A Marriage Section for IB

[Umm Abed]

:sl:

I was thinking of having another addition to the forum where we could have a specific Marriage Section where all marriage related stuff can be posted in.

Right now they are all over the place and it would be a great idea if this could be implemented.

Please if mods could think about adding it that would be great. :)

:jz:

[noraina]

I think it won't come as a surprise if I second this, lol.

Do consider it. :)

[Bhabha]

I third this

[sister herb]

Can I fourth this or is in the English language kind of expression?

But is the name as "Marriage section" good? Many people may think it´s the place they can looking for spouses? That was my the first idea too when I saw this thread and I was thinking like oh no... :facepalm:

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[piXie]

:sl:

Theres already a family and society section. People can post any marriage related questions there?

[Bhabha]

Can we have a subsection in that marriage section for people interested in looking for a spouse?

[sister herb]

Can we have a subsection in that marriage section for people interested in looking for a spouse?

:facepalm: You can´t to be serious sister, can you?

[strivingobserver98]

:wa:

My opinion on this section idea is self explanatory :D.

@sister herb

This was the name before "Marriage in Islam". We can either copy this or come up with different name :).

Your comment on looking for spouse.. the picture below showing thread "marriage through internet" coincidence :O.

[Umm Abed]

We can name it something like 'Marriage-related topics', or just 'Marriage'.

[Bhabha]

:facepalm: You can´t to be serious sister, can you?

I don't see what's wrong with it.

A lot of people come asking for places where they can find a spouse. It could also generate income for the forum to be applied to different things. Just saying. I think in a halal environment to reduce the random messages people will send to each other in marriage websites. Communication can happen between two people in an open space where everyone can see.

[noraina]

I was secretly hoping someone would bring this up. Marriage is such a vast topic (and a personal favourite amongst Muslims, lol), it deserves its own section. ;)

[Serinity]

:salam:

Can someone marry over the internet?

[new2010]

:sl:

Theres already a family and society section. People can post any marriage related questions there?

Even the description says: "Building a family, the Islamic home, honouring parents, etc." I don't see it as necessary to enlarge the forum. The more sections we have the more unclear becomes the forum. May be it would be a solution when we could guide the people to the "family and society" section, when they have questions about marriage. As an example you can add explicitly the word "marriage" into the section description.

[Bhabha]

That is so broad since Islam is all about family and society...

[BilalKid]

Can I fourth this

5thed :shade:

[new2010]

That is so broad since Islam is all about family and society...

When you go by this logic, we would need 400 sections; Islam is about everything. Believe me you don't want to have a forum with too many sections. You are just scrolling and scrolling to find the right one, and it will confuse people where their question would be better placed. Allahu Alim. I personally don't care, but I experienced it less fun to join a forum with too many under sections. Think it would be sufficient, to add the word "marriage" in the current one.

btw: "building a family" is actually equivalent to "marriage".

[strivingobserver98]

Think it would be sufficient, to add the word "marriage" in the current one.

Thought of that idea from the start. Current one can be changed to "Marriage" name, and all society threads etc will be moved to appropriate sections :). Problem solved ;).

Marriage is such a vast topic (and a personal favourite amongst Muslims, lol), it deserves its own section.

Yep so important I agree. Completing half your deen, how to spend time with one of the most important person in our lives and someone who will be 50+ years with you in this dunya and forever in Jannah :ia:.

[strivingobserver98]

Can we have a subsection in that marriage section for people interested in looking for a spouse?

Bring up some ideas about it, we'll see :ia:.

Would have to have strict guidelines
- Closed for posting, if anyone interested they can PM the moderators.
- Anonymous posting, people may find it embarrassing to post under actual usernames.

Also I know a brother who runs marriage service in UK, he can transfer the database here :O.

Let me know more thoughts and ideas everyone. :jz:.

[AabiruSabeel]

Quoting a reply from brother @Muhammad regarding the old 'Marriage in Islam' section,

The 'Marriage in Islam' section wasn't meant as a matrimonial section - we have always discouraged using the forum for that kind of purpose or even promoting other matrimonial sites here. Perhaps the intention behind that section is better reflected in the current Family and Society section.

If I remember correctly, the section was closed down in 2007 due to numerous problems. Later, a new section (Family & Society) was made which would cover a broader range of topics, not just marriage. The key was that it was meant to be better moderated and not a return to the old marriage section, rather something of actual value and benefit. The word 'marriage' was deliberately kept out of its name. Another important thing to note is that the new section was among the list of sections within the 'Learn about Islam' category, whilst the original section was not linked in this way, which again signals the direction of hope.

So, what were the problems with the old marriage section which we were so keen to prevent happening again? People were posting ridiculous threads there without thinking, such as what would you do if your wife slapped you, or would you marry someone who... this was really getting out of hand. There was idle chit-chat, free-mixing and too many unnecessary hypothetical questions. It didn't seem to actually serve a purpose other than being a place for kids to fantasise about getting married. It was simply being misused and too often.

It had also become very difficult to moderate. It was difficult to separate nonsense and fantasy from legitimate concerns. And there was the long-standing concern that we are not marriage counsellors therefore people should not be encouraged to post their problems here.

Unsurprisingly, many people including members and moderators were in favour of that section going. The new section was only brought about with caution and careful observation to ensure we would not end up with the same issues.

[Misbah0411]

:salam:

Can someone marry over the internet?

Actually I met my wife on the internet on one of those Muslim marriage websites. I about gave up on that site due to the scamming going on but she reached out to me and to find out that we lived only 3 miles from each other. Al-Hamdulilah. Well, the rest is our continuing history.....

[Umm Abed]

Looking at the sample pic, is that how IB used to look before?

If the forum wants to implement a matrimony section then it will have to be regulated thoroughly. There is a need for this, lots of people looking out there into marriage and as 'online' has become part of daily life it shouldnt be totally dismissed.

[Freedom]

Great idea. With that in place, I can completely avoid seeing every marriage topic.

[ConcealedGem]

Er I don't think that's a great idea :o

I don't wanna see threads like 'would you marry someone that is [insert silly words/controversial issue]

the would you threads give me chills.

i think I like the family and society section because all the relevant threads about marriage are pinned above and if anyone has problems in their marriage they can just post it under that section.

Maybe description needs to be changed..

:)

[abumuslim82]

Salaam All

Ummah.com has a marriage section, easier site navigation

[s.ali123]

Actually I met my wife on the internet on one of those Muslim marriage websites. I about gave up on that site due to the scamming going on but she reached out to me and to find out that we lived only 3 miles from each other. Al-Hamdulilah. Well, the rest is our continuing history.....

For me just 2500 KM away :embarrass Subhanallah

[s.ali123]

I think what can be done is to create a sticky post or something, with a form of questionnaire. The people who are interested will have to send the filled form to the moderator in PM or something. I know it will increase a lot of work for the moderator, but is it possible that a trust worthy old member is selected to filter out the spams in PMs only specifically. I saw a very good questionnaire in the book blissful marriage. The moderator can remove the name of the actual person and then the details to the other person. I know its a lot of work. But just giving an idea.

[noraina]

I don't think a matrimony section is a good idea tbh, I can see that going haywire or leading to unnecessary free-mixing - we should leave that to websites specifically for that purpose. I like the idea of it just being a 'Marriage in Islam' section.

The call is ultimately the staff's of course but from what I have seen they deal with threads which are too nonsensical or pointless quickly - what if we made a subsection for marriage in the family and society section?

Ok, you know what I'm going to say, what if we do a quick trial :D. As in with the comparative religion section, which was a little more controversial, it was re-opened but so far it hasn't been *that* bad, at least I think so.

[abumuslim82]

I think what can be done is to create a sticky post or something, with a form of questionnaire. The people who are interested will have to send the filled form to the moderator in PM or something. I know it will increase a lot of work for the moderator, but is it possible that a trust worthy old member is selected to filter out the spams in PMs only specifically. I saw a very good questionnaire in the book blissful marriage. The moderator can remove the name of the actual person and then the details to the other person. I know its a lot of work. But just giving an idea.

Can be modded the same as any other thread,

Nikah is 50% of imaan. Its like dropping an atom bomb on shaytaan, lol I never meant to, but it rhymes.

[strivingobserver98]

I don't wanna see threads like 'would you marry someone that is [insert silly words/controversial issue]

Yep like all sections, it would be moderated. So of course you won't see threads like "Would you marry someone with longer toenail?" :O.

I like the idea of it just being a 'Marriage in Islam' section.

:thumbs_up

I don't think a matrimony section is a good idea tbh, I can see that going haywire or leading to unnecessary free-mixing

Agreed. Would be better for them to go on online marriage sites as IB wasn't made for that purpose.

Ok, you know what I'm going to say, what if we do a quick trial . As in with the comparative religion section, which was a little more controversial, it was re-opened but so far it hasn't been *that* bad, at least I think so.

Good idea!

If the forum wants to implement a matrimony section then it will have to be regulated thoroughly. There is a need for this, lots of people looking out there into marriage and as 'online' has become part of daily life it shouldnt be totally dismissed.

I'm open minded about anything. So even though I disagree with it, please do share more thoughts and ideas about it. Especially the original idea suggester @Bhabha :).

But just giving an idea.

:jz: sounds interesting!

Can be modded the same as any other thread,

Yep :ia:.

[Misbah0411]

This suggestion of a subforum will get a lot of people in trouble and possible bans for inappropriateness. Be careful what you wish for.

[noraina]

So of course you won't see threads like "Would you marry someone with longer toenail?" .

Lol, unfortunately you can come across threads like that - and they tend to go into a little too much detail than is needed.

[Marina-Aisha]

since when is islamic forum a place to hook up? or "find a spouse". Those kinda threads should be closed down and maybe banned for week or so...

As for marriage advise maybe u could have one in each sister section and brother section cos might be sentive....dunno just throwing ideas in the air lol

[Umm Abed]

Thought of that idea from the start. Current one can be changed to "Marriage" name, and all society threads etc will be moved to appropriate sections :). Problem solved ;).



Yep so important I agree. Completing half your deen, how to spend time with one of the most important person in our lives and someone who will be 50+ years with you in this dunya and forever in Jannah :ia:.

That's also something you can decide on, its a good idea. Or else, just have one section for marriage related discussions and called it IB Marriage:D.

Id like to know why cant a matrimonial site be promoted here if it is reliable, as ibn-Adam posted; say if mods know that the site is on line with everything then why restrict it? Just my thoughts.

[Muezzin]

This suggestion of a subforum will get a lot of people in trouble and possible bans for inappropriateness. Be careful what you wish for.

That's actually what happened when there was a marriage sub-forum. Ergo, it was turned into the Family and Society section.

[Umm Abed]

When I joined this forum I browsed through the sections and looked for the marriage section.

I could'nt find it. Lol.:D.

[strivingobserver98]

I could'nt find it. Lol..

Same here.

When I joined I was thinking "So erm where do I discuss..." :O.

The new name should make it more clear and transparent for new members :).

[Aisha]

We already have too many overexcited kids (with big ideas about marriage) running around on the forum. Why open something which will lead to even more free-chatting? If you want to learn about marriage in a serious way, there are scholars who will be happy to help.
We need to revive our connection with the scholars, go to your local Ulama and learn from them.
There are also many books and courses available on the subject.
I'm pretty sure a discussion board is usually the wrong place to seek advice on marital issues, from what I've seen. Especially if it's a serious issue.

[AabiruSabeel]

Ruling on getting married through matrimonial websites on the internet

Praise be to Allaah.

Firstly:

If the matrimonial websites on the internet are controlled by Islamic guidelines, then there is nothing wrong with going to them and making use of them. These guidelines include the following:

1 – They should not show pictures of the women, because looking at the woman to whom one is proposing is only allowed for the suitor once he has resolved to marry her, and it is not permissible for anyone else to look at her, and it is not permissible to enable anyone to do that.
2 – The website should not give detailed descriptions of the woman so that it is as if one can see her, because the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “No woman should describe another woman to her husband so that it is as if he is looking at her.” Narrated by al-Bukhaari (5240).
3 – It should not allow any correspondence between the two sexes, because of the evils that result from that, including the participation of mischief-makers both male and female whose intention is to do evil or have fun. Rather the administrators of the site should first check on the identity of the suitor, then put him in touch with the guardian (wali) of the woman.

Secondly:

You should seek the help of your family and friends, and those who are in charge of Islamic centres, in looking for a righteous wife, in your homeland or in the place where you are staying. This is easy, praise be to Allaah, and it is safer and better than doing that via the internet.

Thirdly:

In order for the marriage to be valid, it is essential to have the consent of the woman’s guardian (wali), because the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “There is no marriage except with a wali.” Narrated by Abu Dawood (2085), al-Tirmidhi (1101) and Ibn Maajah (1881) from the hadeeth of Abu Moosa al-Ash’ari; classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Tirmidhi.

And he (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “There is no marriage except with a wali and two witnesses of good character.” Narrated by al-Bayhaqi from ‘Imraan and ‘Aa’ishah; classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Jaami’, no. 7557.

And he (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Any woman who gets married without the permission of her guardian, her marriage is invalid, her marriage is invalid, her marriage is invalid. If he has consummated the marriage with her then she is entitled to the mahr because of the intimacy that he has had with her, and if there is a dispute, then the ruler is the guardian of the one who has no guardian.” Narrated by Ahmad (24417), Abu Dawood (2083) and al-Tirmidhi (1102); classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Jaami’ no. 2709.

We have drawn attention to this because it may be thought that if a young man gets to know a young woman over the internet and she accepts him, this is regarded as a marriage.

We ask Allaah to help you and guide you.

And Allaah knows best.

Source: https://islamqa.info/en/85099

Id like to know why cant a matrimonial site be promoted here if it is reliable, as ibn-Adam posted; say if mods know that the site is on line with everything then why restrict it? Just my thoughts.

The reason why we did not allow promotion of matrimonial sites is because most of them do not adhere to the guidelines mentioned in the above Fatwa.

We did not want to take part in promotion of links that might lead to something contrary to Islamic guidelines of searching for a spouse.

[piXie]

We already have too many overexcited kids (with big ideas about marriage) running around on the forum. Why open something which will lead to even more free-chatting? If you want to learn about marriage in a serious way, there are scholars who will be happy to help.
We need to revive our connection with the scholars, go to your local Ulama and learn from them.
There are also many books and courses available on the subject.
I'm pretty sure a discussion board is usually the wrong place to seek advice on marital issues, from what I've seen. Especially if it's a serious issue.

Just to add to that... Been noticing a lot of posts where individual opinions r being given or "what I think is correct" instead of members responding with sound knowledge from the Quran and Sunnah.

[Umm Abed]

Jazakallah khair to ibn-Adam for the detailed post and answers, I appreciate it, and to all the other posters,:jz:

[Bhabha]

So why not have requirements to join that forum anyhow? Like requirements to join the sisters and brother section? Depending on your behaviour and so on ?

[Arfa]

A worthy suggestion!there should be one here.

[MuslimInshallah]

Assalaamu alaikum,


(sigh) The idea that it is "easy" to look for a good spouse through the masaajid or Islamic centres is just not true. Nor is it necessarily particularly safe. And finding a real wali is quasi impossible. Yes, your local imam (or random Muslim man) can sign you away to a stranger, but that is not the function of a wali. A wali is supposed to protect a woman and investigate potential suitors, and help draw up a proper Nikkah. And this is just not done, at least in my country. No one has the time.

Islamic marriage sites on the internet (even the ones touted as being more reliable), are frankly dangerous and degrading places to look for a spouse. I have not had much in the way of feedback from men, but the stories I have heard from women (and things I have observed myself)... are truly shocking.

I don't know what the best solutions are. But, it seems to me, that knowing something of a person's character is an absolute necessity. The question is: how can you get to know a person's character? It seems to me that a good way is to observe his or her behaviour, over time, and with different people/circumstances. The thing that differentiates the Muslim marriage sites from a discussion board such as IB, is that on IB you can see some of a person's character. (mildly) of course, a person can feign being a good person. But this is true offline as well as on. And I find indeed, that people tend to be less guarded about their true characters online. (smile) At least for now; I suspect this will change with time, as we get accustomed to this technology.

I don't think that throwing open the doors for IB to be a matchmaking service would be a good idea. I think that this would distort and dilute the community. But I wonder whether, as in the case for the Brothers and Sisters section, there might not be an opportunity for stable and participating members, who have a history of thoughtful posts, to let it be known that they are available for marriage, and to investigate other members who might be available. And this could be moderated, like other Forums. (pensively) It would be even more useful if people's identities could be verified, and some basic security checks made. And this, I think, would cost. So that paying a fee for this service would also be something reasonable.

(smile) And if someone liked another enough to consider marriage with them, after seeing how they behave over time, and after inquiring in more depth about their particular situations... and all this before ever seeing pictures of the other... wouldn't this actually fulfil the requirements set forth in the fatwa @ibn-Adam posted? And if there was input and help drawing up a Nikkah and screening of potential spouses by a third party... would't this also help with the problem of the dearth of walis, and the mistreatment of vulnerable people?


May Allah, the Guide to the Right Path, Help those who would like to marry to find decent and safe ways to find spouses.

[s.ali123]

Assalaamu alaikum,


(sigh) The idea that it is "easy" to look for a good spouse through the masaajid or Islamic centres is just not true. Nor is it necessarily particularly safe. And finding a real wali is quasi impossible. Yes, your local imam (or random Muslim man) can sign you away to a stranger, but that is not the function of a wali. A wali is supposed to protect a woman and investigate potential suitors, and help draw up a proper Nikkah. And this is just not done, at least in my country. No one has the time.

Islamic marriage sites on the internet (even the ones touted as being more reliable), are frankly dangerous and degrading places to look for a spouse. I have not had much in the way of feedback from men, but the stories I have heard from women (and things I have observed myself)... are truly shocking.

I don't know what the best solutions are. But, it seems to me, that knowing something of a person's character is an absolute necessity. The question is: how can you get to know a person's character? It seems to me that a good way is to observe his or her behaviour, over time, and with different people/circumstances. The thing that differentiates the Muslim marriage sites from a discussion board such as IB, is that on IB you can see some of a person's character. (mildly) of course, a person can feign being a good person. But this is true offline as well as on. And I find indeed, that people tend to be less guarded about their true characters online. (smile) At least for now; I suspect this will change with time, as we get accustomed to this technology.

I don't think that throwing open the doors for IB to be a matchmaking service would be a good idea. I think that this would distort and dilute the community. But I wonder whether, as in the case for the Brothers and Sisters section, there might not be an opportunity for stable and participating members, who have a history of thoughtful posts, to let it be known that they are available for marriage, and to investigate other members who might be available. And this could be moderated, like other Forums. (pensively) It would be even more useful if people's identities could be verified, and some basic security checks made. And this, I think, would cost. So that paying a fee for this service would also be something reasonable.

(smile) And if someone liked another enough to consider marriage with them, after seeing how they behave over time, and after inquiring in more depth about their particular situations... and all this before ever seeing pictures of the other... wouldn't this actually fulfil the requirements set forth in the fatwa @ibn-Adam posted? And if there was input and help drawing up a Nikkah and screening of potential spouses by a third party... would't this also help with the problem of the dearth of walis, and the mistreatment of vulnerable people?


May Allah, the Guide to the Right Path, Help those who would like to marry to find decent and safe ways to find spouses.

Lol I got mix understanding from this post of yours. So you are in favor or against the idea of having such service on IB? [emoji14]

[MuslimInshallah]

Assalaamu alaikum,


(smile) I am in favour, but with limits.


Jazakumullah khairan.

[ardianto]

Assalamualaikum.

In one thread I've ever told my story when I was scolded by mother because I proposed marriage to a girl while I haven't ready to get married. Indeed, one nature of the boys is, take action first, thinking later. And this is what make me worry if we have matrimonial section for members who are looking for spouses.

I am worry, there are young brothers who register, but actually haven't ready to get married. If there's no sister who interested to this brother, no problem. But how if a sister accept this brother, but then his family prevent him to get married because he is still study and haven't had a job?.

So, if admin decide to make section like this, admin must examine the member readyness to get married. Request him (or her) to show ID card, show the proof that he is already has a job, check the adress through phone to his home, etc.

[sister herb]

So, if admin decide to make section like this, admin must examine the member readyness to get married. Request him (or her) to show ID card, show the proof that he is already has a job, check the adress through phone to his home, etc.

Call to his parents to make sure that they are aware what he is doing or is he just a playing kid...? I think this would to be full time job for admin. :phew Are we ready to pay to him a decent salary too?

[MuslimInshallah]

So, if admin decide to make section like this, admin must examine the member readyness to get married. Request him (or her) to show ID card, show the proof that he is already has a job, check the adress through phone to his home, etc.

Call to his parents to make sure that they are aware what he is doing or is he just a playing kid...? I think this would to be full time job for admin. :phew Are we ready to pay to him a decent salary too?

Assalaamu alaikum,


(smile) Yes, this is exactly what I believe is needed. Right now, the so-called Islamic Marriage sites have no such checks. People just "meet". And no one has any idea who the other really is, or whether anything they say is true (and this is particularly problematic when people are from different countries). Furthermore, how is it possible to get a good feel for a person's true personality, if there is no context to see him/her in?

And yes, I think this should be a paid job. Because to do a more thorough check would take time. Frankly, I would suggest not just seeing someone's ID over Skype (very easy to fake), but requesting and verifying notarized documents that would be accepted by immigration authorities for identity, health, finances, education. Having a non-emotionally involved person to do these things would really help.

(smile) And yes, I have checked out 4 "Islamic Marriage" sites myself, including 2 that I saw recommended on IB (PureMatrimony and HalfOurDeen). And I have spoken with various people about their experiences, or the experiences of people they know. The reality is that people feel obliged to turn to the internet to find spouses, because they can't find them in any other way. And they can end up having some really bad experiences, and can get into some really bad situations. And even if they are able to avoid the worst scenarios and find a good spouse, they will have likely been exposed to non-halal things along the way.

Honestly, I wonder if it is not a fard kifaya for the ummah to try to find ways to facilitate safe, halal ways to find spouses via the internet (because the traditional routes do not work in some contexts). And right now, I know of no such way.

IB has certain advantages that marriage sites do not:1) if the members had to be long-term posters before offering themselves to the marriage section, then this would give a prospective spouse an opportunity to see how he/she behaves, what he/she believes in, with a variety of different people, in a variety of different situations. 2) There are a pool of people on the Board from different countries. These people understand local conditions better than any foreigner could, and could help advise those seeking marriage overseas. 3) Over time, people on IB tend to connect with others in their locality (smile. I've noticed this is especially true of people in the UK!). These connections could help verify other members who are seeking marriage. 4) IB is already quite well known, and pops up on search engines fairly easily. It already has a structure, a reputation and does not need much in the way of start-up and advertising costs.

Having a marriage section could also help IB, I believe. 1) It would increase the traffic, yes, but 2) it would likely also increase serious posting, because that would be one of the requirements for the marriage section. 3) I suspect it would also decrease foolish and troll-like posts. Because even if the person was not looking for a spouse in the present... who knows what might be in the future? And as posts are rather indelible, a future prospective spouse might check for a person's old posts... 4) Adding a marriage section would be consonant with the idea of building an online community. 5) With the increased traffic, advertising revenues might be more interesting. Furthermore, if people were willing to pay for access to various services (fee to join the marriage section, identity and other verifications, Nikkah negotiations facilitator...)- and I believe they would be- IB could offer better, smoother service with paid people who could become proficient in their tasks. 6) Finally, providing this service could be a good for the ummah. (smile) And a form of worship.

(smile) Or so it seems to me.


May Allah Reward you all, my brothers and sisters in Islam, for taking the time to consider these ideas, whether you agree with them or not.

[Sakina'141]

:sl:

NO, I personally think its a very bad idea. It will lead to a lot of nonsense...lots of unnecessary talks, trolls and annoy many. In my humble opinion, this shouldn't turn into a matrimonial site either...there are plenty out there already (can try PureMatrimony - for practising muslims says the slogan!).

['Abd-al Latif]

Erm.

No.

[Sakina'141]

Assalaamu alaikum,


(smile) Yes, this is exactly what I believe is needed. Right now, the so-called Islamic Marriage sites have no such checks. People just "meet". And no one has any idea who the other really is, or whether anything they say is true (and this is particularly problematic when people are from different countries). Furthermore, how is it possible to get a good feel for a person's true personality, if there is no context to see him/her in?

And yes, I think this should be a paid job. Because to do a more thorough check would take time. Frankly, I would suggest not just seeing someone's ID over Skype (very easy to fake), but requesting and verifying notarized documents that would be accepted by immigration authorities for identity, health, finances, education. Having a non-emotionally involved person to do these things would really help.

(smile) And yes, I have checked out 4 "Islamic Marriage" sites myself, including 2 that I saw recommended on IB (PureMatrimony and HalfOurDeen). And I have spoken with various people about their experiences, or the experiences of people they know. The reality is that people feel obliged to turn to the internet to find spouses, because they can't find them in any other way. And they can end up having some really bad experiences, and can get into some really bad situations. And even if they are able to avoid the worst scenarios and find a good spouse, they will have likely been exposed to non-halal things along the way.

Honestly, I wonder if it is not a fard kifaya for the ummah to try to find ways to facilitate safe, halal ways to find spouses via the internet (because the traditional routes do not work in some contexts). And right now, I know of no such way.

IB has certain advantages that marriage sites do not:1) if the members had to be long-term posters before offering themselves to the marriage section, then this would give a prospective spouse an opportunity to see how he/she behaves, what he/she believes in, with a variety of different people, in a variety of different situations. 2) There are a pool of people on the Board from different countries. These people understand local conditions better than any foreigner could, and could help advise those seeking marriage overseas. 3) Over time, people on IB tend to connect with others in their locality (smile. I've noticed this is especially true of people in the UK!). These connections could help verify other members who are seeking marriage. 4) IB is already quite well known, and pops up on search engines fairly easily. It already has a structure, a reputation and does not need much in the way of start-up and advertising costs.

Having a marriage section could also help IB, I believe. 1) It would increase the traffic, yes, but 2) it would likely also increase serious posting, because that would be one of the requirements for the marriage section. 3) I suspect it would also decrease foolish and troll-like posts. Because even if the person was not looking for a spouse in the present... who knows what might be in the future? And as posts are rather indelible, a future prospective spouse might check for a person's old posts... 4) Adding a marriage section would be consonant with the idea of building an online community. 5) With the increased traffic, advertising revenues might be more interesting. Furthermore, if people were willing to pay for access to various services (fee to join the marriage section, identity and other verifications, Nikkah negotiations facilitator...)- and I believe they would be- IB could offer better, smoother service with paid people who could become proficient in their tasks. 6) Finally, providing this service could be a good for the ummah. (smile) And a form of worship.

(smile) Or so it seems to me.


May Allah Reward you all, my brothers and sisters in Islam, for taking the time to consider these ideas, whether you agree with them or not.

You do have some good points but its not an easy thing to start and moderate over time. Also will require some dedication from various members of position.

[muslimah_B]

it Could potentially be a very good idea or turn out horrendous into a free mixing fest where inappropriate conversations take place.. which does happen... but if its moderated properly then it could be a good thing in sha Allah

i agree showing i.d and other forms of identification, and maybe a call over Skype from the same gender to confirm they are infact a brother/sister and are serious about marriage. then after that they could fill out a form describing what they are looking for in a spouse, their interests etc and then once the 2 potentials are found and would like to talk, maybe a new layout where you cannot click on the persons name to private message, its left annoynomous and ofcouse a 3rd person during the whole conversation.... it would require a lot of moderators but you could make it by an appointment system where there are times available for people to choose to speak to the potential ?

just throwing ideas out there lol

[sister herb]

Erm.

No.

I agree 1000 %. Let´s keep this site for discussion only. And for increasing the knowledge.

[~ Sabr ~]

I don't think we need this section....:ma: LI is knowledgable enough without it.