A question regarding martial life

[Arfa]

Aoa.In Islam it is said that a wife should obey her husband in all circumstances....and she will enter paradise if her husband is pleased with her.But I have slight confusion I mean should she obey him under all circumstances that are not in her capacity e.g if husband insists she take care of his father in law like make him breakfast or tells her to stay in house all time with no entertainment or contact with outer world no social life??does she have right to refuse if it makes her feel claustrophobic and duty bound out of force.is this behaviour even ethical on husband part?

[Misbah0411]

Perhaps this can give you some answers: http://islamqa.info/en/238820

[Bhabha]

Why would she care for another man that is not her husband? (՞ټ՞[emoji121]

[Saleem Khan]

A wife must follow all permissible orders given by the husband. The only time she may refuse to obey if he is ordering her to disobey Allah.

Staying within the confines of your home is an order from shariah. It is clearly mentioned in the quraan. You should only leave your home out of necessity and when you do you should be fully covered . It is this mentality of the west that women just leave the homes and mingle with men that is destructive to society. It creates immortality.

If your husband is instructing you for such a thing then he is only following what shariah says.

You can only feel claustrophobic in your home if its the size of a storeroom. The house of nabi (saw) was extremely small. His wife Aaisha could barely lay down while he prayed tahajjud. Yet they still stayed within the confines of the home without feeling claustrophobic.

Involve yourself with the duties of the wife for example, cooking, cleaning, taking care of the children. Or if your done educate yourself in islamic knowledge. There are tons of things to read and learn regarding islam. If one spends his/her entire life it isn't enough.

An important point to remember is that we should try to spend every minute of this life in preparing for the hereafter. This life isn't for 'enjoying' ourselves. Its a test. In the hereafter we will live forever in enjoyment and pleasure.

Try to read more regarding the lives of the sahaba and our prophet saw. And how they sacrificed their lives for islam it will make us realise what little we do.

Try to read fazaail a'amaal and fazaail sadaqaat and hayaatus sahabah.

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[Bhabha]

First of all, it is not the duty of the wife to clean ... She does this out of her love. It is a duty if it's stipulated in the marriage contract and second yikes if men think like this then I don't want to get married :)

[~ Sabr ~]

:salamext:

It is the duty of women to do what her husband asks, other than disobeying Allaah or going against Shariah.

Yes, @Bhabha , women have been, are, and always will be responsible for the house!

[Arfa]

Why would she care for another man that is not her husband? (՞ټ՞[emoji121]

True.Islam means a wife isn't married to house as in house wife so staying all time at house is pointless my question was husband should take her out for amusement if she asks for it.Secondly A Wife is a Home maker a manger of the house so she fulfills her responsibility out of love and devotion.

[Khalid Saifullah]

Wa alaikumus salaam

A wife should obey her husband in his rights , reasonable preferences and all things that are allowed in islam. It does not include sin or ridiculous matters.

If he makes such demands on her , she should gently engage with him and show him the folly of his demands. Trapping a woman in the house without going out for reasonable reasons is oppressive , and he is taking advantage of his position as husband. He should be made to see the error in his thinking.

And Allâh Ta’ala knows best

[s.ali123]

:salamext:

It is the duty of women to do what her husband asks, other than disobeying Allaah or going against Shariah.

Yes, @Bhabha , women have been, are, and always will be responsible for the house!

Sister can you mention some authentic and clear hadith or verse where it is said that household work is the "responsibility" of the woman? Obviously if she does it, it is an ihsan and preferred thing, but can you mention something authentic making it fard over her to do that ? Jazakallho Khair :)

[~ Sabr ~]

Sister can you mention some authentic and clear hadith or verse where it is said that household work is the "responsibility" of the woman? Obviously if she does it, it is an ihsan and preferred thing, but can you mention something authentic making it fard over her to do that ? Jazakallho Khair :)

I meant in every culture it has been like that - I didn't mean it from a religious point of view.

[s.ali123]

I meant in every culture it has been like that - I didn't mean it from a religious point of view.

That answers your own comment before :)

[~ Sabr ~]

That answers your own comment before :)

What comment? I don't understand what you are saying. Look all I am saying is what Islam says - you need to obey your husband IN ALL MATTERS unless it is disobeying Allaah and His Rasool :saws:

Khalaas!

[Raptor]

As others have said a wife needs to obey her husband unless he tells her to do haram.

[s.ali123]

What comment? I don't understand what you are saying. Look all I am saying is what Islam says - you need to obey your husband IN ALL MATTERS unless it is disobeying Allaah and His Rasool :saws:

Khalaas!

Look I am not saying she should not fulfill what he is saying, rather I am against this "My right, follow me" kind of attitude. In many cases when husband says "Don't go outside house", he does not bother to take into account the feeling of wife as well. Wife is not a machine without any feeling. The same men would spend all his day speaking with his friends outside house, and when the wife says that she is feeling bored at home, he would say "Stay at home!". Subhanallah. If that is the kind of attitude husband is having, then he should definitely look into the life of the Prophet S.A.W.
He and his companions never "demanded" their rights. Rather they were so compassionate and would keep the wife's feelings in mind that the wife herself out of love for her husband would fulfill what he says.
This "my right" kind of attitude itself is not Islamic. Many times when we say something is "Islamic" or not, we just talk about the "minimum" required. Rather what is "Islamic" in true sense is how the Prophet dealt with it!
I give an example. If you ask some random muslim, even someone who himself says he is practicing, that what is Halal meat. He would mention the slaughter and the calling of name of Allah at the time of slaughter. Now obviously that is the condition of meat being Halal, but is that the way Prophet S.A.W. slaughtered the animal himself? No. Rather he put and followed many other conditions as well, which respects even the life of an animal.

The same is the case with in dealing with wife. While many Muslim insist on wife following husband, many time what they mention is the bare minimum things, they don't look at how Prophet himself followed the commandment of Quran and how he implemented it!

I read something few months ago, which for someone like me from Pakistan, where men are quite dominant over wives, was shocking. Obviosuly I am not a scholar myself, I am just quoting from book, "Kayfa-amalahoum", meaning "How he dealt with them", you can find it in english as well.

‘Umar said: “We the people of Quraysh used to dominate over our wives but
when we came to Madeenah we found that the Ansaar (residence of Madeenah)
had their wives dominating them. So our wives began to learn from their wives.
One day I became angry with my wife and she began to answer me back (argue
back and refuse to take my instructions without argument). I became angry with
her and did not approve that she should answer me back.
She said: ‘You do not like that I should retort upon you, but, by Allah, the
wives of the Prophet of Allah, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, retort upon him and
any one of them separates herself from him for a day until night.
‘Umar continued, “I rushed and entered upon Hafsah (his daughter) and
said: ‘Does one of you retort upon the Messenger of Allah, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa
sallam?’ She said: ‘Yes’. Then I said: ‘Do you separate yourself from him for a day
until night?’ She said: ‘Yes’”

Ibn Hajar said: “This narration proves that being tough with women is a
dispraised characteristic, because the Prophet of Allah, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa
sallam, adopted the style of the Ansaar in dealing with women and gave up the
way his own people (Quraysh) dealt with them. It also proves that one should be
patient with his wife and overlook her mistakes and forgive their minor mistakes,
unless it is a right for Allah.”
Fat-h Al-Baari (291/9).

[Misbah0411]

:salamext:

It is the duty of women to do what her husband asks, other than disobeying Allaah or going against Shariah.

Yes, @Bhabha , women have been, are, and always will be responsible for the house!

Not necessarily. In my marriage both me and my wife work. We share the duties of the household. We both clean the apt on Sunday mornings. I take her kids (from previous marriage) to school in the morning and she picks them in the afternoon. Since she is home first during the week, she will cook but on weekends I help out with the cooking. We both have to pull the rope since we are not affluent enough to hire maids and cooks. We both have to work especially in this day and age where it usually takes two incomes to cover expenses.

[~ Sabr ~]

Not necessarily. In my marriage both me and my wife work. We share the duties of the household. We both clean the apt on Sunday mornings. I take her kids (from previous marriage) to school in the morning and she picks them in the afternoon. Since she is home first during the week, she will cook but on weekends I help out with the cooking. We both have to pull the rope since we are not affluent enough to hire maids and cooks. We both have to work especially in this day and age where it usually takes two incomes to cover expenses.

In most cultures, unfortunately, this is not the case.

[Arfa]

[QUOTE=s.ali123;2894047]Look I am not saying she should not fulfill what he is saying, rather I am against this "My right, follow me" kind of attitude. In many cases when husband says "Don't go outside house", he does not bother to take into account the feeling of wife as well. Wife is not a machine without any feeling. The same men would spend all his day speaking with his friends outside house, and when the wife says that she is feeling bored at home, he would say "Stay at home!". Subhanallah. If that is the kind of attitude husband is having, then he should definitely look into the life of the Prophet S.A.W.
He and his companions never "demanded" their rights. Rather they were so compassionate and would keep the wife's feelings in mind that the wife herself out of love for her husband would fulfill what he says.
This "my right" kind of attitude itself is not Islamic. Many times when we say something is "Islamic" or not, we just talk about the "minimum" required. Rather what is "Islamic" in true sense is how the Prophet dealt with it!
I give an example. If you ask some random muslim, even someone who himself says he is practicing, that what is Halal meat. He would mention the slaughter and the calling of name of Allah at the time of slaughter. Now obviously that is the condition of meat being Halal, but is that the way Prophet S.A.W. slaughtered the animal himself? No. Rather he put and followed many other conditions as well, which respects even the life of an animal.

The same is the case with in dealing with wife. While many Muslim insist on wife following husband, many time what they mention is the bare minimum things, they don't look at how Prophet himself followed the commandment of Quran and how he implemented it!

True ...as spirit of islam dictates that kindness and compassion should be used in order to inspire leadership if men are leaders and wife home maker.As such ideal notions are to b seldom seen ...but These principles in Islam to have gentle dealings with mankind shows it.If islam dictates kindness towards animals then sacred relationship of husband and wife is worthy of respect understanding and mercy.

[s.ali123]

In most cultures, unfortunately, this is not the case.

I would agree that in great many cultures this is not the case (even among many current Muslims), but there are societies where it is. Like from what I heard from a Palestinian Muslima living in Lebanon, it is very common in her area that husbands generally respect the wife, and help her even in household work, even the ones who are not practicing. So it is purely on cultural bases.

[Bhabha]

Let's not confuse culture with Islam, in Islam it is not an obligation for a wife to be the maid. This is a cultural thing. Let's not also make the obligation on other women, from a cultural standpoint that they should be maids because in your culture they are maids.

Alhamdellah in my culture women are not maids in the marriage, it is maids who are maids and cooks who are cooks. If your husband is unable for some reason to financially provide for you these things, he will do these things for you. Like my mother when she was married to my father, we had maids and cooks because he was financially able to afford these things. When she got divorced and married my step father, he is unable to provide the extra help like my father did, so he helps and he never demands on my mother something. He works AND he also comes home to help cook, and clean and is always considerate of her.

So when I hear women say to other women that it is their duty and responsibility under Islam to clean and cook and be maids. I really become angered at this highly inappropriate comment that does not belong with association. It is not the duty or the responsibility for women to be confined to the home and cook and clean. It is the duty for women to care for the property, the home and the wealth of their partner but not like maids or cooks, but like the wife. It is the duty of the wife to prevent anyone from entering the home while the husband is not present. To obey her husband as a wife, not as a servant. Let's get some clearances about the actual responsibilities of the wife from Sharia perspective and not from a cultural syndrome.

[s.ali123]

Let's not confuse culture with Islam, in Islam it is not an obligation for a wife to be the maid. This is a cultural thing. Let's not also make the obligation on other women, from a cultural standpoint that they should be maids because in your culture they are maids.

Alhamdellah in my culture women are not maids in the marriage, it is maids who are maids and cooks who are cooks. If your husband is unable for some reason to financially provide for you these things, he will do these things for you. Like my mother when she was married to my father, we had maids and cooks because he was financially able to afford these things. When she got divorced and married my step father, he is unable to provide the extra help like my father did, so he helps and he never demands on my mother something. He works AND he also comes home to help cook, and clean and is always considerate of her.

So when I hear women say to other women that it is their duty and responsibility under Islam to clean and cook and be maids. I really become angered at this highly inappropriate comment that does not belong with association. It is not the duty or the responsibility for women to be confined to the home and cook and clean. It is the duty for women to care for the property, the home and the wealth of their partner but not like maids or cooks, but like the wife. It is the duty of the wife to prevent anyone from entering the home while the husband is not present. To obey her husband as a wife, not as a servant. Let's get some clearances about the actual responsibilities of the wife from Sharia perspective and not from a cultural syndrome.

In this regard, I like westerners a lot. :)

[Ridwaan Ravat]

Assalamualykum.

A women is duty bound to her husband in all matters which are in compliance to shariah and what sharia has made obligatory on her.

Over and above that he can request that she carry out certain duties and if she is in a position to carry out she should as this will be rewarding.

Regarding the scenario in question, looking after the father in law will bring double reward, respecting the husband as well as taking care of an elderly aged person. If she cannot manage this due to health reasons or otherwise then she should respectfully excuse herself and in an amicable way come to a mutual understanding.

Jazakallah khair

Request duaas

[Arfa]

Brother Ridwan,Islam doesent say it compulsion to attend to errands of father in law.even if wife is fine she is not obliged to fulfill such demands on husband part husband can get a servant to do it or do himself as he should attend to his parent and wife is obligated to make her parents happy!