I sympathize with you, little bro, and I think you were very brave; I'm sorry to hear of your situation, but please do not be depressed or confused. See, you also have to see things from her point of view. She's 15, and she doesn't know you and you propose to her. She might think you are either funning her or weird. I am not saying you are non-serious with her or weird, but she wouldn't know that. Moreover, at the age of 15, she might find marrying a huge responsibility as the definition of childhood historically changed to include people under the age of 18. Islamically, under shari (legal)
definition, she is not too young to marry; however, in real world, wherein culture dictates understanding of maturity, she is young.
As far as talking to her, brother, you can talk to her with the purpose of perhaps giving dawa
, but at this point in time, I'd advise you instead to concentrate on your studies. Since she has said no to you, at this moment in time, you should give her the space that she desires and instead show the best of character. Also, keep praying to Allah SWT saying, "O Allah, please open her heart to Islam and bring her in marriage to me as a wife that will prove the coolness of my eyes." Keep praying that prayer and do not doubt on Allah and instead have trust that Allah SWT has the perfect timing in answering all prayers.
Brother, my sheikh (Islamic teacher)
used to emphasize patience so much and used to teach us that patience must be to the end, that is, even to the last breath we would take in our lives. So, adopt patience, brother, because if you are not willing to be patient, life itself will unfold circumstances to teach you patience; therefore, better that you yourself keep to patience rather than have life teach you that important lesson.
Like you, I'd liked an individual as we'd been in the process of halal
marital talk with parental involvement; however, the man had to work overseas, and it didn't pan out. It really broke my heart. However, I've survived, little brother; and I have learned that you have to depend on yourself as you cannot come to depend on anyone else. Allah SWT is always there, and we have to turn to Allah SWT with our heartbreaks and any other issues that we face in life.
Take one day at a time, little brother; I know sometimes you may think that this issue not panning out in the way you thought is the end of the world, but it is not. You'll find that you're stronger than this, and I want you to trust Allah SWT no matter what happens. For your sake, I do hope you're right and In-sha-Allah (God-willing)
she does become your wife; however, little brother, this life is very long, and I don't want you to close your heart. Keep your heart open and maybe Allah SWT will then either enable her to become your wife if she is written in your qadr (destiny)
or give you an even better wife who'll be absolutely perfect for you and whom you'll learn to see as the best gift of your life.
Right now, though, I want you to concentrate on your studies, your life, and also on developing self-confidence. Maybe, little brother, you can do things like joining Toastmasters club which enables people to develop public speaking skills and also you can find activities that will enable you to maintain a healthy focus on life such as joining a gym and making yourself into a stronger man physically.
Little brother, sometimes, things happen in our life which we do not understand, but we should not strive to understand the reasons as they might not make sense to us and are only speculation; whenever things don't go the way you want, say to Allah SWT "I submit" and adopt patience and keep making duas
and also are a means of us attaining closeness to Allah SWT. Remember, little brother, Allah SWT loves you very, very much; and please do not disappoint Allah SWT and instead seek Allah SWT and His SWT pleasure so that you can feel at peace and in bliss.
Originally Posted by Flare