Rude attitude in forum

[ardianto]

Assaalamualaikum.

I've been active in forum since late of 2008, and have interacted with many members who come and go. I have witnessed the forum life, year by year. But honestly, now I am so concerned because I see rude attitude of few members, especially new members, which they are not hesitate to use offensive word and insult other members.

This is different than the atmosphere of forum that I have seen in my long activity here.

[sister herb]

Same here - unfortunately.

[Moderator]

Lot of rude comments deleted today.

Kindly report the posts, and mods will take a look.

[ardianto]

Lot of rude comments deleted today.

Kindly report the posts, and mods will take a look.

Delete a post is easy. But how to prevent members make rude comment again?.

That's why I created this open thread. I want to remind the members to learn to respect other people and respect themselves. Respect other people is same as respect ourselves, because people will respect us based on how we respect the others. This is what I want to remind.

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[Moderator]

Delete a post is easy. But how to prevent members make rude comment again?.

Repeated breaking rules leads to infractions. There is a special group for members with certain number of infractions where all their threads and posts become automatically moderated.

[noraina]

This is true subhanAllah, may Allah SWT forgive me if I ever hurt or offended someone with my posts.

Narrated ‘Aishah: Allah’s Messenger said, “Allah is Kind and He loves kindness, and confers upon kindness which He does not confer upon severity, and does not confer upon any thing besides it (kindness).” (Muslim)

I came across this hadith today , I think it says it all.

[strivingobserver98]

:sl:

:jz: for sharing above hadith.

Would like to share a similar one for everyone to reflect on:

The Messenger of Allah :saws: said: “You must be gentle. Verily, gentleness is not in anything except that it beautifies it, and it is not removed from anything except that it disgraces it.”

(Musnad Ahmad 24417)

[strivingobserver98]

Delete a post is easy. But how to prevent members make rude comment again?.

In addition to what @Moderator mentioned we can encourage those type of members to read threads like these:

http://www.islamicboard.com/general/7386-perfect-forum.html
http://www.islamicboard.com/general/...amicboard.html
http://www.islamicboard.com/manners-...fferences.html
http://www.islamicboard.com/manners-...mentative.html

One other really good thread on how to disagree in a respectful way and give constructive criticism, can't find it at the moment.

[sister herb]

Great threads but many times a person who is arrogant, does not recognize this feature in himself. In the situations of heated debate, the fault is always in all the others.

:embarrass Maybe nobody isn´t really innocent sometimes.

[strivingobserver98]

Also remember...

Abu Umamah al-Bahili reports: Prophet Muhammad (SAW) said:

I guarantee a house in the lower portion of Jannah for whoever gives up arguing even if he is right, and a house in the middle of Jannah for whoever gives up lying even if he is joking, and a house for in the highest level of Jannah for whoever perfects their akhlaq. [Abu Dawood]

[Bhabha]

I apologize if I have ever come off as rude. Sometimes I type in capital letter to emphasize a word and maybe it comes off rude [emoji37][emoji28].

[hisnameiszzz]

Oh no, what have I missed?

I often disagree with what people are saying, but I would not resort to throwing insults. It's childish and uncalled for.

I hope it stops and soon.

[ardianto]

Great threads but many times a person who is arrogant, does not recognize this feature in himself. In the situations of heated debate, the fault is always in all the others.

:embarrass Maybe nobody isn´t really innocent sometimes.

Hopefully forum can be the place for people to learn about manner and etiquette of interaction with other people. Hopefully too, they also will be better in interaction with people in the real world.

:)

[ardianto]

Oh no, what have I missed?

I often disagree with what people are saying, but I would not resort to throwing insults. It's childish and uncalled for.

I hope it stops and soon.

All of us must be ever disagree with what other people say. But we must express our disagreement in the correct manner.

[hisnameiszzz]

All of us must be ever disagree with what other people say. But we must express our disagreement in the correct manner.

If I disagree with someone quite strongly, I will type a response to get it off my chest, and then before posting it, I delete it. That way I get it out of my system, but it does not lead to a big quarrel after that. I find that the best way for me.

[sister herb]

As well sister, I just remember all those my deleted posts in the past (and few warnings from the mods).

:embarrass

[Pygoscelis]

All of us must be ever disagree with what other people say. But we must express our disagreement in the correct manner.

Agreed. As one of the resident polar-opposites-on-just-about-everything people here, there are polite ways we can interact and there are rude ways, and I have seen both here. You can disagree with me and even tell me I am missing something or blind or lacking in some way, without being hostile and raging hatred. And I can do the same towards you :)

Peace my friends. Peace.

[MuslimInshallah]

Assalaamu alaikum,


I think there is more than one issue here. For instance, there is the problem of people who join the forum in order to make mischief. Such people tend to be rude. The solution to these is forum moderators.

But then there is also the issue of posting whatever immediately jumps into our mind when we read a post. (smile) I've found the best way to deal with this, is to wait a day or two before responding. (twinkle) It's astonishing how the urgency of what we feel tends to decrease with time!

Finally, there is the problem of people not realizing that the internet is just another means of communication; the people communicating are very real. It is so easy, with a new technology, to think that somehow, we are exempt from the usual rules of behaviour.

(twinkle) I will digress a little to illustrate what I mean with a true story, related to me by an acquaintance... The telephone came late to her isolated community, and so she recalls that when she was about 12, there was a flurry of activity by the youth in her community (twinkle. Maybe the adults, too, but she only knew what the children were doing!). The children would phone up people and say shocking and rude things to them, in a manner that they would never do in person. Because they figured that they were anonymous, so no one would know. Plus, it seemed a little unreal without the actual people in front of them. It was harder to imagine hurting someone you couldn't see. And it was rather exciting and funny to be able to tell old Mrs so-and-so that she was a mean, grumpy old witch!

The internet has another feature, that I think we tend not to realize, it being a newer technology: it is a very public forum. And it is indelible. Even if we (or someone else) erases our posts, they still exist, somewhere in what I have been told is called the dark web. And people with the skills to research this dark web can find out all sorts of things we may one day be very embarrassed that we have said or done. A powerful example of this was seen in our last election here in Canada. A young 21 year-old, headscarf-wearing Muslim woman was chosen to run for the Liberal party (which ended up winning a large majority of the seats). However, during the campaign, it was found that she had posted some crude, rude or questionable comments on the internet when she was a minor teen. As I recall, at least some of them had been deleted. But that did not help her. They were found. And she therefore had to step down.

(smile) I don't want to completely frighten people away from posting. This Forum can be a warm and lively place for people to work together, share knowledge and support one another. But perhaps, if we reflect on the seriousness and reality of our interactions on this Forum... we may be more careful and caring in the way we post.


May Allah, the One Who Sees and Know All, Help us to remember that our deeds (including our interactions with one another) are what we take with us when we die... and that we will be Held accountable for the wrong that we do, and Rewarded for refraining from the wrong we are tempted to do, as well as what good we do.

[ardianto]

People cannot forget. They always remember what we have said. If we were being rude, they would always see us as rude person.

But people can forgive. If we could change our attitude to be better, they would change their view on us to be better too.

:)

[Ummu Habibah]

Observation:

If you do not like a person on IslamicBoard,
Ignore them so that you do not see them.

Do people criticize you online?

Do they backbite about you?

Do they insult you?

Do they offend you?

If yes, they are not your friends but FIENDS
the 'R' missing in the word, makes the difference

Delete them, ignore them, stay away from them.

Are they your relatives?

If yes, greet them with the 'salam' and make a move!

Do you feel jealous and hatred because of somebody's achievement?

Remember, what is given to them might be a test.

Be grateful to Allah!

Do you feel less beautiful/ handsome?

See someone who has been burnt in a fire or acid thrown to them on the face!

They are only happy to be alive.

Your shade is too dark?

You dislike girls who are 'black' according to you?

Hello, we were specifically created in that way to be able to differentiate ourselves.

Did you want your wife to be called "white girl 125758283848" because everybody looked similar?

Oh no, of course we can have a preference, choose dean over beauty. But if you have both, Alhamdulillah.

If you find someone to be arrogant as if he or she 'owns' the world,

Honey, you do not know the rest of the story.

That person could be the most helpful and kindest being...

Sometimes some attitudes are a shield.

Do not be hasty in your judgement!

Are you in any case better than that Muslim?

Then why judge that brother or sister?

Let Allah be the judge!

Yes, we can remind our brothers and sisters in Islam:

It is HARAM to consume alcohol
It is HARAM to play lotto
It is HARAM to go to nightclubs
It is HARAM to wear tight clothes with or without hijab
It is HARAM for men to show their pants
It is HARAM to commit adultery and fornication

If the soul has not reached the collarbones of a person, we can still be hopeful for Allah to pardon them...

Be a better Muslim and make dua for them who...

hurt you and forgive them.

Reminder to myself first and then to you...