this, but people coming from other countries tend to remark on this: we smile a lot, and are very open.
We should also remember a psychologically proven fact,Males and Females communicate and interpret things different manners so be wary of any unwanted attention arising from a mistake.
This is
so true. Men and women the world over misinterpret one another. There have been studies of this. And it makes sense: we tend to interpret the other person through our own lens. Women, for instance, tend to treat men like other (female) friends (unless they are specifically taught not to do so), and will feel quite comfortable chatting about whatever is on their minds (twinkle. Which is often things like: relationships, shopping, studies). And men the world over tend to think that women are thinking of the same things that they are (twinkle. Which is good in marriage, but not outside of it)… but they often
aren't.
In each culture, we have our norms of acceptable behaviour, and the symbolic meanings we attach to actions and things. Problems are most likely to occur where there is a mixing of peoples from different cultures. We can severely misunderstand one another. When we add the male-female divide into the mix… things can get rather ugly.
I think, above all, we should look to our
own behaviours and ask ourselves: is what
I am doing acceptable as one who will stand in front of his/her Creator one day? Rather than pointing fingers at others and treating them in ways we feel are
not acceptable. (mildly) And then we have to be open to seeing the world from other angles, and taking these other perspectives into account.
If we all try to understand one another, respect one another, and behave to the best of
our ability… I think we are navigating Allah's Gift of diversity in the way He Intended.
May Allah, the Designer, Help us to do what is most Pleasing to Him.
eace:
