format_quote Originally Posted by
'Abd-al Latif
I'll be brutally honest with you: it's because you don't find a lot of women with these simple and basic qualities. Generally speaking the Muslim women of today are lazy, unproductive and ill mannered I'm sorry to say. The minority of women who have true fear of Allah are very few in number.
Assalaamu alaikum Abd al Latif,
Mmm... how would you know what
most women are like? (mildly) As a woman, I meet with quite a few Muslim women, and I'd say that there are all kinds. And overall, I find quite a lot of them rather hardworking.
Abuse between spouses is a
real problem in the Muslim community (and yes, there are abusive women as well as men, though the methods women use may be different). It is particularly hard, though, for women to find any help through the Muslim community. Because many of the women (especially the most mistreated) are shy to approach the male leaders of the community. And when they
do try to get help, those leaders tend not to know how to deal with the problems, and too often, don't want to acknowledge them. If they even have the time to listen.
To make things worse, if a woman then tries to get help from non-Muslim agencies, she may be discriminated against for being Muslim. She may be told that Islam is the problem (and it doesn't help that the abuser says pretty much the same thing- that "Islam" justifies and upholds his behaviour), and she may find herself in the difficult position of trying to defend her faith from the very people she was hoping to get help from. For a revert, it may be even harder. She may be told things like "Why did you chose to do this to yourself?" or "It's your fault for marrying a
Muslim man (because "everyone" knows that Muslim men are abusive...).
At least, this is what I have found in Canada.
And so, it seems to me that the debate that Farhan is trying to open up with his initial post, is one that we need to have. In a
serious manner. What are the problems? And how can the
Muslim community deal with them (rather than having to rely on non-Muslim agencies)?
This is not just a women's issue. Nor is it only a family issue. Because seriously unhealthy families are the ones that tend to produce children who are more likely to get into addictions, gangs, prostitution and various criminal acts. The adults are suffering, the children are suffering, the Muslim community suffers, and society at large suffers.
Is it possible that accusations of abuse can be unfairly levelled? Of course! And we need to be aware of this and be careful in our assessments, accusations and actions. But fear of mischief should not stop us from taking the issue of abuse seriously.
May Allah, the One to Whom We Shall Return, Help us to remember that we are accountable for our deeds- including those of omission. (smile) And may He Help us build a strong, just and caring Ummah.