Is it ok to reject a man's proposal due to low income job?

[EgyptPrincess]

As-salamu alaikum,

Is it "wrong" to reject marriage if the man has a low income job / career? If the woman works and brings in £50,000 a year for example and he brings in £25,000 a year, if they have children the wife would be the one to drop her job but she earns much more than he does and thus cannot provide for her and her family as she would like?

Essentially what I'm getting at is if you feel that the money the man makes is not up to your standards, is it "wrong" to reject him based on this factor? So if you want a new car, a holiday or even just new shoes or whatever and he isn't able to provide these things, it would be a bit frustrating. Considering the money she was earning previously.

Some might view this as "money grabbing" but it's just the opposite, the woman has dropped her good paying job to be with you but if you cannot provide financial security or luxuries for her and the children then it's going to put strain on the marriage?

[Alpha Dude]

Wa alaykum salam,

Priority must be given to religion of the person but money is also an important factor to take into consideration.

At the end of the day, it's a personal choice of a woman whether she wishes to marry someone that earns enough to her standards.

Keep in mind, circumstances change. Someone could be rich at the time of marriage and end up being poor, what happens then?

[EgyptPrincess]

Keep in mind, circumstances change. Someone could be rich at the time of marriage and end up being poor, what happens then?

If that happens it probably means he is a gambling addict. It's not about being rich, it's about having a stable career that brings in decent money. Then if he does lose his job, he has the skills and experience to get another job in the same field but with a different company. I don't really see how one can go from "rich" to poor unless they have a gambling problem or drug habit etc.

[Alpha Dude]

If that happens it probably means he is a gambling addict.

Wow. Sure, that must be the only reason why people go from rich -> poor. Clever assessment.

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[Cpt.America]

If that happens it probably means he is a gambling addict. It's not about being rich, it's about having a stable career that brings in decent money. Then if he does lose his job, he has the skills and experience to get another job in the same field but with a different company. I don't really see how one can go from "rich" to poor unless they have a gambling problem or drug habit etc.

Lots of reasons sis.

Laid off
expensive illness
skills are not marketable anymore (like knowing older programming languages)
Any number of myriad personal calamities and misfortune.

Wealth is ultimately not something that we can predict and rizk is entirely dependent upon Allah.

but as for your original question, yes of course it is permissible to reject a potential on the basis of their wealth.
It should not be the biggest factor, but it is not something you must ignore either.
If you feel they will not being able to sustain a life style that you are accustomed to and that this will ultimately raise issues of incompatibility between the two of you, then might as well not waste his time and cause heart break to the both of you further down the road.
Primary consideration should of course be his deen

The Hadith here is about things bruvs should consider in women for marriage, but it would be wise for any woman to also consider these same points in considering potential brehs

http://hadithoftheday.com/when-you-m...et-your-reason

[EgyptPrincess]

Wow. Sure, that must be the only reason why people go from rich -> poor. Clever assessment.

Anyway, to answer your question. If I am married and he becomes poor, then of course I will stay by his side and be supportive so he gets another job. How ever if he can't support me or the family for a significant amount of time then that is something for both to discuss.

[Eric H]

Greetings and peace be with you EgyptPrincess;

Is it "wrong" to reject marriage if the man has a low income job / career? If the woman works and brings in £50,000 a year for example and he brings in £25,000 a year,

About half the world population lives on less than $3 per day,


· Got $2200? In this world, you’re rich. Assets (not cash) of $2200 per adult place a person in the top 50% of the world’s wealthiest.*

· If you made $1500 last year, you’re in the top 20% of the world’s income earners.**

· If you have sufficient food, decent clothes, live in a house or apartment, and have a reasonably reliable means of transportation, you are among the top 15% of the world’s wealthy. **

· Have $61,000 in assets? You’re among the richest 10% of the adults in the world.*

·If you earn $25,000 or more annually, you are in the top 10% of the world’s income-earners.***


· If you have any money saved, a hobby that requires some equipment or supplies, a variety of clothes in your closet, two cars (in any condition), and live in your own home, you are in the top 5% of the world’s wealthy. **

·If you earn more than $50,000 annually, you are in the top 1% of the world’s income earners.***

You will be made rich in every way so that you can be generous on every occassion, and through us your generosity will result in thanksgiving to God.~
https://irememberthepoor.org/3-2/

In the spirit of praying for justice for all people.

Eric

[Bhabha]

First off, why would you assume that the woman who earns more than the husband would have to renounce her job?

There's a story about a couple that got married in Kuwait,
The wife was a doctor (surgeon) and the husband had a job with a lower income. They got married nonetheless
The husband asked his wife to give him the banking account and if she needed money for anything, to ask him. He would keep her money safe.
So, she didn't want to have issues with him and obeyed him and gave him his banking account.
Every time she wanted something, she asked him.
Pretty soon, he was getting a new house, buying new cars, giving her presents.
The wife had a bad idea, she thought that he was using her bank card and her money to get these things.
She started to complain to her family and her in-laws that her husband was using her money and she earned more than him.
She began to humiliate him and then she went to her parents house and asked him over the phone to give her back her banking information and her money.
He got kind of tired of this constant back and forth, asking her if she was missing anything. If he was doing anything wrong to her, she said that he was taking her money and buying these expensive things and she had to always ask for him to give her money.
Well, the husband really got tired and went to her parents house and gave her back the information.
Turns out, he didn't touch a single cent in her bank and had kept her money safe.
All of the things he had bought for her, the new house, the cars and all of what he had spent had been from his money.

Moral of the story, he took her banking card because he didn't want her to spend her own money and also didn't want her to get used to living whilst spending 10,000 a month, when he could only spend 5,000 a month. Nevertheless, he kept her comfortable and saved her money from being spent.

If you like someone, if you find they have good deen and you want to spend your life with that person because you know they will treat you well. So what if you earn more than him? There's nothing stopping you from working if you establish early on that you will both work and contribute to the home. Establish that first, for example if I am earning a lot and I find someone who is so good in his deen, who is kind, who I really want to spend the rest of my life with because I know he will treat me well, I would marry him and tell him that I would like to continue working in order to contribute to the home. If he says he has no problem with me working, then why not? I think most guys lol actually want their wives to work, this world is TOO expensive not to have double income in the household, plus with extended families... most of the time you can have your mother take care of the kids, lol!!!!!

[Saleem Khan]

Nothing wrong but nabi sallallahu alaihi wasallam stressed that one should choose the person with the most Deen.

Also experience has shown that doesn't mean happiness. If your spouse has deen in them they will treat you better.

Also, 'a new car, a holiday' doesn't sound too good. Makes you sound like a gold digger. More importantly going on holiday is non muslim custom that just wastes money. And many times the laws of hijaab are violated, muslims go to places with fitna etc. You shouldn't be doing that anyway. A husband that doesn't take you for that is gold.

In essence if your living standards are high you can refuse marriage based on low income. However be careful a good match may come along and you may refuse him based on this small thing. Maybe you should lower your standards 50,000 pounds is alot. I don't think there's many guys in that category to begin with then among them how many are nice guys only Allah knows.

Read more about the early muslims and sahaba. It'll teach you to live a more simple life.

[Serinity]

In Jannah you will be able to visit 500 of places and more.. As many as you want.

So strive for Allah SWT and attain Jannatul Firdaus.

And Allah SWT knows best.

[EgyptPrincess]

Nothing wrong but nabi sallallahu alaihi wasallam stressed that one should choose the person with the most Deen.

Also experience has shown that doesn't mean happiness. If your spouse has deen in them they will treat you better.

Also, 'a new car, a holiday' doesn't sound too good. Makes you sound like a gold digger. More importantly going on holiday is non muslim custom that just wastes money. And many times the laws of hijaab are violated, muslims go to places with fitna etc. You shouldn't be doing that anyway. A husband that doesn't take you for that is gold.

In essence if your living standards are high you can refuse marriage based on low income. However be careful a good match may come along and you may refuse him based on this small thing. Maybe you should lower your standards 50,000 pounds is alot. I don't think there's many guys in that category to begin with then among them how many are nice guys only Allah knows.

Read more about the early muslims and sahaba. It'll teach you to live a more simple life.

Thanks for your post brother Saleem. £50,000 isn't THAT much especially when you consider that rent is £2800 a month. Anyway I was just using that as an average. It's not really being a gold digger because if through no fault of your parents, you're used to having a little bit of money and buying nice things and live in a nice home etc then when you meet someone you kind of want to still be able to have that style of living right?

I really don't mean to come across as being a gold digger lol this is not my intention.

[ardianto]

We don't know what will happen to a man in the future. Poor man probably will be rich. Rich man probably will be poor.

More than 15 years ago my female relatives rejected a man who was indeed poor. Now my relatives still unmarried in her 40's age, while the man she was rejected has become manager in big company, rich, and live happily with his wife and children.

[Zafran]

salaam

Indeed wealth and health are not fixed things - they change over a lifespan - Its why Moral character and Deen is always seen as a priority for marriage. As the famous saying of the prophet pbuh says.

"Oh Abu Dharr! Take advantage of five things before five things seize you; Your youth before Your old age, your health before your sickness, Your wealth before your poverty, your spare time before your being busy and your life before you death.”

peace

[Freedom]

Yes. You can reject anyone for any reason. If you aren't comfortable with how much he makes, then don't marry him. I would never marry a woman who was fat for example - there is nothing wrong with personal preference.

[Eric H]

Greetings and peace be with you EgyptPrincess;

£50,000 isn't THAT much,

It would place you in the top 0.3% of the richest people on Earth.

especially when you consider that rent is £2800 a month.

If your annual salary was £2,800, (your monthly rent) you would earn more than about three and a half billion people on Earth.

Just as a matter of interest, if you type in your annual salary in this link, it will show you how rich you are compared to the rest of the world....http://www.globalrichlist.net/
If you scroll down to the bottom of the page, it compares your hourly rate with some of the poor people in the world.

In the spirit of praying for justice for all people.

Eric

[Serinity]

Assuming you have a monthly salary of about 4200£ take out 2800£ and you have 4200-2800 = 1400£ to do with.

Is the house rent alone 2800£? If so that is unreasonably high, to me at least. I hope that includes the electricity bill, food, etc.

[Bhabha]

Let's put another scenario.

Let's say you do meet a guy who makes the amount of money that you'd like for him to make. You marry him, and let's say down the road something happens (Allah forbid this, but it can happen). The guy looses all of his wealth and he has been dismissed from work. What do you do? The guy makes zero money now and has no savings.

If you marry and focus on money, you cannot guarantee that this money will not go away. It is a material thing, it fluctuates with the economy which is always on the brink of explosion. If you marry someone for their looks, one day they will become old, or who knows and perhaps they get into an accident and loose their beauty.

If you marry someone who is kind, who knows their duty and responsibility to you as a wife and who will care for you, despite the hardship, rain or sunshine, whether you are rich, whether you suddenly become poor, whether you become ugly or fat, this man will be there for you.

So focus first on the person's attributes, their kindness, their character, then focus on the additional things that are just accessories that's all.

[noraina]

Let's put another scenario.

Let's say you do meet a guy who makes the amount of money that you'd like for him to make. You marry him, and let's say down the road something happens (Allah forbid this, but it can happen). The guy looses all of his wealth and he has been dismissed from work. What do you do? The guy makes zero money now and has no savings.

If you marry and focus on money, you cannot guarantee that this money will not go away. It is a material thing, it fluctuates with the economy which is always on the brink of explosion. If you marry someone for their looks, one day they will become old, or who knows and perhaps they get into an accident and loose their beauty.

If you marry someone who is kind, who knows their duty and responsibility to you as a wife and who will care for you, despite the hardship, rain or sunshine, whether you are rich, whether you suddenly become poor, whether you become ugly or fat, this man will be there for you.

So focus first on the person's attributes, their kindness, their character, then focus on the additional things that are just accessories that's all.

This!

I understand there should be a basic standard of living, he should be educated enough, perhaps have a job with a decent salary, and be able to afford a home...however money is not everything. Wealth comes from Allah swt, and He can take it away whenever he wishes.

Say there is a high-earning, wealthy man, it may be that his character is not good, or he gambles frequently or uses it for bad things (wealth is a test in itself), or he does not fulfil any of his obligations towards his family. Then there may be a man who earns a moderate amount, but has deen, and a good character, and through thick and thin he will strive to fulfil his duties towards his wife and children. As has been said, wealth, beauty, status are all temporary - only character lasts and will be what makes your marriage.

Just as an example, when my parents got married my father was very young, he didn't even have a job. Now alhamdulillah, he has been very successful and can afford a comfortable lifestyle, but I think the reason their relationship is so strong today is because they stayed together when they had nothing except one another.

At the end of the day, rizq is from Allah swt. :)

[~ Sabr ~]

that rent is £2800 a month

Where on earth are you living? Buckingham Palace? :uuh:

[Futuwwa]

The question is inherently redundant. You are within your rights to reject any proposal for any reason you want. It might not be wise to reject a proposal for certain reasons, but that does not make it immoral, makruh or haram.

As for me, any woman who would not marry me unless I'm rich is unworthy of marrying me in the first place.

[Saleem Khan]

Thanks for your post brother Saleem. £50,000 isn't THAT much especially when you consider that rent is £2800 a month. Anyway I was just using that as an average. It's not really being a gold digger because if through no fault of your parents, you're used to having a little bit of money and buying nice things and live in a nice home etc then when you meet someone you kind of want to still be able to have that style of living right?

I really don't mean to come across as being a gold digger lol this is not my intention.

Maybe you're from London. Living costs are probably very high. Where I'm from rent isn't that much. When my family puts houses out to rent we don't charge more than £500 a month. That's for a four bedroom house.

Anyway like I said depends on your background and living standards. If your family is living that type of life then its sensible to marry a husband that's compatible. But it shouldn't be becuase you left a job for £50,000 now he must make up for it. My point was that some girls come from normal backgrounds and dream of glamourous lifestyles and expect the husband to work day and night to keep up with shopping addictions.

Also remember that things could change if he loses his job etc. You jave to be ready for hard times also. If he loses his job, out goes the new car and shoes. There have been many unfortunate cases.

Anyway my point is your main focus should be deen. The fact that he earns 50,000 should be a secondary requirement.

Just as Nabi (saw) mentioned.

You asked if it's 'wrong' well it's not wrong its just that from our experience most marriage problems that come to us is due to terrible akhlaaq and lack of deen not lack of money. Just something to think about.

Clarification

It is important to remember that it is the right of the wife that the husband provides for her food, shelter etc. The wife shouldn't have to work the male is the sole provider of the house. If she is working the man isn't fulfilling his responsibility.

Just in case my last answer may have given the wrong impression.

[Saleem Khan]

Also the next guy that comes to propose make sure he comes with his bank statements.

[Ridwaan Ravat]

Assalamualykum wa rahmatullahi wa barakaatuhu.

In principle, Islam encourages that a women gets married in kufu. Kufu simply means she should marry a person who is of a similar standard as she is in beauty, deen, wealth etc.

If the lady is ready to forgo and make the sacrifice, then that shouldn't be a problem as wealth is not a criterion to a happy marriage nor is it permanent. Perhaps he has the means today and tomorrow he doesn't.

However if she is uncomfortable marrying somebody who earns less then her and she feels it might have negative effects on her marriage at a later stage, she should not be forced into the marriage.

Jazakallah khair

Request duaas

[Serinity]

No offence but 2800£ is a lot. Considering that you probably earn 4200 a month or so. you will have 1400 left. Is that after the rent, food, etc.? If so having 1400£ to buy whatever you want is quite a lot.

Depends where you live tho.

[Bhabha]

Also you are 17.... There's no way you are even earning 50k to begin with. This has now become a silly thread.

[Serinity]

What about earning 2 million dollars anually? LOL.

[M.I.A.]

Ahh a welcome return..

Don't settle for less.

Especially in a world where everyone wants more for less.

..yes, everyone.

Yeeeess.. everyone.

But seriously. Everyone.

..maybe your not worth it?

Maybe they send you away yelling please.. no more!

Enough is enough.

[Bhabha]

What about earning 2 million dollars anually? LOL.

Yeah what if he doesn't have a job.... but he just sells and buys and works from home? or he just has money rolling in from his properties :D
Jobs? who has them now? ;D

[EgyptPrincess]

Maybe you're from London. Living costs are probably very high. Where I'm from rent isn't that much. When my family puts houses out to rent we don't charge more than £500 a month. That's for a four bedroom house.

Anyway like I said depends on your background and living standards. If your family is living that type of life then its sensible to marry a husband that's compatible. But it shouldn't be becuase you left a job for £50,000 now he must make up for it. My point was that some girls come from normal backgrounds and dream of glamourous lifestyles and expect the husband to work day and night to keep up with shopping addictions.

Also remember that things could change if he loses his job etc. You jave to be ready for hard times also. If he loses his job, out goes the new car and shoes. There have been many unfortunate cases.

Anyway my point is your main focus should be deen. The fact that he earns 50,000 should be a secondary requirement.

Just as Nabi (saw) mentioned.

You asked if it's 'wrong' well it's not wrong its just that from our experience most marriage problems that come to us is due to terrible akhlaaq and lack of deen not lack of money. Just something to think about.

Clarification

It is important to remember that it is the right of the wife that the husband provides for her food, shelter etc. The wife shouldn't have to work the male is the sole provider of the house. If she is working the man isn't fulfilling his responsibility.

Just in case my last answer may have given the wrong impression.

Yes brother I know money is not the most important thing I just wanted to know if it was legitimate to reject marriage based on this factor.

No offence but 2800£ is a lot. Considering that you probably earn 4200 a month or so. you will have 1400 left. Is that after the rent, food, etc.? If so having 1400£ to buy whatever you want is quite a lot.

Depends where you live tho.

London is very expensive and if I married this is where I want to remain therefore the person I married should be able to afford the rent in this area.

Also you are 17.... There's no way you are even earning 50k to begin with. This has now become a silly thread.

I never said I earned £50,000 did I? I gave a hypothetical... I don't even have a job as you said I am 17 so don't put words in my mouth and jump to conclusions thank you very much.

And fyi the average salary in London is £48,000 so £50,000 really is not unreasonable to expect from someone who works in London so get off my back.

[Bhabha]

I never said I earned £50,000 did I? I gave a hypothetical... I don't even have a job as you said I am 17 so don't put words in my mouth and jump to conclusions thank you very much.

And fyi the average salary in London is £48,000 so £50,000 really is not unreasonable to expect from someone who works in London so get off my back.

That came out highly defensive, I wasn't trying to attack you.. or get on your back lol.

Btw, You also just stated that the "average" person earns a salary of 48k to 50k so why worry about a hypothetical situation if the average person is earning that in London to begin with? it means anyone who proposes should be earning that much, correct? I'll skedaddle now. :statisfie

[EgyptPrincess]

That came out highly defensive, I wasn't trying to attack you.. or get on your back lol.

Btw, You also just stated that the "average" person earns a salary of 48k to 50k so why worry about a hypothetical situation if the average person is earning that in London to begin with? it means anyone who proposes should be earning that much, correct? I'll skedaddle now. :statisfie

No... the average salary is £48,000. A man who works in London might only earn £25,000 or £30,000 or someone else might earn £70,000 so obviously there is a chance a man may approach you for marriage but his salary could be low. If one works in London it does not necessarily mean one lives in London also. So I was saying that for me personally I would not want to move from London... I'm sure there are plenty of people who don't want to move when they marry.

P.S sorry for being aggressive.

[Bhabha]

No... the average salary is £48,000. A man who works in London might only earn £25,000 or £30,000 or someone else might earn £70,000 so obviously there is a chance a man may approach you for marriage but his salary could be low. If one works in London it does not necessarily mean one lives in London also. So I was saying that for me personally I would not want to move from London... I'm sure there are plenty of people who don't want to move when they marry.

P.S sorry for being aggressive.

Moving is great! Also why pay allegiance to a city that was built on slave labor? and the pillaging of....many people, colonization of countries... specially Egypt.... don't be tied to one place, ^__^; :hiding:

[EgyptPrincess]

Moving is great! Also why pay allegiance to a city that was built on slave labor? and the pillaging of....many people, colonization of countries... specially Egypt.... don't be tied to one place, ^__^; :hiding:

err hello? It's London lol. I love it here. I'm not going to hold a city responsible for slave labour and pillaging that happened hundreds of years ago. That'd be like not living in Germany because it once was ruled by Nazis or not living in America because they also had slaves...

[Cpt.America]

err hello? It's London lol. I love it here. I'm not going to hold a city responsible for slave labour and pillaging that happened hundreds of years ago. That'd be like not living in Germany because it once was ruled by Nazis or not living in America because they also had slaves...

Why not Australia?
They never had nazis or slaves.
only kangaroos.

Lol.

actually don't do Australia
everything in Australia is deadly/poisonous/trying to kill you/Russell Crowe

https://www.buzzfeed.com/simoncrerar...s-the-craziest

https://www.thrillist.com/travel/nat...ry-to-kill-you

[Bhabha]

Why not Australia?
They never had nazis or slaves.
only kangaroos.

Lol.

actually don't do Australia
everything in Australia is deadly/poisonous/trying to kill you/Russell Crowe

https://www.buzzfeed.com/simoncrerar...s-the-craziest

https://www.thrillist.com/travel/nat...ry-to-kill-you

Wait... everything in australia is Russelll crowe?

*looks up tickets to aussie land*
:statisfie;D

[EgyptPrincess]

Australia looks like a lovely place to visit but I don't think I'd like to live there... It's very hot and I'd really prefer not to die by spider or snake bite ;D

The only city I can think of that is comparable to London is New York but I've never been. Dubai looks crazy awesome too. See this is why I want a husband with a decent income so we can see these places :statisfie

[Cpt.America]

Australia looks like a lovely place to visit but I don't think I'd like to live there... It's very hot and I'd really prefer not to die by spider or snake bite ;D

The only city I can think of that is comparable to London is New York but I've never been. Dubai looks crazy awesome too. See this is why I want a husband with a decent income so we can see these places :statisfie

LA all the way.
West coast is the best coast.

jkk

[sister herb]

Why not Australia?
They never had nazis or slaves.
only kangaroos.

Now you forget their racist history of abusing treatment of Aboriginals.

[Bhabha]

Now you forget their racist history of abusing treatment of Aboriginals.

I think every country had that,

[Serinity]

:salam:

To answer your question - yes it is, afaik, to refuse a proposal because of his deen (low level in deen) money, looks, wealth, character, etc.

Deen and character should be priority. But yeah,you can refuse because of wealth..

Please forgive me if I said anything wrong. May Allah SWT protect us and forgive us all for erring. Ameen.
May Allah SWT forgive me if I said anything wrong. Ameen.

And Allah SWT knows best.

[keiv]

Thanks for your post brother Saleem. £50,000 isn't THAT much especially when you consider that rent is £2800 a month.

I know this is outside the scope of your question but, why on Earth would anyone pay 2800 a month in RENT. Wouldn't it be cheaper to go buy a house and actually own it? I don't know what kind of jobs you all have but, I work too hard for my money to go burn it up on some $3,100 rent that I'll never see again.

Anyway I was just using that as an average. It's not really being a gold digger because if through no fault of your parents, you're used to having a little bit of money and buying nice things and live in a nice home etc then when you meet someone you kind of want to still be able to have that style of living right?

I really don't mean to come across as being a gold digger lol this is not my intention.

Sometimes, lowering your standards can put you in a better spot. I grew up "poor" and we lived a very frugal life. Today, I make a great living and I still live a very frugal life. Just because I have money doesn't mean I have to go spend it on a nice house, pay $3100 rent, or buy nice things. I save my money so I don't have to work the rest of my life. Not being distracted by the material things in life will help me achieve that goal, among other things. I wouldn't worry so much about the guy who you find is compatible with you on everything except his financial status and then turn him down for that. Again, lower your standards and rethink your priorities in life. Worrying about the future of yourself and your future family is a valid concern but, money should not be your only concern.


Just for the record, you can live a VERY comfortable life making $56k here in the states. Unless you live in Manhattan or Beverly Hills, I wouldn't necessarily say it isn't THAT much.

[Bhabha]

I know this is outside the scope of your question but, why on Earth would anyone pay 2800 a month in RENT. Wouldn't it be cheaper to go buy a house and actually own it? I don't know what kind of jobs you all have but, I work too hard for my money to go burn it up on some $3,100 rent that I'll never see again.



Sometimes, lowering your standards can put you in a better spot. I grew up "poor" and we lived a very frugal life. Today, I make a great living and I still live a very frugal life. Just because I have money doesn't mean I have to go spend it on a nice house, pay $3100 rent, or buy nice things. I save my money so I don't have to work the rest of my life. Not being distracted by the material things in life will help me achieve that goal, among other things. I wouldn't worry so much about the guy who you find is compatible with you on everything except his financial status and then turn him down for that. Again, lower your standards and rethink your priorities in life. Worrying about the future of yourself and your future family is a valid concern but, money should not be your only concern.


Just for the record, you can live a VERY comfortable life making $56k here in the states. Unless you live in Manhattan or Beverly Hills, I wouldn't necessarily say it isn't THAT much.

Thank you for that post!

It sort of reminds me of something my mother always tells me. The richer the person, the cheaper they are... >_>; which is true. People who are making massive amounts of money will not spend it carelessly, because they will always want to re-invest. They are also the least concerned about material things, I got into this argument with one of my friends who is into designer clothing, always spending money on clothing that is made and manufactured in the same place... as any other kind of clothing, also worried about having the latest car, the best sun glasses, etc. etc. All of these "external" material things. Then, I know someone else who is very wealthy, I know because of their parents and they are the least concerned about designer clothing, they will not spend money carelessly and they can't stand the "fashion" of purchasing super expensive coffees. They dress the simplest, to the point that you can't see which "brand" they dress in, ((although I am guess it's made in the taylor...)) but the point is that they do not go around showing off material things. The difference between the person who is into designer clothing, wants to show off, feels like they are a product wanting to be bought and sold.... where as the other person, knows their worth, their value and does not care to show off in a material way.

Someone that will come to you with their open bank account, their "wealth" showing off through their pores is materially inclined and their wealth is a recent acquisition. Someone that is more prudent, who is actually wealthier will not show you his bank account, he's not required to share that wealth with you, only to provide you with what is required. They will be MORE CHEAP with you. If you marry someone and you both work towards making your wealth, your husband will be more appreciative of you, indebted to your sacrifices and your kind character.

[EgyptPrincess]

Thank you for that post!

It sort of reminds me of something my mother always tells me. The richer the person, the cheaper they are... >_>; which is true. People who are making massive amounts of money will not spend it carelessly, because they will always want to re-invest. They are also the least concerned about material things, I got into this argument with one of my friends who is into designer clothing, always spending money on clothing that is made and manufactured in the same place... as any other kind of clothing, also worried about having the latest car, the best sun glasses, etc. etc. All of these "external" material things. Then, I know someone else who is very wealthy, I know because of their parents and they are the least concerned about designer clothing, they will not spend money carelessly and they can't stand the "fashion" of purchasing super expensive coffees. They dress the simplest, to the point that you can't see which "brand" they dress in, ((although I am guess it's made in the taylor...)) but the point is that they do not go around showing off material things. The difference between the person who is into designer clothing, wants to show off, feels like they are a product wanting to be bought and sold.... where as the other person, knows their worth, their value and does not care to show off in a material way.

Someone that will come to you with their open bank account, their "wealth" showing off through their pores is materially inclined and their wealth is a recent acquisition. Someone that is more prudent, who is actually wealthier will not show you his bank account, he's not required to share that wealth with you, only to provide you with what is required. They will be MORE CHEAP with you. If you marry someone and you both work towards making your wealth, your husband will be more appreciative of you, indebted to your sacrifices and your kind character.

...

I don't get why people are making this into a bigger deal than what it really is. If your husband is extremely overweight or already has children or is not affectionate or is boring or is not kind to you or does not earn much money. These are all valid reasons to reject marriage correct? But why is rejecting someone for low income frowned upon? Marry a very overweight man, after all he might lose the weight. Marry a very unaffectionate man, he might learn to be affectionate, marry a boring man that just sits and watches tv all evening, he might turn out to be fun and exciting. These are all ifs and buts... I'm not going to gamble my future on a man that might be x y or z in the future. I would prefer to marry a man which is of an acceptable standard.

Strong deen.
Good looks.
Intelligent.
Affectionate.
Wealthy.
Funny
etc. etc.

I've never once said money is the most important factor but surely we're not all suggesting that it isn't important?! Tell me how a man that earns £30,000 can afford to support himself, his wife and his kids when just the rent for your home is £33,600 a year. And no you can't just go out and buy a home because mortgages are haram so good luck having like £800,000 in your bank to buy a home outright. If you think I'm kidding about the rent, just look at this 2 bedroom flat near where I live... and that is nothing even special.

My family are in London, my friends are in London and I really enjoy living in London therefore I would like to continue living here, is that really an unreasonable request? £2800 is a conservative price as well, you can easily expect to pay £3000 - £4000 a month for a proper family home like a 3 bedroom house. Surely someone here lives in London who can verify what I'm saying... What's the alternative? Move to some random area where I have no friends close by, no family close by and I'm bored all day why he goes out and works?

Lastly I would just like to point out that this isn't about me just wanting a husband to buy me exotic things... no. This is about having enough money to raise a family and all that it entails. Not just having the bare essentials, or is it wrong to want a little more than bare essentials? ^o)

[Serinity]

:salam:

Guys having an annual income of 176000 £ is normal income. 50000 is like bare minimum. Depends where you live tho. So it isn't like she is demanding a whole lot.


at the end of the day. Rizq is from Allah SWT. so do not be disheartened when one day one's income goes down.
Some countries tax people up to 50% now that is a lot.

[Karl]

Well, The Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) married into money and things turned out ok. But generally it is better to marry a man that is more successful than yourself so you can quit working for money.

[kritikvernunft]

Is it "wrong" to reject marriage if the man has a low income job / career?

One the one side, as a man you are supposed to do what it takes to succeed financially, it being clearly understood that you do not break the rules in the Quranic text while doing so.

Once you finally manage to succeed, it would obviously be a problem if the fair gender did not particularly take into account the results of your efforts, in expressing their preferences for what type of men they prefer. Being seen as a desirable choice by women, is of course one good reason for men to do what it takes. The whole system would start collapsing, if they didn't. You can imagine that removing this motivation would probably be enough to drastically bring down the levels of output and the existing standards of living. In fact, this is certainly happening already in the pagan world.

There is another problem, however, and a big one for that matter.

You see, people who are substantially more successful than others, obviously think in a different way about lots of things. If they didn't, they would also just be rather average. Therefore, you may find that such people are quite unorthodox. They even sound weird to average people. Especially when these average people are not aware of the fact that they are talking to someone who is actually quite an economic success, they will tend to reject these persons, and try to enforce the orthodoxy of averageness against them, say, the orthodoxy of low-income poverty.

Being poor themselves, those are the views that these women know -- and that they instinctively enforce against others. They are not open-minded. They think that what they know, is pretty much what there is to know. Therefore, the average woman will automatically reject someone like Bill Gates for being a crazy idiot, especially, when she is not aware of the fact that this particular "nerd" is the richest man in the world.

As you can imagine, wealthy people do not particularly like or appreciate their orthodox theology of how to be dirt poor and totally unsuccessful. That way of thinking is considered to be inferior.

It is not really the rich who reject the poor. It is much more the other way around.

But then again, you can still imagine what it feels like to get rejected by people who have otherwise nothing else to show for than their dirty rags and their rampant stupidity. So, indeed, what the hell would we need these people for?

Therefore, marrying up is not that simple.

It is actually a good thing that women from low-income demographics routinely reject relatively wealthy male individuals, simply because they do not know that these men are wealthy, while the only thing that they can see, is that these men are not sufficiently invested in their mentality of the poor, and therefore are not really "normal", with the "norm" being the misguided opinions of the lower-income classes.

Therefore, marrying the poor, is in practice not such an attractive proposition. You would also have to drop your contempt for the way they think, and as far as I am concerned, that is not going to happen any time soon.

[karimium]

£25K is livable, if wife is materialistic she NEEDS to marry a rich man, and not marry a poor man and make his life hell.

Do the guy a favour and DON'T marry him.

You can reject a man for any reasons you want, though the prophet has provided his criteria for his ummah to follow.

[darullemon]

Are you willing to marry a man a just cuz he is rich? If not then, rejecting someone just cuz someone is poor but does have a livable wage is also wrong.

AllahuAlam

[Scimitar]

dead fred, Fred :D

Scimi