how to kindly reject opposite gender handshake?

^^

seems rude sometime ^o)

how to be polite??

Just tell them its a religious thing that you can't shake hands with opposite gender. No Biggie. May make opposite gender people walk around on eggshells around you though. I tend to avoid women who are wearing Islamic veils... unsure what will offend them and not wanting to deal with that.. probably the way they want it so it all works out.

Pygoscelis said:

Just tell them its a religious thing that you can't shake hands with opposite gender. No Biggie. May make opposite gender people walk around on eggshells around you though. I tend to avoid women who are wearing Islamic veils... unsure what will offend them and not wanting to deal with that.. probably the way they want it so it all works out.

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Peace to you Pygoscelis,

(smile) Thank you for your input. (smile) However, I would like to say that I think you are mistaken. I wear a headscarf, and it bothers me when people (its not just men) won't deal with me. Whether it be while I'm working, or ordering food at a restaurant, or ill in hospital, it can be quite painful when people act as if you are invisible or unable to hold a sensible conversation.

I am a person. I am not invisible. Or mute. Or incapable of sensible discourse. (gently) Please, Pygoscelis, if you have interactions with women in headscarves, treat them with the same level of dignity and respect as you would wish for yourself. (twinkle) You could maybe hold off on the handshaking, kisses and hugs... but Muslim women are allowed to talk with you in appropriate ways, whether it be on the job, or in public generally.

(smile) And remember: Muslim women are not a monolithic entity. Each person is different, and may live their Islam in subtly different ways. (smile) What one may be uncomfortable with, another may not. As with everyone, we have to try to tailor our interactions with others in respect and efforts at mutual understanding.


May God Reward you, Pygoscelis, for your efforts on this Forum to help us understand one another better.

A question was asked to Mufti Abdur Rahman.

The questioner said "salams mufti Saab. What's the best way to decline handshake with the opposite gender without causing offence?"

Mufti Abdur Rahman replied "Raise your hand to your heart and say "very pleased to meet you, but I can't shake your hands." Do this with a big smile."

Whoop I get forced to handshake with non-Mahram sometimes, but I really try not to. In my culture, when we greet other people it's like the niche or the essence of our Adaab to shake hands with anyone we might know/meet. We took it a step further I think by putting the hand of a person on our forehead while lowering our heads.

I asked an Ulama(Almarhum) this question once, I worded it this way "Is it haram to shake hands with a non-mahram woman?"

I forgot what he had thoroughly said, but he told me you can shake her hands but with a cloth. If you can't do that then he told me another thing an amazing method. You put both your hands together pull it towards your face and then lower your head a moment. It's how the Muslims from Jawa(Indonesia) do it I suppose? Best method ever.

MuslimInshallah said:

I am a person. I am not invisible. Or mute. Or incapable of sensible discourse. (gently) Please, Pygoscelis, if you have interactions with women in headscarves, treat them with the same level of dignity and respect as you would wish for yourself. (twinkle) You could maybe hold off on the handshaking, kisses and hugs... but Muslim women are allowed to talk with you in appropriate ways, whether it be on the job, or in public generally.

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Thank you for your kind words. The headscarf I don't really blink at. it is the full burqa outfit where the face itself is covered that will lead me to outright avoid the person. It makes is easier to avoid any cultural misunderstandings or causing offense to her when none is intended. As you say, each individual is unique, and perhaps if I was introduced to her through a mutual acquaintance and learned that she was open to normal social interraction with me (as per Canadian social norms), I would adjust to that, but only for her. As I don't know or care to learn the situation with every person wearing this that I meet, and I would prefer to avoid the trouble that may come with addressing her.

I wish I could help but I often give into handshakes too. Theres this one special ed male at my school that likes to shake everyones hand. It makes him happy (hes mute and cant greet people by saying hi) so I just do it

An American perspective:

My mother always taught me to treat women with respect. Always open doors for them, be very polite, introduce yourself, and nod/bow with respect. Southern (US) culture also requires an introductory greeting and to ask how the other is doing, eg, "How y'all doing today. Nice weather, isn't it?"

In business, we are taught to treat everyone the same, male or female. Greet with eye contact, a smile, and a firm handshake. Many of my managers at work are women, and I follow this policy. Handshakes are very common in my workplace, including "stylized" slap-snap-handshakes, since many of my co-workers are black. Handshakes are almost always done with the right hand, as in other countries.

I've looked at WikiTravel entries of predominantly Muslim countries which discourage eye contact and physical contact with the opposite sex. Apparantly, it is considered disrespectful. It says that foreigners are usually excused for this kind of behavior. It think I would treat Muslim appearing individuals just like anyone else when I encounter them at work in America, but would try to respect local customs when travelling. I'd probably it screw up, though, so y'all will have to forgive me

--Dan Edge

I had not really given this much consideration until recently. My husband ignores woman handshakes as they reach out for him he gives them a nod and a quick 'hi' hand gesture. As for me I always without even thinking about it give the handshake, and realize what I did moments later (I also don't want to come across rude). The reason why something recently clicked was that my new dentist who is male, seemed very educated on Muslim woman (Islam maybe wallaahu alam), he did not offer to shake my hand and he even suggested to leave the room while the ladies put in an iv. He was so accommodating that I realized in a professional setting (GP, dentist, optician) its up to the provider to educate themselves on their etiquette's. While I will 'continue' to try 'duck out' of those handshakes its also very important for others to understand that a Muslim woman especially (with the hijab being visible) that we would rather skip those awkward moments.

فرحان said:

A question was asked to Mufti Abdur Rahman.

The questioner said "salams mufti Saab. What's the best way to decline handshake with the opposite gender without causing offence?"

Mufti Abdur Rahman replied "Raise your hand to your heart and say "very pleased to meet you, but I can't shake your hands." Do this with a big smile."

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My friend when he was in Canada would do this. Works quite well.