What Comes First, Mom or Hijab

[sanajamal]

I"m a teenage girl and I've always wanted to wear hijab even though none of the women on my mom or dad's side of the family do, but after deciding to wear hijab my mother has become furious with the way I've started and has disowned me. I've cried and cried and have felt so depressed, I already have to face wearing hijab in public and at school and try to overcome those challengers, but now on top of that my mom has said she will not support me whatsoever and feels as if I'm only doing this to spite her. She says the ONLY way she'll ever forgive me is if I take off my hijab, after I've already officially put it on and told my family and friends. How can I face wearing hijab in a new town and at a new school when I can't even face those at home. My mom feels she has been too soft on me in the past, so she's putting her foot down when it comes to me wearing hijab. I've prayed and prayed and prayed, but I feel like nothing is changing or nothing is getting better. I've even spent the past hour or so looking for ways to commit suicide online. I thought that because I'm being a good Muslim and doing this for Allah SWT that I would have his support and that I'm doing the right thing, but listening to your parents and having your parents' blessing is also stressed in Islam, which is what my mom keeps reminding me about.

Am I doing the right thing by basically "disobeying" my mom and giving up my relationship with her to wear hijab even thought I'm only 15? Or even though it’s completely against my heart should I follow her commands and take off my hijab?

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[Muslim Woman]

:sl:


Are u facing this problem or u posted it from the blog ? The link did not open btw.

Allah comes first , so we must obey Allah .

Don't be rude with mom . Keep telling her politely that it's not a choice but a command from our Almighty . Talk to relatives , neighbours who can convince her . Last wk , i heard a story about a teenage girl who faced the same prob. Later Allah softened the heart of her parents and they gave money to her to buy hijab , Alhamdulillah.

keep praying to Allah .

[sister herb]

Salam alaykum

What comes first - obeying Mom or obeying Allah?

You can find from the Quran and from hadiths many examples about being disobeyed to parents like:

Allah says in the Holy Quran Chapter 17 Surah Bani Israel verses 23-24:

Your Lord has enjoined the following: You should not worship anyone but Him Alone! Treat your parents with great kindness; if either or both of them attain old age, do not even say uff to them; nor rebuke them; but speak to them kind words. Treat them with humility and tenderness and pray, O our Lord, be merciful to them, just as they brought me up with kindness and affection in my childhood.


Allah says in the Holy Quran Chapter 31 Surah Luqman verse 14:

14 And We have enjoined on man (to be good) to his parents: in travail upon travail did his mother bear him and in years twain was his weaning: (hear the command) "Show gratitude to Me and to thy parents: to Me is (thy final) Goal.


Allah says in the Holy Quran Chapter 4 Surah Nisaa verse 36:

36 Serve Allah and join not any partners with Him: and do good to parents kinsfolk orphans those in need neighbors who are near neighbors who are strangers the companion by your side the way-farer (ye meet) and what your right hands possess: for Allah loveth not the arrogant the vainglorious;


Al-Tirmidhi Hadith 4941 Narrated by Abu Umamah

A man said, "O Messenger of Allah (saws), what rights can parents demand from their children?" He (saws) replied, "They are (or your relation with them will determine) your Paradise or your Hell."


Sunan of Abu-Dawood Hadith 5120 Narrated by Mu'awiyah ibn Hayadah

I asked: O Messenger of Allah(saws)! To whom should I show kindness most? He (saws) replied: Your mother. I asked (again): Who next?. He (saws) replied: Your mother!. I asked: Who next? He (saws) replied: Your mother! I asked again: Who next? and he (saws) replied: Your father, and then your relatives in order of relationship.


Al-Tirmidhi Hadith 4939 Narrated by Mu'awiyah ibn Jahimah

Jahimah came to the Prophet (saws) and said, "Messenger of Allah (saws), I desire to go on a military expedition and I have come to consult you. He (saws) asked him if he had a mother, and when he replied that he had, he (saws) said, "Stay with her, for Paradise is at her feet."


Sahih Al-Bukhari Hadith 8.18 Narrated by Aisha

The Prophet (saws) said: "The word 'Ar-Rahm' (womb) derives its name from 'Ar-Rahman' (i.e. Allah). So whosoever keeps good relations with it (womb i.e. kith and kin), Allah will keep good relations with him, and whosoever will sever it (i.e. severs his bonds of kith and kin) Allah too will sever His relations with him!"


Sahih Al-Bukhari Hadith 3.821 Narrated by Anas

The Prophet (saws) was asked about the Kabair (the absolute gravest sins in the Sight of Allah). He (saws) replied: "They are:--

To join others in worship with Allah,

To be undutiful to one's parents,

To kill a person (which Allah has forbidden to kill) (i.e. to commit the crime of murder),

And to give a false witness."


Sahih Al-Bukhari Hadith 8.290 Narrated by Abu Bakra

Allah's Messenger (saws) said, "Shall I inform you of the biggest of the Great Sins?" They said, "Yes, O Allah's Messenger (saws)!" He (saws) said, "To join partners in worship with Allah, and to be undutiful to one's parents."

Al-Tirmidhi Hadith 3655 Narrated by Abdullah ibn Umar

Allah's Messenger (saws) said, "There are three people to whom Allah has forbidden Paradise: one who is addicted to wine, an undutiful son, and a cuckold who agrees to his womenfolk's adultery."

But:

Al-Tirmidhi Hadith 3696 Narrated by An-Nawwas ibn Sam'an

Allah's Messenger (saws) said, "A creature is not to be obeyed when it involves disobedience to the Creator."


This your story sounds very familiar to me - when I started to use hijab, my Mom shamed it so much that it took almost 10 years when she refuse to walk with me on the streets but then she used to accept it. Difference is, I was at that time older when I became Muslim and choosed to wear hijab (I was almost 30).

The only advice I can give to you is that try to explain (kindly) to your Mom you use hijab because you fear to disobey Allah. I make dua that your Mom will understand it and will allow you to use it.

[noraina]

SubhanAllah sis, I am in the same position as you, I in fact posted anonymously on this forum once to ask a similar question.

I understand how difficult it is to disobey one's parents, I find the people on this forum are very understanding but there are some Muslims who go down the route of criticizing me for believing that I should be obeying my parents and not Allah SWT, that my iman isn't strong enough or blah blah blah. Sis, everyone's situation is different, but I would suggest occasionally mentioning it to your mother, trying to persuade her gently of the importance of the hijab, over time she may soften. And make so much dua, that Allah the Turner of Hearts, Al-Muqallib, will turn your parents' hearts towards the Deen and towards the hijab.

My situation is such that I am stull unable to wear the hijab. It hurts and it painful for a practising Muslimah - I honestly had done all that I could, and I'm still trying. InshaAllah I know that when I'm an adult, and I am no longer dependant on my parents, I will wear the hijab. I have full faith that my sabr and patience will not go to waste - I think of it as a trial from Allah, maybe a test of faith and I am confident I will be able to wear the hijab someday in the future.

If for some reason it takes a while to convince your mother, do not be hard on yourself. Don't think this is a barrier to you being a good Muslim. Like no way. Islam is so much more than the hijab. Carry on praying and fasting and learning about the Deen and purifying yourself inside and out - the hijab is a facet of Islam, an important part but also one of many important parts. Focus on the others, it may be than when your parents see your commitment to the Deen they realise how serious you are about it.

Apart from that, try dressing more modestly. You can still observe hijab (minus the headscarf). Slowly start covering yourself more, with full-sleeves and looser clothes, I almost always wear skirts and abayas with a scarf around my neck. When a year ago my family hated it they now accept it as normal - it would be a matter of time before they find the scarf on your head normal.

I truly understand how difficult it can be, even though the hijab is so important to me, living with parents who are unhappy with you can be a nightmare - never give up or lose hope, always respect your parents, they must be concerned about you (even if those concerns may not be right) continue to strive to be as good as a Muslim as you can possibly be, keep on making dua upon dua that your parents realise the importance of hijab, inshaAllah I am like 100% sure you will be able to wear it on in the future. As long as you keep your faith strong, the reward for this struggle is ultimately with Allah SWT - it is so worth struggling for the hijab, every moment. :Emoji49:

(Gosh, I didn't realise my post was so long.)