format_quote Originally Posted by
MuslimInshallah
Is it conservatism that causes all the problems? I would suggest, no. Because I have met conservative people who are very good to their family members and others. I'd suggest that the problem is more one of hypocrisy. That is, people who proclaim their piety in loud voices, but who do not feel moved by simple compassion. Who too often use Islam to truncheon others into submission (to themselves, though they claim to speak in Allah's Name), all the while ignoring their own imperfections and misdoings (which we all do…). These hypocrisies turn a lot of people away from Islam, I have found.
Wa'alaikumsalam.
There are many Muslims from conservative background who actually good. But their lack of open mindedness causes rigidity in the way of thinking which affect relationship with the others, including in relationship with their spouses.
There was complaint from a sister. She married a pious man who is kind and has good responsibility. However, her husband is 'cold'. One of her complaint was, her husband always refuse to be touched by her with reason he has taken wudu. And he often take one wudu for two salah time.
Maybe her husband follow Shafi'i madhab like majority of Indonesian Muslims which touched by a woman although she is his wife will invalidate wudu. But Muslims in my place have simple way to deal with it. They let their wives touch them, and then they take wudu again.
Husband and wife have to understand each other. Parents and family have to understand them too. But lack of open mindedness can make someone not able to understand the others.
I have observed and studied many cases that happened in Muslim families. And I found, mostly of the problems happened because the lack of understanding between husbands and wives, between married couple and their families. Actually these problems could be avoided or resolved if all parties were willing to understand each other. But lack of open mindedness made them not willing to listen to, and understand each other.
Indeed, in this matter Muslims from moderate environment are better because they are more open minded.
About hypocrisy. Lack of open mindedness can make someone become hypocrite without he aware of it. Someone who has lack of open mindedness will just follow what taught to him without he aware that what taught to him is actually wrong.