Originally Posted by ~ Sabr ~
Look I am not saying she should not fulfill what he is saying, rather I am against this "My right, follow me" kind of attitude. In many cases when husband says "Don't go outside house", he does not bother to take into account the feeling of wife as well. Wife is not a machine without any feeling. The same men would spend all his day speaking with his friends outside house, and when the wife says that she is feeling bored at home, he would say "Stay at home!". Subhanallah. If that is the kind of attitude husband is having, then he should definitely look into the life of the Prophet S.A.W.
He and his companions never "demanded" their rights. Rather they were so compassionate and would keep the wife's feelings in mind that the wife herself out of love for her husband would fulfill what he says.
This "my right" kind of attitude itself is not Islamic. Many times when we say something is "Islamic" or not, we just talk about the "minimum" required. Rather what is "Islamic" in true sense is how the Prophet dealt with it!
I give an example. If you ask some random muslim, even someone who himself says he is practicing, that what is Halal meat. He would mention the slaughter and the calling of name of Allah at the time of slaughter. Now obviously that is the condition of meat being Halal, but is that the way Prophet S.A.W. slaughtered the animal himself? No. Rather he put and followed many other conditions as well, which respects even the life of an animal.
The same is the case with in dealing with wife. While many Muslim insist on wife following husband, many time what they mention is the bare minimum things, they don't look at how Prophet himself followed the commandment of Quran and how he implemented it!
I read something few months ago, which for someone like me from Pakistan, where men are quite dominant over wives, was shocking. Obviosuly I am not a scholar myself, I am just quoting from book, "Kayfa-amalahoum", meaning "How he dealt with them", you can find it in english as well.
‘Umar said: “We the people of Quraysh used to dominate over our wives but
when we came to Madeenah we found that the Ansaar (residence of Madeenah)
had their wives dominating them. So our wives began to learn from their wives.
One day I became angry with my wife and she began to answer me back (argue
back and refuse to take my instructions without argument). I became angry with
her and did not approve that she should answer me back.
She said: ‘You do not like that I should retort upon you, but, by Allah, the
wives of the Prophet of Allah, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, retort upon him and
any one of them separates herself from him for a day until night.
‘Umar continued, “I rushed and entered upon Hafsah (his daughter) and
said: ‘Does one of you retort upon the Messenger of Allah, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa
sallam?’ She said: ‘Yes’. Then I said: ‘Do you separate yourself from him for a day
until night?’ She said: ‘Yes’”
Ibn Hajar said: “This narration proves that being tough with women is a
dispraised characteristic, because the Prophet of Allah, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa
sallam, adopted the style of the Ansaar in dealing with women and gave up the
way his own people (Quraysh) dealt with them. It also proves that one should be
patient with his wife and overlook her mistakes and forgive their minor mistakes,
unless it is a right for Allah.”
Fat-h Al-Baari (291/9).