Duty to parents

In islam it is said that one must obey and respect parents.

It is a grave sin if someone is rude to their parents or does not fulfil their duties as a child.

What if you know someone who treats their parents in what can only be described as a pretty disgusting way. I know someone who's mother is elderly and he has just abandoned her. She was recently taken ill and she had a small falling out with her son. I have discussed that that is his mother and in islam its wrong etc etc. but they feel as if they are in the right. To give context most of the arguing involves money and this person feels as if their mother is wrong as she has not done her part in helping the family out and since his dad passed his mother has not stepped up etc. But she is rather elderly and since becoming ill she is even more frail. She is now very depressed because of the situation between her and her son, he won't even call her to find out how she is. Anytime she is brought up in conversation it is negative things about her, which he evens talks badly about her to our relatives. There is no sympathy that his mother is sick, he has not once phoned or visited her since she left hospital. Even when she was in her hospital bed he was telling her off over money matters. What makes this even worse is that this person is my father.

Please offer any advice, where do my duties fall, what does our religion say in this regarding the punishment and dilemma towards children in the conflict?

Parents : the person has no right to demand money from his mother in this way , and then to neglect her and not even visit her when she is gravely ill. Ones mother is a blessing , not a cash cow. In fact he should be supporting her in these difficult moments , and not repulsing her EVEN THOUGH HIS MOTHER MAY BE WRONG ON A FEW ISSUES . everyone is weak , and if we can't forgive our mother , who else will we forgive ?

And Allâh Ta’ala knows best

Are you able to phone your grandmother? Visit her?

Can you help out at all? Who is this lady to you? Is your grandma or auntie?

Parents are very important. We wouldn't even be here without them.

My Mother drives me absolutely mental sometimes and at times, I feel like shouting at her, but I don't. She has no one now. I do my best to do everything I can for her, cooking, cleaning, taking her out, to the GP etc.

Speak to that person and tell them to stop being such a moose and be there for his Mother. He doesn't know how long she is around for. How would he feel if she died and he was still acting like a muppet? Tell him to forget about the quarrel, stop demanding money and be there for his poor elderly Mother.

If she is your grandmother. Fill the role of your father for the moment and care for her, visit her, call her and appreciate the fact that she raised your father and cared for him in his infancy.

Yes she is my grandmother, but my father does not want me to visit her because that is his way of trying to keep her away from us. If i do go it is done secretly.

You bring up excellent points. it is pretty much common sense to visit loved ones in times of hardship, especially the mother. as for telling my father i have done, in fact we had a blazing row about it and there was still no admittance of wrong doing. It all relates back to money, I am sick of wasting my energy. he won't listen, unless there is something in it for him.

Khalid Saifullah said:

Parents : the person has no right to demand money from his mother in this way , and then to neglect her and not even visit her when she is gravely ill. Ones mother is a blessing , not a cash cow. In fact he should be supporting her in these difficult moments , and not repulsing her EVEN THOUGH HIS MOTHER MAY BE WRONG ON A FEW ISSUES . everyone is weak , and if we can't forgive our mother , who else will we forgive ?

And Allâh Ta’ala knows best

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I agree with this. its just telling my father. we won't listen at all. he says that she has to pay rent for the house and contribute to the bills etc. she is a pensioner and has limited money anyway. there is no respect or love at all.

Assalamualykum.

Firstly I would like to compliment you on your concern for your friend.

It is sad to here about the condition of his mom.

Nabee صلي الله عليه وسلم Has made it obligatory upon us under all circumstances to obey our parents. If he feels she was oppressive towards him then explain to him that she is answerable for what she has done and he is answerable for what he does. By being bad to his mother he will be answerable and will have to suffer the severe consciousness. He should maximize on these last few moments and better his relationship with his mother as Nabee صلي الله عليه وسلم said 'Jannah is beneath the feet of the mother'

Jazakallah khair

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Assalaamu alaikum Sister,


Mmm... you have a difficult dilemma. On the one hand, you have your grandmother who is in need, and on the other, it is your father who is misbehaving.

I found this fatwa which might help clarify how to deal with this (excerpt):

Obedience to parents is a general obligation, and one of the most central social injunctions of Islam. Being bad to one’s parents is one of the greatest of the major sins, as the Qur’an and our beloved Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) repeatedly explained.

Not Unconditional

HOWEVER, obedience is not unconditional and absolute. If parents forbid one from one’s fard, wajib or confirmed sunna duties, one may not listen to them, as is the case if they order one to do something haram or prohibitively disliked (makruh tahriman).

... though, as some scholars clarify, this would have to be done with respect, politeness and in an indirect, non-confrontational way, because any show of disrespect, or impoliteness to one’s parents is a grave sin.

Source: http://seekershub.org/ans-blog/2016/04/04/when-may-parents-be-disobeyed-and-how/


Might I suggest that you try not have heated arguments with your father... but that you try to connect with your grandmother, anyway? If you are independent of your father, whether you tell him or not of what you are doing, try to speak with him calmly and politely (though firmly). If you are financially or otherwise dependent on your father, it may be that you will have to visit/help your grandmother secretly.


May Allah, the Compassionate, have Mercy on those who struggle to do what is Pleasing to Him.