Nit-Picking Auntie at the Masjid

[strivingobserver98]

:sl:

Wanted to share this letter which is addressed to nitpickers :O. Some of the advise and such can apply to the forum, and interactions on the forum.


Dear Nit-Picking Auntie at the Masjid,

You look so polished and put together in your simple, neutral-colored abaya, huge beige hijab, and thick socks, with your makeup-free fresh face. You are a perfect Muslim woman, I get it. What I don’t get is how you nit-pick and shame Muslim girls, your sisters.

I saw you telling Joanna how her prayer wasn’t accepted because she was wearing skinny jeans. Mind you, she just reverted last month, and your comment made her cry, and wonder if this was the religion for her.

I overheard you telling Halimah how God will not accept her supplications because she had nail polish on. Did you ever think that maybe today was the day Halimah decided she would start praying again, and that comment would discourage her from her prayers again?

I saw you eyeing Kareema’s turban hijab, and giving her a nasty look. Did you perhaps know that Kareema has been struggling to keep the hijab on and decided she will not de-veil, but rather wear a turban style instead?

I saw you giggling with your other perfect auntie best friend about how Kawthar always wears second-hand clothing, often with holes in her socks and stains on her pants. Did you know Kawthar is a single mother struggling to make ends meet and care for her three kids?

I overheard you telling Suha how it’s absolutely haraam (forbidden) to show her feet, and how she should wear socks not only while praying, but also when going out. You probably didn’t know that for Suha, keeping her prayers is a daily struggle, and she has been skipping prayers often.

THAT TYPE OF NEGATIVITY DOESN’T HELP HER–OR ANYONE ELSE–BECOME A BETTER MUSLIM.

I heard you scolding at Tanya about how she must pray her sunnah, and how it’s incorrect to place her elbows on the ground while making sujood. Tanya grew up in a non-practicing Muslim household, and all she needs is a kind, gentle Muslim mentor to help her rediscover her religion.

THE QURAN EVEN SAYS, “GOD DESIRES EASE FOR YOU, AND DESIRES NOT HARDSHIP.” (2:185) IN THE QURAN, THE PROPHET HIMSELF (PBUH) WAS ADVISED BY GOD TO MAKE THINGS EASY FOR PEOPLE: “IT IS PART OF THE MERCY OF ALLAH THAT YOU DEAL GENTLY WITH THEM IF YOU WERE SEVERE OR HARDHEARTED, THEY WOULD HAVE BROKEN AWAY FROM YOU.” (3: 159) MANY TIMES, THE PROPHET HAS COMMENTED ON THE FACT RELIGION SHOULD BE EASY, SAYING “FACILITATE [RELIGIOUS MATTERS TO PEOPLE] AND DO NOT MAKE [THINGS] DIFFICULT. OBEY EACH OTHER AND DO NOT DIFFER [AMONGST YOURSELVES],” AND “RELIGION IS EASY.”

Dear Auntie, maybe your intentions are good sometimes. Maybe you feel obliged to correct something you see that’s wrong, or maybe you think that since you have studied Islam for for a while that you are above some people, or have more knowledge than them. And maybe you do! But what you don’t know are the struggles these ladies face on a daily basis. You don’t know what’s going on in their lives, spiritually or personally. Maybe that one negative comment will make that sweet girl not want to come to the masjid again. Maybe it will make her think “Wow this religion has way too many rules, and I can’t keep up.”


I’m all for giving well-intentioned advice, but it helps if:

1) You know the person, and you have actually talked with her before.

2) Nobody else is around you two when you give the advice, so that you don’t embarrass her.

3) That it’s actually correct advice, and not just a cultural interpretation of religion.

4) That you have given that sister 70 excuses. As one of the great early Muslims, Hamdun al-Qassar said, “If a friend among your friends errs, make seventy excuses for them. If your hearts are unable to do this, then know that the shortcoming is in your own selves.” [Imam Bayhaqi, Shu`ab al-Iman, 7.522]

5) You are being kind and gentle; not condescending with your tone.

6) You understand that the masjid should be an inclusive place for all people, regardless of their socio-economic backgrounds, spiritual level, culture, and race.

Dear Auntie, instead of all the nit-picking, why not focus on your own relationship with God, and make duaa for yourself and for others around you?


Thank you for understanding, Auntie.

Source

[BeTheChange]

Good job i wear a hijaab and i won't catch the 'nits' :D Alhamdulilah.

May Allah swt save us from nits and nit-picking fellow Muslims faults Ameen.

[noraina]

I quit attending the mosque because of these aunties - subhanAllah I haven't even stepped foot in our local masjid for around two years :hmm:. I remember being around fifteen, I am from a non-practising Muslim household so I was just learning how to pray, one of them was watching me and later told me how she'd be ashamed if her daughter was as old as I am and still didn't know how to read salah.

I even tried going again, the same thing happened and I decided there was no point in me attending the masjid if rather than closeness to Allah SWT I was only gaining ill-feelings from it.

So yes, those nit-picking aunties don't realise how they distance young Muslim women from Islam, damaging their iman and actually preventing them from benefiting from the community and support one should gain from the mosque. I pray to Allah I never become anything like that.

[hisnameiszzz]

What are all these aunties doing in the Masjid? Men only in our Masjids.

I must admit, I do turn my nose up when someone turns up at the Masjid smelling like they have not had a bath in years. Sorry, you have entered the House of Allah, try and make a bit of an effort. Your prayers won't get accepted if your clothes are not clean. I had someone next to me today that smelt like a washroom that had not been cleaned in months, and I was going to throw up. It completely messed my Jummah namaaz up.

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[Bhabha]

I actually stopped going to the masjid because of these kind of experiences. Whenever I went. I disliked Muslims because of these kind of aunties. I'm generally well tempered and I like to smile and laugh. But some people wow really annoyed me. Taking things to the full extreme whilst acting that way too.

I like to pray at home and anyhow. The masjid is really for guys anyways lol. I will only go to masjids in UAE. Not in Canada. Cause these nitpicking aunties seem to be in Canada. I didn't see one in the UAE.

[Muhaba]

I hate them too. why some people can't be nice i don't understand. I especially hate it when people pick on kids.

[Bhabha]

Ok bad behaving kids I do not accept. I never misbehaved when I went outside and it really angers me when I see children whose parents seems too lazy to correct their behaviour [emoji24]

[noraina]

Women are encouraged to pray at home anyway, I feel more secure Alhamdulillah. It is more important for men to attend the masjid, so I don't consider it too much of a loss.

And I like avoid disagreements like anything, which aunties like this create. So I prefer to stay away and be stress-free. :)

[strivingobserver98]

I even tried going again, the same thing happened and I decided there was no point in me attending the masjid if rather than closeness to Allah SWT I was only gaining ill-feelings from it.

Something similar happened to me too, when I was young.

Don't forget the nitpicking uncles! :O

I was walking to taraweeh... so young and innocent, then accidentally shoved someone and an old uncle shouted at me. It was in front of everyone too so was embarrassed and sad.

But it didn't make me leave the Masjid alhamdulilah, I was so close to Imams and shiekhs there. Imam used to see me, smile and give me warm handshake with Salaam :statisfie. I loved them so much for the sake of Allah :).

[noraina]

Something similar happened to me too, when I was young.

Don't forget the nitpicking uncles!

I was walking to taraweeh... so young and innocent, then accidentally shoved someone and an old uncle shouted at me. It was in front of everyone too so was embarrassed and sad.

But it didn't make me leave the Masjid alhamdulilah, I was so close to Imams and shiekhs there. Imam used to see me, smile and give me warm handshake with Salaam . I loved them so much for the sake of Allah .

I forgot, the nit-picking aunties' husbands must do the same thing!

Ma'sha'Allah, that is nice you are close to the Imams and sheikhs there. :) Our Imam has an interesting personality, I don't know him every well but he has been around ever since my parents were small subhanAllah, he's just always been there.

I would like to attend a mosque regularly, I am so envious when I hear about really nice mosques which cater to the whole community and involve the youth as well. My reason to go would be to gain closeness to Allah SWT, learn about Islam and get to know other brothers and sisters, so I honestly don't see the point of going if I don't get that. We'll see - maybe in future there will be an improvement.

[hisnameiszzz]

I hate them too. why some people can't be nice i don't understand. I especially hate it when people pick on kids.

What would you do if you had kids running across the Masjid like it was a playground when people are praying their Fardh prayers? You would let them be?

The Masjid is a Masjid. Not somewhere to gossip or moan and it is definitely not a daddy day care centre. Don't get me wrong. Well behaved kids are fine. I have no issue with that. It's nice to show kids prayers and the Masjid. I am all for that.

There is one man who comes to our Masjid with his brat kid who runs riot in the Masjid but no one says a thing to him or the child. All the while his wife sits in her car outside the Masjid waiting for them. I wish he would keep that awful child in the car with his Mom. Sorry. I am old fashioned and there should be rules.

[Muhaba]

What would you do if you had kids running across the Masjid like it was a playground when people are praying their Fardh prayers? You would let them be?

The Masjid is a Masjid. Not somewhere to gossip or moan and it is definitely not a daddy day care centre. Don't get me wrong. Well behaved kids are fine. I have no issue with that. It's nice to show kids prayers and the Masjid. I am all for that.

There is one man who comes to our Masjid with his brat kid who runs riot in the Masjid but no one says a thing to him or the child. All the while his wife sits in her car outside the Masjid waiting for them. I wish he would keep that awful child in the car with his Mom. Sorry. I am old fashioned and there should be rules.

Of course. you should tell the father sternly to make his child behave. and if that doesn't work, then have the imam do it. but i don't like it when people scold children in the masjid. and really, some parents let that happen. first they let the child run amok, letting him/her do whatever they want and when someone gets angry with the child, then the parent also starts scolding him. but who's fault was it in the first place. the parent's. and yeah that's why i don't like it that people scold kids. do things at the right time, discipline nicely, and you won't have to resort to scolding or hitting later.

[hisnameiszzz]

Of course. you should tell the father sternly to make his child behave. and if that doesn't work, then have the imam do it. but i don't like it when people scold children in the masjid. and really, some parents let that happen. first they let the child run amok, letting him/her do whatever they want and when someone gets angry with the child, then the parent also starts scolding him. but who's fault was it in the first place. the parent's. and yeah that's why i don't like it that people scold kids. do things at the right time, discipline nicely, and you won't have to resort to scolding or hitting later.

No one tells anyone off these days including the Imam. Everyone is too scared because if they say something and someone stops coming to the Masjid it will all be their fault. When I was little and a child made a noise, all the kids would be taken to one side and yelled at. None of that anymore.

Don't get me wrong. 99 per cent of children are perfect and cause no bother. Well done to them all.

[~ Sabr ~]

:salamext:

If you see something wrong, it is a must to inform them politely. This is your duty in Islaam.

Abu Sa'id al Khudri (RadiAllaahu Amhu) narrated: I heard the Messenger of Allah :saws: say:

"He who amongst you sees something abominable should modify it with the help of his hand; and if he has not strength enough to do it, then he should do it with his tongue, and if he has not strength enough to do it, (even) then he should (abhor it) from his heart, and that is the least of faith."

(Saheeh Muslim, Book #001, Hadith #0079)

[Hamza :)]

nvm...

[hisnameiszzz]

I'll be honest. I have never come across a nit picking Uncle. They are too busy talking about worldly affairs like what's on offer at the supermarket, who is getting married, which cricket team is winning, what was on television last night and sometimes even Indian movies. Lol.

[noraina]

In my community, the uncles are pretty friendly, I can't remember ever feeling awkward around one of them :).

I don't mind constructive advice and criticism, that is why I attended the mosque despite having never been there, I was looking for someone to advise me and guide me. Allahu al'am, most of the aunties appear to me to have the only intention of making you feel bad, or if they are genuinely giving advice they have a very unpleasant way of giving it. And heaven forbid if you try to 'correct' an aunty, you'd be blacklisted everywhere!

And on the opposite end, the aunties who 'like' you are always trying to hook you up with their sons or if not that are strangely obsessed with arranging your marriage :facepalm: I'm like noooooo, please!