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anonymous
03-08-2016, 10:57 PM
Alsalam alaikum

There is this man, I have fell in love with him ever since I was 15 years old. He is nine years older than me and he has a child from a previous relationship. He doesn't know that I love him. I don't have the guts to tell him that I am deeply in love with him because I was scared of rejection. He recently admitted to someone close to him that he has a special person in his life. After I came to know this I have done everything I can to forget about him. But I feel that God is punishing me with his love. I am suffering secretly inside. I want to cry. I feel so jealous and worthless infront of him. Please help me, I know this is Haraam but I honestly cannot help it. Please give me advice on how to forget about him. I try cursing him and thinking about the bad things he has done but I can't think of any, and recently I have been dreaming about him alot. I honestly want to start a new chapter in my life but it's really hard. You don't know how it feels until it happens to you. So please help me.

Thank you and may Allah bless you.
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BilalKid
03-09-2016, 04:17 AM
parents know or not?? ^o)
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Serinity
03-09-2016, 04:21 AM
:salam:

You first have to try to think less of him. Occupy yourself with other work. How to forget? Think less of him by each passing day.

I can see it being hard, but busy yourself with other work. Don't think bad of him nor good of him, both will just make you more obsessed, I think .

Allahu alam.
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azc
03-09-2016, 06:37 AM
Why do you assume yourself a worthless girl who even doesn't find herself deserving for him, the father of a child. Do you not have self respect at all? I think you should talk to your mother or sister.
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BeTheChange
03-09-2016, 11:33 AM
Asalamualykum,

Avoid him like the plague and with time (this is key with time) your feelings will diminish.

After 3/4/5 years etc if you still feel the same then maybe you are in love. Allah swt knows best.

I know your not in a relationship as such but please take time to read this thread >> http://www.islamicboard.com/advice-s...ationship.html

May Allah swt protect you from the temptations of this world Ameen.

Sorry for the short response. Am going to be late for work.
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greenhill
03-09-2016, 12:44 PM
I cannot give you answers as there are far too many variables not disclosed. Even so, there will be no right answer. You will suffer. Change does not happen overnight unless Allah wills so.

That brings me to Allah. Do istikharah and ask Allah if he is the man for you. If he is not, hopefully, the feeling will go away. Perhaps do it a few times.....

But yourself, (not the 'spiritual' aspect, but intellect), you are obviously not 15 anymore, it must be many years since, let's look at the facts, you love him, he does not know = your lost. You love him and cry because you cannot tell him = your lost and your suffering. You love him but cannot tell him because you're afraid to be rejected = your NEVER ENDING lost and suffering! Realistically,you'd be better off telling him. If he rejects you there is a finality to it! You can move on and not be suspended in hurtful limbo!!

Add to that, your negative thoughts makes you a pessimist resulting in insecurities. You've lost the match before the tournament even began! How sad..... Who knows, that person he says he has his heart on is YOU!?! . . . . but that aside, (sorry to burst the bubble) dare to live! If you don't ask, the answer is always "NO!", it might be different if you asked. Just be ready for the answer.

Ok, that is about you. Now we consider the 'love'...... When you can think straight, ask yourself, what is it that you want in a person that could withstand the test of time. Remember, couples grow old together. They will get bored very quickly of just staring into each other's eyes. My list was (30 years ago) must believe in Allah, comfortable in her own skin (can carry herself well), sense of humour, comes from the same area (hometown), trust (dependable), some common interest. We still have it after 20 odd years of marriage. Not to say we don't have tempers flaring up every now and again... So you have to consider your own formula. How does he fit the bill?

Then of course, the reaction time...... parents, friends etc etc (if you took action and gotten positive results) or a negative result, you know where you stand, and the rejection will burn the love out, and you can proceed with your life . . . .


:peace:
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Kiro
03-09-2016, 01:13 PM
Remember tahajud dua's to make it easier :Emoji45:
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mo2times
03-10-2016, 03:12 AM
Walaikum Asalam sister, you stated since the age of fifteen you had a crush on this man, I assume he was 24 at the time. a year or two later he got married? has a child and seperated/divorced from his wife. cursing some one unjustly will only make things worse for you not them. If you truly want forget this man for the sake of Allah then turn to him alone. As it is Only Allah that can guide you to something better. Open chapter 79 of the Quran, surah: An-Nazi'at, keep reciting verses 40 and 41 each time you feel shaiyateen wispers into your heart about this man, wether your at home,work or outside. (79:40) Wa amaa man kha fa maka'ma rabi hi, wana hanaf 'sa anil hawa. (79:41) Fa inal Janatta hiyal ma'wa. Insh'Allah you will get over this man.
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~ Sabr ~
03-15-2016, 03:00 PM
:wasalamex

Lots of lots of du'aa with Darood Shareef before and after it :ia:
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