I want to make something very clear to our sisters in Islam in general, and especially our newly converted sisters, with regard to seeking marriage. It is perfectly natural for you to seek marriage, and it is highly encouraged to be married in Islam. However, some of you are developing close relationships with men overseas (or in your own countries), without the ability to even verify who they truly are. If you are engaged in this, you are putting yourself and your future marriage at risk before you even start.
Given the world that we live in, it is imperative that you are able to do a thorough background check of the person you are interested in. Not doing so, is very stupid, to say the least. If you are not able to do a fairly thorough background check, it is a very good reason not to move forward with that individual regarding marriage.
There are many predators, opportunists, pretenders/imposters, liers, criminals, and people with serious mental health issues out there. For some unclear reason, many are attracted to Islam. Some are making an attempt at living an Islamic lifestyle. But, sooner or later, the real person pops up.
Others, are just trying to find a better life in another country. And, you sisters are the ticket! Once he has gotten what he wants, you become history, and you fall into a messy psychological state because you were too stupid to do the right thing -- check and verify. If you are unable to check and verify, then stay away.
The Prophet (saaws) said: the believer is smart and very aware. The way some of you sisters conduct yourselves with regard to finding a husband is very much the opposite of how the Prophet (saaws) described the believer.
It is no wonder that a muslim woman is required to have a wali (a relative muslim male guardian, who is not eligible to marry you) or a wakeel (if you have no wali). Men know men much better than women know men. Sisters, be smart and don't be foolish.
First and foremost, if you have no wali, you should try hard to get the imam of the masjid (mosque) that you frequent to be your wakeel. If he cannot, for some reason, ask him to appoint someone from your community to act as your wakeel. If this approach bares no fruit, ask one of the sisters you know, to have her husband act as your wakeel.
It is important to understand that your wakeel is a man who is able to ask the hard questions (with regard to your intended) and be very protective of you, like his own sister, daughter, or mother.
The Messenger of Allah said: "Whichever woman married without the permission of her Wali her marriage is invalid, her marriage is invalid, her marriage is invalid. If he entered into her, then the Mahr is for her in lieu of what he enjoyed from her private part. If they disagree, then the Sultan is the Wali for one who has no Wali."
Whatever you do, do not get married without being able to check and verify. Not being able to check and verify is a very good reason NOT to get married.
If you choose not to take heed, you can only blame yourself when bad things happen.
Wallahu a'lam...
www.islamicjurisprudencecenter.com
By Suleiman Anwar