Is judging others allowed in Islam? No? Why do they judge me then ?

Hi,

I joined an Islamic forum today and asked a question. I won't tell which forum, but my question was:

Is it allowed in Islam that one can stay unmarried ever? Saying that he will not commit sins like adultery. He will keep fasts to stay away from all the bad things. Or is it a sin to not get married?

However, I was bombarded with full of judgmental comments and it felt like all of them ganged up on me.

In the explanation, I told them that I am not as practicing of a Muslim as I should be but I'm now trying to be a good Muslim. I told them that I don't want to get married at all because of my past experiences. I was in relationships(non-physical), and all ended up badly for me. Anyway, I realize it was haram and I've repented and It's been a year or so that I'm away from that stuff and I've developed self-control over myself. But I never want to get married because I don't trust women.

In a response, I was told that I'm an emotional baggage and I'm labeling every women as distrustful and If I'll ever get married I will destroy some poor girls life and Its better that I don't get married. They also said I'm a bad Muslim.

I told them who were they to judge me? I've repented and it's b/w my Allah and me and I'm not doing those things now. It was my past. & I'm trying to be a good Muslim. You know what happened next? One of them asked me what was I having for lunch? I mean, wow !

Is it the correct forum? Am I among the correct people ? I'm looking for answers. I want to improve my life. It's been more than a year that I've not been in a relationship. I don't have female friends anymore, and If I do interact with women it just strictly professional.

Is it allowed in islam to judge others? To say things like that you're not a good muslim or you're gonna destroy some poor girls life?

why would I destroy some poor girl's life? I know I have trust issues now. That's why I don't wish to get married. and still they say me rude things like this?

Are Muslims really suppose to behave like this? I'm a muslim and this is the first time I've seen so much hatred in my whole life.

Salam alaykum

Well, people should remember good manners when they discuss with others. I am sorry for your bad experience in some other forum. Try to forget it and try also forgive it to others.

People haven´t kind of authority to judge others, when Allah only knows what they have in their hearts.

--------------------

As Muslims, the default assumption we should have about other people in any matter is that they are free of blame. Islam demands fairness and impartiality when it comes to judging others.

Allah says: "And when you speak, then be just, though it be (against) a relative." [Sûrah al-An`âm: 152]

He also says: "O you who believe! stand out firmly for Allah, as witnesses to fair dealing, and let not the hatred of any people make you swerve to wrong and depart from justice. Be just: that is next to piety: and fear Allah. For Allah is well-acquainted with all that you do. " [Sûrah al-Mâ'idah: 8]

It is wrong for a person to accuse anyone else of something wrong except with full knowledge and tangible proof. It is forbidden to base a judgment against someone on hearsay, conjecture or suspicion.

Allah says: "O you who believe! If a wicked person comes to you with any news, ascertain the truth, lest you harm people unwittingly, and afterwards become full of repentance for what you have done." [Sûrah al-Hujurât: 5]


Source: http://en.islamtoday.net/artshow-423-3086.htm

---------------

As this seems to be your the first post - welcome to forum. :thankyou:

Distrustful?

....well, every time I try to say such a thing about the people I know...

They say, these are the people you knew.

Can't break ties with family.

...everybody ends up with an unconditional love anyway, don't know what for?

Do you feel stupid yet?

Or does losing today to win tomorrow never make sense?

That would be a selfish sort of love.

:bism:



Hey, bro, welcome to the board!

I'm sorry that you had a negative experience on another board. Please don't be saddened, and always remember that whether others understand or not, Allah SWT always understands.

What I'd tell you is that anonymity on the Internet means unfortunately that both Muslims and non-Muslims often feel free to state the most obnoxious things and also behave in the most obnoxious of ways. Please do not take their comments personally.

As far as judging you is concerned, I think that falls under the umbrella of bad manners whereas my sheikh (Islamic teacher) (may Allah bless him) always taught that we're supposed to only judge ourselves because we have a divine responsibility before Allah SWT for correcting our own faults and should therefore not concern ourselves with others' faults as that extinguishes love in the heart for the other Muslim and Allah SWT doesn't like that type of judging for another.

Also, my sheikh (Islamic teacher) (may Allah bless him) taught me that we're not supposed to break a heart of any human being, and therefore we're supposed to be kind to everyone as per also exhortations in ahadith (prophetic traditions).

As far as not marrying is concerned, since I do not know your age, though you sound young from your posts, I'd say that you should not be concerned. As human beings, we evolve over time and our thought processes and opinions evolve with us. So, I know you said that you do not want to marry, but the truth is that you do not know what your future looks like or what you'll feel like six months from now or even 2 years from now. So, In-sha-Allah (God-willing), I'd only say that you should ask Allah SWT to guide you to what is best for you as sometimes singledom is a test for people and other times marriage is a test for people.

Please understand, bro, that there is a reason that marriage is prescribed for Muslims as half our deen (religion/way of life) because not only does marriage protect a person from giving in to haram (forbidden) desires such as masturbation, pornography, and other temptations but also opens the door to spiritual blessings. Also, having a partner to share our emotional, mental, and physical woes enables us to grow as persons, which Islam uniquely recognizes describing wives and husbands as garments for another in the Quran. For example, patience is a greatly emphasized prophetic characteristic, yet that characteristic is fomented in one of the best ways in marriage because of the way we are forced learn from our everyday ordinary experiences to deal with another person's individual traits, opinions, and space. That is why Islam encourages marriage, though of course we cannot say that it is haram to never marry as there are Islamic scholars who opted not to marry because they wanted to dedicate their life and passion to Islam. However, bro, wouldn't you want to in building a good Muslim family for the sake of Allah SWT please Allah SWT? So, for now, at least keep your options open, k?

Also, as far as not trusting women is not concerned, as you yourself too know, that is not healthy mindset because each human being is an individual regardless of gender and you should treat an individual based on that rather than any preconceived notions because as Muslims we're supposed to be fair and just with other people and that includes taking an individual on his/her own merits rather than give into the temptation of stereotyping due to bad experiences. That said, of course your bad experiences will affect your mind or heart, but you shouldn't let that unduly influence you as a person of character with other women. Of course, if you have trust issues, you can take the time and energy to spend some time trying to see how you can overcome your distrust of women, and hey, everyone has some struggle with which they're dealing, and maybe this is yours. And if you try to again seek the pleasure of Allah in honoring women as human beings by making a conscious effort to not stereotype then, then In-sha-Allah this too will be rewarded by Allah SWT.

And hey, don't let anyone's seeming hatred get you down, as I told you previously, that this is the age of the Internet, and many people may behave badly towards you. So, instead of seeing that as an attack or feeling down because of that, try to see this as an opportunity to pray for their guidance towards good behavior and take the lesson to never yourself judge others no matter what. See, every trouble is an opportunity, an opportunity for us to grow, to learn, and to become better. And you choose. So, choose what is in your best interests. K?

And again, welcome to the board; and thanks for entrusting us with your question.

:wa:

M.I.A. said:

Distrustful?

....well, every time I try to say such a thing about the people I know...

They say, these are the people you knew.

Can't break ties with family.

...everybody ends up with an unconditional love anyway, don't know what for?

Do you feel stupid yet?

Or does losing today to win tomorrow never make sense?

That would be a selfish sort of love.

Click to expand...

... Cringeworthy, spelt wrong most probably.

Thank God for anonymity.

:bism:



Lol, sorry, bro M.I.A., accidentally quoted you when I meant to quote OP.

:wa:

Aslam o alaikum,

Thank you so much guys I really feel so much better now.

Looking forward to interact with you again in the future. I don't use internet much, just for work. But whenever I'll have some queries, I know which forum to visit now Thanks again..

Lots of love and respect.

Regards,
Zuhaib

keep ya chin up, and ya shoulders straight. Married or not, Allahs plan is Allahs plan.

What can we do about it? nada.

Scimi

oh and btw, I'm 40, and unmarried still... meh and yahooooo!!! like waddaaffff