Difficulty in finding Muslim wife

[lostsoul2016]

Assalamualaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh,

I am going through some phase in my life and I know that I need companionship, love and above all a wonderful wife who is pious.
Unfortunately in today's difficult society, it is difficult to find such. I have tried and put my intentions out there to find a match however it seems that most sisters so far have declined my request for whatever reason.

Since my own family is very small, we do not know anyone who wants to do a rishta.

I then try online with some Islamic sites but however the answer seems to be a decline to engage in contact.

I honestly don't know why and feel this is such a strain and somewhat a Burdon too. I have so much to give and WANT to give but it is difficult in this day and age.
I am in my 30's, work hard and have a successful business and another business which I am trying to make a go of. I am highly educated, strong upbringing alhumdoliliah. I keep myself to myself and I am somewhat modern but with traditional values. I am also trying to become a better Muslim, but never ever lost my faith and always have Allah in my heart and thoughts. ALWAYS - no question.

I don't think I am too unattractive to look at (I am not fat or overweight, just right).

I don't understand why things are so difficult and unrealistic. I was speaking to a representative of a Muslim Matrimonial Service and he said that most of the women who he comes across on the service are very unrealistic. Either they or their families want someone who has this or that, just unrealistic demands and requirements.

This surely puts me in a difficult position.

I then think that this seems to be a common theme by looking around, speaking to other brothers too. I feel like a lost generation, in all honesty. I then think about ok, maybe it is MUCH easier to find a woman of the book (non Muslim) but of course my preference is for a Muslim woman or a Muslim revert.

I get a lot of criticism when I cannot help how I feel or what I observe when I even mention the words "people of the book".
It just seems that there are more people of the book around than Muslim especially where I live. Now, they also seem to be easier to talk to (of course, I don't mean touching, kissing, dating or anything of that nature).

What is the ruling here given that we now live in this type of world and society? How does one engage in "finding" or engaging with a woman of the book but keeping it halal?
I feel that a lot of people don't see things or experience things that I am experiencing and feel totally lost, trapped and NOWHERE to go.


Brothers/Sisters - what can I do? I am pretty upset and these things just keep going round and round in my mind. Catch 22 sometimes.

Ramadan Kareem.

[Marina-Aisha]

i dont really have advice..... i think u should still try ur mosques too as i think thats a better way to find a wife.

[EgyptPrincess]

Assalamualaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh,

I am going through some phase in my life and I know that I need companionship, love and above all a wonderful wife who is pious.
Unfortunately in today's difficult society, it is difficult to find such. I have tried and put my intentions out there to find a match however it seems that most sisters so far have declined my request for whatever reason.

Since my own family is very small, we do not know anyone who wants to do a rishta.

I then try online with some Islamic sites but however the answer seems to be a decline to engage in contact.

I honestly don't know why and feel this is such a strain and somewhat a Burdon too. I have so much to give and WANT to give but it is difficult in this day and age.
I am in my 30's, work hard and have a successful business and another business which I am trying to make a go of. I am highly educated, strong upbringing alhumdoliliah. I keep myself to myself and I am somewhat modern but with traditional values. I am also trying to become a better Muslim, but never ever lost my faith and always have Allah in my heart and thoughts. ALWAYS - no question.

I don't think I am too unattractive to look at (I am not fat or overweight, just right).

I don't understand why things are so difficult and unrealistic. I was speaking to a representative of a Muslim Matrimonial Service and he said that most of the women who he comes across on the service are very unrealistic. Either they or their families want someone who has this or that, just unrealistic demands and requirements.

This surely puts me in a difficult position.

I then think that this seems to be a common theme by looking around, speaking to other brothers too. I feel like a lost generation, in all honesty. I then think about ok, maybe it is MUCH easier to find a woman of the book (non Muslim) but of course my preference is for a Muslim woman or a Muslim revert.

I get a lot of criticism when I cannot help how I feel or what I observe when I even mention the words "people of the book".
It just seems that there are more people of the book around than Muslim especially where I live. Now, they also seem to be easier to talk to (of course, I don't mean touching, kissing, dating or anything of that nature).

What is the ruling here given that we now live in this type of world and society? How does one engage in "finding" or engaging with a woman of the book but keeping it halal?
I feel that a lot of people don't see things or experience things that I am experiencing and feel totally lost, trapped and NOWHERE to go.


Brothers/Sisters - what can I do? I am pretty upset and these things just keep going round and round in my mind. Catch 22 sometimes.

Ramadan Kareem.

When you get rejected, ask them what the reason was and then see if you could improve that, or more likely they're being very picky. I think the problem is there is just so much selection out there for women than you kind of have to be better than the rest so the speak. Don't give up brother, you'll find someone eventually inshallah.

Women do get a lot of stick these days for being overly picky but it's hard to not be when this person you're marrying is for life... You want to make sure he is absolutely right.

[lostsoul2016]

Thank you sister. unfortunately they just don't give me a reason.
I agree it is for life but at the same time you cannot be unrealistic.... it all comes down to possessions/properties and not much when it comes to Islam besides the basic surats. :-/

and a lot of people are getting married as they get older too. I do prefer older women (maturity etc...) but even so, I always get declined contact.

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[*charisma*]

Assalamu Alaikum

Brother, marriage is a blessing from Allah. So make du'a and be patient. Even if you talked to sisters online or offline and mixed with them, it doesn't ensure that you will get a wife. What is destined for you will happen regardless, so it's best to take the halal route even if it seems like "its not working." Why not travel or try to go to your home country in search for a wife if it's difficult to find one locally? Perhaps become a member of certain organizations that will help you meet new people who can help inshallah, and during that time don't be so hopeless. Use the tools that Allah provides us and have faith that things will turn out. I know it sounds crazy, but when you're happy with allah's decree (ie. being single/not finding a spouse) that's when Allah makes it easy for us to get one. There may be some things you have to change about yourself before Allah allows you to be with someone else. In the meantime, just pray your prayers, and tahajjud and make du'a in sujuud and inshallah things will work themselves out.

[Bhabha]

Wear a shirt that says "looking for my other half" and get friends who are guys and have sisters who are single.

[lostsoul2016]

Assalamu Alaikum

Brother, marriage is a blessing from Allah. So make du'a and be patient. Even if you talked to sisters online or offline and mixed with them, it doesn't ensure that you will get a wife. What is destined for you will happen regardless, so it's best to take the halal route even if it seems like "its not working." Why not travel or try to go to your home country in search for a wife if it's difficult to find one locally? Perhaps become a member of certain organizations that will help you meet new people who can help inshallah, and during that time don't be so hopeless. Use the tools that Allah provides us and have faith that things will turn out. I know it sounds crazy, but when you're happy with allah's decree (ie. being single/not finding a spouse) that's when Allah makes it easy for us to get one. There may be some things you have to change about yourself before Allah allows you to be with someone else. In the meantime, just pray your prayers, and tahajjud and make du'a in sujuud and inshallah things will work themselves out.

Thank you for your valuable response :)

The reason I am not looking for "back home" is because of visas and they don't know the way of the west and that is what I prefer. I don't have time to educate them, I REALLY don't. I want someone who knows about the west in terms of living and how things are.

I am doing all I can. I just wish people were a bit more open minded but again, seems that even though it's difficult that the women of the book may seem a little easier (but still... a bit up themselves)

[Bhabha]

Where do you live?

[lostsoul2016]

(unfortunately) in the UK. I am open to the UK and US mainly.

['abd al-hakeem]

You could always ask Allah subhano wa Ta'ala...

Just sayin...

[EgyptPrincess]

You could always ask Allah subhano wa Ta'ala...

Just sayin...

don't you think he tried that?! Cmon... Allah swt doesn't grant every wish.

Just keep signing up and looking at muslim dating websites.

['abd al-hakeem]

don't you think he tried that?! Cmon... Allah swt doesn't grant every wish.

Just keep signing up and looking at muslim dating websites.

Then perhaps patience is in order, no? By signing up to dating websites, does this not present an opportunity for Shaythan to mislead, not only this brother, but your fellow sisters in Islam...?

Is Allah subhano wa Ta'ala not aware of all requests? Please be mindful of the Hikma of our beloved Creator.

Who's to say, for now, that he doesn't have more important things to do... given that his most recent challenge was wanting to live...

But then again, what do I know?

Wallahu alem.

[Bhabha]

(unfortunately) in the UK. I am open to the UK and US mainly.

Ok so another thing you could try. Is...seeing if there are organizations around that have Muslim activities?

Or... (Hint hint) single ladies in this forum .....

Islamicboard should have a "get to know a partner" section of the forum

[sister herb]

If you have friends whose are married, ask them how they managed to find a wife. From them you might get some useful tips.

[Bhabha]

Then perhaps patience is in order, no? By signing up to dating websites, does this not present an opportunity for Shaythan to mislead?

Is Allah subhano wa Ta'ala not aware of all requests? Please be mindful of the Hikma of our beloved Creator.

Who's to say, for now, that he doesn't have more important things to do... given that his most recent challenge was wanting to live...

But then again, what do I know?

Wallahu alem.

Sorry but where are you supposed to find a partner? I understand this brother's concern specially if he has a smaller family and a LOT of people barely have a Muslim family to give them connections.

The "have patience" is ok. But اللهُ does not change a condition of a person, unless he changes it himself and this means in All aspects. You can't just sit at home and wait for a spouse to walk through the door, sure if your mom and dad look for one that's different. Most of us do not have that wonderful opportunity.

[EgyptPrincess]

Then perhaps patience is in order, no? By signing up to dating websites, does this not present an opportunity for Shaythan to mislead, not only this brother, but your fellow sisters in Islam...?

Is Allah subhano wa Ta'ala not aware of all requests? Please be mindful of the Hikma of our beloved Creator.

Who's to say, for now, that he doesn't have more important things to do... given that his most recent challenge was wanting to live...

But then again, what do I know?

Wallahu alem.

I don't mean actual dating websites, cos that's haram. I mean websites were you sign up and look for potential spouses. Surely something like this exists?

[sister herb]

Ok so another thing you could try. Is...seeing if there are organizations around that have Muslim activities?

Or... (Hint hint) single ladies in this forum .....

Islamicboard should have a "get to know a partner" section of the forum

How he could know whose are single ladies in here? Send PM to everyone? No thanks for all that mess.

We have already discussed about this:

http://www.islamicboard.com/feedback...=mixing+gender

['abd al-hakeem]

Please forgive me - All of you.

It seems i've put you in a position where you are (allahu alem) potentially committing shirk with your suggestions to my post.

Audhu billahi mina Shaythan ihr Rajeem. Astaghfirullah al'atheem.

La ilaha ilallah wahdahu la sharika lahu, lahul-mulku wa-lahul-hamdu wa Huwa 'ala kulli shay'in qadir.

Allahumma a'inni ala dhikrika wa shukrika wa husni ibadatika

[lostsoul2016]

Sorry but where are you supposed to find a partner? I understand this brother's concern specially if he has a smaller family and a LOT of people barely have a Muslim family to give them connections.

The "have patience" is ok. But اللهُ does not change a condition of a person, unless he changes it himself and this means in All aspects. You can't just sit at home and wait for a spouse to walk through the door, sure if your mom and dad look for one that's different. Most of us do not have that wonderful opportunity.

THIS IS EXACTLY what I am saying. a lot of people, even non muslim, think that someone will just walk through the door. Reality does not work like that :)

There are indeed very very very limited Islamic match making websites however they have been nothing full of spam/scam and I have been declined from the person who I wanted to initiate contact with.

I also fear that I won't find someone who is into interests as I am or can be confident and take the lead sometimes. Unfortunately I guess that is the Asian culture....

[EgyptPrincess]

THIS IS EXACTLY what I am saying. a lot of people, even non muslim, think that someone will just walk through the door. Reality does not work like that :)

There are indeed very very very limited Islamic match making websites however they have been nothing full of spam/scam and I have been declined from the person who I wanted to initiate contact with.

I also fear that I won't find someone who is into interests as I am or can be confident and take the lead sometimes. Unfortunately I guess that is the Asian culture....

Some people just don't find spouses for their entire lives. Perhaps this is just Allah swt's will for you to remain single and alone.

However, if you REALLY want a wife I think the only option then to put yourself out there. Go marry a non muslim :)

https://islamqa.info/en/21380

I wish it was permissible for a muslimah to marry a Christian man :(

[lostsoul2016]

Unfortunately there are pretty much non existent chaste non-Muslims these days.

['abd al-hakeem]

Sorry but where are you supposed to find a partner? I understand this brother's concern specially if he has a smaller family and a LOT of people barely have a Muslim family to give them connections.

The "have patience" is ok. But اللهُ does not change a condition of a person, unless he changes it himself and this means in All aspects. You can't just sit at home and wait for a spouse to walk through the door, sure if your mom and dad look for one that's different. Most of us do not have that wonderful opportunity.

May Allah subhano wa Ta'ala guide you, sister, along with myself and the rest of the Ummah. Amin ya Rabbil alamin

Look to Allah subhano wa Ta'ala - if you cannot find your answer there, rush to seek forgiveness and make lots of dhikr and salaah.

I happen to be one with very few Muslim connections... I'm rather content having Allah subhano wa Ta'ala to turn to...

The trick is knowing that we can do it AT ALL TIMES... and then APPLYING THAT KNOWLEDGE and BEING CONTENT WITH IT...

Allahu alem...